In Part 2 of our series on the essential habits of a healthy marriage, we’re focusing on what it looks like to stop living by default and start building your relationship by design. We talk about consistency over perfection (not perfectly, but persistently), and we share practical ways to create momentum—plus a fun real-life story about “floating shelves” that became shorthand for turning tension.

What You’ll Learn (Key Takeaways)

• Why a “masterpiece marriage” doesn’t just happen—it’s shaped with intention
• How to stop running your relationship on autopilot and start building day by day, choice by choice
• Why couples grow best when they grow consistently (not perfectly, but persistently)
• How shared humor and “inside jokes” can turn frustrating moments into connection points
• A simple way to think about habits as tools for your toolbelt—practical, repeatable, and usable in real life
• How to take the next step if you want ongoing support and structure for growth

Links & Resources:

• Marriage Intensive (reset, rebuild, find common ground)
• Schedule a call with James & Lisa
• The Collective (online community for marriage rhythms)
• Weekly Practice Email (sent every Monday)

5 Voices Resources:

• Take a FREE 5 Voices Assessment
• 5 Voices for Marriage Course

Previous Episodes:

• Tickling the Funny Bone: How Humor Helps Foster a Healthy Marriage
• From “I Do” to “We Still Do”: Building a Marriage on Layers of Commitment

Connect With Us

• Instagram: @artofspousing
• Website: www.artofspousing.com

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Disclaimer

Show notes may contain affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, we will earn a small commission that helps us keep the mics on.

A healthy marriage doesn’t happen on accident—it’s built with intention, practice, and a few simple rhythms that strengthen connection over time. In this episode, James and Lisa introduce four foundational habits that have shaped their marriage, their coaching, and the couples they’ve served for years. You’ll walk away with practical next steps you can start this week—especially around Habit 1 (Love God First) and Habit 2 (Love & Respect).

Key Points / What You’ll Learn

• Why the new year is a natural “reset” for your marriage—not an overhaul, but a recalibration
• The four habits of a healthy marriage (and why they’re simple, biblical, and practical)
• Habit 1: Love God First—how spiritual alignment becomes the foundation your marriage draws strength from
• Why loving God first is a daily orientation, not a one-time decision or a religious checkbox
• Practical ways to build spiritual rhythms together (even with busy schedules)
• Habit 2: Love & Respect—how small, consistent gestures shape the emotional culture of your marriage
• Why unmet core needs often sit underneath conflict—and how love/respect gives you language for what’s really happening
• A direct challenge for husbands (and wives): what did you do while pursuing your spouse that you’ve stopped doing?
• Simple “start this week” actions that create momentum over time

Action Steps for This Week

• Choose one spiritual practice (worship, prayer, scripture, church) and commit to it together this week.
• Ask each other: “What is one way I can show you love or respect this week?” Then follow through.
• Think of one small pursuit habit you used to do early on (a note, a text, opening the door, favorite coffee) and bring it back.

Links & Resources Mentioned (and helpful defaults)

• Marriage Intensive (reset, rebuild, find common ground)
• Schedule a call with James & Lisa
• The Collective (online community for marriage rhythms)
• Weekly Practice Email (sent every Monday)
• Marriage devotional: Marriage Moments: Devotions to Realign and Renew (Jeff & Ashley Hickman at jeffandashley@mess2miracle.com)

Previous Episodes:

• Hummingbirds, Vultures, and the Mindset That Can Change Your Marriage
• Us in Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage With Ted Lowe

5 Voices Resources:

• Take a FREE 5 Voices Assessment
• 5 Voices for Marriage Course

Connect With Us

• Instagram: @artofspousing
• Website: www.artofspousing.com

Subscribe & Review

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review. Your feedback helps us reach more married couples!

Disclaimer

Show notes may contain affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, we will earn a small commission that helps us keep the mics on.

In this episode, James and Lisa dive into the Five Mindset Killers that can quietly sabotage your marriage—distortion, discouragement, doubt, distraction, and division. Based on John Gordon’s framework, they unpack how these "5 Ds" show up in real relationships and what to do when they start pulling you into emotional and spiritual drift. Learn how to recognize the signs early, interrupt the cycle, and reset your mindset through presence, unity, and the life-giving power of gratitude. Plus, hear about The Collective—a brand new way to grow your marriage in rhythm all year long!

What You'll Learn / Key Points:

• The Five D’s that pull your mindset—and marriage—into unhealthy patterns:
  • Distortion (twisted perceptions)
  • Discouragement (emotional drain)
  • Doubt (relational uncertainty)
  • Distraction (emotional avoidance)
  • Division (emotional disconnection)
• How to interrupt the downward spiral and reset your mindset before disconnection sets in.
• Real-life examples from James & Lisa’s marriage—like the “pillow on the floor” moment—and how catching distortion can shift the whole tone.
• What each “D” needs to be healed:
  • Clarity for distortion
  • Encouragement for discouragement
  • Truth for doubt
  • Presence for distraction
  • Unity for division
• Why gratitude is the ultimate mindset reset and the secret weapon to reframe even hard seasons.
• A sneak peek at The Collective, their new year-round community to help couples grow together in rhythm.

Links & Resources:

• 🌱 Join The Collective: aos-collective.com — Join as a Founding Member!

• 🎧 Previous Episodes Mentioned:
  • Ep. 71: Hummingbirds, Vultures, and the Mindset That Can Change Your Marriage
  • Ep. 41: The Lost Art of Gratitude in Marriage: An Essential Tool for a Thriving Relationship
  • Ep. 2 Shifting Gears for Communication

• 5 Voices:
• Take a FREE 5 Voices Assessment
• 5 Voices for Marriage Course

Connect with Us:

• Instagram: @artofspousing
• Website: www.artofspousing.com

Subscribe & Review:
If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review. Your feedback helps us reach more married couples!

DISCLAIMER: Show Notes may contain affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission that helps keep the mics on!

What if the greatest influence on your marriage isn’t your circumstances, your history, or even your differences—but your mindset?

In this relaunch episode of The Art of Spousing, James and Lisa return with a powerful conversation about growth mindset vs. fixed mindset in marriage. Using the vivid illustration of hummingbirds and vultures, they explore how two people can walk through the same season yet experience it completely differently—based solely on what they’re looking for.

You’ll hear honest stories, biblical wisdom, and practical tools that help couples move from “this is just how we are” to “God is still at work here.” This episode also marks the launch of The Art of Spousing Collective, a new online community designed to help couples grow consistently all year long.

If you want this year to be marked by greater connection, emotional maturity, and shared growth, this conversation sets the foundation.

What You’ll Learn / Key Takeaways

• Why how you think determines how you relate in marriage
• The difference between growth mindset and fixed mindset—and how each quietly shapes your relationship
• How the hummingbird vs. vulture illustration reveals what you’re training yourself to see
• Why many couples stop growing even when growth is still possible
• How “not yet” language creates momentum instead of discouragement
• Why small, consistent decisions matter more than big emotional moments
• How curiosity fuels intimacy—and assumptions create distance
• The biblical foundation for mindset renewal (Romans 12:2)
• Why marriage requires growing with multiple versions of your spouse over time
• How a growth mindset honors God, the covenant, and the person you promised your life to

Links & Resources:

• Join The Art of Spousing Collective (Founding Members Open):
  👉 https://aos-collective.com
• Email Us:
  👉 hello@artofspousing.com

Connect With Us:

• Instagram: @artofspousing
• Website: www.artofspousing.com

Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review.
Your feedback helps us reach more couples and continue building marriages that grow with intention.

DISCLAIMER: Show notes may contain affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission that helps keep the mics on.

In this deeply practical and insightful episode, James and Lisa unpack a powerful diagnostic tool from GiANT called the Peace Index. This framework helps individuals—and couples—measure five key areas that influence internal wellbeing: purpose, place, provision, personal health, and people. With honest reflection, engaging stories, and easy-to-use language, this episode equips you to recognize what’s really going on beneath the surface and take intentional steps toward renewed peace in your life and marriage.

Whether you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or just want to grow more aware together, this episode offers clarity, connection, and tangible next steps.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

• The Peace Index Visual Tool (by GiANT)
• Marriage Reboot Coaching with James & Lisa
• Book: The Purpose Formula by Jessica Rimmer

Related Episodes:

• Ep 64 – The Five Voices: Unlocking Better Communication in Marriage
• Ep 19 – The Tension Is Real: Money Stress in Marriage
• Ep 7 – Know Yourself to Lead Yourself
• Ep 21 – The Power of a Pro-Marriage Collective

Connect with Us:

• Instagram: @artofspousing
• Website: www.liveleadlast.com

Subscribe & Review:

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review. Your feedback helps us reach more couples seeking to build strong, resilient marriages.

DISCLAIMER:

Show Notes contain affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission. Thanks for supporting the work that helps us keep the mics on!

In this heart-opening episode, James and Lisa share exciting updates—including the relaunch of the Live Lead Last podcast—and how launching something new inevitably impacts marriage. They introduce the Change Equation, a powerful visual tool from GiANT that explains why real change happens—or doesn’t—in relationships. Through vulnerable personal stories and practical insights, they walk you through how to overcome resistance together using vision, first steps, and emotional clarity. If your marriage feels stuck or off-track, this episode will help you reconnect and move forward with purpose.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

• Marriage Reboot Coaching
• Live Lead Last Podcast (Launching June 4)
• Free Five Voices Assessment
• Voices 25 Conference – Oklahoma City
• Change Equation Visual Tool

Related Episodes:

• Ep 64 – The Five Voices: Unlocking Better Communication in Marriage
• Ep 59 – Navigating the In-Between Seasons of Marriage!
• Ep 29 – Us in Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage With Ted Lowe
• Ep 7 – The Gap Between Here and There

Connect with Us:

• Instagram: @artofspousing
• Website: www.artofspousing.com

Subscribe & Review:

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review. Your feedback helps us reach more couples seeking to build strong, resilient marriages.

DISCLAIMER:

Show Notes contain affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission—thank you for supporting the mission of Art of Spousing!

Commitment in marriage is so much deeper than just staying under the same roof. In this episode of The Art of Spousing, James and Lisa Duvall explore what it really means to build a lifelong marriage rooted in intentional, daily choices. They unpack the four layers of commitment—personal, moral, spiritual, and structural—and share how couples can move from surviving to thriving, even when seasons get tough. You'll also hear real stories, biblical encouragement, and practical tools you can start using today to strengthen your "we still do."

Whether you're newlyweds or seasoned partners, this conversation will help you cultivate a marriage that lasts — and inspires.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

• Marriage Reboot Coaching Experience — 3 months of intensive coaching designed to help you move from surviving to thriving FREE 30-minute Discovery Call — Schedule with James and Lisa here

Related Episodes:

• Four Choices to a Masterpiece Marriage with Don and Joy Bray
• How to Strengthen Your Marriage by Building on Common Ground
• Practising the Art of Spousing
• The Gap Between Here and There

(Find these episodes wherever you listen to The Art of Spousing!)

Connect with Us:

• 📸 Instagram: @artofspousing
• 🌐 Website: www.artofspousing.com

We love hearing from you! DM us your thoughts or questions — and if today's episode encouraged you, please share it with someone who needs it.

Subscribe & Review:

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review! Your feedback helps us reach more couples who are ready to build strong, resilient, Christ-centered marriages.

DISCLAIMER: Some show notes contain affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission — at no extra cost to you. It helps us keep bringing you free content to strengthen your marriage!

In this heartwarming and practical episode of Art of Spousing, James and Lisa break down one of the most transformative tools for marriage communication: The Communication Code. Ever found yourself trying to be helpful, only to realize your spouse needed something entirely different? This episode will help you stop the cycle of misfires and start connecting more deeply.

You’ll learn how to use five powerful communication codes—Celebrate, Care, Clarify, Collaborate, and Critique—to improve emotional safety, reduce frustration, and build deeper intimacy. Packed with relatable stories (including a hilarious miscommunication over “small smart choices”) and powerful insights, this episode equips couples to decode not just what’s being said—but how it’s meant to be received.

Whether you're a problem-solver or a feeler, a planner or a processor, this episode will help you and your spouse communicate with greater grace, clarity, and unity.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

• Free Communication Code Assessment
  Understand your top two default communication styles—and how they impact your marriage.
• Free The Five Voices Assessment
  Learn your leadership voice and how it affects how you give and receive communication.
• Know Yourself to Lead Yourself Tool
  Understand how your tendencies shape your relational patterns.
• Provisional Plan Promise Tool
  Use this tool to reduce planning misfires and clarify whether you’re brainstorming, planning, or committing.
• Marriage Reboot Coaching
  A 3-month intentional journey for couples seeking breakthrough, clarity, and renewed connection. artofspousing.com/coaching or schedule a Discovery Call with James and Lisa,

Related Episodes:

• Practising the Art of Spousing
• Love: Defining the Three Essentials
• The Gap Between the Event and the Response
• Building on Common Ground

Connect with Us:

• Instagram: @artofspousing
• Website: www.artofspousing.com

Subscribe & Review:

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave us a review. Your encouragement helps us reach more couples who are ready to build intentional, Christ-centered marriages.