In Part 2 of our series on the essential habits of a healthy marriage, we’re focusing on what it looks like to stop living by default and start building your relationship by design. We talk about consistency over perfection (not perfectly, but persistently), and we share practical ways to create momentum—plus a fun real-life story about “floating shelves” that became shorthand for turning tension.

What You’ll Learn (Key Takeaways)

• Why a “masterpiece marriage” doesn’t just happen—it’s shaped with intention
• How to stop running your relationship on autopilot and start building day by day, choice by choice
• Why couples grow best when they grow consistently (not perfectly, but persistently)
• How shared humor and “inside jokes” can turn frustrating moments into connection points
• A simple way to think about habits as tools for your toolbelt—practical, repeatable, and usable in real life
• How to take the next step if you want ongoing support and structure for growth

Links & Resources:

• Marriage Intensive (reset, rebuild, find common ground)
• Schedule a call with James & Lisa
• The Collective (online community for marriage rhythms)
• Weekly Practice Email (sent every Monday)

5 Voices Resources:

• Take a FREE 5 Voices Assessment
• 5 Voices for Marriage Course

Previous Episodes:

• Tickling the Funny Bone: How Humor Helps Foster a Healthy Marriage
• From “I Do” to “We Still Do”: Building a Marriage on Layers of Commitment

Connect With Us

• Instagram: @artofspousing
• Website: www.artofspousing.com

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Disclaimer

Show notes may contain affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, we will earn a small commission that helps us keep the mics on.

A healthy marriage doesn’t happen on accident—it’s built with intention, practice, and a few simple rhythms that strengthen connection over time. In this episode, James and Lisa introduce four foundational habits that have shaped their marriage, their coaching, and the couples they’ve served for years. You’ll walk away with practical next steps you can start this week—especially around Habit 1 (Love God First) and Habit 2 (Love & Respect).

Key Points / What You’ll Learn

• Why the new year is a natural “reset” for your marriage—not an overhaul, but a recalibration
• The four habits of a healthy marriage (and why they’re simple, biblical, and practical)
• Habit 1: Love God First—how spiritual alignment becomes the foundation your marriage draws strength from
• Why loving God first is a daily orientation, not a one-time decision or a religious checkbox
• Practical ways to build spiritual rhythms together (even with busy schedules)
• Habit 2: Love & Respect—how small, consistent gestures shape the emotional culture of your marriage
• Why unmet core needs often sit underneath conflict—and how love/respect gives you language for what’s really happening
• A direct challenge for husbands (and wives): what did you do while pursuing your spouse that you’ve stopped doing?
• Simple “start this week” actions that create momentum over time

Action Steps for This Week

• Choose one spiritual practice (worship, prayer, scripture, church) and commit to it together this week.
• Ask each other: “What is one way I can show you love or respect this week?” Then follow through.
• Think of one small pursuit habit you used to do early on (a note, a text, opening the door, favorite coffee) and bring it back.

Links & Resources Mentioned (and helpful defaults)

• Marriage Intensive (reset, rebuild, find common ground)
• Schedule a call with James & Lisa
• The Collective (online community for marriage rhythms)
• Weekly Practice Email (sent every Monday)
• Marriage devotional: Marriage Moments: Devotions to Realign and Renew (Jeff & Ashley Hickman at jeffandashley@mess2miracle.com)

Previous Episodes:

• Hummingbirds, Vultures, and the Mindset That Can Change Your Marriage
• Us in Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage With Ted Lowe

5 Voices Resources:

• Take a FREE 5 Voices Assessment
• 5 Voices for Marriage Course

Connect With Us

• Instagram: @artofspousing
• Website: www.artofspousing.com

Subscribe & Review

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review. Your feedback helps us reach more married couples!

Disclaimer

Show notes may contain affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, we will earn a small commission that helps us keep the mics on.

In this episode, James and Lisa dive into the Five Mindset Killers that can quietly sabotage your marriage—distortion, discouragement, doubt, distraction, and division. Based on John Gordon’s framework, they unpack how these "5 Ds" show up in real relationships and what to do when they start pulling you into emotional and spiritual drift. Learn how to recognize the signs early, interrupt the cycle, and reset your mindset through presence, unity, and the life-giving power of gratitude. Plus, hear about The Collective—a brand new way to grow your marriage in rhythm all year long!

What You'll Learn / Key Points:

• The Five D’s that pull your mindset—and marriage—into unhealthy patterns:
  • Distortion (twisted perceptions)
  • Discouragement (emotional drain)
  • Doubt (relational uncertainty)
  • Distraction (emotional avoidance)
  • Division (emotional disconnection)
• How to interrupt the downward spiral and reset your mindset before disconnection sets in.
• Real-life examples from James & Lisa’s marriage—like the “pillow on the floor” moment—and how catching distortion can shift the whole tone.
• What each “D” needs to be healed:
  • Clarity for distortion
  • Encouragement for discouragement
  • Truth for doubt
  • Presence for distraction
  • Unity for division
• Why gratitude is the ultimate mindset reset and the secret weapon to reframe even hard seasons.
• A sneak peek at The Collective, their new year-round community to help couples grow together in rhythm.

Links & Resources:

• 🌱 Join The Collective: aos-collective.com — Join as a Founding Member!

• 🎧 Previous Episodes Mentioned:
  • Ep. 71: Hummingbirds, Vultures, and the Mindset That Can Change Your Marriage
  • Ep. 41: The Lost Art of Gratitude in Marriage: An Essential Tool for a Thriving Relationship
  • Ep. 2 Shifting Gears for Communication

• 5 Voices:
• Take a FREE 5 Voices Assessment
• 5 Voices for Marriage Course

Connect with Us:

• Instagram: @artofspousing
• Website: www.artofspousing.com

Subscribe & Review:
If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review. Your feedback helps us reach more married couples!

DISCLAIMER: Show Notes may contain affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission that helps keep the mics on!