Episodi

  • I Took My Dementia Business Into Dragons’ Den | Part 2

    I Took My Dementia Business Into Dragons’ Den | Part 2
    Oct 19 2026
    In Part 2 of Andy Baker’s conversation with Jayne Sibley, the discussion moves from recognising financial vulnerability to practical ways families can respond. Jayne explains how Sibstar was created to solve the problem she faced while supporting her own parents - how to allow someone to continue shopping, visiting the hairdresser, buying a coffee or choosing their own Christmas presents without exposing their full bank balance to fraud, overspending or exploitation. The conversation explores practical safeguards such as spending limits, restricting cash withdrawals or online purchases, real-time notifications and monitoring unusual spending. Andy and Jayne also discuss the wider need for financial services to better support adults who may be vulnerable while still recognising their right to independence. Jayne also shares her experience of taking Sibstar onto BBC’s Dragons’ Den, where the business secured investment from Deborah Meaden and Sara Davies. Three key messages 1. Financial independence and financial safety can coexist. Someone may still be perfectly capable of making everyday purchases even if they need support around higher-risk financial decisions. 2. Prevention is better than trying to recover lost money. Simple safeguards can reduce risk before fraud or overspending creates serious harm. 3. Take one step at a time. Families do not need to solve everything immediately. Recognising the risk and starting a conversation may be the most important first step. Why listen to this episode? Listen if you: Want to protect someone from scams without taking away independenceSupport someone with dementia, learning disability or mental health needsAre concerned about impulse spendingSupport someone in recovery from addictionAre worried about an adult child managing money independentlyWant alternatives before completely taking control of someone’s financesAre considering Lasting Power of AttorneyWant practical financial safeguarding ideas for a loved one This episode offers a more balanced way of thinking about financial support - not “Can they manage money or not?”, but “What can they still manage safely, and where do they need support?” Chapters 00:00 - What problem was Sibstar designed to solve? 00:16 - Creating safer everyday spending Allowing someone to spend without exposing their main bank account. 02:31 - Spending limits, cash withdrawals and online purchases 03:17 - Keeping normal routines and independence Shopping, coffee, haircuts and everyday choices. 05:08 - Designing Sibstar with the people who use it 06:45 - How spending notifications can help families 08:16 - Preventing financial harm before it happens 08:44 - Financial vulnerability beyond dementia Learning disability, mental health and addiction recovery. 10:44 - Normalising financial support 11:39 - What banks and financial services could do better 14:06 - What happens when children’s banking support ends at 18? 15:48 - Why Jayne believed the solution needed to exist 16:24 - Taking Sibstar onto Dragons’ Den 18:49 - Deborah Meaden and Sara Davies invest 20:24 - The impact of serious financial fraud 22:10 - What families can do this week 24:13 - “If I bring up money, I’ll upset them” 26:07 - Lasting Power of Attorney and other options 29:38 - What’s next for Sibstar? 30:46 - How to find Sibstar and get support Resources mentioned Sibstar A debit card and app that enables vulnerable adults to spend safely while helping protect against fraud and overspending. Website: https://www.sibstar.co.uk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sibstar_card/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayne-sibley-24ab1444/ Email: Jayne@sibstar.co.uk Jayne and Sibstar have featured on BBC’s Dragons’ Den, and Jayne’s onboarding information also highlights media work around financial inclusion and dementia. About Jayne Sibley Jayne Sibley is the Co-founder and CEO of Sibstar, a female founder in fintech and a family carer with lived experience. Her work centres on one question many families eventually face: How do I keep someone financially safe without unnecessarily taking away their independence? Her experience began with dementia, but her work now supports the broader conversation around financial vulnerability for people with learning disabilities, mental health conditions and those in recovery from addiction. Follow Able to Care Podcast: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast If this episode makes you think of someone who may be becoming financially vulnerable, share it with them or their family before a crisis forces the conversation.
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    27 min
  • Three Questions Every Social Worker Should Ask Before Writing a Record

    Three Questions Every Social Worker Should Ask Before Writing a Record
    Oct 5 2026
    In Part 2 of Andy Baker’s conversation with Rebekah Pierre, the discussion moves from how professionals write about children to how care-experienced people can have greater ownership over their own stories. Rebekah explores what genuinely respectful care records could look like, including transparency, the right to reply and recording the ordinary, joyful moments of childhood rather than creating a permanent “lowlight reel”. The conversation also explores Rebekah’s acclaimed anthology Free Loaves on Fridays, which brings together the voices of 100 care-experienced children and adults. Rebekah explains why meaningful participation must go much further than inviting someone with lived experience to deliver an emotional keynote and then sending them home. For social workers, foster carers, residential childcare professionals, teachers, managers and anyone commissioning lived-experience work, this episode provides practical challenges around voice, consent, power, tokenism and psychological safety. In This Episode Andy and Rebekah explore: What respectful and understandable care records should look likeWhy care-experienced people need to know they can access their recordsWriting with children instead of only writing about themVoice notes, videos and different ways children could contributeThe importance of a right to replyWhether children should be able to challenge or contextualise historic recordsWhy records should capture ordinary and positive childhood momentsHow Free Loaves on Fridays came aboutWhy the anthology had a no-rejection policyGiving people control over their own storiesWhat the title Free Loaves on Fridays really meansTokenistic versus meaningful lived-experience participationWhy participation needs support before, during and after an eventTrauma mining and the risks of asking people to repeatedly tell painful storiesPsychological safety, power imbalance and consentThree questions every professional could ask before saving a record Three Key Messages 1. Children should be written with, not simply written about. Transparency, opportunities to contribute and a meaningful right to reply can help restore some ownership over a story that otherwise belongs entirely to professionals. 2. Childhood records need ordinary moments too. First football goals, sleepovers, certificates, jokes and everyday achievements may appear insignificant to a professional, but they can become precious pieces of personal history later in life. 3. Lived experience participation must involve power, not just presence. Inviting someone to tell a difficult story is not genuine co-production if they cannot shape the agenda, set boundaries, control how their story is stored or see what changed afterwards. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Want children to have a stronger voice in their own recordsCommission speakers or consultants with lived experienceWork in children’s services, fostering or residential careWant to understand the difference between participation and tokenismAre designing conferences, training or consultation involving care-experienced peopleWant to create greater psychological safetyWork with children who worry about what adults are recording about themWant services to move from “nothing about us without us” towards genuine shared power The episode asks an important question: if someone gives you part of their story, what responsibility do you have for how you hold, use and act upon it? Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - What should professionals think about when writing care records? Writing for the child as well as managers, inspectors and services. 00:22 - Centre the child, not the inspection Why the future reader matters more than we often realise. 02:33 - Children know they are being written about The anxiety of living with an ongoing professional record. 04:07 - Writing with children instead of about them Voice notes, video, written contributions and increasing transparency. 05:20 - The right to reply Why care-experienced people should be able to challenge or add context to their records. 07:25 - Recording the ordinary moments of childhood Football goals, sleepovers, photographs and the things families usually preserve naturally. 09:54 - Free Loaves on Fridays How Rebekah created an anthology centred on care-experienced voices. 10:22 - Why the book had a no-rejection policy Creating space for seasoned writers and first-time contributors alike. 12:39 - The response to the book Why giving 100 people the pen in their own story mattered. 14:08 - Meaningful participation versus tokenism Why lived experience should not be parachuted into an organisation for inspiration and then forgotten. 16:26 - Why is it called Free Loaves on Fridays? Bread, poverty, choice and reclaiming control over how your story is told. 20:27 - Psychological safety for lived-experience contributors Power imbalance, allies, consent, boundaries and the right to leave. 22:18 - If Rebekah could change care records ...
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    25 ore
  • How This Card Protects People With Dementia From Scams | Part 1

    How This Card Protects People With Dementia From Scams | Part 1
    Oct 12 2026
    Money can become one of the most difficult areas for families to navigate when someone they love becomes more vulnerable. In Part 1, Andy Baker speaks with Jayne Sibley, Co-founder and CEO of Sibstar, about the early signs that someone may be struggling to manage money safely, including repeated purchases, unusual cash withdrawals, overspending and increased vulnerability to scams. Drawing on her lived experience supporting both of her parents with dementia, Jayne explores how families can start difficult conversations about money without creating shame, embarrassment or a sense of being controlled. Andy and Jayne also discuss the difficult balance between financial safeguarding, dignity, choice and independence. Although Jayne’s own journey began with dementia, the same challenges can affect families supporting someone with a learning disability, mental health condition or someone in recovery from addiction. Three key messages 1. Notice changes early. Repeated purchases, unusual withdrawals or changes in normal spending habits may be early signs that someone needs additional support. 2. Talk before there is a crisis. A calm conversation about scams and financial safety is much easier than trying to intervene after money has already been lost. 3. Safeguarding should not automatically mean taking over. The aim should be to keep someone safe while preserving as much independence, choice and dignity as possible. Why listen to this episode? This episode is particularly useful if you: Support someone living with dementiaAre worried about an ageing parent’s spendingHave noticed unusual purchases or cash withdrawalsAre concerned about scams or financial exploitationSupport an adult with a learning disability or mental health conditionFind conversations about money uncomfortableWant to understand when it may be time to step in For family caregivers especially, this episode tackles the uncomfortable transition where you may begin to feel responsible for protecting someone who has always been independent. Chapters 00:00 - Early signs that money may be becoming a problem Repeat purchases, unusual withdrawals and changes in understanding money. 01:58 - How dementia can affect everyday financial decisions Memory, impulsivity and spending without recognising the consequences. 03:36 - How to talk to a parent about money Starting with support rather than accusation. 05:17 - Choosing the right moment Why calm conversations work better than reacting after something has gone wrong. 06:17 - Why you shouldn’t wait for a crisis Starting the conversation sooner rather than later. 07:20 - Jayne’s experience supporting her parents The real-life challenges that led to Sibstar. 09:21 - Independence versus safeguarding How do we protect someone without simply taking control? 12:56 - Scams and financial vulnerability Why modern fraud is becoming increasingly sophisticated. 13:49 - Financial vulnerability beyond dementia Learning disability, mental health and addiction recovery. 15:31 - Romance fraud, investment scams and exploitation 17:08 - The emotional impact of being scammed Embarrassment, shame and loss of confidence. 19:08 - When is it time to step in? 20:40 - The question that guided Jayne: “Is my mum safe?” 21:11 - End of Part 1 Resources mentioned Sibstar Sibstar is a debit card and app designed to help vulnerable adults spend safely while protecting against fraud and overspending. Website: https://www.sibstar.co.uk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sibstar_card/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayne-sibley-24ab1444/ Jayne has also appeared on Dragons’ Den and has featured in media discussing financial inclusion and dementia. About Jayne Sibley Jayne Sibley is the Co-founder and CEO of Sibstar and a family carer with lived experience. She created Sibstar after years of helping both of her parents, who live with dementia, manage their money. Unable to find a simple way to keep them financially safe while protecting their independence, Jayne decided to build one herself. Today, she advocates for protecting vulnerable adults without unnecessarily removing their independence and for widening the conversation about financial vulnerability beyond dementia. Follow Able to Care Podcast: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast Part 2 continues next Tuesday, looking at practical ways to create safer spending, how Sibstar works and what families can do before financial vulnerability becomes a crisis.
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    22 min
  • I Read My Childhood Care Records - I Wasn’t Prepared for What I Found

    I Read My Childhood Care Records - I Wasn’t Prepared for What I Found
    Sep 28 2026
    Part 1 - Language, Labels and the Legacy of Care Records A care record might feel like an administrative task to the professional writing it, but for a care-experienced person it can become part of the story they use to understand their childhood decades later. In Part 1 of this conversation, Andy Baker speaks with care-experienced author, social worker, campaigner and trainer Rebekah Pierre about the lasting impact of language in children’s social care records. Drawing on both professional experience and the deeply personal experience of accessing her own care files, Rebekah explains how factual inaccuracies, misspelled names, labels and judgemental language can shape identity, influence future placements and leave adults trying to reconstruct their childhood from records written during some of their most difficult moments. For foster carers, residential childcare staff, social workers, teachers, parents and anyone recording information about children, this episode is a powerful reminder that the person you are writing about may one day become the person reading it. In This Episode Andy and Rebekah discuss: Why children may read their care records decades laterWhat it felt like for Rebekah to access her own filesWhy something as simple as repeatedly misspelling a child’s name mattersHow labels can influence placements, education and professional decisionsWhy behaviour needs contextMoving from “attention seeking” towards understanding attachment and connectionWhy words such as manipulative, lazy or aggressive can create damaging narrativesThe difference between professional intention and the impact of what is writtenVictim-blaming language in children’s social careWhy professionals need time to regulate before recording emotive incidentsHow artificial intelligence could help - or reinforce existing biasProfessional jargon and making records understandableWhy parents and children should be treated as people with identities, not simply roles or case labels Three Key Messages 1. Write for the future reader, not only the current system. Managers and inspectors may read a record once. The child may return to it decades later while trying to understand who they were and what happened to them. 2. Behaviour without context creates labels. A child who lashes out after several placement moves, a bereavement or trauma needs that context recorded. Describing only the behaviour can create a distorted picture that follows them. 3. Intent does not erase impact. A professional may not intend to stigmatise, blame or belittle, but careless language can still have a profound effect on the person who eventually reads it. Why Listen to This Episode? This episode is particularly valuable if you: Write care notes, incident reports or assessments about childrenWork in foster care or residential childcareAre a social worker, teacher or safeguarding professionalSupport children whose behaviour can be misunderstoodWork with care-experienced young people or adultsWant to make recording more trauma-aware and person-centredUse AI or digital systems to create or summarise recordsWant to understand how professional language can influence identity It challenges professionals to move away from records that simply capture what went wrong and towards recording that preserves context, dignity and the humanity of the child. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - Who will eventually read a child’s care records? Why the computer screen is not the final destination. 00:42 - Rebekah’s experience of reading her own care files Misspelled names, inaccuracies and trying to reconstruct a childhood. 03:08 - Why care records become so emotionally powerful Records as a map of what went wrong - often without the joyful or ordinary moments. 04:42 - The lifelong impact of labels How descriptions of behaviour can influence placements, education and professional decisions. 07:11 - Attention seeking, attachment searching and manipulative behaviour Why changing language can change how we understand the child. 09:23 - Intent versus impact Why record-writing improvement should be about reflection rather than guilt. 10:02 - When records blame children for their own abuse Why language around exploitation and consent matters. 11:39 - Burnout, secondary trauma and professional judgement How the emotional state of the adult can influence what gets written. 13:01 - Should we record immediately after an incident? Regulating first, separating facts from feelings and reflecting before finalising notes. 15:40 - AI and children’s social care records Could technology reduce bias - or simply reproduce it? 19:05 - Jargon and accessible language Would the child or parent actually understand what professionals have written? 21:02 - Why calling someone simply “mum” can matter Identity, institutional language and thoughtless habits. 21:52 - End of Part 1 Resources Mentioned Rebekah Pierre Rebekah provides training, consultancy and keynote speaking around children’s...
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    22 min
  • Beyond Rewards and Sanctions - Part 1

    Beyond Rewards and Sanctions - Part 1
    Sep 14 2026
    What if some of the behaviour strategies adults rely on most are actually making things harder? In Part 1 of this conversation, Andy Baker speaks with Samantha Dholakia, behaviour, inclusion and emotional regulation specialist and CEO of The Behaviour Bank, about why rewards, sanctions and behaviour charts can sometimes undermine the very behaviours adults are trying to encourage. Samantha explains the difference between short-term compliance and sustainable behaviour change, why intrinsic motivation matters, and how gamification, collaboration, celebration and compassionate boundaries can create better outcomes. The episode also introduces Samantha’s Behaviour Balance System, which focuses on emotional regulation, sensory needs, relationships and the whole child rather than simply trying to manage behaviour. This episode will be particularly useful for teachers, parents, caregivers, school leaders and anyone supporting children who struggle with behaviour, emotional regulation, demand avoidance, motivation or belonging. In This Episode Andy and Samantha explore: Why rewards can work for simple tasks but become problematic when overusedThe difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivationWhy behaviour charts and escalating rewards can lose their impactHow gamification can make everyday tasks easierWhy celebration is different from briberyHow demand avoidance can make traditional reward systems ineffectiveTurning “no” into “yes” without removing boundariesWhy children need compassion and structure at the same timeThe Behaviour Balance SystemMoving away from behaviour management and towards regulationTeaching the skills that sit underneath behaviour expectationsThe importance of sensory input, sleep, nutrition and communicationReplacing “good” and “bad” behaviour with “useful” and “not useful”Helping children build an inner cheerleader instead of an inner critic Three Key Messages 1. Rewards may create short-term compliance without creating long-term motivation. If children learn that every task requires an external payoff, they may stop seeing the value in the activity itself. 2. Behaviour is communication. Behaviour is influenced by sensory needs, emotional regulation, beliefs, experiences and unmet needs. Sustainable change requires us to understand what is driving the behaviour. 3. Boundaries do not need to disappear to become compassionate. Adults can hold clear expectations while reducing unnecessary friction, offering connection and helping children feel safe enough to cooperate. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Regularly use sticker charts or reward systems and wonder why they stop workingSupport children who become more oppositional when offered rewards or consequencesWork with children with demand-avoidant profilesWant alternatives to traditional behaviour managementAre trying to build intrinsic motivationWant practical approaches to emotional regulationFeel stuck between being “too strict” and “too permissive”Want to better understand what sits underneath behaviour The episode challenges some familiar behaviour-management assumptions without suggesting that adults abandon structure or expectations. Instead, the focus is on building environments where children can develop emotional regulation, confidence, intrinsic motivation and sustainable behavioural skills. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - Can rewards and behaviour charts make behaviour worse? Why some behaviour systems work for simple tasks but fail when creativity, motivation and emotional regulation are involved. 02:46 - What rewards can do to intrinsic motivation Why children are naturally driven to learn and what can happen when every task becomes transactional. 03:26 - Gamifying everyday tasks Samantha shares how games can replace repetitive reward systems. 05:25 - Celebration versus reward Why sharing pride and celebrating achievement can be more powerful than “if you do this, you get that”. 07:10 - Why external motivation eventually loses its power The problem with continually increasing the size or value of rewards. 08:42 - Why traditional behaviour psychology can oversimplify children Rewards, punishment and why humans are more complicated than simple stimulus-response models. 10:10 - Demand avoidance and the need for control Why rewards and sanctions can increase anxiety for some children. 10:38 - Turning a “no” into a “yes” Reducing friction while still holding a clear boundary. 14:10 - What is the Behaviour Balance System? Moving away from managing behaviour and towards emotional regulation, sensory needs and sustainable change. 16:21 - Teaching the skills underneath behaviour Why expectations such as sharing need to be explicitly broken down and practised. 18:05 - The Behaviour Bank Sleep, nutrition, communication, emotional regulation and a whole-child approach. 19:40 - Useful behaviour versus “good” and “bad” behaviour Removing guilt, shame and blame from ...
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    25 min
  • Belonging, Emotional Regulation and Behaviour - Part 2

    Belonging, Emotional Regulation and Behaviour - Part 2
    Sep 21 2026
    In Part 2 of Andy Baker’s conversation with Samantha Dholakia, the discussion moves beyond behaviour strategies and into the wider environments that shape children’s emotional wellbeing. Andy and Samantha explore why schools need to teach far more than academic knowledge, including emotional intelligence, mindset, conflict management and self-regulation. Samantha discusses how modern childhood has changed, why many children are overloaded by information and stress, and why emotional regulation can become a significant barrier to learning. The conversation also takes a deep dive into belonging. Samantha explains why feeling seen, safe and accepted can profoundly influence behaviour, motivation and identity - and why children who do not experience belonging in families, schools or communities may look for it elsewhere. This episode is particularly relevant for teachers, parents, caregivers, school leaders and anyone trying to understand why relationships, emotional safety and belonging matter so much for behaviour. In This Episode Andy and Samantha explore: Why emotional regulation should be part of the school curriculumTeaching mindset, self-talk and emotional awarenessWhy conflict-management skills need to be taught explicitlyHow the modern world has changed childhoodStress in parents, teachers and childrenThe emotional load children carry into the classroomAI versus emotional intelligencePreparing children for an uncertain futureWhy human connection may become even more important as technology developsBelonging as a foundation for behaviourPsychological safety and acceptanceWhy rejection can feel physically painfulGang culture and the search for belongingHow schools can create stronger cultures of connectionFamily agreements and shared expectationsLooking beyond “good people” and “bad people”Why survival strategies can lead people towards harmful choicesUnderstanding behaviour through needs rather than judgement Three Key Messages 1. Emotional intelligence is a core life skill. Children need help understanding self-talk, emotional regulation, relationships, conflict and resilience if they are going to navigate an increasingly complex world. 2. Belonging changes behaviour. When children feel safe, accepted and valued, they are more able to learn, communicate, regulate and form healthy relationships. 3. Harmful behaviour does not necessarily mean a harmful person. Understanding someone’s experiences, unmet needs and survival strategies creates far more opportunities for change than labelling them as simply “good” or “bad”. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Want to understand why emotional regulation affects learningBelieve schools should teach more life skillsSupport children who struggle to feel they belongWork with children affected by exclusion, disadvantage or gang cultureWant to understand why rejection can drive behaviourAre interested in the impact of AI on future educationWant to build emotionally safer classrooms or homesAre trying to move away from judgement and towards curiosityWant children to develop resilience without relying on shame or punishment This episode offers a broader view of behaviour by asking what kind of environments adults need to create if children are going to feel secure enough to thrive. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - Should emotional regulation be part of the curriculum? Why mindset, emotional awareness and conflict management are essential life skills. 01:09 - Why childhood has changed but education has not Technology, information overload and the growing pressures on children. 02:06 - The stress carried by adults and children How financial, relational and workplace pressures shape family and classroom life. 03:24 - The emotional backpack children bring into school Why children cannot always learn while their brains are busy managing stress. 04:45 - AI versus emotional intelligence Why human emotional skills may become even more valuable in the future. 07:18 - Using technology to create more human connection Could AI reduce administration and allow teachers and caregivers to spend more time with people? 08:32 - Why belonging matters so much How feeling seen, safe and accepted affects behaviour. 10:33 - Humans are wired for community Why connection and belonging influence wellbeing and resilience. 11:39 - Gang culture and the search for belonging Why children may seek acceptance elsewhere when they do not experience it at school or home. 13:52 - Rejection, shame and emotional pain Why exclusion can create powerful behavioural responses. 15:31 - Belonging is a culture, not a policy Creating classrooms and families where acceptance is genuinely felt. 16:54 - Family agreements and shared expectations Building collaborative boundaries rather than imposing rules. 19:16 - Looking beyond good and bad people How life experiences and survival shape behaviour. 20:46 - The choices that change a life Why emotional state, development and circumstance ...
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    23 min
  • Dementia, Grief and Counselling with Lisa Daniels - Part 1

    Dementia, Grief and Counselling with Lisa Daniels - Part 1
    Aug 31 2026
    What happens emotionally when dementia enters a family? In Part 1 of this conversation, Andy Baker speaks with Lisa Daniels, a Level 7 Transactional Analysis Counsellor and founder of The Dementia Counsellor, about why counselling can be so valuable for people affected by dementia. Lisa explains how dementia counselling is not about clinically explaining the diagnosis, but about helping people process what the diagnosis means for their identity, relationships, independence and future. The conversation explores ambiguous loss, anticipatory grief, shame, fear, changes in communication and the emotional impact on partners, children and other loved ones. This episode is particularly relevant for paid and unpaid caregivers, family carers, professionals and anyone supporting someone newly diagnosed with dementia. In This Episode Andy and Lisa explore: What dementia counselling actually isWhy counselling is not routinely offered after a dementia diagnosisThe emotional impact of diagnosis on the individual and the wider familyShame and confidence when communication begins to changeAmbiguous loss and grieving someone who is still aliveYoung-onset dementia and the loss of anticipated futuresSupporting both the person diagnosed and their loved onesWhy confidential counselling can create space for difficult or unresolved conversationsLisa’s own lived experience of dementia in her familyThe loss of driving, work, independence and financial controlHow counselling can help someone reconnect with identity and meaningful memoriesGuilt, anger and resentment in family caregiversThe emotional pressure experienced by sandwich carers Three Key Messages 1. Grief can begin long before someone dies. Dementia can change communication, relationships, roles and future plans, creating what is often called ambiguous loss. 2. The person diagnosed may be grieving themselves. Loss of driving, work, confidence, communication and independence can deeply affect identity and self-esteem. 3. Caregivers are allowed to struggle too. Feeling tired, angry, resentful or overwhelmed does not erase love. These emotions often need a safe, non-judgemental place to be explored. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Have recently received a dementia diagnosisSupport a loved one who has dementiaFeel guilty for grieving someone who is still aliveAre struggling with changes in your relationshipFeel pressure to stay strong for everyone elseAre a sandwich carer supporting children and an older relative at the same timeWant to understand what counselling can offer after diagnosisWork with families affected by dementia and want a deeper understanding of their emotional experience This episode may help listeners recognise that dementia affects far more than memory. It can affect identity, independence, relationships, confidence and the stories people hold about themselves. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - What is dementia counselling? Why counselling is different from clinical advice or dementia education. 01:35 - The ripple effect of a dementia diagnosis How a diagnosis affects families as well as the individual. 02:39 - Shame, communication and losing confidence Why changes in speech and processing can affect self-esteem. 04:42 - Is it normal to grieve someone who is still alive? Understanding ambiguous loss and unacknowledged grief. 06:58 - Grieving the future you expected Young-onset dementia, retirement and the loss of shared plans. 08:18 - Counselling for the person diagnosed Why confidential space matters. 10:52 - When caregivers feel they have to be strong Why loved ones can ignore their own emotional needs. 12:05 - Caring for a parent you had a difficult relationship with Guilt, duty and complicated family history. 13:04 - Lisa’s personal journey into dementia counselling Her mother’s diagnosis, her own counselling experience and becoming the support she once needed. 18:21 - What people with dementia may be grieving Driving, work, independence, financial control and identity. 22:16 - Helping a father write his daughter’s wedding speech How counselling helped evoke memories and create a meaningful moment. 25:45 - “I shouldn’t feel this way” Exploring caregiver guilt, resentment and inherited beliefs about duty. 28:47 - The emotional load of sandwich carers Children, work, ageing parents and constant responsibility. 31:56 - Why counselling should not only begin at crisis point Talking as prevention rather than waiting until everything becomes overwhelming. Resources Mentioned The Dementia Counsellor Lisa Daniels provides counselling for people affected by dementia, including: People with an early dementia diagnosisPartners and spousesAdult childrenSandwich carersFamilies experiencing conflict, grief or difficult transitions Website: https://www.thedementiacounsellor.co.uk Email: lisa@thedementiacounsellor.co.uk Lisa Daniels on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-daniels-32214623/ Instagram The Dementia Counsellor UK Facebook The ...
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    35 ore
  • Dementia Care, Boundaries and Family Conflict with Lisa Daniels - Part 2

    Dementia Care, Boundaries and Family Conflict with Lisa Daniels - Part 2
    Sep 7 2026
    In Part 2 of Andy Baker’s conversation with Lisa Daniels, the focus moves from diagnosis and grief into the day-to-day emotional reality of caring for someone living with dementia. Lisa and Andy explore why caregivers often feel guilty for needing a break, why saying “I can’t do this today” can actually be a healthy boundary, and how family relationships can become strained when siblings or relatives experience the same dementia journey very differently. Lisa shares her own experience of feeling relief during COVID when she was temporarily unable to visit her mother in care - and the guilt that came with that relief. The episode also explores family conflict, communication patterns, Transactional Analysis, ego states and how counselling can help families understand why conversations keep breaking down. This episode is particularly useful for family carers, sandwich carers, professional caregivers and anyone who feels emotionally exhausted, guilty or stuck while supporting someone living with dementia. In This Episode Andy and Lisa explore: Why no two dementia experiences are truly the sameSetting boundaries without feeling selfishRecognising when you are not emotionally able to visitWhy caregivers need permission to put themselves first sometimesRelief, guilt and complicated emotions during caregivingCreating quality interactions instead of forcing long visitsHow to make visits more meaningfulUsing activities, meals and touch to create connectionFamily conflict between siblings and relativesThe Drama Triangle in dementia caregivingFinancial decisions and disagreements around careHow counselling can support difficult family conversationsTransactional Analysis and ego statesParent, Adult and Child communication patternsHow dementia can change the way conversations are reciprocatedWhy emotional support after diagnosis is often missingThe importance of individualised counsellingTaking the first step when you feel you cannot carry the load anymore Three Key Messages 1. Boundaries are part of good caregiving. If you are exhausted, angry or emotionally overwhelmed, taking a break may protect both you and the person you support. 2. Family members can experience the same dementia journey very differently. Distance, gender roles, history, personality and grief can all shape how people respond, which is why sibling conflict is so common. 3. Communication patterns matter. Understanding how we move between Parent, Adult and Child ego states can help families recognise why conversations escalate and how to respond differently. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Feel guilty for needing time away from your loved oneAre struggling to set boundariesFeel relief when you do not have to visit, then feel guilty about that reliefAre arguing with siblings about who should provide careFeel like one person in the family is doing everythingFind visits uncomfortable or emotionally drainingWant to understand Transactional Analysis and communication patternsFeel emotionally exhausted and unsure how much longer you can continueWork with families and want to understand the hidden emotional pressures behind caregiving The episode offers an important reminder that good dementia care is not about sacrificing yourself completely. Sustainable care depends on recognising your own needs, limits and emotional wellbeing too. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - Why no two dementia journeys are the same Sameness in diagnosis does not mean sameness in experience. 00:18 - Boundaries in dementia caregiving Why saying “I can’t do this today” is not the same as abandoning someone. 01:53 - Giving yourself permission not to visit What good will actually come from the visit if you are already overwhelmed? 03:08 - Relief and guilt during COVID Lisa shares the difficult truth that part of her felt relieved not to have to visit. 04:14 - Sandwich carers and competing responsibilities Trying to be emotionally present for children while worrying about a parent. 05:25 - Making visits more intentional Why activity, mealtimes or practical tasks can make visits easier. 07:00 - Connection without conversation Touch, presence and recognising familiarity even when words have gone. 08:06 - Family conflict and sibling dynamics Why dementia can expose long-standing differences within families. 09:46 - The Drama Triangle Victim, persecutor and rescuer roles in caregiving relationships. 11:33 - Financial decisions and care-home disagreements How emotional pressure can turn practical decisions into conflict. 12:12 - How counselling can support family relationships Helping people understand each other rather than simply deciding who is right. 13:00 - What is Transactional Analysis? Analysing conversations and understanding communication patterns. 14:19 - Understanding Parent, Adult and Child ego states How our childhood experiences shape our adult communication. 17:21 - Why dementia conversations can break down The person may not be able to meet you in the...
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    28 ore