Beyond Rewards and Sanctions - Part 1 copertina

Beyond Rewards and Sanctions - Part 1

Beyond Rewards and Sanctions - Part 1

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What if some of the behaviour strategies adults rely on most are actually making things harder? In Part 1 of this conversation, Andy Baker speaks with Samantha Dholakia, behaviour, inclusion and emotional regulation specialist and CEO of The Behaviour Bank, about why rewards, sanctions and behaviour charts can sometimes undermine the very behaviours adults are trying to encourage. Samantha explains the difference between short-term compliance and sustainable behaviour change, why intrinsic motivation matters, and how gamification, collaboration, celebration and compassionate boundaries can create better outcomes. The episode also introduces Samantha’s Behaviour Balance System, which focuses on emotional regulation, sensory needs, relationships and the whole child rather than simply trying to manage behaviour. This episode will be particularly useful for teachers, parents, caregivers, school leaders and anyone supporting children who struggle with behaviour, emotional regulation, demand avoidance, motivation or belonging. In This Episode Andy and Samantha explore: Why rewards can work for simple tasks but become problematic when overusedThe difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivationWhy behaviour charts and escalating rewards can lose their impactHow gamification can make everyday tasks easierWhy celebration is different from briberyHow demand avoidance can make traditional reward systems ineffectiveTurning “no” into “yes” without removing boundariesWhy children need compassion and structure at the same timeThe Behaviour Balance SystemMoving away from behaviour management and towards regulationTeaching the skills that sit underneath behaviour expectationsThe importance of sensory input, sleep, nutrition and communicationReplacing “good” and “bad” behaviour with “useful” and “not useful”Helping children build an inner cheerleader instead of an inner critic Three Key Messages 1. Rewards may create short-term compliance without creating long-term motivation. If children learn that every task requires an external payoff, they may stop seeing the value in the activity itself. 2. Behaviour is communication. Behaviour is influenced by sensory needs, emotional regulation, beliefs, experiences and unmet needs. Sustainable change requires us to understand what is driving the behaviour. 3. Boundaries do not need to disappear to become compassionate. Adults can hold clear expectations while reducing unnecessary friction, offering connection and helping children feel safe enough to cooperate. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Regularly use sticker charts or reward systems and wonder why they stop workingSupport children who become more oppositional when offered rewards or consequencesWork with children with demand-avoidant profilesWant alternatives to traditional behaviour managementAre trying to build intrinsic motivationWant practical approaches to emotional regulationFeel stuck between being “too strict” and “too permissive”Want to better understand what sits underneath behaviour The episode challenges some familiar behaviour-management assumptions without suggesting that adults abandon structure or expectations. Instead, the focus is on building environments where children can develop emotional regulation, confidence, intrinsic motivation and sustainable behavioural skills. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - Can rewards and behaviour charts make behaviour worse? Why some behaviour systems work for simple tasks but fail when creativity, motivation and emotional regulation are involved. 02:46 - What rewards can do to intrinsic motivation Why children are naturally driven to learn and what can happen when every task becomes transactional. 03:26 - Gamifying everyday tasks Samantha shares how games can replace repetitive reward systems. 05:25 - Celebration versus reward Why sharing pride and celebrating achievement can be more powerful than “if you do this, you get that”. 07:10 - Why external motivation eventually loses its power The problem with continually increasing the size or value of rewards. 08:42 - Why traditional behaviour psychology can oversimplify children Rewards, punishment and why humans are more complicated than simple stimulus-response models. 10:10 - Demand avoidance and the need for control Why rewards and sanctions can increase anxiety for some children. 10:38 - Turning a “no” into a “yes” Reducing friction while still holding a clear boundary. 14:10 - What is the Behaviour Balance System? Moving away from managing behaviour and towards emotional regulation, sensory needs and sustainable change. 16:21 - Teaching the skills underneath behaviour Why expectations such as sharing need to be explicitly broken down and practised. 18:05 - The Behaviour Bank Sleep, nutrition, communication, emotional regulation and a whole-child approach. 19:40 - Useful behaviour versus “good” and “bad” behaviour Removing guilt, shame and blame from ...
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