Episodi

  • Episode 980: Kind Leadership
    Sep 30 2026
    Synopsis Daniela Antongiovanni says kind leadership begins with listening beyond people’s behavior to the human needs underneath. Leaders fear that if they’re kind, they will be less effective, less authoritative, but the opposite is true. It’s much easier to judge or withdraw or hide behind authority instead of remaining open and curious and wanting to connect. Model the behavior you want to see in your company, your team, or your BNI chapter. If you make people feel valued and understood, it’s easier to work with them to look at the impact of their behavior and find a better way forward. Links Listen to Episode 295: Lead from Among, Not from Above.Listen to Episode 396: Host Leadership.Listen to Episode 475: A Path to Business Leadership. The Official BNI Podcast is sponsored by Misner Audio Programs. Complete Transcript of Episode 980 Priscilla:Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Official BNI Podcast. I’m Priscilla Rice, and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California, and I’m joined on the phone today by the Founder and the Chief Visionary Officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello Ivan, how are you and where are you? Ivan:I am in California today. I’m about to leave for the membership drive cruise, which we do almost every year, and I get to hang out with 100 of my closest friends, BNI members from all over the United States, so it’s always fun to do these. Priscilla:Oh, that sounds great! Ivan:Today I’ve got a guest, and she’s an interpreter, so she’s going to laugh at my interpretation of her… pronunciation of her last name. But I’ve known Daniella for a long time, Daniela Antongiovanni. Did I get it close? Daniela:Close enough, yeah. (laughing) Ivan:Close enough (chuckling). You can call me miss-ner if you want then, Daniela. I’ve known Daniela a long time. Let me introduce her, and then I’ll tell you a quick story. She’s an interpreter, a business coach, an expert in nonviolent communication in a BNI franchise. What do they all have in common? Well, that’s what she’s going to talk about. So we’re going to listen to that. She had visited a BNI meeting, I think the first one was in 2014, and was really shocked about the way people were doing business. And she recognized that this was going to make a difference in the world, and she joined BNI in 2015, became a Director Consultant in 2016 and Executive Director in 2020. I first met her when she was an interpreter for me, and I do this with all interpreters. I say, “Hey, if I go too fast, just you know, have somebody raise their hands, raise their arms, so that I can know we’re going too fast.” And Daniela was like, “No, that’s not going to be a problem. Don’t worry about that.” And as soon as she said that, I knew I had a great interpreter because when the interpreters say, “Oh yeah, yeah, I’ll have somebody slow you down,” then I know I have an interpreter and I have to slow down. But with Daniela, she is right on it. She’s a great interpreter and a great Executive Director. Welcome to the BNI podcast, Daniela. Daniela:Thank you, Ivan. That’s very nice. Ivan:I told you that story, didn’t I? Daniela:Yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. (both laughing) If you want, I have a counter story to that. Ivan:Well, I don’t want to take too much time from the podcast. Daniela:No, no, no. We’ll do it in person. Okay. Ivan:Okay. So, what is kind leadership, and why is it better? Daniela:Yes, I’ll go into the definition. But before that, let me recall a moment when I saw it so clearly in action, and actually that was through you, because when we first met in 2016 at the BNI Italy National Conference in Milan, where I was for the first time honored to be your interpreter. Actually, I found something very surprising happening because after your keynote, I was supposing that you would retreat to the VIP room, as many other high-profile speakers I had translated were doing all the time. And instead you came up straight to the interpreting booth, and you said to me, “Come with me. I want to meet the members. I want to shake their hands. I want to do selfies. I want to answer their questions. I want to be there for them.” And you did. And there, I realized that you know I was working with a very special and kind leader, because you were not using status to create distance, you were creating connection. And that was a turning point in my professional evolution because that made me genuinely curious about BNI, and still today I’m learning from the way you lead. So… Ivan:That’s very sweet of you to say, Daniela, and I appreciate it. I think it’s important that I go out and meet as many members as possible, and I have members say to me, “Oh, thank you so much. You know, it must be really difficult to do this.” And I and I usually tell them, “Look, I could be digging ditches. This is way easier than digging ditches. I’m happy to take ...
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    14 min
  • Episode 981: The Psychology of Why People Refer
    Oct 7 2026
    Synopsis Dean Jackson explains to guest host Spencer Reynolds how you can use the psychology behind referrals to your benefit in BNI and in business. Referrals are driven by self-preservation. People make referrals to add value to their own social groups.People are highly protective of their close connections and want to share good experiences and warn against bad ones.Recommending useful resources raises a person’s standing within their group, creating a natural sense of mutual value exchange.Instead of asking your referral partners to tell people about you, train them to identify opportunities and report them back to you.Make the referrer the hero. Create valuable, easy-to-share materials your referral partners can pass along. Links Visit Dean’s website: https://deanjackson.com.Listen to the I Love Marketing Podcast.Visit the BNI Tampa Bay website. The Official BNI Podcast is sponsored by Misner Audio Programs. Complete Transcript of Episode 981 Priscilla:Hello, everybody, and welcome back to The Official BNI Podcast. I’m Priscilla Rice, and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. And I’m joined on the phone today by Spencer Reynolds, who is standing in today as a guest host for Dr. Misner, and he will be joining us from time to time. Hello, Spencer. Welcome to the podcast. Spencer:Thank you, Priscilla. I appreciate it. Excited to be with you. Priscilla:It’s great to have you. And who are you presenting us with today? Spencer:Today’s guest is someone that has spent decades, honestly, with business owners and teaching them a really powerful truth about marketing, and that it’s the world happens through relationships and trust and referrals. He’s a legendary marketer. He’s a co-host of an iconic podcast called I Love Marketing, and he’s a brilliant thinker on philosophy. And this is a good friend of mine. His name is Dean Jackson. Dean, welcome to the show. Dean:Thank you. Welcome. Glad to be here. Spencer:Yeah, you know, Dean, it’s hard to believe that we’ve known each other for 24 years now. Dean:Is that how long it’s been? That’s crazy. Spencer:And I’m only 22 in my head, so that math. Dean:Yeah, exactly. Me too. That’s so funny. We actually had Dr. Misner on our I Love Marketing podcast years ago. Spencer:Fantastic. Well, Dean, today I really want to talk about some of the wisdom that you’ve learned over years inside of marketing, and referrals in particular. But let’s talk about why. You know, Simon Sinek says start with why. So let’s start with why do people refer? Dean:I think that’s the biggest misconception that people have is that often one of the first blocks we have to overcome to really optimize the number of referrals that you can get, is to understand that people are not referring as a favor to you or a gift to you. When you have this mindset that you have to earn referrals or that you are somehow asking for referrals, you’re going down a path that is kind of counter to what we, as species, have evolved to do. As long as we have been playing the cooperation game and escape the food chain, basically we’ve become the most successful species ever. That we have learned the importance of looking out for each other and maintaining what I call our status in the herd. That if we look at it, that that’s the primary reason that we do anything, and the reason that we avoid anything is if we feel like something might damage our status in the herd. And it’s a very, very… you know, it goes all the way back to when we were gathering as you know tribes of 150 people or groups, that we always had to kind of look out for each other, and we realized that we were going to be better off if we were constantly looking out for and adding value collectively. And so you see the remnants of these things happen, you know, evolve into even, our society things. The way we are today, we’re not kind of out on the savanna with our just 150 people. We’re in big cities, but we’re still among our group of 150 people. There’s been a lot of research on this, and you may have heard of Robin Dunbar. Spencer:Yeah. Dean:His research on what’s become known as Dunbar’s Number, and that number is 150, and it’s the number of relationships that we can maintain. Now we may know and recognize 1000 or more people, but we truly have relationship with 150, and we’re very guarded in those relationships. It’s our role to add value to our herd and to protect our herd from getting damaged. That’s why we’re… If you look at everything we do, we want to recommend things to people. Spencer:Yeah, we do. Dean:You see it all the time. If you see a movie, or if we’re talking about movies, we already know, “You got to see this one.” or “Oh, don’t see that one.” We’re even guarding people’s experiences. We don’t want them to waste their time reading a book that wasn’t worth it or making sure that they do read a book ...
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    15 min
  • Episode 983: Passport + Mentors = Retention
    Oct 21 2026
    Synopsis Just stepped down from your chapter’s leadership team? Mark Graber wants you as a mentor for the BNI Passport to Success program. The Passport Program is an engagement tool for BNI members and a retention tool for BNI chapters. It brings together everything a member should be doing to get the most out of BNI. Why Should You Mentor? Being a mentor keeps both you and the new member actively involved in BNI.Going through the Passport Program again deepens your own relationships and networking skills.Growing the chapter through by onboarding quality members generates more business for everyone. Links Visit Mark’s region, BNI British Columbia.Listen to Episode 922: The Power Beneath the Surface.Listen to Episode 942: Engaging Longtime Members.Read The Networking Mentor. The Official BNI Podcast is sponsored by Misner Audio Programs. Complete Transcript of Episode 983 Priscilla:Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Official BNI Podcast. I’m Priscilla Rice, and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California, and I’m joined on the phone today by the Founder and the Chief Visionary Officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello Ivan, how are you and where are you? Ivan:I am doing great. I’m in Austin preparing for the [BNI] Global Convention in Monaco, and the [BNI] French [Conference], also in Monaco. So I’ll be there later this week. And going to Convention is always a blast. Priscilla: Mm hmm. Sounds fun. Ivan:I have a good friend on. This is his first time on BNI Podcast. I’m a little surprised it’s his first time. Mark has always got great content. Mark Graber is [BNI] Executive Director for Vancouver Island, Lower Mainland Southeast, Lower Mainland West, Northern Interior — that’s a long description — in British Columbia, Canada. He was a high school mathematics teacher, which I didn’t know, for 15 years, and a lecturer at Curtin University in Perth [Australia] in the business school for 13 years. He has three children. Sophie, I can’t pronounce the next name, is it Lachlan (LATCH-lann)? Mark:Lachlan (LOCK-luhn). Ivan:Lachlan, okay, and Ellie. Mark joined BNI as a member in 2004 in Perth, and he’s developing learning management systems primarily with Moodle. [He was] on the Inaugural Innovation Task Force for BNI under Graham Weihmiller; he was 10 years on the Founder’s Circle. He helped to develop BNI TV on YouTube. He is the one who came up with the concept or the phrase “Ivan Unplugged” for my Ask Ivan stuff, which I use a lot, Mark. And I mostly refer that it came from you. He’s been in BNI for 23 years. Mark Graber, welcome to the BNI Podcast. Mark:Oh, it’s wonderful to be here, Ivan. Thank you so much for having me, and [thanks] Priscilla, and thanks to Dana for coordinating all of it. It’s a real pleasure. Ivan:Yeah, everybody needs a Dana. She’s a great assistant, and I’m lucky to have her. So you helped to develop with Hazel the Passport Program, and the topic here is Passport + Mentors = Retention. So, talk a little bit about how the Passport program began. Mark:So, it began really with the retention problem within our region, and we were losing first-year members. We wanted greater retention. We know that when members stay longer, they pass larger referrals, and chapters grow larger, so we knew it was a moving target. And I’d heard too many times, and still do, that you know, major reason people left was that they were too busy. So together with my business partner Hazel Walker, we started, as Hazel calls it, spitballing — brainstorming ideas and concepts of how we could onboard new members really well, and make sure they covered all the major topics and sort of the situations they would encounter, and to guarantee that each member was receiving the same level of engagement and sort of understanding. So I took it from my academic life, a Capstone Unit in the Bachelor of Business degree, where all the schools came together from management, marketing, economics, finance, business law, and we created a passport there. They would meet each other, because they were in their own independent silos, and they were meeting for the first time. And so, I translated that concept over about onboarding. So Hazel began to create all the content, and we kept, you know, adding, taking away, thinking what was most important. You know, the usual whiteboard days and design samples and printing out hard copies, and you know, we were exchanging hard copies at conferences eventually, when it spread to different countries. So that’s how it began. Ivan:So you talk about the Passport Program being an engagement tool, not an educational tool. Talk about that. Mark:Well, we wanted it because we’ve established the [BNI] Core Value of Building Relationships and recognized that the engagement was key to a member’s length of stay in BNI. And that it was all about understanding about how much you know people care before how much people know...
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    12 min
  • Episode 984: Turning the Tables on Inviting
    Oct 28 2026
    Synopsis Inviting visitors to your BNI chapter is not asking them to do you a favor. Guest Amy Kritzman shows you how to listen for the cues that making inviting easy. People talk about their business needs all the time. Every salesperson knocking at your door, sending you email, or calling on the phone is someone who needs more business. So is every person who comes to do work at your home or office location. Invite everyone who asks you for business. Tell them to bring a friend or colleague. If they can’t make it, ask whether someone else from their company could. Links Visit the Gold Medal Ideas website.Listen to Episode 837: Sponsoring 52 Members in 3½ Years.Listen to Episode 639: How to Bring a Visitor into the Room.Listen to Episode 633: I’ve Invited Everyone I Know. The Official BNI Podcast is sponsored by Misner Audio Programs. Complete Transcript of Episode 984 Priscilla:Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the official BNI podcast. I’m Priscilla Rice, and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California, and I’m joined on the phone today by the founder and the chief visionary officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello, Ivan. How are you? And where are you? Ivan:I am finally in Monaco. I’ve mentioned it a couple of times on the previous podcasts. I’m in Monaco for the [BNI] International Convention and for the [BNI] French [National] Conference. And I’ve been here before. I’m really enjoying myself. It’s good to be back here. I have a guest today. It’s her first time on BNI Podcast, Amy Kritzman. Amy is the President of Gold Medal Ideas, where she helps businesses stand out through creative promotional products and branded merchandise. She currently holds the Promotional Products seat with BNI Networkers Plus [Chapter] in Long Grove, Illinois, [USA] and for nearly 15 years, BNI has been an important part of her professional journey. Since early 2019, she’s also had the privilege of serving as a BNI Director, facilitating regional leadership trainings and launch trainings for a number of new chapters during the COVID years, the challenging years. She’s also proud to periodically serve as a substitute facilitator for [BNI US] National Speed Networking. Amy, did you know that we hold the Guinness World Record for speed networking? Amy:Oh, I did not. That’s fantastic. Ivan:Yeah, BNI holds the Guinness World Record for the most number of people at a speed networking event. It was in Australia at the last [BNI Global] Convention. So, welcome to BNI Podcast. Amy:Thank you. Ivan:Next time you do a National Speed Networking event, you can say BNI holds the Guinness World Record. Amy:I will do it. Ivan:All right. So your topic is Turning the Tables on Inviting. Talk about that because so many people ask me, “How do you invite?” For me, I don’t get it — it seems easy, but a lot of people struggle with this. So help us out. Amy:Oh, a lot of people struggle with it. I think that a lot of people struggle with it because they think it’s hard. They think they’re asking somebody to do them a favor. They just don’t understand all the time. And I think once you see that we’re listening to people talk about their business and their needs all the time, whether it’s customers or no matter who it is, and all we have to do is listen for the right cue. So, and it refers… there’s so many ways that this refers. It even works in referrals. But I’m talking about inviting. So, for example, I get a phone call from a guy who says he’s with Verizon, and I say, well, okay, he wants to sell me something because I’m looking mobile, and it turns out he does want to sell me something. And my questions are: “Where do you work? What do you do? Are you responsible for growing the area? And do you live and work in the area?” And when those answers are all yes, clearly he needs to meet my network of people that I meet with because I’d like to introduce him to them. And before he has a chance to sell me anything, I have him registered to visit. Ivan:Yeah, absolutely. And I’ve had people on the podcast before that have said to their receptionist, “Put every cold call through to me,” and that’s what they do. They say, “I’ll meet with you. I’m happy to meet with you. Come meet me at this location at this time. Bring plenty of business cards, and we’ll talk.” And they get a lot of visitors that way. I love that technique. Amy:Yeah, it is fantastic, and I have a related story that I tell my chapters and I tell my members. About four years ago we needed a new roof and there was no roofer in my chapter and I went to another chapter, found a roofer, got it done, got the siding, spent a lot of money on it, so of course Facebook knows that I’m interested in this now. Ivan:Yeah. Amy:So Facebook says, “Here’s some pictures,” and I see a picture of a guy, and I like the looks of this guy. I like the truck. I like the ad. I have always...
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    12 min
  • Episode 977: The Willing Conversation (Classic)
    Sep 9 2026
    Note: This is a rebroadcast of Episode 748, first published on March 9, 2022. Some links and offers may no longer be valid. Synopsis To receive more effective referrals from the members of your BNI group, it’s really important to help them understand your business and your target market enough to identify a good referral. To do that, you need to make sure they know these four things. The Needs AssessmentYour Unique Selling PropositionWhy Are You in Business?What’s Your Emotionally Charged Connection? Listen to Episode 451 and read “Why You Do What You Do Is Your Key to Success” for more about Emotionally Charged Connections. What have you shared with your network that has helped you gain willing conversations with prospective customers? Share your answers in the comments. The Official BNI Podcast is sponsored by Misner Audio Programs. Complete Transcript of Episode 748 Priscilla:Hello everybody and welcome back to The Official BNI Podcast. I’m Priscilla Rice and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. And I’m joined on the phone today by the Founder and the Chief Visionary Officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello Ivan, how are you and where are you? Ivan: I am at home in Austin, Texas this week. And, you know, most of our podcasts, almost all of our podcasts, land a post on Wednesday morning. And many of you may not know this, but for the last couple of years, every Wednesday, I have Sam Horn come over in the morning. Sam wrote the book, “POP!” where she mentioned BNI, and that was before I knew Sam. And she also wrote the book, “Someday is Not a Day in the Week.” I talk about Sam and quote her in a number of places. She comes over every Wednesday morning after this podcast goes live. And we do what we call “Writing Wednesday.” But honestly, Priscilla, it’s oftentimes ‘talking’ Wednesday. We talk. We talk a lot about writing, but we talk a lot. And today’s topic is The Willing Conversation. Priscilla:Uh huh. Ivan:And so it’s about talking to people. Do you remember, Priscilla, when you were a kid how fun magnets were to play with? Priscilla:Yes. Ivan:Yeah, I loved magnets. And depending on which way you turn the magnet, they were either attracted or repelled by one another. And as an adult, we may find ourselves feeling six years old again when we make a phone call to a referral, who turns out to not be a referral at all. And similar to a magnet that’s turned the wrong direction, you’re not being embraced in that conversation, you’re being resisted. So the referral you were given that should have been a warm introduction quickly turns into a cold call. We all want good referrals, people who want to talk to us. We want to give and receive referrals that are willing conversations about the products and services that we have to offer. And to receive more effective referrals from the members of your BNI group, it’s really important to help them understand your business and your target market enough to identify a good referral. So here are four tips that you can follow that will help you with those willing conversations. The first tip is The Needs Assessment. It’s really your responsibility to be very clear; it’s our responsibility – I’ll talk about it with me as well. It’s our responsibility to be very clear and specific with our referral partners about what constitutes a good referral. And this is a combination of an ideal prospect profile and the problems that we can solve for them. Because it’s not just about what you do, it’s about what solutions you have for the people that you’re working with. It’s about what Andy Bounds calls the AFTERs —what are things going to look like after you’ve worked with them. So, the needs assessment really is an example of you clearly defining your target market. So for a corporate coach, as an example, you might say that a small to medium sized company with fewer than 100 employees, closely held business – family owned business, regional with locations, you know, local in a state or two, and that they as a coach provide themselves on higher than average retention, getting companies to have higher than average retention for employees. And they may be in a competitive industry and as an executive coach, you can help them gain an advantage. So, you know, you want to communicate your target market very clearly to the people in your BNI group. Ivan:You also want to describe your Unique Selling Proposition. So do you have dozens or hundreds of competitors in your marketplace? You probably do. And that means that your unique selling proposition, or USP, is really important because it allows you to stand out among your competition. Your USP is a brief description of the purpose of your business. It’s stated in the most concise and compelling way possible in order to help others understand the unique value of what it is that you do. So your unique selling proposition tells ...
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    12 min
  • Episode 978: Building Trust or Introducing Doubt?
    Sep 16 2026
    Synopsis If you can empower people to want to help you, then ultimately all they need to know is how to help you, as guest Phil Berg likes to say. But before they can want to help you, your referral partners have to trust you to uphold their reputations. Prospects have to feel safe giving you their money. Don’t introduce doubts about your reliability by showing up late to meetings or complaining about how busy you are. First, get clear on your own goals, how to achieve them, and a realistic timeline. Next, make sure you know why someone would want to hire you. Only then can you teach people how to talk about you in a way that results in the other person being excited to receive a call from you. Links Read Networking Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint.Listen to Episode 888: How to Educate Others to Refer You.Listen to Episode 889: Taking a Leadership Role in Your ChapterVisit Phil Berg’s website, philberg.coach. The Official BNI Podcast is sponsored by Misner Audio Programs. Complete Transcript of Episode 978 Priscilla:Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Official BNI Podcast. I’m Priscilla Rice, and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California, and I’m joined on the phone today by the Founder and the Chief Visionary Officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello Ivan, how are you and where are you? Ivan:I just got back in time to do this podcast. I’ve been doing a keynote presentation for an organization in Tampa, and of course, I made sure to stop by BNI and do a quick BNI event there in Tampa as well. Priscilla:Oh, that sounds good. So, who do you have on the line today? Ivan:I have a really good friend, longtime friend, Phil Berg. Phil has been on four, or this may be his fifth, podcast that we have done together. Phil is married to his childhood sweetheart Jackie, and they’ve been together for 50 years. They have two kids. He’s a former UK and Ireland BNI Assistant National Director. He’s the first person in all of Europe to develop a networking group, a BNI group of over 100 members. He’s been part of BNI for 29 years to date, and he’s an Amazon best-selling author in this book that I’ve heard of called Networking is a Marathon, Not a Sprint. Actually, Phil and I are co-authors along with Bharat Daga. And of course, he’s an international keynote speaker. Phil, welcome back to BNI Podcast. Phil:Thank you so much. Thank you for having me back. Ivan:Well, I heard you do a presentation in the United Kingdom when I was visiting on building trust or introducing doubt. So, talk to me a little bit about the necessity of relationship building to ensure that you ultimately achieve what you’re trying to achieve, which is building trust. Phil:Yeah, I think trust is a necessity, and I think people need to manage their expectations regarding this. So, for example, they join our amazing BNI, and I think it’s like the equivalent of I’ve joined the gymnasium. Why aren’t I getting fit? And for me, you’ve got to build those relationships. I have a saying that if you can empower people to want to help you, then ultimately all they need to know is how to help you. But the want to, in my eyes, comes first. You know, am I safe to pass you over to someone that needs you? Is my reputation going to be intact? Are you going to, you know, live up to my boast about you, which I think is an element of trust. Ivan:So let me understand this. Are you saying that you need to know exactly what you want to achieve, and why, in order to accomplish that? Phil:I think for sure, and that’s certainly in our Networking is a Marathon, Not a Sprint book. That ultimately, if I really don’t know my why… You know, why do I want this person? What do I do for them? Why do they want me? And ultimately, why are you safe to introduce me to them? So I think the why is a very big word, and if you connect all those three, I think all three need to be in place for the introduction to happen comfortably, safely, and trustworthily. Ivan:And if you don’t do that, is that how you introduce doubt? Because the doubt is what I found interesting for your topic. Phil:Yeah, I think so. I have a saying that people’s perception is their truth until they know the real truth. So, if I have any concerns, and as you know, you say this fantastically. The way we’re seen as doing anything is the way we’re perceived as doing everything, and that’s from your good self. And that stuck with me many years ago. So if you’re generally arriving somewhere at the last moment and breathing deeply because you’ve just been panicking and rushing, then I figure that that’s how you’re going to be a first impression to the person I recommend you to. If I say to you, “How are you doing?” and you say, “Oh my goodness, it’s fantastic, but I’m working 20 hours a day.” Even that is like, “Okay, well, that sounds great, but can I introduce you to somebody? Because can you cope with that? Can I trust...
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    11 min
  • Episode 979: A Better Word Than Honesty
    Sep 23 2026
    Synopsis As a new BNI member, you need to look at every aspect of the way you present yourself to your chapter and your prospects. That includes your word choice. Using expressions like “honestly” and “to be honest” can backfire. Someone who’s just met you may wonder whether the rest of what you said was dishonest. They may wonder whether what you’re saying now is dishonest. Just make your statement. If you have to qualify the statement, Dr. Misner likes to say “In my experience.” Guest Jim Meadows prefers “to be clear” if you’re putting something in simpler words. If you say what you mean and back it up with your actions, people will know you’re honest. Links Listen to Episode 7: Simplify Your Story.Read the Reliable Insights Blog.Listen to Episode 858: The Makeover of Your Weekly Ask. The Official BNI Podcast is sponsored by Misner Audio Programs. Complete Transcript of Episode 979 Priscilla:Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Official BNI Podcast. I’m Priscilla Rice, and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California, and I’m joined on the phone today by the Founder and the Chief Visionary Officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello Ivan, how are you and where are you? Ivan:I am doing great. I’m at my home in Austin, Texas. I think I’m going to go out into the hot tub this afternoon. September is a great time to go on out into the hot tub. Priscilla:Okay, good. And who do you have with us today? Ivan:I have somebody who’s been on BNI podcast before. This is his second time on BNI podcast. He was on episode 858, The Makeover of Your Weekly Ask, and that is Jim Meadows. He’s entering his seventh year as a BNI member in Kansas City, Missouri [USA]. He’s been the Vice President, the Education Coordinator, the Chapter Success Coach. He’s a member of the International Board of Advisors. He’s earned a couple of master’s degrees. His four-decade career includes corporate training, leadership development, and change management. He specializes in credit card payment processing for the chiropractic industry. That’s a niche industry, and I love seeing niche industries in BNI, and his BNI experience has inspired a long-term goal, which is earning a DBA at Pennsylvania State University. DBA, I assume, is a Doctorate in Business Administration, Jim? Jim:Correct. Ivan:Well, welcome back to BNI Podcast. You and Kathy are now happy empty-nesters, I understand, and believe me, I get that totally. So, welcome to BNI Podcast. You’ve got an interesting concept here – A Better Word Than Honesty. So, every new BNI member wants to be a high performer as soon as possible. How is this relevant to them? Jim:Excellent question. Couple of things: when you’re new in BNI, you want to become a high performer as soon as possible, and that means everything you do, you need to evaluate. What do you look like on the power of one? Are you keeping up with all your training? How do you present yourself? What’s your deportment like? And we’re going to focus today on how do you use words. Words are very, very important. I think we’ve all been there, either as a perpetrator or a recipient or both. Someone wants to emphasize a point, create goodwill, sound persuasive, close a sale, and then it happens. You use some form of one of these phrases: “to be honest with you,” “in all honesty,” “if I’m really being honest with you.” Now Ivan, I call these phrases honesty validators. Ivan:Yeah. Jim:Because we believe that by incorporating them into our language, we somehow reinforce the truth of our words. Ivan:Right. Jim:Unfortunately, all of that belies the presence of honesty. Ivan:Yeah, I think we’ve all been guilty of that. I certainly have. Jim:Well, there was a 20th century British philosopher of language by the name of Paul Grice. He founded Gricean pragmatics. One of his key tenets is that language is supposed to be a cooperative activity, and it should also be economical. Don’t use words you don’t need. Any time you use a phrase or a word that technically is not required, it could actually be signaling the opposite of your intentions. In this case, if honesty is your default position, then why would you want to signal my default position is dishonesty? Ivan:Yeah, yeah. I think again, I think almost all of us have done it. I read a book many, I mean, decades, like 40 years ago, called ***On Writing Well, and he uses a term in there about deobfuscating your writing, to not obfuscate it by adding in words like honesty because it just…. or saying things like “honestly this is the way I feel.” Well, you know, you’re right. Do you often lie when you talk about how you feel? I mean, that’s the issue I think you’re bringing up. Yeah? Jim:Absolutely correct. Ivan:So how do you solve this dilemma? Jim:Yeah, how do we solve it? Well, a couple of points here. Naturally, most people hear this and immediately yell, “No, I’m always ...
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    13 min