Today we have our guest Genesis with a year and some change clean. She tells us how giving recovery a try helped her to let go of using, and also gave her awareness to see all the other issues. She identifies some barriers most of us struggle with- procrastination, lack of discipline, and impatience. In our discussion we end up drilling down to the root of these problems such as fear, insecurity, and shame- scripts that affect our thinking based on past experiences. These roots are what we are learning to tackle as they were the same roots that we ended up using over in the past. Although awareness can be painful, Marc points out that when we don’t face it and take positive action, those things will pop up and sideswipe us when we least expect it. On the flip side, we can trust the tools that others in recovery have shared are helpful for them. Some solutions that we’ve found for recovery from substances such as meditation, reaching out to others, and observing our thoughts we also find helpful for all other barriers. As Genesis puts it- I can have hope for solutions to other things because I’ve found a solution to using by hearing others share their own journey.

Tool References: Roots of Use (Toolkit 1), Snow Globe (Toolkit 3), Right Sizing My Space (Toolkit 3)

Theresa, with 45 years clean talks about her recovery journey and taking care of her body, mind, and spirit. She walks us through how she started out- just starting with staying clean, just showing up at the gym, just sitting still for a couple minutes- and how these things evolved over time. She shares her realization of learning the importance of some of these aspects simply by experiencing the consequences of not doing them- the learning curve of life. We talk about the difficulty with some of these big concepts in early recovery and how someone can be struck with awe when trying to comprehend long bouts of recovery when they’re brand new. Theresa puts it this way-sometimes we watch someone who seems to be really good at something and think I could never do that, but it's important to remember that they only got that way from doing it every day. The most important thing is really just to start-not about what it looks like. Remember that the journey has ups and downs but the only way we experience any of it is if we take the first step forward. Showing up is good enough and good enough is the antidote to healing.

Tool References: You Must Be Present to Win (Toolkit 1), Riding the Wave (Toolkit 2), Roadtrip (Toolkit 2)

On today’s episode, our guest Keri gets current about some of the tougher recovery subjects- from doing an honest self-assessment to moving through grief in recovery and mending the wreckage of our past. In our conversation today, we discuss some of the core issues that arise from these experiences and how we’ve navigated them. Through honestly looking at our patterns, we’ve been able to identify the feelings that threaten to endanger our recovery- guilt, shame, grief, resentment, fear...As addicts, we tend to avoid feeling because we want to steer clear of pain but have found that avoidance itself is the problem. We talk about solutions to dealing with feelings so that they no longer rule our lives and how we’ve found freedom by walking through them, together. These tools have helped us make sense of the new life we are creating in recovery and find freedom from the baggage we’ve been carrying.

Tool References: The Double Life, Pressure Cooker, Grieving Your Past, Do You Want to Feel Better or Be Better at Feeling? (All Toolkit Book 1)

Our guest today, Seth, tells us he’s just hit his five-year mark in recovery! He shares about coming to a point that feels a lot like stability and maintenance. But what about what led up to that point? The instability, self-will, and damage? We discuss some tough subjects today such as coping with suicidal thoughts and their relationship to addiction and recovery. We also talk about how tools we have learned that worked for recovery have also worked for our mental health and still apply today. Seth puts it well- the first five years are about gaining these tools then we come to the point where it’s all about keeping them sharp. So how do you do that? We talk about how creating community and working on ourselves remain basics but the details blossom and grow. Life continues to hold challenges for us, even in recovery, but when we share what’s honestly going on and accept help, we’ve found that we stand a chance. With the help of others, we’ve learned how to find the tools we need to continue and given the support we so desperately need when we just can’t do it alone. Tools: Nothing Matters (Toolkit Book 3), Something Matters (Toolkit 3), Vulnerability (Toolkit Book 2), Communication (Toolkit Book 1)

Our guest, Markus, joins us today to talk about insecurity, loss, and goals. As usual we find that our seemingly unrelated topics actually have a lot to do with each other. First, we throw an idea around- insecurity- and how we believe it shapes the ways in which we show up in the world- needing to appear larger than life, or, on the other end of the spectrum- constantly apologizing for existing...In essence, it’s a need to be something that is anything other than the right amount of space that we take up in the world- a general insecurity that who we are isn’t enough. So how did we get that way? We propose the idea that insecurity is built from painful experiences that have created fears in our lives. When we experience pain and loss we develop fears- fear of being abandoned, fear of not being accepted, fear of being seen....in order to deal with these fears we took on these personalities-maybe we became a perfectionist, acted the victim, or strived for perfection...In recovery, we bring many of these skewed personalities with us, and it may even be astonishing that this is not who we really are! Who are we, then? It may help to identify what we’re attracted to in others, such as honesty and kindness. Maybe it’s getting back to who we used to be when we were a child- brave and curious...We discuss what spiritual principles are and how we can use them to find our authentic selves- courage itself is actually a solution to move through fear, honesty helps us to examine our fears, trusting others helps us believe there’s a way out from the fear. We act on these goals, despite how we feel, and we start to bloom into the versions of us that were meant to be. We stop apologizing for who we are, overcompensating for who we’re not, feeling the need to be perfect, or thinking that we require saving...by acting on our values and surrounding ourselves with those who do the same, we become the people we were always meant to be. Welcome to security, serenity, and joy.

Tool References: Right Sizing My Space (Toolkit 3), My Authentic Self (Toolkit 3)

In this episode, we talk about faith and how we’ve utilized it to chart a new course in our lives. If you see the word “faith” and cringe, you’re not alone! Some of us know exactly what that means, and some of us feel lost or angry when the word is thrown at us when we enter recovery. We’ve found that most humans, especially addicts, have trouble letting go of fear to make room for new growth which involves venturing into the unknown. During addiction, the goal was clear- to use, which gave us a pretty clear destination as we charted our chaotic path. In recovery, there’s a lot to figure out and we might have no idea where to go! Maybe we start with some guardrails of things that we feel attracted to such as creativity, honesty, connection, or hope.... We discuss how taking positive action has led us to where we are today, and how making small meaningful changes and receiving guidance helps to light our path even when we can’t see it ourselves. Faith, for us, has been knowing that when we are doing things that align with who we want to be, then the rest will figure itself out over time. If we put our foot forward in a meaningful direction, we stand a chance. Tool References: Connecting the Dots (Toolkit 1), Letting Go of the Outcome (Toolkit 2), One Degree (Toolkit 2)

We are right in the middle of the holidays, and we chat about this with our guest Andrea of 38 years clean in today’s episode. She shares with us which foundational things she has continued to do since the beginning of her recovery such as attending meetings and building a support. She also shares some recent life changes that are in the mix. We discuss how recovery is a continuous process of growth, building on foundational pieces. In fact, many of these same principles have allowed us to get through tough times like holidays: leaning on support, accepting difficult feelings, and getting outside of self through service. One of the greatest gifts that we have found on our journeys is that the basic idea of sitting with others that share a common experience can ground us as we make changes that continue to improve our quality of life. We learn that we have choices today- we no longer have to wait until the box that we put ourselves in gets too close for comfort in order to make positive change.

Tool References: Service (Toolkit 1), Raising the Bar (Toolkit 1) Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone (Toolkit 3)

Our guest today, Gil, is one spiritual gangster! He shares about his difficult experiences of handling the recent death of his best friend due to addiction, preparing to go to prison CLEAN, and rebuilding broken relationships with family. Gil shares about how he’s been working a program while on pretrial for years and now has to take a pause from every wonderful thing that he’s built in his recovery due to consequences of addiction. We discuss how many of us have also been on the other side- powerlessly watching loved ones struggle and sometimes die from their own addictions. Life doesn’t always unfold the way we want, but there is hope; all the hard work of recovery is not for nothing, and there’s nothing more powerful than listening and watching another person in recovery walk through it with gratitude, purpose, and a focus on helping others. Utilizing what’s been taught to us through working a recovery program- seeking out a grateful perspective, using communication skills even when it’s painful or awkward, getting outside of our own heads by being of service to others, having faith in something beyond our own abilities, and staying the course no matter what happens- these things aren’t easy but when we practice them, it can make a world of difference.

Tool References: Loss (Toolkit 3), Editing the Story (Toolkit 3), Transformation (Toolkit 1)