In this continuation of our two-part conversation with Simon Benn, host of the Thriving Adoptees podcast, Donna Pope host of Voices of Adoption, digs deeper into what it actually takes to move toward greater stability and growth.

Building on the rock paper scissors metaphor from Part 1, this episode focuses on practical application. Together, they discuss how adoptive parents can better support their children, why personal work matters, and what tools can help adoptees recognize their inherent worth.

Helping Others Find Wholeness

Simon explains that parents often need to begin by recognizing their own wholeness. Using the example of French ski instructors, he shows that helping others requires both personal depth and the ability to teach. Healing unfolds through many “penny drop moments,” not a single breakthrough.

Storm and Sky

Simon offers another metaphor: trauma is like a storm temporarily covering a blue sky. The storm passes, but the sky remains unchanged. He explores how identifying solely with painful experiences, including trauma bonding, can keep people stuck, while curiosity and openness support movement forward.

Doing the Work

Simon shares practical approaches to healing, including Byron Katie’s belief inquiry process known as “The Work,” somatic experiencing for preverbal trauma, and the importance of finding what works for each individual.

He closes with the meaning behind his podcast’s diamond logo. While some adoptees come to see themselves as trash cans, he emphasizes that every adoptee, birth parent, and adoptive parent is a diamond. Thriving unfolds through patience and continued excavation.

If you have not listened to Part 1, we recommend starting there to hear Simon’s full adoption story and the metaphors that shape this conversation.

Looking for support on your adoption journey? Visit VoicesofAdoption.org for support, resources, and community from every corner of the adoption constellation. Subscribe to the Voices of Adoption show for real stories and resources that help families across the adoption constellation find support and for expert insights on adoption wellness.

In this episode of Voices of Adoption, host Donna Pope interviews Simon Benn, creator and host of Thriving Adoptees, a podcast with over 620 episodes dedicated to helping adoptees heal, grow, and thrive. Simon shares his adoption story, the moment a teddy bear revealed a connection to his birth mother he never knew existed, and the metaphor he developed to challenge one of adoption's most accepted theories.

Understanding the Journey

Simon was adopted from Liverpool in early 1967 and grew up near York, England. At 40, his parents returned a box of childhood items, including a teddy bear he'd had his whole life. What he didn't know: the bear was a gift from his birth mother. That discovery triggered a brief but painful thought that she didn't love him enough to keep him. A counselor helped him see that wasn't true. Years later, reading a letter from his birth mother in his adoption file, Simon felt her love as a full-body experience that changed everything.

Reframing the Wound

Simon's rock-paper-scissors metaphor offers an alternative to Nancy Verrier's Primal Wound theory. Rock represents our true self. Paper represents trauma. Paper wraps rock and wins, until the paper is unfurled to reveal the rock untouched underneath. His message: trauma hides us but never harms who we truly are. Drawing on the work of Richard Schwartz and Peter Levine, Simon believes healing comes through insight, personal growth, and recognizing that our core self remains intact beneath whatever has been layered on top.

This episode offers a hopeful framework for adoptees feeling stuck in narratives of permanent damage while providing perspective on how happiness is always an inside job.

Looking for support on your adoption journey? Visit VoicesofAdoption.org for support, resources, and community from every corner of the adoption constellation. Subscribe to the Voices of Adoption show for real stories and resources that help families across the adoption constellation find support and for expert insights on adoption wellness.

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In this episode of Voices of Adoption, host Donna Pope interviews Tarcia Smith, host of the Adoption Journey podcast and co-founder of Black Adoptees Meetup. Tarcia shares her personal adoption story, her complicated reunions with both biological parents, and why she built a national community for Black adoptees who felt underrepresented in traditional adoption spaces.

Understanding the Journey

Tarcia was adopted as an infant in Chicago during the 1970s through a closed adoption. At 19, she attempted to find her birth family but was told they didn't want contact. Sixteen years later, when Illinois changed its laws, she obtained her original birth certificate and successfully located her biological brother through Facebook. What followed was a series of reunions that taught her the difference between expectations and reality.

Building What Was Missing

In 2024, Tarcia and Dr. Kathy Garland co-founded Black Adoptees Meetup after noticing Black adoptees were consistently underrepresented in adoption spaces. The first gathering brought 25 people to Atlanta. The second brought 30 to Chicago, including one man who flew from the UK. Philadelphia hosts the 2026 event October 2nd through 4th.

This episode offers practical guidance for adoptees navigating reunion while providing perspective on showing grace to birth families and building chosen community.

Looking for support on your adoption journey? Visit VoicesofAdoption.org for support, resources, and community from every corner of the adoption constellation. Subscribe to the Voices of Adoption show for real stories and resources that help families across the adoption constellation find support and for expert insights on adoption wellness.

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In this episode of Voices of Adoption, host Donna Pope interviews Rachel Forbes, a Korean American adoptee and licensed clinical social worker who specializes in trauma-informed therapy. Adopted from South Korea at three months old by white Jewish parents, Rachel's journey through depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts ultimately led her to become a therapist dedicated to helping other adoptees heal.

Love and Loss Coexist

Rachel explains that an adopted child's grief has nothing to do with their adoptive parents' love, and adoptive parents cannot heal that grief for them. She emphasizes that gratitude should not silence grief, and adoptees can hold appreciation for their families while still honoring their loss. Using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, Rachel helps adoptees acknowledge all parts of themselves without judgment.

Finding Your Community

Rachel encourages adoptees to seek adoption-competent therapists and connect with the growing adoptee community online. She reminds listeners that healing doesn't mean triggers disappear, but that we build capacity to bring more self-compassion to those moments each time they arise.

This episode offers guidance for every member of the adoption constellation seeking understanding and support.

Looking for support on your adoption journey? Visit VoicesofAdoption.org for support, resources, and community from every corner of the adoption constellation. Subscribe to the Voices of Adoption show for real stories and resources that help families across the adoption constellation find support and for expert insights on adoption wellness.

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Colton was adopted at three months old into a family where four out of five children were adopted. Growing up black in a white family felt regular until others started pointing out the differences. External expectations about how he should act conflicted with who he actually was, creating years of identity crisis. In this episode of Voices of Adoption, host Donna Pope sits down with Colton Prestwich to explore the adoptee perspective on transracial adoption, identity formation, and maintaining relationships across both adoptive and biological families.

Sports Became His Refuge

Middle school and early high school brought the hardest years. People formed expectations about how Black people should act from television and news media. When Colton didn't fit those stereotypes, it confused them. Sports became his sanctuary. On the football field and track, nobody cared about his skin color. They only cared if he was good. That meritocracy gave him space to figure out who he was without pressure to perform someone else's idea of identity.

The Reunion That Changed Everything

When Colton's adoptive mother did DNA testing to find his biological family, the reunion in Portland felt like something out of a movie. Despite having no pictures, they recognized each other immediately. The connection was genuine and instant. Colton made multiple trips to Colorado to spend time with his birth mother Catherine and extended family. Adding a biological family didn't diminish his adoptive family. It completed something he hadn't fully realized was missing.

Life in Two Families

Today, Colton maintains relationships with both families. His biological mother has joined his adoptive family for Thanksgiving dinner. His adoptive mom supports his connection with the woman who gave birth to him. Colton's message to birth mothers carries no shame, only gratitude. His advice to adoptive parents emphasizes openness from the beginning. To fellow adoptees, he offers realistic hope based on finding wholeness through reunion.

Looking for support on your adoption journey? Visit VoicesofAdoption.org for support, resources, and community from every corner of the adoption constellation. Subscribe to the Voices of Adoption show for real stories and resources that help families across the adoption constellation find support and for expert insights on adoption wellness.

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In this episode of Voices of Adoption, host Donna Pope interviews Dr. Brett Furst, a clinical psychologist and adoptee who specializes in treating adult adoptees struggling with substance abuse and personality disorders. Dr. Furst shares his personal adoption story and the specialized treatment programs he developed after noticing adoptees weren't responding to traditional interventions.

Understanding the Gap

Dr. Furst discovered that adoptees in treatment took longer to recover and responded differently than non-adoptees despite presenting similar issues. His research revealed that adoptees are 1.7 times more likely to struggle with addiction, making up 7 to 15 percent of the treatment population. This insight led him to create the first inpatient programs addressing the intersection of adoption, attachment, and addiction.

Resources for Healing

Dr. Furst emphasizes that adoption creates an attachment break that can absolutely be healed at any stage of life. He recommends directories like Grow Beyond Words and Unraveling Adoption for finding adoption-competent therapists and encourages adoptive parents to address their own attachment patterns alongside their children.

This episode offers practical guidance for families navigating the connection between adoption and addiction while providing hope for lasting recovery.

Looking for support on your adoption journey? Visit VoicesofAdoption.org for support, resources, and community from every corner of the adoption constellation. Subscribe to the Voices of Adoption show for real stories and resources that help families across the adoption constellation find support and for expert insights on adoption wellness.

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In this episode of Voices of Adoption, hosts Donna Pope and Nathan Gwilliam interview Linda Sexton, an adoptive mom who became an open adoption pioneer over 30 years ago when she and her husband were rejected by traditional agencies for being "too old" at 36 and 42.

Building Connection Linda shares how she initially believed open adoption benefited birth parents most, only to discover the real winner is always the child. She reveals the defining moment at her son's birth mother's wedding when 4-year-old Finley ran from the altar into her arms, proving there was room for both mothers in one child's heart. Her children now maintain relationships with biological siblings, with Finley having a full birth brother after his birth parents later married each other.

Practical Wisdom Linda explains why adoptive parents should actively seek connections with birth family members even when birth parents aren't available, emphasizing that children need these relationships for identity development and stability. She addresses common fears about confusion and competition, sharing how mutual respect between families creates magic for everyone involved.

This episode shows how open adoption creates opportunities for children to grow up whole when families approach relationships with flexibility and love.

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“If you loved The Branches We Cherish, a quick review on Amazon or Goodreads makes a huge difference!”

Liz DeBetta always carried a deep intuition that her birth mother loved her and was thinking about her. As a domestic infant adoptee who grew up in a loving family in New Jersey, she discovered at 14 that writing could help her process the big emotions she felt but couldn't name.

Connection

In this episode of the Voices of Adoption with host Donna Pope, Liz shares the beautiful moment she received her birth certificate on her 40th birthday and reached out to her birth mother, who responded saying she had been waiting for this day for 40 years. Her birth mother had even changed back to her maiden name hoping it would make her easier to find.

Creativity

Liz reveals how poetry and creative writing became her pathway to self-discovery, eventually leading to her award-winning solo show "Un-Mothered" and her "Migrating Toward Wholeness" process that helps adoptees and families strengthen their connections through creative expression.

Growth

This conversation offers adoptive families practical tools for keeping adoption conversations open, staying curious about their children's inner world, and creating space where all feelings can coexist alongside love and gratitude.

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