In this episode of Voices of Adoption, host Donna Pope interviews Simon Benn, creator and host of Thriving Adoptees, a podcast with over 620 episodes dedicated to helping adoptees heal, grow, and thrive. Simon shares his adoption story, the moment a teddy bear revealed a connection to his birth mother he never knew existed, and the metaphor he developed to challenge one of adoption's most accepted theories.

Understanding the Journey

Simon was adopted from Liverpool in early 1967 and grew up near York, England. At 40, his parents returned a box of childhood items, including a teddy bear he'd had his whole life. What he didn't know: the bear was a gift from his birth mother. That discovery triggered a brief but painful thought that she didn't love him enough to keep him. A counselor helped him see that wasn't true. Years later, reading a letter from his birth mother in his adoption file, Simon felt her love as a full-body experience that changed everything.

Reframing the Wound

Simon's rock-paper-scissors metaphor offers an alternative to Nancy Verrier's Primal Wound theory. Rock represents our true self. Paper represents trauma. Paper wraps rock and wins, until the paper is unfurled to reveal the rock untouched underneath. His message: trauma hides us but never harms who we truly are. Drawing on the work of Richard Schwartz and Peter Levine, Simon believes healing comes through insight, personal growth, and recognizing that our core self remains intact beneath whatever has been layered on top.

This episode offers a hopeful framework for adoptees feeling stuck in narratives of permanent damage while providing perspective on how happiness is always an inside job.

Looking for support on your adoption journey? Visit VoicesofAdoption.org for support, resources, and community from every corner of the adoption constellation. Subscribe to the Voices of Adoption show for real stories and resources that help families across the adoption constellation find support and for expert insights on adoption wellness.

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In this episode of Voices of Adoption, host Donna Pope interviews Tarcia Smith, host of the Adoption Journey podcast and co-founder of Black Adoptees Meetup. Tarcia shares her personal adoption story, her complicated reunions with both biological parents, and why she built a national community for Black adoptees who felt underrepresented in traditional adoption spaces.

Understanding the Journey

Tarcia was adopted as an infant in Chicago during the 1970s through a closed adoption. At 19, she attempted to find her birth family but was told they didn't want contact. Sixteen years later, when Illinois changed its laws, she obtained her original birth certificate and successfully located her biological brother through Facebook. What followed was a series of reunions that taught her the difference between expectations and reality.

Building What Was Missing

In 2024, Tarcia and Dr. Kathy Garland co-founded Black Adoptees Meetup after noticing Black adoptees were consistently underrepresented in adoption spaces. The first gathering brought 25 people to Atlanta. The second brought 30 to Chicago, including one man who flew from the UK. Philadelphia hosts the 2026 event October 2nd through 4th.

This episode offers practical guidance for adoptees navigating reunion while providing perspective on showing grace to birth families and building chosen community.

Looking for support on your adoption journey? Visit VoicesofAdoption.org for support, resources, and community from every corner of the adoption constellation. Subscribe to the Voices of Adoption show for real stories and resources that help families across the adoption constellation find support and for expert insights on adoption wellness.

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In this episode of Voices of Adoption, host Donna Pope interviews Rachel Forbes, a Korean American adoptee and licensed clinical social worker who specializes in trauma-informed therapy. Adopted from South Korea at three months old by white Jewish parents, Rachel's journey through depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts ultimately led her to become a therapist dedicated to helping other adoptees heal.

Love and Loss Coexist

Rachel explains that an adopted child's grief has nothing to do with their adoptive parents' love, and adoptive parents cannot heal that grief for them. She emphasizes that gratitude should not silence grief, and adoptees can hold appreciation for their families while still honoring their loss. Using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, Rachel helps adoptees acknowledge all parts of themselves without judgment.

Finding Your Community

Rachel encourages adoptees to seek adoption-competent therapists and connect with the growing adoptee community online. She reminds listeners that healing doesn't mean triggers disappear, but that we build capacity to bring more self-compassion to those moments each time they arise.

This episode offers guidance for every member of the adoption constellation seeking understanding and support.

Looking for support on your adoption journey? Visit VoicesofAdoption.org for support, resources, and community from every corner of the adoption constellation. Subscribe to the Voices of Adoption show for real stories and resources that help families across the adoption constellation find support and for expert insights on adoption wellness.

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