In this episode of Voices of Adoption, host Donna Pope interviews Simon Benn, creator and host of Thriving Adoptees, a podcast with over 620 episodes dedicated to helping adoptees heal, grow, and thrive. Simon shares his adoption story, the moment a teddy bear revealed a connection to his birth mother he never knew existed, and the metaphor he developed to challenge one of adoption's most accepted theories.

Understanding the Journey

Simon was adopted from Liverpool in early 1967 and grew up near York, England. At 40, his parents returned a box of childhood items, including a teddy bear he'd had his whole life. What he didn't know: the bear was a gift from his birth mother. That discovery triggered a brief but painful thought that she didn't love him enough to keep him. A counselor helped him see that wasn't true. Years later, reading a letter from his birth mother in his adoption file, Simon felt her love as a full-body experience that changed everything.

Reframing the Wound

Simon's rock-paper-scissors metaphor offers an alternative to Nancy Verrier's Primal Wound theory. Rock represents our true self. Paper represents trauma. Paper wraps rock and wins, until the paper is unfurled to reveal the rock untouched underneath. His message: trauma hides us but never harms who we truly are. Drawing on the work of Richard Schwartz and Peter Levine, Simon believes healing comes through insight, personal growth, and recognizing that our core self remains intact beneath whatever has been layered on top.

This episode offers a hopeful framework for adoptees feeling stuck in narratives of permanent damage while providing perspective on how happiness is always an inside job.

Looking for support on your adoption journey? Visit VoicesofAdoption.org for support, resources, and community from every corner of the adoption constellation. Subscribe to the Voices of Adoption show for real stories and resources that help families across the adoption constellation find support and for expert insights on adoption wellness.

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