Most families start looking for a caregiver after a fall or a hospital stay, when every decision is rushed. Lindsay explains what to do before that point, with real numbers on what in-home care costs and the questions to ask before anyone walks through your door.

Frank sits in the interview chair and asks what families want to know. Is a license more important than experience? When does helping with a pill count as medical care? Can you handle the medical side yourself to save money? Lindsay also tells the story of a 101-year-old client with Alzheimer's whose daughters, both in their late 70s, were providing care around the clock, and why a few hours of outside help each day changes things for everyone in the house.

Timestamps and Topics

• 00:00 Intro and Don't Wait for a Crisis
• 01:06 What a Good Caregiver Costs
• 02:22 Resumes, References, and Interview Questions
• 03:57 Where Non-Medical Care Ends and Who Holds the Liability
• 06:26 You Don't Have to Do It All Yourself
• 09:03 The Family Talk About Money and Time
• 10:52 Paying and Scheduling Caregivers Fairly
• 13:28 Why Dementia Care Needs the Same Faces

Key Takeaways

• Bring in help when you first notice mobility problems. Waiting for a fall often means a hospital stay, then rehab in assisted living.
• Hire for skill, not the lowest rate. Lindsay puts the going rate in San Diego at $25 to $30 an hour, and a $15 to $18 listing rarely comes with dementia or transfer experience.
• Ask for a resume and professional references from past employers or families, not friends. Ask about punctuality, call-outs, driving record, and experience with your loved one's specific condition.
• Non-medical caregivers can't handle medication or wounds. Crushing a pill into applesauce already counts as medical, and if you direct a caregiver to do it, you hold the liability.
• Decide with your siblings who pays and who gives time before anything happens. Then take regular breaks so you don't come back to your parent resentful.
• Pay caregivers well and rotate weekends between at least two people. Short shifts of about four hours should pay $40 to $50 an hour so the caregiver stays, which matters most for someone with Alzheimer's or dementia.

Quotes

• "Don't wait for the crisis. Why are you going to wait till they fall and break a hip?" (Lindsay)
• "The cheapest caregiver is not always the best caregiver." (Lindsay)
• "You need to be the advocate and the adult here." (Lindsay)
• "That break is actually helping the parent. And it's okay. Don't feel guilty." (Frank)
• "Caregivers live paycheck to paycheck. Pay them well. They're taking care of your loved one." (Lindsay)

Call to Action

New episodes of Unfilter Caregiver come out every two weeks on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Subscribe so you catch the next one, and leave a review to help other families find the show. If you have a sibling who keeps putting off the care conversation, send them this episode.

Links and Resources

Find care options and more from Lindsay at findinghomecare.net.

Listener Questions

Is there a caregiving situation we haven't covered yet? Send your questions, reactions, and topic ideas through findinghomecare.net, and we may build a future episode around them.

Apple Podcast Tags

hiring a caregiver, in-home care, home health care, caregiver cost, elder care, aging parents, Alzheimer's care, dementia care, sundowning, family caregiver, caregiver burnout, respite care, senior care, caregiver interview questions, Unfilter Caregiver

If you ended up on a ventilator tomorrow, would your family know what you want? Connie, a social worker with about 20 years in healthcare, including home health and hospice, says that conversation should start at 18, and she had it with each of her own kids. She explains what an advance healthcare directive does and who California puts in charge when you don't have one. She also covers how hard it gets when a patient has no reachable family at all.

Lindsay shares the accident that left her father intubated in a coma and the decision she and her brother made three days later, based on what he had told them he wanted. From there the two get into siblings who aren't speaking, parents with dementia who still insist on independence, and families in hospice who can't accept what's happening. Connie closes with the POLST form and how to update a directive you signed decades ago.

00:00 Intro and Meet Connie
01:10 What an Advance Healthcare Directive Is and Why to Start at 18
02:51 Lindsay's Father and the Decision to Honor His Wishes
04:39 Who Decides for You in California Without a Directive
06:42 Family Conflict, the Holidays, and Getting on the Same Page
09:41 Dementia, Independence, and Stepping In as the Advocate
13:14 POLST and Do Not Resuscitate Forms, Plus Updating an Old Directive
15:38 Final Thoughts

• An advance healthcare directive is for every adult. Connie points to car accidents that leave young adults on machines with no record of what they wanted.
• In California, if there is no directive, the decision goes to your spouse first and then to your adult children. For people with no family nearby, tracking down relatives can stall care. Connie describes patients from England whose families had to be reached overseas.
• A directive on paper keeps medical decisions out of family arguments. Connie describes siblings who weren't speaking and were fighting over the house, while their mother's care was already settled by a directive she had signed three years earlier.
• The holidays put the whole family in one room, which makes them a practical time to agree on a loved one's care.
• When a parent has dementia, repeating "I want independence" doesn't mean they can still make safe decisions. Someone in the family has to become the advocate.
• A directive can be changed at any time. Connie compares it to life insurance: have something in place now and revise it as your life changes.

"You gotta tell people your wishes." (Connie)

"We're not here forever and we have to at least have something in place." (Connie)

"Death is scary, but it's also a part of life." (Lindsay)

"Mom, it's our turn. It's our turn to take care of you." (Connie)

"It's like life insurance. At least you have something in place." (Connie)

If this episode got you thinking about your own paperwork, follow Unfilter Caregiver so you don't miss the next one. A rating and review helps other caregivers find the show. Share this episode on social media, or send it to the sibling or parent you need to have this conversation with.

findinghomecare.net

Have a question about advance directives, a reaction to this episode, or a topic you want covered? Send it in through findinghomecare.net and it may come up in a future episode.

Timestamps and TopicsKey TakeawaysQuotesCall to ActionLinks and ResourcesListener Questions

Mourning Someone Who Is Still Alive

My mom was diagnosed at 52 and given eight months, so we knew by August she would be gone, and I spent every one of those days grieving her while she was still sitting across from me. She wrote me a journal before she died, and in it she told me I ruined some of her last holidays.

This one is personal. I talk about the eight months between my mom's diagnosis in November and the August we were all counting toward, the baby blankets she made for grandchildren she would never meet, and the journals she left for each of us. I read what she wrote to me about the holidays I made miserable, and I have carried that ever since. I also compare it to losing my dad, which happened in a matter of days, and why watching someone disappear slowly was harder for me than the loss that came without warning. My co-host comes at it from the caregiver side, the client she had for a year who cycled on and off hospice, the photos and silly videos she still cherishes, and the families she has walked alongside who all cope in completely different ways. Some children want to be there constantly. Some need distance. Neither is wrong. We get into what it means that caregivers are often the ones present for the last month, picking out the outfit, hearing the music someone wants at their own funeral. I tell the story of my first client, six years with that family, and the tombstone they asked me to choose three weeks in. If you are grieving someone who is still here, this episode exists because we know that is real and we know it is hard.

CHAPTERS

0:00 What mourning someone who is still alive means

0:30 My mom's diagnosis at 52 and an eight month countdown

1:14 The journals, the baby blankets, and what she wrote to me

1:55 It is not only terminal diagnoses that start this

2:45 Losing my dad overnight versus watching my mom decline

3:37 How caregivers support a family through that stretch

4:05 A year with one client and the hospice cycle

5:02 There is no right or wrong way to cope

6:41 Six years with one family and picking out the tombstone

7:23 Why we wanted to put words to this

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Grieving someone before they die is common and it does not mean you love them less or gave up on them.

A timeline turns ordinary holidays into last holidays, and that pressure changes how people show up at the table.

This is not limited to terminal diagnoses. A dementia diagnosis or a progressive illness can start the same process.

Coping looks different in every family. Some people hold it in, some let it out, some need distance, and none of that is a failure.

Caregivers are often present for the final stretch, handling comfort, last wishes, and details families are too depleted to face.

Take the pictures and the silly videos while you can. They become what you keep.

QUOTES

"I was watching my mom disappear for eight months." - Lindsay

"Everybody has their own way of coping." - Lindsay

"We know that you have to go through all of these last holidays and events." - Lindsay

"There is no right and wrong." - Caro

"As caregivers, we're usually the ones who are there." - Caro

If this episode put words to something you are carrying, share it with someone who is in it right now. We are here to educate, have some fun, and answer the questions about the senior arena that are hard to ask anywhere else. #AnticipatoryGrief

Website: findinghomecare.net

Company: Finding Home Care LLC

Listen: Spotify and Apple Podcasts

LISTENER QUESTIONS

Have you found yourself grieving someone who is still here, and what helped you carry it?

If you are a caregiver, what is the moment with a client you still think about? 1

What To Do When The Hospital Wants To Discharge You Too Soon

A client of mine had hip surgery at 7 a.m., a blood transfusion that afternoon, and by 9 p.m. the hospital was telling us there was no bed for her and she needed to move to a facility. She only stayed because she had three advocates in her corner, and this episode is about what those advocates actually do.

Frank asks me how the discharge process really works, and I walk through it start to finish: the social worker conversation after surgery, how your insurance narrows which rehab facilities you can even choose from, and what happens when nobody in the room is asking questions on your behalf. I talk about a woman who called me the day before her surgery because the hospital had just told her she could not have the procedure unless someone was going home with her, with no warning and no plan. I get into picking a facility, why a five star rating can turn into a three star experience once you see the room, and how I got a client moved to a better roommate situation by going straight to the facility social worker. And I share the time we fought to keep a client in the ICU for eight days because her heart condition mattered more than the hip she came in for. Some of this you can prepare for. Some of it happens in a second at the beach with a broken foot and an ambulance ride. Either way, the people who do best are the ones who walk in with their questions written down.

CHAPTERS

0:00 Welcome and the question about early discharge

0:27 Hip surgery, a blood transfusion, and a 9 p.m. discharge push

1:32 How the discharge process actually works

2:21 A client calls the day before her surgery with no plan

3:21 What makes someone a good advocate

4:07 Choosing a rehab facility and what star ratings hide

5:04 The roommate problem and how we fixed it

8:35 Three questions to ask before you are discharged

10:07 Eight days in the ICU and why we pushed for it

12:45 Write your questions down and send yours in

KEY TAKEAWAYS

After surgery you will talk to a social worker and a discharge planner. Their job includes freeing that bed, so know that going in.

If you have a caregiver, family member, or agency to go home with, home is usually an option. If not, your insurance decides which rehab facilities are on your list.

An advocate does not need medical training. They need to be willing to ask the doctor and the nurse direct questions while you are still groggy.

Ask how many days you are expected to stay, when you are being discharged, and what has to happen before you can go home or to rehab.

A high star rating does not guarantee a private room or a quiet one. Once you are in the building, the facility social worker is who you talk to about changing it.

You can advocate to stay longer when a second condition is the real concern, but it depends on the discharge planner and how full the hospital is that week.

QUOTES

"How could she have surgery on her hip, a blood transfusion, and you want to move her from the hospital to a facility?" - Lindsay

"When you're in a hospital and being discharged, it can go awry within five seconds." - Lindsay

"I think they need to know how to ask the right questions." - Lindsay

"How many days do you think I will be here? Because that's going to give the person your advocate time to find care for you." - Lindsay

"Don't let them just tell you where you're leaving." - Lindsay

If this one gave you language for your next hospital conversation, send it to someone with a surgery on the calendar. Questions about home health care, hospital stays, discharge, or hospice go straight into the show. #HospitalDischarge

Website: findinghomecare.net

Company: Finding Home Care LLC, over 151 five star reviews

Listen: Spotify and Apple, new episodes every two weeks

LISTENER QUESTIONS

What is the one question you wish you had asked before you or a family member left the hospital?

If you live alone, who is on your list to call the day before a scheduled surgery?

At 25 years old, Lindsay walked into her family's Del Mar home expecting a normal Friday night dinner and instead learned her mother had pancreatic cancer and a year to live. In this deeply personal episode of Unfilter Caregiver, Lindsay steps away from client stories to share her own.

She recounts the night the news landed, the connection between her family's Ashkenazi Jewish heritage and the BRCA gene, and the remarkable ways her mother prepared the family for what was coming, from handmade baby blankets to journals written during her final months. Lindsay is honest about the guilt, the "lasts," and the strain on her family, and she closes with hard-won advice for anyone facing a loved one's terminal diagnosis: reach out, find support, and know you can get through it.

• 00:00 Intro: why this week's episode is personal
• 00:31 The Friday night the family got the news
• 02:20 Hearing the diagnosis: pancreatic cancer and a year to live
• 02:57 Ashkenazi Jewish heritage and the BRCA gene
• 04:28 The final year: how Lindsay's mom prepared her family
• 06:02 Grief, guilt, and the weight of every "last" holiday
• 07:08 Why Lindsay is sharing her story now
• 08:14 Advice for families facing a terminal diagnosis

• A devastating diagnosis can come out of nowhere, even for someone who seems perfectly healthy — Lindsay's mom was a vegetarian who ran five miles every morning.
• Ashkenazi Jewish families carry a higher risk of the BRCA gene, which is linked to breast, colon, and pancreatic cancers. Genetic testing exists today that wasn't available 28 years ago, and testing is a personal choice either way.
• Preparing loved ones matters. Lindsay's mother made baby blankets for future grandchildren and kept journals of her thoughts during her final year, gifts her family still holds onto.
• Grief can make you hard to be around, and that's human. Lindsay is candid that her own anticipatory grief made her mom's final holidays harder, a regret she shares so others can recognize it in themselves.
• Friends who go quiet after a diagnosis usually aren't uncaring — they just don't know what to say. Don't hold it against them.
• Support exists: bereavement groups, counseling, churches, and temples. Lindsay's own father found healing (and eventually a new partner) through a bereavement group.

• "It was like somebody hit me with 500 bricks in my face."
• "My mom prepared us for when she was going to die. She made baby blankets for my brother and me. She wrote us journals about every thought process while she was dying."
• "My mom was robbed of a life. My family was robbed of a life."
• "It's not that they don't love you or care. They just don't know how to deal with the situation when someone's sick."
• "I've been through some really hard times and I've conquered. And I want to tell you that you can conquer too."

If this episode resonated with you, follow Unfilter Caregiver on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, leave a review, and share it with someone walking through a diagnosis or loss of their own. Your review helps other caregivers and families find the show.

• FindingHomeCare.net — Lindsay's concierge caregiver recruitment company, based in San Diego and serving families nationwide (144+ five-star reviews on Google)

Have a question, a reaction, or a topic you'd like Lindsay to cover on a future episode? Send it in — your story might help someone else going through the same thing.

Bringing a parent or grandparent into your home is a decision millions of families face, often with almost no warning. This episode flips the format as editor Frank steps in front of the mic to interview Lindsay and Carl about what that choice really looks like, from the eye opening cost gap between in-home care and a facility bed to the practical work of keeping someone safe under your own roof.

Lindsay breaks down the four levels of dementia and how a doctor helps pinpoint the care a loved one actually needs, while Carl covers home safety, preserving dignity, and giving seniors real say in their own space. They also dig into caregiver reprieve and why looking after yourself is not optional, the three questions every family should ask before hiring, and how to know when a caregiver simply is not the right fit. Lindsay closes with advice for the listener sitting in a hospital parking lot who just got news that changes everything.

Timestamps and Topics

• 00:00:00 Intro: Bringing a Parent or Grandparent Into Your Home
• 00:00:56 In-Home Care vs. a Facility: The Real Cost Difference
• 00:02:21 Assessing the Level of Care: Dementia Levels Explained
• 00:05:47 Making Your Home Safe While Protecting Their Dignity
• 00:08:05 Reprieve: Why Caregivers Have to Care for Themselves
• 00:10:42 Three Questions to Ask When Hiring a Caregiver
• 00:12:16 When It Is Time to Find a New Caregiver
• 00:16:07 Final Advice for the Hospital Parking Lot

Key Takeaways

• In-home care often costs far less than a facility, where a memory care bed can run from 5,000 to 20,000 dollars a month, and even premium five star rooms are frequently shared.
• A neurologist can help place a loved one on the dementia scale from level one through four, which turns vague worry into a clear plan for the level of care needed.
• Small home changes make a big difference: grab bars in the bathroom, a shower chair, non-slip rugs, covered corners, and rearranged furniture for walkers and wheelchairs.
• Give seniors options and a voice in decisions. Feeling in control protects their dignity and lowers the frustration that comes with losing independence.
• Reprieve is essential. A family caregiver juggling a full time job needs at least an hour a day for themselves, because you cannot pour from an empty cup.
• Before hiring, ask three things: do they have the skill set for the specific ailment, do they have a clean Department of Justice background check, and do they have professional references you can actually call.

Quotes

"Take a deep breath. It's going to be okay." Lindsay

"I don't want to just send a warm body. I want someone who understands the situation." Lindsay

"You don't want to forget that you're still their loved one, not just the caregiver." Lindsay

"Always give them options, so they feel like they're in control." Carl

"If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of somebody else." Lindsay

"Give a caregiver a week or two. They're walking into an environment they don't know either." Lindsay

Call to Action

If this episode gave you something to hold onto, subscribe so you never miss a new one. Leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify to help other families find the show, and share it with someone who is facing this decision right now. Tag us when you post using #GeekFreaksPodcast.

Links and Resources

Unfilter Caregiver is hosted by Lindsay of Finding Home Care. Learn more, read family reviews, and find care for your loved one at https://findinghomecare.net/

Follow Us

https://findinghomecare.net/

Listener Questions

Caring for an aging parent, or working as a caregiver yourself? We want to hear from you. Send in your questions, your own stories, or topics you would like Frank, Lindsay, and Carl to tackle in a future episode. Your reactions help shape where the show goes next.

Knowing when an aging parent can no longer safely live alone is one of the hardest calls a family ever has to make. On this episode of Unfilter Caregiver, Lindsay and Carl walk through ten warning signs that it may be time for help, from frequent falls and skipped medications to poor hygiene, wandering, weight loss, unpaid bills, and growing isolation.

Drawing on years in home care, the hosts share real stories from the field, including a neighbor found wandering nearly a mile from home and a client who hid a broken hip from her out of state family. They get honest about why so many seniors resist support, how to start the difficult conversation before a crisis hits, and what good care actually looks like day to day. Lindsay also explains how her company, Finding Home Care, approaches matching the right caregiver to each family's specific needs.

Timestamps and Topics

• 00:00:00 Intro: Ten Signs a Loved One May Not Be Safe Living Alone
• 00:00:58 Falls and Hygiene: The Warning Signs That Matter Most
• 00:02:24 Real Stories From the Field: Wandering and Hidden Injuries
• 00:03:32 Starting the Hard Conversation About Care
• 00:04:07 When Independence Turns Risky: The Walker Story
• 00:06:03 Nutrition, Lost Licenses, and Isolation
• 00:08:59 Inside Finding Home Care and Closing Thoughts

Key Takeaways

• Falls are one of the most serious red flags. After a fall, many seniors experience a steep and sometimes irreversible health decline.
• Poor hygiene is a major signal of cognitive change. A dry shower, untouched soap, and refusal to bathe often point toward dementia or Alzheimer's.
• Resistance to help is usually about protecting independence, and sometimes the person genuinely cannot recognize that they need support.
• Losing a driver's license affects everything, including groceries, medication pickups, and getting to doctor appointments.
• Isolation and a shrinking social circle can be as damaging as any physical decline, which makes companionship as important as meals and mobility.
• The smart move is to start the conversation early and begin with part time care, then scale up as needs grow.

Quotes

"After falls, a lot of times a client's health declines, and it ends up in death." Carl

"A lot of times, the person who needs help can't identify that they need help." Lindsay

"That one time she decides not to use the walker is going to be the next time she falls and breaks something." Lindsay

"Nobody wants to admit they need help. Nobody wants to accept that they're getting old." Carl

"Who wants to go to work miserable? I want a caregiver to leave with joy in their heart." Lindsay

Call to Action

If this episode helped you spot something in your own family, do us a favor and subscribe so you never miss a new one. Leave a quick review to help other caregivers and families find the show, and share it with someone who is navigating these decisions right now. Tag us when you post using #GeekFreaksPodcast.

Links and Resources

Unfilter Caregiver is hosted by Lindsay of Finding Home Care. Learn more, read reviews, and find care for your loved one at https://findinghomecare.net/

Follow Us

https://findinghomecare.net/

Listener Questions

Caring for an aging parent or working as a caregiver yourself? We want to hear from you. Send in your questions, your own stories, or topics you would like Lindsay and Carl to cover in a future episode. Your reactions help shape where the show goes next.

Private caregivers can earn far more and set their own hours, but the trade-off is real: no guaranteed work, no benefits, and the constant question of where the next client is coming from. This episode breaks down the honest pros and cons of going private versus working for an agency or facility, with two caregivers who have lived both sides of it.

Host Lindsay of Finding Home Care and caregiver Caro talk through why private pay wins on wages and flexibility, why agencies still offer the security and training new caregivers need, and where the money actually goes when a family pays $50 an hour. Lindsay also shares the six-year Parkinson's case that shaped how she sees the work, plus practical advice for anyone wondering how to break into caregiving without getting in over their head.

00:00 Intro: Private Pay vs Agency Work00:53 The Security Trade-Off of Going Private02:48 Pros and Cons, Side by Side03:21 Advice for New Caregivers04:29 Caro's Path from Agency to Private Care05:35 Lindsay's Six-Year Parkinson's Journey06:31 Getting Started: Care.com, CNAs, and Wages08:11 Wrap-Up and Finding Home Care

• Private care pays more and gives caregivers control over their own schedule, but comes with no guaranteed hours, no PTO or benefits, and the stress of always lining up the next client.
• Agencies handle payroll, taxes, training, and backup coverage, which is why many caregivers value the security, but the overhead means a big cut. A family might pay $50 an hour while the caregiver takes home $16 on a W2.
• New caregivers are better off starting as a companion or inside a facility, where the hands-on training is built in, before taking on complex private clients.
• A CNA license mainly matters if you plan to pursue LVN or RN. Skilled caregivers can earn wages comparable to a CNA based on knowledge and skill alone.
• Finding Home Care advocates for caregiver wages of $25 to $30 an hour and focuses on consistent, long-term placements between caregivers and families.
• Client needs evolve over time. Lindsay's longest case started as light companion care and shifted over six years into full non-mobile dementia care.

• "Honestly, I prefer private. The pay is so much better. I get to be in charge of my schedule, especially as a mother." — Caro
• "If someone's going to come into that caregiving realm, I would say be a companion first, or go into a facility, because you're going to have training right there." — Lindsay
• "Taking a risk on being private means you need to be a hustler." — Lindsay
• "You can be an incredible caregiver and get paid just as much as a CNA for your knowledge and skill set." — Lindsay
• "Every client is new experiences, every family. It's just been years of experience." — Caro

If this episode helped, follow Unfilter Caregiver so you never miss a new one, leave a rating and review, and share it with a caregiver or family who needs to hear it.

Have a question about going private, choosing an agency, or breaking into caregiving? Send us your questions, reactions, and future topic ideas. We want to hear what you're dealing with and what you want covered next.

caregiving, private caregiver, home health care, caregiver pay, in home care, senior care, CNA, agency vs private pay, caregiver advice, becoming a caregiver, elder care, Parkinsons care, dementia care, companion care, caregiver wages, home care jobs, caregiver tips, Finding Home Care, Unfilter Caregiver

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