Episode Summary

In this powerful conversation, host KL Wells sits down with Paul Simard, a death doula, TED Talk speaker, and men’s wellness coach, to explore how our relationship with grief, loss, and mortality shapes the way we love. Drawing from his personal journey through crisis and transformation, Paul shares how facing life’s hardest realities can open the door to deeper compassion, connection, and meaning.

Together, KL and Paul discuss how loving someone in addiction often brings families into an ongoing experience of grief, uncertainty, and emotional complexity. This episode offers a thoughtful reframing of grief as an extension of love, explores the role of shame and isolation, and invites listeners to consider new ways of holding both loss and hope at the same time.

Key Discussion Points

1. Paul’s personal journey and how life challenges led him into service work
2. Reframing death as a natural and meaningful part of life’s cycle
3. Understanding grief as an expression of ongoing love
4. How loving someone in addiction can mirror the emotional experience of grief
5. The difference between shame and guilt, and how shame fuels isolation
6. Why connection and community are essential for healing
7. Rethinking sovereignty as interdependence rather than independence
8. The emotional impact of the language we use around death and loss
9. Cultural perspectives on honoring life and death
10. How personal stories and beliefs shape our experience of suffering

Some Questions I Ask

1. How did your personal experiences lead you into this work?
2. What does it mean to show up as a father, partner, and man today?
3. How can we develop a healthier relationship with death and loss?
4. How do we love someone whose addiction creates constant uncertainty?
5. Where do our stories about shame come from, and how do they affect us?
6. How do we know if the beliefs we’re holding are helping or hurting us?
7. What might be possible if we questioned the narratives we’ve inherited?
8. How can we hold both grief and gratitude at the same time?

In This Episode, You Will Learn

1. How reframing grief and loss can shift your emotional experience
2. Why grief is often a continuation of love rather than the end of connection
3. The role of community and connection in...

In this episode, podcast producer Steve Cary joins host KL Wells for an honest and reflective conversation about what it means to thrive while loving someone in active addiction. KL shares lessons from her 20-year journey with her son Sam, including his nearly three years of sustained recovery. Together, they explore the perspective that shaped KL’s healing path: the belief that life is happening for you, not to you.

KL discusses how loving with boundaries helped her reclaim her own agency and emotional stability. She reflects on why feeling like nothing is working often signals that families are trying to manage addiction itself rather than focusing on outcomes that support their own well-being. This conversation offers grounded insight into fear, uncertainty, relapse, and the personal growth that can happen alongside a loved one’s recovery journey.

1. Reframing hardship through the perspective that life is happening for you, not to you
2. The difference between loving with boundaries and rescuing or enabling
3. Brain science and addiction survival wiring and how it shapes behavior
4. Why feeling like nothing is working may signal you are trying to control addiction rather than your own healing
5. Setting clear personal boundaries, including removing financial or rescue-based support
6. Self-care as a survival skill, including emotional processing, tapping, movement, and time in nature
7. Managing fear and internal stories during periods of silence in recovery
8. Viewing relapse as part of a longer learning process rather than a single failure
9. Shifting from focusing on a loved one’s outcomes to identifying your own

1. Where were you in your journey when you were able to respond with boundaries instead of rescuing?
2. For listeners who feel nothing is working, how can they begin to see a path forward?
3. Was there something different about your son’s most recent turn toward recovery?
4. What are a few early steps for someone who feels overwhelmed, stuck, or afraid?

1. Why the feeling that nothing is working can signal you are focused on the wrong battle
2. How loving boundaries can support both compassion and self-protection
3. How shifting focus toward your own outcomes can create emotional stability
4. Early support steps that many families find helpful, including peer support and learning from others’ experiences
5. Why addiction can disrupt survival priorities in the brain and create unpredictable behavior

Episode Summary

In Part 2 of this compassionate conversation, host KL Wells continues her dialogue with Denise Frenette on what it truly means to heal while loving someone with addiction. Together, they explore how forgiveness, boundaries, and emotional honesty can exist without minimizing harm or excusing destructive behavior.

Denise reflects on her own journey of reconciling love for her father with the reality of his addiction. She shares how releasing judgment, challenging secrecy, and choosing understanding over blame can help interrupt generational patterns of shame and inherited trauma. This episode centers the healing of the loved one, not as abandonment, but as a necessary step toward truth, freedom, and peace.

Key Discussion Points

1. Holding love and truth at the same time when addiction has caused real harm
2. What forgiveness is and what it is not
3. Moving through anger, sadness, and grief without getting stuck in them
4. Reframing harm through the lens of “nothing is personal”
5. Choosing moments of joy while a loved one continues to struggle
6. Why boundaries are essential to healing, including stepping back when needed
7. How secrecy and silence reinforce shame across generations
8. Telling the whole truth as a form of honoring, not betrayal

Some Questions I Ask

1. How can I love my father and still say, “This was wrong”?
2. What does forgiveness really mean, and what are the most common misconceptions about it?
3. How do we stop taking addictive behavior personally?
4. Is it possible to experience joy while someone we love is suffering?
5. When are boundaries necessary for healing, even if they feel painful?
6. How do we move from anger to understanding without excusing harm?
7. Why does humanizing the person who hurt us help set us free?
8. How do we hold the full truth of our family story without rewriting it?

In This Episode, You Will Learn

1. Why healing yourself is not abandonment, but responsibility
2. How forgiveness can free you without minimizing harm
3. Why emotions are a pathway rather than a destination
4. How boundaries support compassion rather than weaken it
5. Ways to challenge inherited shame without rewriting history
6. How honesty can...

In this powerful episode, host KL Wells sits down with Denise Frenette, a Canadian spiritual synergist, life coach, and author of the newly released book, More. Denise opens up about the birthing process of her book and the profound realization that she could not teach others about manifestation and habit-breaking without first confronting her own origin story.

Denise shares the raw reality of growing up with a father who was a functioning alcoholic, a gambler, and at times violent, all while maintaining the perfect family image in their community. Through the lens of her father’s passing and the subsequent discovery of the financial devastation he left behind, Denise discusses the difficult journey of moving from intellectual understanding to deep heart work. This conversation explores how to acknowledge the trauma of the past with grace, the duality of loving an addict while hating their actions, and why personal healing is the essential portal to breaking generational cycles of shame.

1. The Acknowledge Phase: Why Denise had to move past denial to respectfully acknowledge what was wrong in her childhood before she could truly heal.
2. The Facade of Perfection: Growing up in a church-going, perfect family and the immense shame associated with any behavior that threatened that public image.
3. The Duality of Love and Pain: Navigating the conundrum of how to acknowledge a parent's harmful behavior without losing the ability to love them.
4. The Breaking Point: How her father’s death and the discovery of his hidden gambling debts acted as the drop in the bucket that forced Denise to step into her authentic self.
5. Fear as an Acronym: Exploring the concept of F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) and how it keeps us from transparency.
6. The Evolution of Healing: Understanding that healing is not a one-and-done event but an ongoing discovery process.

1. How can I acknowledge what is going on and still love them at the same time?
2. Was that curiosity about your dad's upbringing born in that experience?
3. Do you think the curiosity and the willingness to step into discovery is the first step in breaking generational cycles?
4. What was the portal or the moment that cracked you wide open to explore the gifts and lessons embedded in this experience?

1. Why intellectualizing your trauma is not the same as healing your heart.
2. The importance of viewing the boy behind the man to understand the roots of addiction and behavior.
3. How to transition from anger to sadness and finally to curiosity and discovery.
4. Why anger is...

In this deeply moving and honest episode, host KL Wells is joined by Jim Horton, a father who tragically lost his 19-year-old son, Zach, to an opiate addiction. Recorded during the holiday season, a particularly challenging time for many, this conversation offers a raw and authentic look at the rollercoaster ride of grief. Jim shares his personal story, from the initial shock and all-consuming pain to his journey of healing and finding new purpose. He and KL explore the paralyzing stigma of addiction, the complexities of the recovery landscape, and the critical need for community for both those struggling with addiction and the families who love them.

This episode is a powerful testament to the long, non-linear path of grief and a beacon of hope for anyone feeling lost in the darkness of loss.

• The profound impact of stigma and how it prevents families from seeking and receiving help.
• Understanding that the recovery landscape is wide and looks different for teenagers versus adults.
• The family's parallel journey of recovery and the importance of their own healing.
• Navigating the intense, unpredictable emotions of grief, especially during the holidays.
• The distinction between sobriety as simple abstinence and recovery as an active, ongoing journey toward a better life.
• Finding purpose and a path forward through service and contribution after a devastating loss.
• The power of community and why no one should have to walk this path alone.

• How can we shift our perspective to see relapse not as a total failure, but as part of a longer recovery journey?
• What are the first steps a parent can take when they feel paralyzed by their child's addiction?
• How do we navigate the shoulds and self-blame that often accompany loving someone with an addiction?
• For those deep in grief, what does the path toward finding moments of peace or even joy look like?

• Why treating addiction as a disease, not a moral failing, is crucial for both the individual and their family.
• The importance of exploring city and county resources for addiction and recovery support, which are often overlooked.
• That grief is not a linear process; it is a rollercoaster with ups and downs, and it is okay to not be okay.
• Practical strategies to interrupt negative thought patterns and head trash when you feel yourself spiraling.
• That your own recovery journey as a loved one is just as important as the person's journey with addiction.
• There is hope for finding light and purpose again, even after the most profound loss.

Links and Resources:

The Zachary Horton Foundation

Learn more about Jim’s work to end the stigma of addiction, spread awareness, and support individuals and families in his community.

🌐 https://zacharyhortonfoundation.org/ zacharyhortonfoundation.org

Thrive While Loving an Addict (Podcast & Community)

Listen to the Thrive While Loving an Addict podcast by KL Wells and find community support for parents and loved ones of those struggling with addiction.

📍 https://voicesincourage.com/podcast

County Mental Health and Addiction Services

As mentioned in the episode, a critical and often underutilized resource. To find support near you, search for:

🔎 "[Your County] mental...

In this episode, host KL Wells welcomes Pamela Tosh, an energy healer and yoga teacher joining us from Cape Town, South Africa. Pamela shares her incredible story of resilience and transformation, from a childhood marked by emotional abuse and early struggles with addiction to a profound spiritual awakening in the Himalayas. She recounts how her journey to India for yoga teacher training became the turning point that allowed her to release stored trauma, break the cycle of addiction, and find her true purpose.

Join us for a powerful conversation about the limitations of conventional rehab, the healing power of spiritual connection, and how a life dedicated to service can lead to your own liberation. Pamela’s story is a testament to the fact that it is never too late to rewrite your script and create a life of authenticity, purpose, and joy.

1. Pamela’s story of origin, growing up in an environment of emotional abuse and alcohol dependency in South Africa.
2. The powerful, life-altering journey to India that sparked a deep spiritual awakening and healing from trauma.
3. The concept of being addicted to a "3D reality" and how to break free from societal conditioning.
4. Karma Yoga, or meditation in action, and how serving her community became a cornerstone of her recovery.
5. The critical need for sustainable, holistic, and long-term approaches to addiction recovery.
6. How to practice emotional detachment to find peace and stillness, even in the midst of chaos.

1. Would you please give our listeners a window into your story of origin?
2. Did you step away from addiction when you got pregnant?
3. Talk about your first journey to India. Was that an experience of awakening for you?
4. How do you describe your formula for thriving?

1. The limitations of short-term rehabilitation programs and the importance of creating a sustainable, long-term healing plan.
2. How stored trauma and emotions manifest physically in the body and how practices like yoga can help release them.
3. The concept of Karma Yoga and how selfless service can be a powerful tool for healing and finding purpose.
4. Techniques for practicing emotional detachment and finding inner peace, even when surrounded by chaos.
5. The importance of withdrawing the senses to move past physical attachments and connect more deeply with your spiritual self.
6. Why telling your truth is a fundamental practice for living an authentic life and breaking free from toxic relationship patterns.
7. How to find daily excitement and inspiration to...

In this powerful episode, host KL Wells welcomes the extraordinary Mike Pierce, also known as "Antarctic Mike." Mike shares his incredible life story, from conquering the Antarctic Ice Marathon to navigating the profound challenges of his late wife Angela's 36-year battle with chronic pain and opioid addiction. This episode is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, offering a raw and honest look at the parallel journey of loving someone through addiction and loss. Mike's story is one of turning pain into purpose, finding strength in the darkest of times, and learning to embrace life's most difficult moments as opportunities for growth and connection.

Mike Pierce, better known as Antarctic Mike, works with organizations that want to find, engage and keep the best performing people. Mike’s background professionally started in the recruiting business in 1997, working specifically to show managers and leaders exactly how to identify and recruit the best people. He now speaks across the US and Canada to executive teams, organizations, associations and sales teams about how to lead people so they are fully engaged in what they do.

Mike is an avid fan of polar expedition history and is an endurance athlete. In 2006, Mike became one of 9 people to run the first ever Antarctic Ice Marathon and a year later became the first American to run the Antarctic 100k, a grueling 62 miles on an ice shelf 600 miles from the South Pole.

His flagship program, Leading at 90 Below Zero, connects the drivers and principles of Antarctic expedition history stories to the real world of finding, engaging and keeping great people in today’s business world.

Mike has a BA from the University of Colorado, Boulder, and resides in Encinitas, California.

• Mike's journey to Antarctica and how it prepared him for life's greatest challenges.

• Angela's battle with chronic pain and subsequent opioid addiction.

• The family's journey through the cycles of addiction, recovery, and relapse.

• The emotional and psychological toll on the caregiver in a relationship with an addict.

• The power of mindset and perspective in navigating trauma and loss.

• The importance of letting go and embracing the present moment.

• Finding hope and new beginnings after profound loss.

• How did you navigate holding the space for her suffering?

• What are the gifts and lessons embedded in this experience for you?

• How do you reconcile the difference between quitting and surrendering?

• How to find strength and resilience in the face of overwhelming adversity.

• The importance of viewing difficulty as a teacher and an opportunity for growth.

• How to support a loved one through addiction while also caring for your own well-being.

• The power of letting go of resistance and embracing the present moment.

• How to find hope and purpose after the loss of a loved one.

• That pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice.

Connect with Mike Pierce: You can find more about Mike's incredible story, his speaking engagements, and his book by searching for "Antarctic Mike" on Google. You can also find his TED Talk on YouTube.

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/antarcticmike/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Antarctic-Mike-Speaks-1617958015119843/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/AntarcticMike/

TED Talk:

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, host KL Wells sits down with fellow podcaster Krista Zaft to explore the generational cycles of addiction and the profound healing that comes from breaking them. Krista shares her story of growing up with an alcoholic father, unconsciously repeating familiar patterns in her own marriage, and facing one of the biggest challenges of her life: her son's addiction.

This conversation is a candid look at how childhood trauma shapes our adult lives, leading to traits like perfectionism, codependency, and a need for control. Krista walks us through her pivotal "awakening" moments—first, as a young mother confronting her own anger, and later, as she stepped onto a path of parallel recovery alongside her son. Together, KL and Krista unravel the isolating nature of shame and illuminate the life-changing power of community, personal responsibility, and finding hope in the midst of chaos.

• How childhood chaos can lead us to unconsciously recreate similar dynamics in our adult relationships
• The profound impact of family tragedy on the cycle of addiction
• Krista’s "awakening" moment with her daughter that led her to seek therapy for the first time
• Navigating a child’s addiction and the journey of organizing a family intervention
• The concept of parallel recovery and the importance of doing your own healing work alongside your loved one
• The isolating role of shame for parents of addicts and the power of community support
• Understanding the traits of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) and how these patterns show up in adulthood

Krista Zaft is a clarity and confidence coach, speaker, and host of the Becoming Sound podcast. Her work is rooted in helping women heal from the ripple effects of generational addiction and create lives grounded in authenticity, mental clarity, and emotional well-being. With a background shaped by personal experience, Krista’s voice is a guiding light for those navigating the messy middle of recovery and transformation.

Her podcast, Becoming Sound, is a space for raw, unfiltered conversations about life after dysfunction and the journey toward healing in mind, body, and spirit.

• 🌐 Website: kristazaft.com
• 🎧 Podcast on Apple: Becoming Sound
• 🎧 Podcast on Spotify: Becoming Sound
• 📺 YouTube: @kristazaft
• 📸 Instagram: @zaftkrista
• 📩 Email: krista@kristazaft.com