We’re back after a couple weeks off, and somehow the conversation immediately turns into Hedonism II, buffet crab legs, DoxyPEP, and whether or not everyone in the room deserves equal access to the three lions.

John’s sternum is apparently in a delicate transitional phase, which leads us to discover that Daddy Is Molting. From there we get into gumbo, sourdough starters, baby rabbits, deadly household pets, and the exact amount of soul an animal needs before humans are allowed to race it.

We also talk Lions, Jerry Springer, childhood injuries, scumbag stories, Steve Irwin vengeance, and why context is extremely important when somebody tells you they got stabbed through the hand with a screwdriver.

John discovers a new form of violence that leaves no bruises, Alex tries to figure out how anyone knows it’s the same whale, and we spend an unreasonable amount of time deciding which animals are gay.

We also get into animal tracking, God’s one forbidden apple, whale evolution, funeral plans, King Tut’s podcast studio, and why foxes are apparently the gayest animal alive.

Plus, Alex explains coding while John confidently explains it back to him completely wrong.

Alex unveils his homemade cable network, complete with custom channels, vintage commercials, and enough legally obtained media to avoid making another entertainment decision for the rest of his life. Naturally, John and Nick immediately begin renaming the operation, and Boz Turner Media is born.

From there, the conversation wanders through funeral processions gone horribly wrong, suspicious bathhouse business practices, old men reading newspapers, Detroit sports media, and the particular kind of dumb guy Alex prefers.

The boys kick things off by arguing over Kendrick, Drake, aging into bad music, and whether becoming an adult means surrendering your taste to “Jack & Diane.” From there, a Tigers game turns into a full investigation of stadium waves, baseball heckling, bullpen toys, and the lawless physics of the Silverdome.

They also get into gay bars, tattoos delivered by aliens, missing frogs, rich people buying young blood, questionable wellness routines, and the logistics of identifying breast milk like a wine tasting. Eventually, Alex considers a run for small-town mayor before realizing his Body Zone history would immediately transform him into The Bozodiac Killer.

The gang looks back on the final night of the Independent Comedy Club, including who stayed until sunrise, who nearly fell asleep driving home, and who ended the evening listening to Chinese sleep music on a couch.

From there, John launches several confidently questionable history lessons while everyone debates 9/11 coverage, mutual combat laws, data centers, and whether Batman could survive a tiger, cocaine bear, or Komodo dragon.

There’s also elaborate Halloween costumes, seasonal male horniness, a hooker-assisted cat rescue, Alex’s legendary pimp chase story, and the creation of a new podcast nobody asked for: Dan Carlen with John Mahar.

The boys head out to The Mild West, where the Wild West gets reimagined as a place with classy brothels, rich uncles, questionable frontier politics, and Alex making it approximately as far as St. Louis before deciding civilization is good enough.

Also this week: Lions trash talk, the strange economics of sports radio, rich gay couples, counterfeit Yeezys, aliens who crossed the galaxy because they can’t make ice cream, and the ongoing search for the smartest person alive.

Nick walks a table after getting into it with a veteran, then accidentally hustles a Canadian poker game after spending half the night pretending he knew what the chip colors meant.

The guys also get into childhood names they wished they had, growing up in wildly different Michigan high schools, why Cranbrook was fun to beat, and which historical era each of them would have thrived in.

Ian’s back in town, which means the Burt Selleck Podcast immediately gets dragged into stories about Washington wildfires, cougars, jail schools, bald eagles, Lions roster cuts, and whether GTA 6 is about to accidentally create its own economy.

From there, the boys get into wild game, elite meatloaf technique, toilet-brewed hooch, music festival survival, and the very specific physical challenges that can arise during certain adult activities. Naturally, this all leads to an important discussion about romance, manners, and the evolving definition of being a gentleman.

Chivalry isn’t dead. It’s just gotten significantly weirder.