Have you ever begged for closeness, then felt the urge to run the moment you got it?

In this episode of the Speak Honest Podcast, Jenn Noble, relationship coach and author of Dance of Attachment, turns to disorganized attachment in week three of the October series on how attachment shows up in the way we communicate. Drawing on the research of Mary Main and Judith Solomon, Jenn unpacks why a body that learned love and fear could come from the same person sends the mixed messages of “come here, go away,” why a calm conversation about the plumber can flip into yelling or total blankness in seconds, and how bracing for betrayal can quietly create the very distance you fear most. She shares the nervous system science of Hebbian learning, the early warning signs that you’re about to go offline, and three gentle scripts that let your partner meet every part of you. Jenn closes with a hopeful reminder that earned security is real, and a body that learned to brace can also learn to rest.

You might want to listen if:

● You pull away, pick a fight, or shut down right after getting the closeness you wanted in your relationship
● Arguments with your partner flip from calm to yelling or going completely blank and frozen
● You suspect you have disorganized attachment or fearful avoidant patterns and feel confused by your own reactions
● You expect betrayal, test your partner, or end relationships first so you can’t get hurt
● You know your attachment style inside and out but keep repeating the same relationship self-sabotage

STAY CONNECTED

• Join our FREE Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
• Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest
• Enjoying the show? Please leave a Review!

WORK WITH JENN

• 🎯 Schedule your FREE 30-min Attachment Assessment with Jenn
• Ready Now? Join the Speak Honest Academy
• Apply for FREE Podcast Coaching with Jenn
• Ask Jenn a question

LEARN MORE

• Grab your copy of the #1 best-selling book, Dance of Attachment
• Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
• Watch Jenn's 🔴 TEDx Talk

DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for accuracy but are not liable for errors or outcomes from this information.

Why does "I'm fine" slip out right when someone you love is trying to get close?

In this episode of the Speak Honest Podcast, Jenn Noble continues her October series on how each attachment stance shows up in communication, and this week she turns the spotlight on avoidant attachment. She walks through the three ways an avoidant nervous system protects itself in conversation, starting with minimizing phrases like "I'm fine" and "it's whatever," moving into the urge to fix and reach for logic when a partner shares big feelings, and landing on taking space with no return date. Jenn shares Mary Ainsworth's research showing that avoidant little ones looked calm on the outside while their heart rates revealed a stressed body underneath, and she explains why these walls were such a clever strategy for a small person. Listeners walk away with three simple scripts to crack open a shutdown, ask "Do you want me to fix this or just listen?", and take space while naming when they'll come back. Whether you recognize yourself in this pattern or love someone who says "I'm fine" forty times a week, this one is for you.

You might want to listen if:

• You shut down, go quiet, or say "I'm fine" when a conversation with your partner starts to feel too close
• You jump into fixing mode or logic when someone you love is upset, and they end up feeling unheard
• You need space during arguments and want to ask for it without your partner feeling abandoned
• You think you might have an avoidant attachment style or you're dating an emotionally unavailable partner
• You feel stuck in the anxious avoidant cycle where one person chases and the other pulls away

WORK WITH ME

• 🎯 Schedule your FREE 30-min Attachment Assessment with Jenn — see if the Fall 2026 Cohort is the right fit for you
• Ready Now? Join the Speak Honest Academy
• Apply for FREE Podcast Coaching with Jenn
• Ask your Coach a question — it might get featured on the show

LEARN MORE

• Grab your copy of the #1 best-selling book, Dance of Attachment
• Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
• Watch Jenn's 🔴 TEDx Talk

STAY CONNECTED

• Join our FREE Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
• Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest
• Enjoying the show? A review helps other women find us!

DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for acc...

Have you ever sent "ok cool" when nothing about it felt cool?

In this episode of the Speak Honest Podcast, Jenn Noble kicks off a special October series covering all four attachment stances and how each one shows up in the way we communicate, starting with anxious attachment. She draws on John Bowlby's idea of attachment as an alarm system and Sue Johnson's pursue and withdraw dance to break down three patterns. The first is the message underneath the message, where every double text is quietly asking "are we okay?" The second is the hinting and testing that sets a partner up to fail tests he never knew he was taking. The third is the overexplaining and people pleasing that keeps needs swallowed until they spill out over a single dish in the sink. With smoke detectors, fettuccine, and a 4 p.m. sleeve of crackers as her guides, Jenn shares simple scripts for regulating first and speaking second, so one calm sentence can do the work of ten anxious texts.

You might want to listen if:

• You double text, overthink his reply time, or panic when he doesn't text back
• You hint at what you want in your relationship and feel hurt when your partner misses it
• You overexplain, overapologize, or people please to keep the peace
• You swallow your needs until they explode over something small
• You want to learn how to communicate with anxious attachment without pushing your partner away

WORK WITH ME

• 🎯 Schedule your FREE 30-min Attachment Assessment with Jenn — see if the Fall 2026 Cohort is the right fit for you
• Ready Now? Join the Speak Honest Academy
• Apply for FREE Podcast Coaching with Jenn
• Ask your Coach a question — it might get featured on the show

LEARN MORE

• Grab your copy of the #1 best-selling book, Dance of Attachment
• Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
• Watch Jenn's 🔴 TEDx Talk

STAY CONNECTED

• Join our FREE Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
• Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest
• Enjoying the show? A review helps other women find us!

DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for acc...