Have you ever begged for closeness, then felt the urge to run the moment you got it?

In this episode of the Speak Honest Podcast, Jenn Noble, relationship coach and author of Dance of Attachment, turns to disorganized attachment in week three of the October series on how attachment shows up in the way we communicate. Drawing on the research of Mary Main and Judith Solomon, Jenn unpacks why a body that learned love and fear could come from the same person sends the mixed messages of “come here, go away,” why a calm conversation about the plumber can flip into yelling or total blankness in seconds, and how bracing for betrayal can quietly create the very distance you fear most. She shares the nervous system science of Hebbian learning, the early warning signs that you’re about to go offline, and three gentle scripts that let your partner meet every part of you. Jenn closes with a hopeful reminder that earned security is real, and a body that learned to brace can also learn to rest.

You might want to listen if:

● You pull away, pick a fight, or shut down right after getting the closeness you wanted in your relationship
● Arguments with your partner flip from calm to yelling or going completely blank and frozen
● You suspect you have disorganized attachment or fearful avoidant patterns and feel confused by your own reactions
● You expect betrayal, test your partner, or end relationships first so you can’t get hurt
● You know your attachment style inside and out but keep repeating the same relationship self-sabotage

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LEARN MORE

• Grab your copy of the #1 best-selling book, Dance of Attachment
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DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for accuracy but are not liable for errors or outcomes from this information.