Episodi

  • SUMMER REPLAY: You're a Champion Shame Spiraler. Here's How to Retire.

    SUMMER REPLAY: You're a Champion Shame Spiraler. Here's How to Retire.
    Jul 29 2026

    If you have ADHD, there's a decent chance the way you motivate yourself is by beating yourself up. The internal spiral that goes: if I mess this up, no one's gonna like me, then I lose the job, then everything falls apart. It works, kind of. Things get done. So you keep doing it, and it costs you every single time.

    Here's what this episode gets into: that spiral is fuel. Shame turns into fear, fear speeds up your heart, and that jolt is the stimulation your ADHD brain knows best. Which is exactly why you keep going back to it. And it's also why you don't have to.

    David tells the story of a talk he gives every year, and the spiral that used to come with it: mess this up, lose the job, end up homeless. What he does now instead changes everything. He plans the freak-out. He times it. And when the nerves show up early, he has a line for them. Isabelle has a realization on air about her own spiraling that might be yours too. And Bobby, Isabelle's husband, is in this one, live in the middle of an understudy gig he has to memorize on his own, showing the whole thing actually works.

    This episode is part of the Something Shiny Summer Replay series, where David and Isabelle are pulling some of their most powerful episodes back into the feed. If you've heard this one, it's worth hearing again. If you haven't, it might be exactly the one you need. Either way, your brain gets something to hold onto this summer.

    In this episode:

    • Why beating yourself up feels like motivation, and what it's actually costing you
    • The jungle gym story from David's childhood that explains response cost, and why Isabelle's whole body reacted to it
    • What shame does to your heart rate, and why your brain keeps choosing the spiral
    • David's plan-the-freak-out system, including the line he says when the panic shows up early
    • How Bobby memorized a lead role scene by scene with no rehearsals and no self-beating
    • The three questions Isabelle lands on at the end, and why David says they took him 30 years

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    Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:

    Response Cost The part of your brain that understands the future consequences of your actions. David explains it through a childhood story about a jungle gym, a 15-foot jump, and a game of follow the leader nobody would follow. As a kid his brain never ran the math on what could go wrong an hour later. That's the deficit, and it's a very ADHD one.

    Shame vs Guilt David's distinction: shame is what you feel when other people can see it. Guilt is what you feel when no one can. His example involves peeing your pants in public versus in private, and honestly it makes the whole thing click.

    The Shame Spiral The internal escalation from one mistake to total catastrophe. Mess up the talk, lose the job, partner leaves, homeless. David maps his out loud, and Isabelle owns being a champion at it. The episode's whole argument is that the spiral is a stimulation source, not a character flaw.

    The Shame Horse David's name for the freak-out energy once you've scheduled it instead of fighting it. The shame horse is ready to go at the appointed time. Isabelle's translation: you time your shame horse.

    Simulation Machines Isabelle's term for what our brains are constantly doing: observing, comparing, and measuring ourselves against how the world, television, and everything we've read says a thing should be done. David's counter is the Norman Rockwell Christmas. Is everyone in Tucson doing Christmas wrong? They're not.

    Robin David's partner, who delivered the line that changed everything: you're not gonna clean a little every day, you're gonna freak out and do all of it the night before while I'm at work, and it'll be done. She was right. David stopped pretending otherwise, and it just gets done now.

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    💬 What's your version of the spiral, and what would it mean to retire from it? Leave a comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, we read them.

    🎧 Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much.
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    29 min
  • SUMMER REPLAY: You Don't Need to Stop Procrastinating. You Need to Get Better at It.

    SUMMER REPLAY: You Don't Need to Stop Procrastinating. You Need to Get Better at It.
    Jul 15 2026
    If you have ADHD, you've spent your whole life being told to stop procrastinating. And you've tried. But starting two weeks early feels like nothing. No pressure, no relief, no reward. Just the nagging sense you wasted an afternoon. So you wait. The deadline gets close, the stress kicks in, and suddenly you can work. You finish, you feel incredible, and then you beat yourself up for doing it the wrong way. Again.David's read: nothing here is broken. An ADHD brain needs a specific amount of stimulation to start a task, and a looming deadline manufactures exactly that. The threat is the fuel. The relief is the reward. Which changes the whole question. Not how do you stop procrastinating. How do you plan for it? How do you procrastinate more effectively? And when the pressure turns you into a monster, how do you give it a quiet place to go instead of pretending it won't show up?Isabelle's husband Bobby joins the conversation, and they share what happened the day they planned around Bobby's project stress instead of fighting it. Every argument they would normally have had just... didn't happen. No self-control required.A few minutes in, Isabelle goes quiet because this is suddenly applying to every area of her life. Fair warning: it might do that to you too.This episode is a Something Shiny summer replay, back in the feed while David and Isabelle take their break.In this episode:The difference between the task and the story you tell yourself about how it has to lookWhy doing the work early genuinely feels like nothing, and why the last minute feels like winningThe monster, and why the goal was never to stop being oneHow Isabelle and Bobby avoided every fight in a day without using an ounce of self-controlWhy Isabelle is done sitting through baths she hates, and what that has to do with how you've been told to relaxWhat David means when he says everyone with ADHD believes they're an imposter-------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Task vs Emotionality David's frame for the whole episode. The task is the thing you're trying to accomplish. The emotionality is everything you pile on top of it. Your assumptions, your fears, your beliefs about how it's supposed to be done. If the task is sweating once a day, the task is sweating once a day. It doesn't matter if you got there in a class, on a trail, or by hauling groceries up the stairs. Deciding it only counts one way is the emotionality.Wilfred Bion The psychoanalyst who developed the task versus emotionality idea back in the 1940s while studying how groups either focus or fall apart. David borrows it here and applies it to one brain instead of a room full of them.Self-Medicating with Emotion Why procrastination works. An ADHD brain needs a specific amount of stimulation to do a task. Anger, anxiety, and excitement all raise your heart rate, which means they all stimulate you. David compares it to a cup of coffee. Waiting until the deadline is close manufactures the stress, and the stress does the job.Delay of Gratification The part that explains why starting early feels so hollow. When you work under pressure, every step you take reduces the stress, so every step feels like relief. Do the same work two weeks early and there's no stress to relieve, so it just feels like you wasted an afternoon. Same work. Completely different reward.Extinction Burst A behavioral term for what happens when the thing that always worked suddenly stops working. David's example is the TV remote. You press the button, nothing happens, and instead of going to get a battery you press it harder, faster, at a new angle, pointed at a mirror. The escalation is the extinction burst.The Monster What an extinction burst looks like in a person. The fists, the stomping, the fury at a change you can't control. David's argument is that we all have one, that pretending otherwise is what makes it dangerous, and that the actual skill is planning for it and clearing the room instead of trying to shame it out of existence.Relational Trauma What builds up over years of watching everyone else do something easily that you cannot do. Your brain does not tell you there's too much stimulation in the room. Your brain tells you that you're stupid, or that you're not trying hard enough. That's the injury this episode is really about.Does cranberry juice prevent UTIs? Yes (and no). And one thing Isabelle learned on this internet rabbit hole: cranberry comes from "crane berry," named because the bilberry flower, when it withers, looks like the head and neck of a sand crane, a bird that feeds on the berries. Who knew? Full fascinating article here: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3370320/-------💬 What's something you've been doing the "right" way that has never once actually worked for you? Leave a comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, we read them.🎧 Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and ...
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    19 min
  • Summer Stole Your Structure. Here's What to Do About It.

    Summer Stole Your Structure. Here's What to Do About It.
    Jul 1 2026

    Remember when summer meant you got to just... whatevs? No school, nowhere to be, just go. But then as an adult with ADHD, summer shows up and the structure just evaporates. Your kiddos are out of school. Friends are on vacation. Meetings get pushed, projects stall, and everyone who used to be available just... isn't. And yet you're still supposed to be fully operational.


    David and Isabelle call it what it is: the evaporation of structure. Your brain is literally zapped by all the change before summer even really starts. So they get into what actually helps. You start with a whimper. You give yourself a menu instead of a resolution. Two or three low-stakes things to work towards that don't have to look any specific way. David has a summer goal story in this episode that proves it... aaaaand might also end with Italian ice.

    The whole point is permission. Permission to do it your way and take a break before you think you need one. Which is exactly what David and Isabelle are doing. They're stepping away for the summer while still dropping some of the best past Something Shiny: ADHD! episodes into the feed for you to revisit. Perfect for those moments this summer when the routine is gone and your brain needs something to hold onto.


    In this episode:

    • Why the evaporation of structure hits ADHD brains so hard, and why the first week is always a wash
    • Why your brain is literally zapped by all the change before summer even really starts
    • Why taking a break before you think you need one is one of the most adaptive things an ADHD brain can do
    • The menu approach to summer and why it works when goals don't
    • What getting out of the house alone for an hour a week actually does

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    Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:

    Dialectical David's word for something that holds two completely opposite truths at the same time. Summer is the break you waited for all year and also chaos incarnate. Both are true at once.


    Low-Demand Parenting Isabelle's approach to the summer transition. When the demands of changing schedules, new drop-offs, and constant curveballs go way up, she cuts herself and everyone around her way more slack. You cannot have all the disruption and all the expectations. Something has to give.


    The Menu Approach What David and Isabelle land on as the ADHD-friendly alternative to summer goals. Two or three low-stakes things to work towards through the summer. No pressure to finish. No pressure to do them every day. When your routine disappears, you pick from the menu.


    The Artist's Way A book by Julia Cameron that Isabelle brings up as a summer goal. Built around two practices: Morning Pages and the Artist Date.


    Morning Pages Three pages, any notebook, handwritten if possible, every day. Brain dump. You can burn them when you're done. The point is the release.


    Artist Date One hour a week, alone, outside the house, in a new environment that has nothing to do with your work. No spending required. Isabelle and Bobby still do these.


    Conception vs Perception David's distinction between what you imagine something will cost you and what it actually takes once you start. He started by walking around the block. One day he looked up from his audiobook and realized he was half a mile farther than he'd ever been.


    Replays What Something Shiny is dropping in the feed this summer while David and Isabelle take a break. Best of episodes coming your way now through August.

    Something Shiny Fanny Pack Isabelle's send-off going into the break: get the cool fanny packs and wear them with pride everywhere. Consider it one of your summer accommodations;) Grab yours here at www.somethingshinypodcast.com/merch/p/fanny-pack.

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    💬 What's one thing you're doing your way this summer? Leave a comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — we read them.


    🎧 Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much.
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    47 min
  • Why Grief Keeps Finding You at 2 AM

    Why Grief Keeps Finding You at 2 AM
    Jun 17 2026
    If you have ADHD and grief shows up, do you stay busy? Keep moving? Find something else to do? Stay ahead of the quiet? And then through it all does it find you anyway? Waking up at 2 AM, out of nowhere, when you thought you were past it?That's not you doing grief wrong. That's just how ADHD brains grieve. And this episode is about what to actually do when it catches up.Last time, David and Isabelle unpacked why ADHD brains seem to grieve in the wrong order. Why you can stand dry-eyed at a funeral and then fall apart completely at a graduation. And why neither of those things means something is wrong with you. Then they get into the part nobody usually makes time for: what to actually do when it shows up.In this episode:Why ADHD brains get practical when grief shows up, and what it costs when everyone goes homeThe empirical case David makes from his own life for why how much you cry has nothing to do with how much you lovedWhat it actually means to grieve something that isn't a person. A city. A chapter. A version of yourself that no longer fits.Isabelle's therapist's tool for making a date with your grief so it stops ambushing you at 2 AM-------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Time Agnosia The ADHD experience of not being able to feel time passing the way neurotypical brains do. In this episode it comes up as one explanation for why grief doesn't hit when everyone expects it to. Your brain isn't programmed to feel things on the service's schedule. It hits when it hits, in its own time, in a future moment you weren't ready for.Asynchronous Processing What happens when your brain doesn't process the big emotional stuff in real time. You can be right in the middle of something and feel completely fine. Then weeks later on a walk, out of nowhere, it lands. That's not numbness. That's just how your brain works.Moral Reasoning Isabelle brings up something from a philosophy course that's stayed with her. The idea that a friend is someone you agree to mourn if they die before you. That choosing to be close to someone is already a quiet acknowledgment that one of you will miss the other. She has never forgotten it.Practical Griever The person who, when loss shows up, immediately pivots to action. Makes the calls, brings the food, goes and cleans the house. David and Isabelle both recognize themselves here. The thing is, the grief doesn't go anywhere. It just waits until the room gets quiet.Ambiguous Losses Grief without a clear name or a socially accepted reason to mourn. Moving away from a city you loved. Losing a version of yourself. A friendship that ended without a conversation. Isabelle talks about still carrying grief from leaving Chicago. These losses are real. They just rarely get the space real grief deserves."Nora" David and Isabelle's shorthand for norepinephrine, the brain chemical wired into mood, attention, and stress response. Comes up here in the context of making sure your basic needs are met before you try to sit with the hard stuff. Nora has to be okay before grief can move through you the way it needs to.Duration Measure Isabelle's term for the container David's timer approach creates. When you decide you're going to sit with grief for a set amount of time and then get up, that's a duration measure. It makes the feeling tolerable because it has edges. You're not drowning in it. You know when it ends.Bobby Richards Isabelle's husband and the new Executive Producer of Something Shiny: ADHD. Gets a very well-earned shoutout in this episode for the audio upgrade you're hopefully hearing right now.Autonomic Nervous System The system that runs the involuntary stuff including heart rate, breathing, and stress response. Comes up in Isabelle's deep dive into dyspraxia and how the brain's predictive processing works differently in neurodivergent people.Dyspraxia A motor coordination difference that often shows up alongside ADHD and autism. Isabelle has a paradigm shift in this episode about what dyspraxia actually is and how it connects to the brain's predictive software. Why change is so dysregulating. Why your body is always ten steps behind your brain.AuDHD Having both autism and ADHD. Comes up as Isabelle and David get into the overlap between the two and what it means for how neurodivergent people process change, repetition, and sensory experience.-------💬 When has grief caught up with you in the quiet? On a walk, at 2 AM, weeks after you thought you were fine. Leave a comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. We read them.🎧 Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much.
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    34 min
  • Why You Couldn't Cry at the Funeral But Sobbed Over an IKEA Table — The Truth About ADHD and Grief

    Why You Couldn't Cry at the Funeral But Sobbed Over an IKEA Table — The Truth About ADHD and Grief
    Jun 3 2026

    If you have ADHD, you might already know this particular kind of shame. You held it together at a super sad event (let's say a funeral). Dry-eyed, composed, functioning. And then weeks later you completely lost it over something small like a scratch in a piece of furniture, a voicemail you couldn't get a read on, or a realizing you missed claiming a hold on the book at the library you'd been waiting months for. Then you thought there was something wrong with you for not feeling grief or frustration when you were supposed to. Or for feeling it so hard in all the wrong places. Here's the thing: there's nothing wrong with you! And this episode is going to tell you why.


    This conversation with David and Isabelle started with the last ten percent of a move that never gets finished, with Christmas lights still up in January, with holiday cards that feel impossible to take down because taking them down means saying goodbye. You probably have your version of all of this. Isabelle shares her story of an IKEA table, a scrap truck, and how when her husband Bobby gave the table a voice in the alley while she watched from the window, she burst into tears.


    If any of this strikes a cord, David shares a reframe for all of these grief-based adventures. It's specific, it's kind, and it's going to rearrange some things you've been carrying around for a while.

    In this episode:

    • Why ADHD brains declare mission accomplished at 95 percent done, and why the last bit never happens
    • Why dopamine lives in anticipation, not completion, and what that means for the finish line of anything
    • What Toy Story, Beauty and the Beast, and The Iron Giant actually did to neurodivergent brains (and why you always buy the wonky stuffed animal)
    • Why ADHD brains tend to hold onto everything or onto nothing, and what both are reaching for
    • Why you couldn't cry at the funeral but sobbed over an IKEA table, and what David says grief actually is

    -------

    Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:

    The ROI Equation What David calls the moment at 95 percent done when your anxiety drops, your brain decides the job is basically finished, and completing the last bit suddenly feels pointless. Not laziness. Not a character flaw. Just math.


    Dopamine The brain chemical most associated with ADHD. It gets released in anticipation of a reward, not when the reward actually arrives. This is why ordering the pizza feels better than eating it, why the first ninety percent of a project is exciting and the last ten is impossible, and why the Christmas lights are still up in February.


    Norepinephrine (Nora) Comes in after dopamine and helps your brain make meaning of what just happened. Also wired into the stress and anxiety response, which is why finishing something can feel worse than you expected. David and Isabelle call it "nora" throughout the episode.


    Existential Intervention David's term for the conscious act of changing the meaning you attach to finishing something, since your brain won't generate that motivation on its own. Instead of waiting to feel ready, you decide what finishing actually means to you. That decision becomes the thing that gets you across the line.


    Near-peer mentoring Learning from someone just a few steps ahead of you rather than an expert at a distance. Comes up in the context of the pandemic, when both David and Isabelle realized everyone's life looked a lot more like theirs than they'd assumed.


    Animism The tendency to believe objects have feelings or inner lives. It shows up as why Isabelle is nearly in tears watching an IKEA table get picked up by a scrap truck, why David buys the dying flowers at the store, and why you feel genuinely bad about donating a stuffed animal with slightly off stitching. Most neurodivergent people have it. The episode makes a case for why that makes complete sense.


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    💬 When has grief shown up for you in the wrong place? Dry-eyed at the funeral, then falling apart over a chipped mug or a table left out on the curb. Let us know in the comments on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. We read them!

    🎧 Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much.
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    30 min
  • "I've Had ADHD My Whole Life. I Just Didn't Know It Yet."

    "I've Had ADHD My Whole Life. I Just Didn't Know It Yet."
    May 20 2026

    If you have ADHD and you got your diagnosis as an adult, odds are it felt like a spotlight switched on over your entire life and everything, every struggle, every pattern, every thing you couldn't explain about yourself is suddenly lit up.


    Afdhel Aziz has spent decades building an extraordinary creative life. Writer, filmmaker, keynote speaker, Forbes contributor. He even recorded an entire album in his living room last year. Through it all buildling a framework that made his career work without knowing it was an accommodation. All of it running on a neurodivergent brain he didn't have a name for yet. Then about a month and a half before this conversation, that changed.


    What you're about to hear is what happens when David and Isabelle get to sit with someone who is learning to understand their ADHD in the moment. Unpacking in real time what his brain has been doing all along, why the things that worked worked, why the things that didn't couldn't, and what it means to finally see yourself clearly after years of a blurry reflection. The epiphanies were still arriving while we were recording. You'll feel that.


    In this episode:

    • What a late ADHD diagnosis feels like when you're already successful
    • The Four P's framework (Purpose, Priorities, Process, People) and how Afdhel built it without knowing it was an accommodation
    • Why ADHD and anxiety create a loop that keeps you stuck, and what breaks it
    • What happened when he told his team about his diagnosis and the instruction manual that changed how they work together
    • How his marriage shifted when he stopped trying to be good at things he wasn't good at
    • Afdhel's self-forgiveness practice: "I forgive myself for judging myself for doing X"
    • Accommodations plus Community equals Self-Esteem and why that equation is simpler and more powerful than it sounds
    • Why medication might not have to be the only path and what to do when it doesn't work for your brain

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    Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:

    Inattentive ADHD One of the three presentations of ADHD, characterized primarily by difficulty sustaining attention, frequent distraction, and challenges with organization and follow-through rather than the hyperactivity most people associate with ADHD. Often goes undiagnosed longer, particularly in adults who have built workarounds without realizing it.

    The Four P's Afdhel's personal framework and accomodation for operating with an ADHD brain. Purpose (who you are and where you're going), Priorities (deciding what actually matters right now), Process (building systems so your brain only does the parts it's built for), and People (surrounding yourself with those who complement what you can't do alone). Learn more at afdhelaziz.com.

    Dave Flink Founder of the Neurodiversity Alliance, a nonprofit supporting neurodiverse students in high schools and colleges. His equation from this episode: Accommodations + Community = Self-Esteem

    Metacognition Thinking about your own thinking. In this episode it shows up as Afdhel's growing ability to observe his own thought patterns as they're happening and redirect before going down a rabbit hole.

    Saint Royale Afdhel's music project. He wrote, produced, and performed an entire album in his home studio in LA, available on Spotify.

    Good is the New Cool Afdhel's creative studio and book series built around purpose-driven storytelling. His most recent book, Good is the New Cool: Guide to Personal Purpose, explores how to find and build a life around your purpose. Find it here.


    Afdhel's Forbes Article Before this conversation happened, Afdhel wrote about Something Shiny: ADHD!. Read it here.

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    💬 What's something that finally made sense about yourself after your diagnosis, or after hearing someone else's story? Tell us in the comments.

    🎧 Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much.
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    32 min
  • The Self-Esteem Reframe Every ADHD Brain Needs to Hear

    The Self-Esteem Reframe Every ADHD Brain Needs to Hear
    May 6 2026

    If you have ADHD, chances are "just believe in yourself" has never quite landed. Not because you're broken, but because traditional self-esteem advice wasn't built for a brain like yours.


    In this episode, David offers a reframe that actually makes sense for neurodivergent minds: self-esteem isn't about confidence or positivity. It's about something more fundamental — the belief that you will survive what happens next. That one shift changes how you start things, why waiting to feel ready keeps you stuck, and why you can feel completely competent in one area of your life and utterly lost in another.


    Isabelle works through it live — and it gets uncomfortably specific. The kind of specific that might stop you mid-listen and make you go: oh. that's me.


    In this episode:

    • Why "believe in yourself" feels abstract or impossible for ADHD and neurodivergent brains — and why that's not on you
    • The difference between self-esteem and self-efficacy, and which one actually gets you moving
    • Why your confidence can feel solid one day and completely gone by 4pm
    • How ADHD variability makes traditional self-esteem advice quietly set you up to fail
    • Why doing something imperfectly still builds more trust in yourself than waiting until you're ready
    • Why outsourcing might actually be a self-esteem strategy — and when it isn't

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    Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:

    Albert Bandura — The psychologist behind self-efficacy theory. Shifted the conversation from "feeling good about yourself" to something more specific: your belief that you can handle a particular situation. David respectfully disagrees with part of his model. In the best way.


    Self-efficacy — Your belief that you can act and influence an outcome. The key thing: it's built through experience, not feelings. You don't have to feel ready to start building it.


    Self-esteem (reframed) — Traditionally, how you feel about yourself. David's version: the belief that you'll survive the outcome — even when things go sideways. That shift makes it possible to act without needing confidence first.


    VAST (Variable Attentional Stimulation Seeking Trait) — From ADHD 2.0 by Hallowell & Ratey. A reframe of ADHD as variability of attention rather than a deficit. Your ability to focus, engage, and follow through shifts depending on context, stimulation, and internal state. Sound familiar?


    Norepinephrine — A neurotransmitter tied to attention and alertness. More involved in your moment-to-moment sense of I can do this than most people realize.


    Metacognition — Thinking about your own thinking. Useful for understanding your patterns. Also a reliable path to an overthinking spiral at 11pm. Both things are true.


    Self-perpetuating feedback loop — When thoughts, feelings, and behaviors keep reinforcing each other. Not acting builds doubt. Acting — even imperfectly — starts building something else instead.


    Neophobic — The very human tendency to resist new things. Especially loud when there's no precedent and the stakes feel like they have no bottom.

    -------


    💬 What's something you know you're good at — but still can't quite say out loud without adding a disclaimer? Tell us in the comments.

    🎧 Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you—you were never too much.
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    44 min
  • What Happens When You Don’t Have to Mask So Hard?

    What Happens When You Don’t Have to Mask So Hard?
    Apr 22 2026
    This week, David and Isabelle continue their conversation with Avari Brocker — Neurodiversity Alliance student advocate and founder of LearningCurb.org. Avari talks about what it felt like to go from being on her own little island to being surrounded by other neurodivergent people, and realizing (maybe for the first time) that it was actually safe to be fully herself. The group also gets into the difference between being around people who tolerate you vs. being around people who just get it. If you’ve ever felt exhausted from constantly managing yourself around other people or if you’ve ever needed a reminder that belonging is not extra, it’s foundational… this one’s for you!Here's what's coming your way:Why being around like-minded neurodivergent people can feel like coming homeA clear breakdown of what high masking feels like from the insideWhy shared experience can make it easier to stop overexplaining and start relaxingHow community can help you stand up for yourself in ways you might not otherwiseThe story behind Learning Curb and why its whole mission is rooted in accessA reminder that the things you needed most can become the very things you build for someone else -------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Neurodiversity Alliance: An organization that supports neurodivergent young people through leadership, mentorship, and advocacy. In this conversation, it’s also the community space where David and Isabelle first connected with Avari. Learn more at TheNDAlliance.org. Dyslexia: A learning disability that affects reading, spelling, and language processing. In this conversation, Avari talks about how meaningful it was when other dyslexic people heard her speak not just about the hard parts, but the good parts too. Dysgraphia: A learning disability that affects writing. Here, it’s part of the group of neurodivergent experiences Avari has already been advocating around and building resources for. The “curb cut” effect: The idea behind Learning Curb’s name. Curb cuts were added to sidewalks after the Americans with Disabilities Act to support wheelchair users, but they ended up helping lots of other people too — parents with strollers, skateboarders, cyclists, and delivery workers. Avari uses that as a model for education: when you lower the barrier to access for the most vulnerable people, everybody benefits. High masking: Constantly adjusting your behavior, communication, or presentation so you seem more acceptable, understandable, or “normal” to other people. Avari describes doing this in neurotypical spaces and contrasts it with the relief of not needing to do it so much in neurodivergent community. Neurospicy: A playful community term some neurodivergent people use for themselves. Isabelle uses it here while talking about the way neurospicy conversations can go from breadcrumb-level sharing to a full French dip hoagie in about two seconds. Narrative Reasoning: Avari’s phrase for the way her brain explains things through story, analogy, and comparison that other people can understand. Neurotypical: People whose brains work in ways that are more socially expected or normalized. In this conversation, Avari contrasts neurotypical spaces with neurodivergent ones, especially in terms of masking, safety, and how much self-management is required. Love bombing: A phrase Avari uses jokingly while talking about how quickly people bonded at the Neurodiversity Alliance. In context, she’s naming the relief of being able to connect intensely without immediately worrying that it’s “too much.” “English is just three languages in a trench coat”: Avari’s explanation for why English spelling is chaos, and Isabelle immediately clocks it as the best saying ever!Night Witches: The nickname given by German soldiers during World War II to the Soviet Union’s all-female 588th Night Bomber Regiment, known for flying dangerous nighttime bombing missions against Nazi forces. Isabelle brings them up as an example of the kind of fully formed special-interest tangent that can come pouring out once someone takes the bait in a neurodivergent conversation. -------💬 Have you ever found a space where you realized you didn’t have to mask so hard? Drop your story in the comments on Spotify.🎧 Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you—you were never too much.
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    23 min