Something Shiny: ADHD! copertina

Something Shiny: ADHD!

Something Shiny: ADHD!

Di: David Kessler & Isabelle Richards
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How many times have you tried to understand ADHD...and were left feeling more misunderstood? We get it and we're here to help you build a shiny new relationship with ADHD. We are two therapists (David Kessler & Isabelle Richards) who not only work with people with ADHD, but we also have ADHD ourselves and have been where you are. Every other week on Something Shiny, you'll hear (real) vulnerable conversations, truth bombs from the world of psychology, and have WHOA moments that leave you feeling seen, understood, and...dare we say...knowing you are something shiny, just as you are.2021 Something Shiny Productions Igiene e vita sana Psicologia Psicologia e salute mentale Successo personale Sviluppo personale
Episodi
  • SUMMER REPLAY: You're a Champion Shame Spiraler. Here's How to Retire.

    SUMMER REPLAY: You're a Champion Shame Spiraler. Here's How to Retire.
    Jul 29 2026

    If you have ADHD, there's a decent chance the way you motivate yourself is by beating yourself up. The internal spiral that goes: if I mess this up, no one's gonna like me, then I lose the job, then everything falls apart. It works, kind of. Things get done. So you keep doing it, and it costs you every single time.

    Here's what this episode gets into: that spiral is fuel. Shame turns into fear, fear speeds up your heart, and that jolt is the stimulation your ADHD brain knows best. Which is exactly why you keep going back to it. And it's also why you don't have to.

    David tells the story of a talk he gives every year, and the spiral that used to come with it: mess this up, lose the job, end up homeless. What he does now instead changes everything. He plans the freak-out. He times it. And when the nerves show up early, he has a line for them. Isabelle has a realization on air about her own spiraling that might be yours too. And Bobby, Isabelle's husband, is in this one, live in the middle of an understudy gig he has to memorize on his own, showing the whole thing actually works.

    This episode is part of the Something Shiny Summer Replay series, where David and Isabelle are pulling some of their most powerful episodes back into the feed. If you've heard this one, it's worth hearing again. If you haven't, it might be exactly the one you need. Either way, your brain gets something to hold onto this summer.

    In this episode:

    • Why beating yourself up feels like motivation, and what it's actually costing you
    • The jungle gym story from David's childhood that explains response cost, and why Isabelle's whole body reacted to it
    • What shame does to your heart rate, and why your brain keeps choosing the spiral
    • David's plan-the-freak-out system, including the line he says when the panic shows up early
    • How Bobby memorized a lead role scene by scene with no rehearsals and no self-beating
    • The three questions Isabelle lands on at the end, and why David says they took him 30 years

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    Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:

    Response Cost The part of your brain that understands the future consequences of your actions. David explains it through a childhood story about a jungle gym, a 15-foot jump, and a game of follow the leader nobody would follow. As a kid his brain never ran the math on what could go wrong an hour later. That's the deficit, and it's a very ADHD one.

    Shame vs Guilt David's distinction: shame is what you feel when other people can see it. Guilt is what you feel when no one can. His example involves peeing your pants in public versus in private, and honestly it makes the whole thing click.

    The Shame Spiral The internal escalation from one mistake to total catastrophe. Mess up the talk, lose the job, partner leaves, homeless. David maps his out loud, and Isabelle owns being a champion at it. The episode's whole argument is that the spiral is a stimulation source, not a character flaw.

    The Shame Horse David's name for the freak-out energy once you've scheduled it instead of fighting it. The shame horse is ready to go at the appointed time. Isabelle's translation: you time your shame horse.

    Simulation Machines Isabelle's term for what our brains are constantly doing: observing, comparing, and measuring ourselves against how the world, television, and everything we've read says a thing should be done. David's counter is the Norman Rockwell Christmas. Is everyone in Tucson doing Christmas wrong? They're not.

    Robin David's partner, who delivered the line that changed everything: you're not gonna clean a little every day, you're gonna freak out and do all of it the night before while I'm at work, and it'll be done. She was right. David stopped pretending otherwise, and it just gets done now.

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    💬 What's your version of the spiral, and what would it mean to retire from it? Leave a comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, we read them.

    🎧 Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much.
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    29 min
  • SUMMER REPLAY: You Don't Need to Stop Procrastinating. You Need to Get Better at It.

    SUMMER REPLAY: You Don't Need to Stop Procrastinating. You Need to Get Better at It.
    Jul 15 2026
    If you have ADHD, you've spent your whole life being told to stop procrastinating. And you've tried. But starting two weeks early feels like nothing. No pressure, no relief, no reward. Just the nagging sense you wasted an afternoon. So you wait. The deadline gets close, the stress kicks in, and suddenly you can work. You finish, you feel incredible, and then you beat yourself up for doing it the wrong way. Again.David's read: nothing here is broken. An ADHD brain needs a specific amount of stimulation to start a task, and a looming deadline manufactures exactly that. The threat is the fuel. The relief is the reward. Which changes the whole question. Not how do you stop procrastinating. How do you plan for it? How do you procrastinate more effectively? And when the pressure turns you into a monster, how do you give it a quiet place to go instead of pretending it won't show up?Isabelle's husband Bobby joins the conversation, and they share what happened the day they planned around Bobby's project stress instead of fighting it. Every argument they would normally have had just... didn't happen. No self-control required.A few minutes in, Isabelle goes quiet because this is suddenly applying to every area of her life. Fair warning: it might do that to you too.This episode is a Something Shiny summer replay, back in the feed while David and Isabelle take their break.In this episode:The difference between the task and the story you tell yourself about how it has to lookWhy doing the work early genuinely feels like nothing, and why the last minute feels like winningThe monster, and why the goal was never to stop being oneHow Isabelle and Bobby avoided every fight in a day without using an ounce of self-controlWhy Isabelle is done sitting through baths she hates, and what that has to do with how you've been told to relaxWhat David means when he says everyone with ADHD believes they're an imposter-------Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:Task vs Emotionality David's frame for the whole episode. The task is the thing you're trying to accomplish. The emotionality is everything you pile on top of it. Your assumptions, your fears, your beliefs about how it's supposed to be done. If the task is sweating once a day, the task is sweating once a day. It doesn't matter if you got there in a class, on a trail, or by hauling groceries up the stairs. Deciding it only counts one way is the emotionality.Wilfred Bion The psychoanalyst who developed the task versus emotionality idea back in the 1940s while studying how groups either focus or fall apart. David borrows it here and applies it to one brain instead of a room full of them.Self-Medicating with Emotion Why procrastination works. An ADHD brain needs a specific amount of stimulation to do a task. Anger, anxiety, and excitement all raise your heart rate, which means they all stimulate you. David compares it to a cup of coffee. Waiting until the deadline is close manufactures the stress, and the stress does the job.Delay of Gratification The part that explains why starting early feels so hollow. When you work under pressure, every step you take reduces the stress, so every step feels like relief. Do the same work two weeks early and there's no stress to relieve, so it just feels like you wasted an afternoon. Same work. Completely different reward.Extinction Burst A behavioral term for what happens when the thing that always worked suddenly stops working. David's example is the TV remote. You press the button, nothing happens, and instead of going to get a battery you press it harder, faster, at a new angle, pointed at a mirror. The escalation is the extinction burst.The Monster What an extinction burst looks like in a person. The fists, the stomping, the fury at a change you can't control. David's argument is that we all have one, that pretending otherwise is what makes it dangerous, and that the actual skill is planning for it and clearing the room instead of trying to shame it out of existence.Relational Trauma What builds up over years of watching everyone else do something easily that you cannot do. Your brain does not tell you there's too much stimulation in the room. Your brain tells you that you're stupid, or that you're not trying hard enough. That's the injury this episode is really about.Does cranberry juice prevent UTIs? Yes (and no). And one thing Isabelle learned on this internet rabbit hole: cranberry comes from "crane berry," named because the bilberry flower, when it withers, looks like the head and neck of a sand crane, a bird that feeds on the berries. Who knew? Full fascinating article here: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3370320/-------💬 What's something you've been doing the "right" way that has never once actually worked for you? Leave a comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, we read them.🎧 Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and ...
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    19 min
  • Summer Stole Your Structure. Here's What to Do About It.

    Summer Stole Your Structure. Here's What to Do About It.
    Jul 1 2026

    Remember when summer meant you got to just... whatevs? No school, nowhere to be, just go. But then as an adult with ADHD, summer shows up and the structure just evaporates. Your kiddos are out of school. Friends are on vacation. Meetings get pushed, projects stall, and everyone who used to be available just... isn't. And yet you're still supposed to be fully operational.


    David and Isabelle call it what it is: the evaporation of structure. Your brain is literally zapped by all the change before summer even really starts. So they get into what actually helps. You start with a whimper. You give yourself a menu instead of a resolution. Two or three low-stakes things to work towards that don't have to look any specific way. David has a summer goal story in this episode that proves it... aaaaand might also end with Italian ice.

    The whole point is permission. Permission to do it your way and take a break before you think you need one. Which is exactly what David and Isabelle are doing. They're stepping away for the summer while still dropping some of the best past Something Shiny: ADHD! episodes into the feed for you to revisit. Perfect for those moments this summer when the routine is gone and your brain needs something to hold onto.


    In this episode:

    • Why the evaporation of structure hits ADHD brains so hard, and why the first week is always a wash
    • Why your brain is literally zapped by all the change before summer even really starts
    • Why taking a break before you think you need one is one of the most adaptive things an ADHD brain can do
    • The menu approach to summer and why it works when goals don't
    • What getting out of the house alone for an hour a week actually does

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    Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:

    Dialectical David's word for something that holds two completely opposite truths at the same time. Summer is the break you waited for all year and also chaos incarnate. Both are true at once.


    Low-Demand Parenting Isabelle's approach to the summer transition. When the demands of changing schedules, new drop-offs, and constant curveballs go way up, she cuts herself and everyone around her way more slack. You cannot have all the disruption and all the expectations. Something has to give.


    The Menu Approach What David and Isabelle land on as the ADHD-friendly alternative to summer goals. Two or three low-stakes things to work towards through the summer. No pressure to finish. No pressure to do them every day. When your routine disappears, you pick from the menu.


    The Artist's Way A book by Julia Cameron that Isabelle brings up as a summer goal. Built around two practices: Morning Pages and the Artist Date.


    Morning Pages Three pages, any notebook, handwritten if possible, every day. Brain dump. You can burn them when you're done. The point is the release.


    Artist Date One hour a week, alone, outside the house, in a new environment that has nothing to do with your work. No spending required. Isabelle and Bobby still do these.


    Conception vs Perception David's distinction between what you imagine something will cost you and what it actually takes once you start. He started by walking around the block. One day he looked up from his audiobook and realized he was half a mile farther than he'd ever been.


    Replays What Something Shiny is dropping in the feed this summer while David and Isabelle take a break. Best of episodes coming your way now through August.

    Something Shiny Fanny Pack Isabelle's send-off going into the break: get the cool fanny packs and wear them with pride everywhere. Consider it one of your summer accommodations;) Grab yours here at www.somethingshinypodcast.com/merch/p/fanny-pack.

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    💬 What's one thing you're doing your way this summer? Leave a comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — we read them.


    🎧 Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much.
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    47 min
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