How do we rest when we’re restless?

In this week’s podcast chat, Erica and I discover that our relationship with Rest is at either ends of the rest spectrum. That relationship very much determines how we rest and when we do.

With the ‘silly season’ and the mad rush to year’s end upon us, we felt Rest was something that might be helpful to talk about. Rest is also the theme of Erica’s SelfKind hub this month, so…snap!

Let’s talk about Rest but with a genius reframe to guide us.

Resting From: in this chat Erica talks about the reframe of rest from the lying down for a nap or a read, to thinking about Resting From to guide us in ways that might serve us best to Rest. It’s brilliant (she’s brilliant)!

Resting From, to finding Ways To Rest:

* From rushing with many things on our mind - to slowing down and being present in the moment. ‘Wash the dishes to wash the dishes’ rather than rushing to getting it done. Being present to find peace in that moment. {Thich Nhat Hanh}

* From phone scrolling - distraction or rest? It may be mindless but is it rest, really? To conscious awareness, to pause. Maybe with a micropause (read on for more about that in our chat).

* From Self-Criticism - this one really hit home because it’s something we midlifer’s feel often. Rest from self-criticism with self-compassion. Be on your own side.

* From Being an Adult - to play! Being playful. Breaking the burden and responsibility of being an adult and be child-like at play.

What do you need Rest From?

Role Models For Rest: Did you have them? Anita and Erica’s experiences are poles apart. Having Italian heritage, Anita was modeled rest from a young child witnessing her Nonna and Dad resting often with a post lunch siesta. My family worked very, very hard (7 days a week and with about 4 days off a year) but rest was deliberately carved out, regularly. Modeled throughout her life, it became part of her life choice, modeling it for her children too.

Erica’s experience was quite different, never witnessing her parents resting. Indeed, resting was regarded as weakness, bringing about shame if it was practiced. Erica finds it hard to rest and her kids do too.

It got us thinking, is our relationship with Rest nurture or nature? Something that’s inherently in us or nurtured with us. What do you think?

Resting is something that Erica is consciously learning to do more of. Finding ways to ‘Rest From’ that work for her, like the examples mentioned above and with Micropauses of Rest.

Micropauses of Rest: not the 20 minute siesta but rather a small act that can ‘break the circuit’. Appreciating that not everyone will have access to rest in larger chunks of time in their day. Take them consciously and with compassion. Breathwork, movement, sipping tea or coffee in a space that feels good for you. In nature, often the perfect antidote to our modern stressful lives.

Consistency is Key: cultivating a Resting From practice takes time. It’s a work in progress. Don’t make it yet another thing to add to your self-criticism list. You’re ‘doing battle’ with a culture, an employment system that does not value rest. It values productivity - doing at all costs. And if you don’t keep pushing, you’re lazy.

We say no and ask you to consider ways in which you could create micropauses of rest. Ways to ‘Rest From’ and build with consistency, a practice that might just blossom into something bigger. Something unexpected but oh so beautifully nourishing. Where rest is a value and you protect and defend it often.

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video in the app.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share the love on. We could all do with more Rest. Don’t you think?

Want more encouragement and support around how to rest? Then jump over to Erica’s SelfKind Hub and find out a little more. It’s a beautiful community. Erica is so thoughtful and wise, way beyond her years.

See you next week!

Anita xx

Perhaps a rather unusual topic to chat about but with such a large post WW2 migrant population in Australia and other countries, perhaps not so niche. Many are elderly now and many more have died, so the want to take them back home, is greater now than ever before.

Have you taken a loved one’s ashes back to their home town, to a country outside of where they lived most of their life?

The last time we were all together as an extended family in Dad’s home town in Italy, it was for his 70th birthday. For my Dad, knowing where he came from was important for us to understand and connect with. Something we have lovingly kept up as family members for over 13 years. But this next trip was something very different. And it proved to be far more complicated than we ever imagined.

‘Smuggling’ them in a suitcase was never going to be an option for us. Being separated from Dad was not going to happen, nor was risking that the suitcase might go missing in transit. No. He was going to be safely stored in Mum’s carry on and that meant going through customs with them. It had to be done in accordance with Italian law.

In this conversation I share my top tips for taking this task on and what was involved in the process.

It took us almost 4 months to obtain Dad’s Mortuary Passport, the official document required to accompany his ashes, in addition to other official papers that also had to be translated into Italian, including an apostilled original Death Certificate.

The departments involved in this process included:

* The local council where we were wanting to scatter Dad’s ashes

* The Italian Consulate closest to us here in Australia

* The Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade - Passport Office

* Births, Deaths and Marriages - because I had to get another original Death Certificate issued

Funeral directors can also assist with this process. Ours prepared the ashes in an appropriate sealed container fit for airline travel as well as the documents certifying its contents.

Family on the ground in Italy to help with face to face communications were invaluable because emails were not being responded to.

The language barrier (my very limited Italian and the local Italian limited English) also added to misunderstandings and uncertainty of what the process was and what was required to be done.

I learned that public opening ours for the local commune in Italy and the Consulate here are rather limited. Only open a few days a week for inquiries and for a few hours at a time. That extended the time line too.

The emotional toll of this experience was mounting and intensifying. Mum’s concerns and anxiety were riding high and with it the pressure I put on myself not let her and the others down, was right up there too. Failure was not an option. With airfares and accommodation paid for 12 of us, there was much to undo if the necessary documentation was not obtained.

There was a deadline to meet. We did it with 3 weeks to spare.

Taking my beautiful Dad back home. To the place that never left his heart. Firmly and forever in mine.

Anita xx

Thank you to everyone who tuned into our live video! Join us for our next live video in the app.

“People like you don’t Retire!”

In this episode of Midlife Unfiltered, we welcome special guest Tracey Bode. Tracey shares her journey of stepping back from her business after a 45-year career, and the fulfillment she has found in being present in her everyday life post-retirement.

We talk about the importance of planning for retirement, what the big ‘R’, retirement even means now, what it means for Tracey. Is it Retirement or rather , Regeneration? Do we need a new word for Retirement?

She talks openly about how she’s done this, the vital role of good mentorship and financial advice to get to where we want to go.

Tracey offers insights on transitioning out of business ownership, the value of superannuation, and finding joy in newfound freedoms. In very surprising places.

Tune in for an inspiring conversation on navigating major life changes and preparing for a vibrant, purposeful life after professional retirement and running your own business. Having choices. Freedom. Autonomy.

Retirement is a huge transition in midlife. Thank you Tracey for sharing your experience in making that change.

Below is what we talked about and when in the conversation. Thanks to you for tuning in. We hope you pick up a few gems. Let us know. If you do, share it on.

Anita & Erica.

00:00 Welcome to Midlife Unfiltered

00:22 Introducing Tracey Bode

02:30 Tracey’s Journey to Retirement

04:47 The Transition Process

07:14 Reflecting on a 45-Year Career

14:48 The Importance of Mentors

19:17 Embracing Presence in Retirement

23:02 Balancing Creativity and Personal Time

24:16 Morning Routines and Finding Flow

26:39 Reflections on Retirement

28:01 Redefining Retirement: Regeneration

33:27 Financial Planning and Superannuation

40:57 Health and Longevity in Retirement

43:21 Final Thoughts and Future Plans

p.s. we also mention a couple of groups we follow and tune into:

MEA - Modern Elder Academy - and Chip’s podcast the Midlife Chrysalis. He and Daniel Pink in this episode talk about Regeneration.

Her Business - a community of women business owners we belong to. It’s leader, the super impressive and legend, Suzi Dafnis.

Epic Retirement - with Bec Wilson