Join Michael in this episode as he delves into the experiences of two individuals, who faced racism and isolation in predominantly white environments. The episode highlights how their struggles with racism, lack of support, and the pressure to fit in led to feelings of anger, aggression, and a constant state of vigilance. The episode challenges the societal ignorance towards racism and the need for empathy and recognition of its pervasive nature.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Impact of Racism: The episode highlights the significant impact of racism on individuals, particularly young black individuals, leading to feelings of isolation, aggression, and a constant need to defend oneself.

• Lack of Support: Both individuals discussed in the episode felt alone in their experiences of racism, lacking support from their adoptive parents and others to discuss their struggles.

• Mental Health Implications: The experiences of racism and isolation without support can negatively impact mental health, contributing to the higher rates of mental health issues among black individuals.

• Expectation of Racism: The repeated experiences of racism lead individuals to expect and prepare for it, creating a constant state of anxiety and vigilance that undermines their well-being.

• Persistent Wounds: Racism leaves lasting wounds that are often not addressed or resolved, leading to ongoing anger and emotional burden that individuals carry with them for years.

BEST MOMENTS

"They didn't like me because I didn't fit in. And do you know what? I didn't want to. They were picking on me because of my difference."

"I was fighting every day in school, and to be fair, I held my mum and stepdad responsible for this because I did not want to move."

"But when you fight back, you get a reputation and you don't have to do anything anyway to get hassled by the police."

"Racism is insidious. It permeates this society and many others. It survives because the whole society don't really recognise it or their part in continuing it."

VALUABLE RESOURCES

familycourtcoaching@gmail.com

Instagram: michael240656

HOST BIO

Michael Watson is a qualified social worker and author with over thirty years of experience working with children and families. As an expert in family court, Michael is in a key position to assist, advise, and coach parents through their private law family proceedings and provide them with the information and skills to represent themselves successfully in court. His two books, ‘How to Represent Yourself in Family Court’, and ‘FAMILY COURT: Giving Evidence In Family Court’, provide parents with a clearer understanding of family court proceedings, legislation, and parenting skills.

This episode delves into the importance and intricacies of creating a chronological list of events in a child's life. Michael emphasises the significance of a well-constructed chronology in providing a clear understanding of a family's history and dynamics. The episode discusses the role of a social worker in highlighting both the strengths and weaknesses of parenting, using the chronology as a tool to support evidence and arguments. It also explores how different perspectives and biases can influence the interpretation of events documented in a chronology. The episode underscores the impact of past experiences on an individual's present behaviour and identity, emphasising the need to consider significant events such as trauma, loss, and violence in family life.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Chronologies are crucial: Chronologies are essential documents that provide a clear picture of a family's history and can help in understanding the events that have occurred over time.

• Balanced view is important: It is important to provide a balanced view in a chronology, highlighting both the weaknesses and strengths of parenting to give a fair representation of the situation.

• Impact of past events: Chronologies help in understanding how past events and experiences shape an individual's present and future, emphasising the significance of events like births, deaths, and illnesses.

• Significance of violent incidents: Violent incidents between adults, especially when witnessed by children, should be carefully documented in a chronology to understand their impact and the response of parents.

• Importance of social care response: A good chronology not only focuses on the actions of parents but also highlights the behaviour of social care agencies and their impact on the child's lived experience.

BEST MOMENTS

"A chronology can be defined as a sequential list of events with dates recording any significant facts and changes in a child's life."

"History, for example, is written from the focus of the values and beliefs of the person who wrote it."

"Chronologies are really useful tools in helping to look at a child's lived experience because they can show what a child has been exposed to dating as far back into their life as their first few weeks of life."

"Many people still today tend to think of the past as not having any impact on who they are now."

"One of the things that chronology is very useful at bringing to light is the response by social care."

VALUABLE RESOURCES

familycourtcoaching@gmail.com

Instagram: michael240656

HOST BIO

Michael Watson is a qualified social worker and author with over thirty years of experience working with children and families. As an expert in family court, Michael is in a key position to assist, advise, and coach parents through their private law family proceedings and provide them with the information and skills to represent themselves successfully in court. His two books, ‘How to Represent Yourself in Family Court’, and ‘FAMILY COURT: Giving Evidence In Family Court’, provide parents with a clearer understanding of family court proceedings, legislation, and parenting skills.

This episode delves into the concept of assessing and managing risks in various aspects of life, using the analogy of crossing a busy road without a pedestrian crossing. The episode highlights how individuals often underestimate risks due to factors they cannot see or control, drawing parallels to parents who may pose risks to their children. It discusses the importance of considering factors such as a parent's history, level of insight, and support networks in determining the potential harm a child may face.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Risk assessment is crucial in everyday situations, such as crossing a road, as unseen factors can significantly increase the level of risk.

• Parents with a history of adverse childhood experiences may pose a higher risk to their children due to normalised harmful behaviours.

• Lack of insight and denial of personal issues can lead parents to expose their children to considerable harm.

• Identifying and evaluating a parent's strengths, such as a strong attachment to their child or a supportive network, is essential in assessing the risks they pose.

• Balancing a parent's weaknesses and strengths, along with considering hidden or unknown factors, is necessary to determine the level of risk a child may face.

BEST MOMENTS

"When crossing a road, there are vehicles you can see and vehicles or situations you cannot. You cannot accurately take into account things you cannot see or quantify."

"Parents who pose a major risk of harm to their children are often not in full control of themselves and tend to be in denial concerning the extent of their problems."

"One of the first matters to consider when attempting to analyse the risks posed by a parent is their history."

"If parents do not recognise that they have shortcomings in certain areas, they are then poorly motivated to make changes in their life to address this shortcoming."

"Balancing their overall weaknesses and strengths contributing to a child's care is a task that needs to be carefully and thoroughly considered."

VALUABLE RESOURCES

familycourtcoaching@gmail.com

Instagram: michael240656

HOST BIO

Michael Watson is a qualified social worker and author with over thirty years of experience working with children and families. As an expert in family court, Michael is in a key position to assist, advise, and coach parents through their private law family proceedings and provide them with the information and skills to represent themselves successfully in court. His two books, ‘How to Represent Yourself in Family Court’, and ‘FAMILY COURT: Giving Evidence In Family Court’, provide parents with a clearer understanding of family court proceedings, legislation, and parenting skills.

This episode delves into the challenges individuals face when giving evidence in court, particularly focusing on the daunting experience of being cross-examined. Michael talks about how to manage emotions, listen attentively, and respond effectively to questions while maintaining composure and credibility. The episode underscores the necessity of practising the skills required to present coherent and persuasive evidence in a highly adversarial courtroom environment.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Giving great evidence in court requires thorough preparation and understanding of the case to be able to speak authoritatively.

• It is crucial to manage and control emotions while in the witness box to maintain composure and credibility.

• Active listening is essential to provide concise and relevant answers to questions asked during cross-examination.

• Displaying poise, balance, and a positive attitude throughout the process can help in delivering persuasive evidence.

• Utilising examples, statistics, and patterns of behaviour can strengthen arguments and clarify points for the court.

BEST MOMENTS

"Many people struggle with giving evidence because they don't understand that the process is designed to be difficult and that the court is, for lay people, an alien environment that no one except legal people feel comfortable with."

"The words conflict and criticism are for me now synonymous with the court. never used to be, but they are now because I have been to court enough times to know, without doubt, that the court is a highly adversarial environment."

"You have to know about and be prepared for angles of attack. Those cross-examining you, and including the judges, are likely to focus on, be critical about, and question you in connection with."

"Controlling emotions is critical to the way you come across and portray yourself in the witness box. You cannot allow anything to hijack your emotions, undermine your belief in yourself, or impair your positive attitude."

"Using percentages or ratios provides the court with a clear mental picture of what has been going on. Above all else display a great attitude consistently regardless of how the barristers may treat you."

VALUABLE RESOURCES

familycourtcoaching@gmail.com

Instagram: michael240656

HOST BIO

Michael Watson is a qualified social worker and author with over thirty years of experience working with children and families. As an expert in family court, Michael is in a key position to assist, advise, and coach parents through their private law family proceedings and provide them with the information and skills to represent themselves successfully in court. His two books, ‘How to Represent Yourself in Family Court’, and ‘FAMILY COURT: Giving Evidence In Family Court’, provide parents with a clearer understanding of family court proceedings, legislation, and parenting skills.

This episode provides valuable insights on how to effectively answer difficult questions, particularly in a court setting. Michael emphasises the importance of being in a balanced state of mind, actively listening to questions, and taking the time to formulate thoughtful responses. Practical tips such as acknowledging errors, providing context for actions, and being honest when unsure are also discussed. Overall, the episode offers a comprehensive guide on handling difficult questions with composure and clarity, making it a valuable resource for anyone facing challenging questioning situations.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Practice being in a calm emotional state to maintain serenity and not let external actions affect you.

• Listen carefully to the entire question before answering, to ensure a proper response.

• Take your time when answering questions, think about your response, and speak only what you intend to say.

• Preparation and practice in answering questions from different angles are crucial for success.

• When faced with a question you don't know the answer to, it's better to admit it honestly rather than attempting to provide a false answer.

BEST MOMENTS

"Listening is a key skill in so many areas of your life. When your capacity to listen is impaired, of course you do not hear properly, or you mishear, misread or misinterpret whatever is being asked of you."

"Questions are difficult when they come from an angle you had not expected or highlight an area which is totally new to you or unfamiliar to you."

"It is better to take your time and answer the question properly than fail to answer it by answering it poorly and placing yourself in problems because you rushed in due to worrying about taking too long to respond."

"A tip in answering questions is to be like water. In other words, go with the flow. Unless you have a good or strong reason to challenge or deny any assertion, then make sure, if you do deny or disagree with what's being said, that you can back up your argument with supporting evidence."

"Never lie when answering questions. I hope you really enjoyed this episode and got a great deal out of it. Thank you very much for listening."

VALUABLE RESOURCES

familycourtcoaching@gmail.com

Instagram: michael240656

HOST BIO

Michael Watson is a qualified social worker and author with over thirty years of experience working with children and families. As an expert in family court, Michael is in a key position to assist, advise, and coach parents through their private law family proceedings and provide them with the information and skills to represent themselves successfully in court. His two books, ‘How to Represent Yourself in Family Court’, and ‘FAMILY COURT: Giving Evidence In Family Court’, provide parents with a clearer understanding of family court proceedings, legislation, and parenting skills.

This episode delves into the impact of parents using their children as tools for control, punishment, and negotiation. The episode highlights how some parents, with unmet needs from their own upbringing, prioritise their own desires over their children's well-being. Through a detailed narrative, the episode explores a harrowing case where a child is subjected to emotional abuse and manipulation by one parent, leading to long-term emotional damage and the need for therapeutic support.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Children are highly dependent on parents and caregivers for various needs such as attention, affection, guidance, and security.

• Parents with unmet needs, due to their own upbringing, may struggle to provide adequate care for their children, leading to harmful behaviors.

• Using children as bargaining tools or weapons in conflicts between parents can have long-lasting negative effects on the child's emotional development.

• Court systems may not always fully grasp the impact of one parent's harmful actions on the child during private law proceedings.

• Children who are subjected to intentional conflict and abuse by one parent may require therapeutic support to address their unmet needs and emotional trauma.

BEST MOMENTS

• "Children are very vulnerable and highly dependent on parents and caregivers throughout the many years of their childhood."

• "Parents with unmet needs may, for example, have mental health difficulties, possibly because they were parented in an environment where they were never provided with the safety they needed to feel safe and protected."

• "Some parents compound their lack of insight by going further and putting conditions on the circumstances under which the child will see the other parent."

• "In choosing this course of action, no consideration was given to the damage the child was going to be subjected to, or the long-term impact that a child growing up in this type of environment was likely to experience."

• "Parents who use their children to negotiate more favourable deals for themselves, influence the actions of others, or as a means to inflict pain on others, are primarily focused on their own needs, and in the pursuit of doing so, cannot help but produce considerable harm that will likely rear itself in some stage in their child's future."

VALUABLE RESOURCES
familycourtcoaching@gmail.com
Instagram: michael240656

HOST BIO
Michael Watson is a qualified social worker and author with over thirty years of experience working with children and families. As an expert in family court, Michael is in a key position to assist, advise, and coach parents through their private law family proceedings and provide them with the information and skills to represent themselves successfully in court. His two books, ‘How to Represent Yourself in Family Court’, and ‘FAMILY COURT: Giving Evidence In Family Court’, provide parents with a clearer understanding of family court proceedings, legislation, and parenting skills.

This episode delves into the crucial skill of persuasion and its significance in various aspects of life, particularly in social work and legal settings. Michael emphasises the importance of building trust with clients by demonstrating competence and genuine care. He highlights the power of listening, valuing others, and showing warmth and enthusiasm to establish meaningful connections.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Building Trust: Before trying to persuade others, it is crucial to develop a relationship based on trust. This involves demonstrating competence and genuine care.

• Active Listening: Taking the time to listen to others, value their experiences, and empathize consistently is essential in building trust and understanding.

• Show Warmth and Enthusiasm: Displaying genuine warmth, enthusiasm, and interest towards others can help build positive relationships and influence them effectively.

• Avoid Criticism: Instead of arguing or criticising, find common ground with others and provide reasons for them to consider your suggestions without making them feel wrong or judged.

• Self-Criticism and Learning: Acknowledging mistakes openly, being self-critical, and showing a willingness to learn from errors can positively influence others' perceptions of your character and credibility.

BEST MOMENTS

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

"Your time is your most valuable asset or resource, so taking the time to listen to another is an indication of how much you value them."

"Instead of arguing, blaming or criticising anyone, if you want to stand a chance of positively influencing them... find things you agree on with them."

"Your ability to listen clearly to the questions is vital because if you don't pay attention to the questions, you won't be able to satisfactorily answer them."

"Having a great attitude throughout your time in the witness box and whilst in court and outside of it is key to how you present in a positive manner at court."

VALUABLE RESOURCES

familycourtcoaching@gmail.com

Instagram: michael240656

HOST BIO

Michael Watson is a qualified social worker and author with over thirty years of experience working with children and families. As an expert in family court, Michael is in a key position to assist, advise, and coach parents through their private law family proceedings and provide them with the information and skills to represent themselves successfully in court. His two books, ‘How to Represent Yourself in Family Court’, and ‘FAMILY COURT: Giving Evidence In Family Court’, provide parents with a clearer understanding of family court proceedings, legislation, and parenting skills.

This episode talks about the crucial concept of being well-attuned to a child's emotional needs and feelings, emphasising the profound impact it has on their development. Through a detailed exploration of a case involving a young mother with a traumatic past, the episode highlights how a lack of attunement can lead to significant harm and distress for the child. The narrative underscores the importance of parents being present, empathetic, and understanding towards their children, as this forms the foundation for building strong attachments and fostering a healthy upbringing. .

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Attunement is crucial in parenting, as it involves tuning in and connecting with a child on an emotional level, providing understanding, validation, and support.

• Parents who are well attuned to their children's emotional needs and thoughts are more likely to build strong attachments and positively impact their children's mental health.

• Lack of attunement can lead to emotional harm and distress in children, as seen in the case of a mother who struggled to connect with her son due to her own childhood experiences.

• Being attuned to a child's emotions, thoughts, and needs is essential for effective parenting and sets the foundation for a child's well-being and development.

• Consistently providing well-attuned parenting positively impacts a child's life trajectory and is a crucial skill for parents to develop and exercise.

BEST MOMENTS

"When a parent or an adult is able to understand what's going on for a child and can accurately describe how a child thinks and feels, we can say that that adult is well attuned to the child."

"Parents who lack the capacity to be well attuned to the needs, wishes and feelings of their children are often lacking in insight and consumed or focused on their own issues."

"It appears she thought this way because her abuser, a family member, had told her that her grandmother and mother would kill her, and she had believed it."

"Being attuned to your child's emotions, thoughts and needs, and being able to act consistently in accordance with those needs is one of the most important skills you can develop and exercise as a parent."

VALUABLE RESOURCES

familycourtcoaching@gmail.com

Instagram: michael240656

HOST BIO

Michael Watson is a qualified social worker and author with over thirty years of experience working with children and families. As an expert in family court, Michael is in a key position to assist, advise, and coach parents through their private law family proceedings and provide them with the information and skills to represent themselves successfully in court. His two books, ‘How to Represent Yourself in Family Court’, and ‘FAMILY COURT: Giving Evidence In Family Court’, provide parents with a clearer understanding of family court proceedings, legislation, and parenting skills.