This is the chapter about self-sabotage. Ten years ago I wrote it using food and diets as the example because nearly every woman I've ever worked with recognises herself in it. The Monday morning that starts with the best intentions and ends with a bottle of wine and a family bag of crisps by Friday.

Ten years on, I'd add this: self-sabotage isn't a character flaw. It's an old protection strategy that's outlived its usefulness. Your body was trying to keep you safe. It just doesn't know the danger has passed.

For the first-born daughters, the fixers, the ones who hold everything together, self-sabotage often shows up as running yourself into the ground and then reaching for the quick fix. Food. Wine. A scroll. A shop. Anything to take the edge off.

In my 2026 reflections at the end of this chapter, I talk about why you can't think your way out of self-sabotage when your nervous system is in fight-or-flight. Regulation first, then the patterns can shift.

The full audiobook is available on all the audiobook platforms if you want to jump ahead, or you can get the paperback here: https://amzn.to/4Aw5F6w and the workbook that goes with it here: https://amzn.to/4hfqg63. The exercises are where the real work happens. The exercises need to be done, not just listened to.

As always, I would love to hear from you, what you get out of each chapter, any insights, any thoughts.

www.iamjenwilson.com

www.instagram.com/iam.jenwilson

www.facebook.com/iamjenwilson

www.youtube.com/iamjenwilson

Rule 2: Dreams & goals, know what you want.

Ten years ago I wrote this chapter from the middle of my own reinvention. I'd just walked away from a 13-year career in the travel industry and was building something new from scratch. I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew what I wanted.

Most of the women I work with now have forgotten what they want. They've been wanting things for everyone else for so long that when I ask what THEY want, they can't answer. If that's you, this chapter is for you.

This is where goal setting stops being a corporate exercise and starts being an act of coming back to yourself. The dream worksheets in this chapter still work. They're the same ones I use with clients today.

At the end I share my 2026 reflections on why dreaming is a nervous system function, and why you can't access what you want when you're stuck in survival mode.

The full audiobook is available on all the audiobook platforms if you want to jump ahead, or you can get the paperback here: https://amzn.to/4Aw5F6w and the workbook that goes with it here: https://amzn.to/4hfqg63. The exercises are where the real work happens. The exercises need to be done, not just listened to.

As always, I would love to hear from you, what you get out of each chapter, any insights, any thoughts.

www.iamjenwilson.com

www.instagram.com/iam.jenwilson

www.facebook.com/iamjenwilson

www.youtube.com/iamjenwilson

Rule 1: Know who you are.

I opened this book with a chapter about masks.

The work mask. The mum mask. The everything's-fine mask. We wear so many of them that by the time we get to our forties we've forgotten which one is actually us. And "just be yourself" is the worst advice anyone has ever given you, because how are you meant to be yourself when you don't know who that is anymore?

This chapter is where we start pulling those masks off. The Wheel of Happiness exercise in here is the one I still use with clients today, and I get my clients to do it monthly, to help guide them for the month ahead.

At the end of the chapter I share some 2026 reflections on what I'd add now that I've spent the last decade with my hands on hundreds of women's bodies, watching the nervous system tell the truth that the mind hasn't caught up with yet.

The full audiobook is available on all the audiobook platforms if you want to jump ahead, or you can get the paperback here: https://amzn.to/4Aw5F6w and the workbook that goes with it here: https://amzn.to/4hfqg63. The exercises are where the real work happens. The exercises need to be done, not just listened to.

As always, I would love to hear from you, what you get out of each chapter, any insights, any thoughts.

www.iamjenwilson.com

www.instagram.com/iam.jenwilson

www.facebook.com/iamjenwilson

www.youtube.com/iamjenwilson

The Creation Story.

Before I could write the nine rules, I had to live them. This chapter is the story of how the book came to be. It's the messy, honest version of how a Glasgow girl in her early 30's went from divorced, partying, and pretending she was fine, to writing a book about sorting your shit.

2010 was the year my marriage ended. My husband moved back to Australia. I stayed. I threw myself into work and nights out and told everyone I was absolutely fine. I was very good at fine. I was very good at numbing.

Ten years on, I've added some 2026 reflections about what I couldn't see at the time, and what I know now about the body, the nervous system, and the way we survive things before we understand them.

If you're standing at the start of your own reinvention, or you're in the middle of it wondering if you'll come out the other side, start here.

The full audiobook is available on all the audiobook platforms if you want to jump ahead, or you can get the paperback here: https://amzn.to/4Aw5F6w and the workbook that goes with it here: https://amzn.to/4hfqg63. The exercises are where the real work happens. The exercises need to be done, not just listened to.

As always, I would love to hear from you, what you get out of each chapter, any insights, any thoughts.

www.iamjenwilson.com

www.instagram.com/iam.jenwilson

www.facebook.com/iamjenwilson

www.youtube.com/iamjenwilson

I can't believe it's been 10 years since my book 9 Rules To Sort Your Shit came out, and to celebrate, over the coming weeks I'm releasing 1 chapter per week of the audiobook along with exclusive 2026 thoughts and updates.

I didn't realise when I wrote this book, that it was written for the women who've spent decades holding it all together for everyone else. I hadn't yet identified those habits in myself, I just knew I was on a path of healing (although back then, I identified as a warrior, not a healing rebel. We are the fixers, the capable ones, the first-born daughters who are wondering how this is the life we are living. If that's you, you're in the right place.

One reader recently messaged me to say she'd been "GLUED" to it for two hours straight when it arrived, and by page 137 she realised she actually IS the warrior woman. That's the kind of thing that makes ten years of this feel worth it. M, if you're listening, thank you.

The full audiobook is available on all the audiobook platforms if you want to jump ahead, or you can get the paperback here: https://amzn.to/4Aw5F6w and the workbook that goes with it here: https://amzn.to/4hfqg63. The exercises are where the real work happens. The exercises need to be done, not just listened to.

As always, I would love to hear from you, what you get out of each chapter, any insights, any thoughts.

www.iamjenwilson.com

www.instagram.com/iam.jenwilson

www.facebook.com/iamjenwilson

www.youtube.com/iamjenwilson

"You cannot set yourself on fire to keep other people warm."

That's the quote from this week's guest, Jules Duncan, and it captures the whole conversation. Because both of us have done it. Both of us have paid the price. And both of us want you to not do the same.

I'm Jen Wilson, The Healing Rebel, and I'm delighted to have Jules back on the podcast. Jules runs The Badass Business Club, she's been coaching business owners for a decade, and we've known each other pretty much the whole time she's been in business. This conversation goes into the reality of running a business without wrecking your health, and how to build what she calls a "rich life", which has nothing to do with money.

What we cover:

• What a "rich life" actually means (and why it's more about your Tuesdays than your holidays)
• Why gratitude gets a bad rap and what to reach for instead
• Why every task, decision, and commitment needs to go in Google Calendar
• How to schedule your rest, holidays, and downtime months in advance
• The advantages of business ownership that most business owners never take
• Why you don't have to respond to messages within 20 minutes
• Business WhatsApp: what it is, why you need it, and how to set it up properly
• The two-phone system I use to protect my downtime
• Why fit isn't the same as healthy (and why fitness professionals often burn out first)
• The moment Jules realised she was so fatigued she was burning her own neck with a hair straightener
• The Crohn's flare that finally forced me to change how I ran my business
• Why "you can't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm" needs to be tattooed on every coach
• Whether hormones and perimenopause are part of why women in their 40s stop caring what people think
• Why every business is a service (and it's okay to think of it that way)
• Why failure is necessary, not shameful, in building a business

A few questions we answer:

• What is a "rich life" and how do you build one?
• How do you protect your time and energy as a self-employed business owner?
• Why do so many fitness and wellness professionals burn out?
• Should you offer 24/7 support to clients?
• How do you know when your business is costing you too much?
• Why is failure necessary for building a successful business?

Find Jules:

Instagram: @thebadassbusinessclub For book recommendations: @badassbooksandbarbells

Free download: my Lymphatic Drainage Self-Care Routine. A gentle, daily practice you can do in as little as one minute a day. Download here https://iamjenwilson.thrivecart.com/lymph/

If you're in or around Glasgow and you'd like to come in for a treatment, my Reset (90 minutes) and Recalibration (3 hours) sessions are designed for exactly this kind of nervous system exhaustion www.iamjenwilson.com/relax

About Jen:

Jen Wilson is The Healing Rebel, a holistic wellness practitioner with over 17 years in practice, supporting capable, first born daughters who give to everyone and struggle to receive. Working from her private home studio in Springburn, North Glasgow, Jen offers The Reset, The Recalibration, Manual Lymphatic Drainage, Therapeutic Fascia Massage, Closing the Bones, Menopause Massage, Reiki, Reiki Drumming, and Sound Healing, plus online movement classes and an on-demand subscription library.

Find out more at iamjenwilson.com

What matters to you right now?

That's the question this episode is built around, because when everything feels important, nothing gets your proper attention. And when nothing gets your proper attention, you burn out trying to hold it all together.

I'm Jen Wilson, The Healing Rebel, and this episode is about how to work out where to put your energy when your list of "important things" has quietly become unmanageable. It's inspired by a task from my book 9 Rules to Sort Your Shit, which is turning 10 this December.

What I cover:

Why "where the attention goes, the energy flows" isn't just a nice phrase

Why the standard Wheel of Life headings (health, money, relationships) are too vague to help you

How to make the Wheel of Life work for you by writing your own headings

Why you can't get everything to 10 out of 10 at the same time (and why trying is a fast track to burnout)

The link between not knowing what matters and running yourself into the ground

Why knowing something intellectually and putting it into practice are two different things

Why external support (therapy, coaching, bodywork) matters even when you already know the material

The "confidence comes after competence" reminder, and why imposter syndrome often just means you haven't built the reps yet

What I'm currently working on in my own therapy sessions and why

A heads up on the 9 Rules to Sort Your Shit podcast launching this October

A few questions I answer:

How do I work out what to focus on when everything feels important?

Why do I keep feeling stuck even though I'm doing loads?

What is the Wheel of Life exercise and how do I use it properly?

Why can't I just fix everything at once? How do I know when I need external support?

Free download: my Lymphatic Drainage Self-Care Routine. A gentle, daily practice you can do in as little as one minute a day https://iamjenwilson.thrivecart.com/lymph/

2027 Oban Wild & Well Retreat https://iamjenwilson.com/retreat

Get my book 9 Rules to Sort Your Shit here - https://amzn.to/4eYtVnq

Gut Friendly, Easy Recipe book here https://amzn.to/4gJsGIC

About Jen: Jen Wilson is The Healing Rebel, a holistic wellness practitioner with over 15 years in practice, supporting capable, responsible women over 40 who give to everyone and struggle to receive. Working from her private home studio in Springburn, North Glasgow, Jen offers The Reset, The Recalibration, Manual Lymphatic Drainage, Therapeutic Fascia Massage, Menopause Massage, Reiki, Reiki Drumming, and Sound Healing, plus online classes and an on-demand subscription library.

Find out more at iamjenwilson.com

Follow my social channels Subscribe to my YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/iamjenwilson Like my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/IamJenWilson Follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/iam.jenwilson

"I don't know how I'm still alive. My burnout has burned out."

That was a message from a client of mine recently, and it hit me hard. Because I've been that client. I spent the first 10 years of self-employment working seven days a week, from 7am to 9pm most days, telling myself that because I loved what I did, it didn't count as work. I was wrong.

I'm Jen Wilson, The Healing Rebel, and this episode is about why rest needs to be part of your actual strategy, not something you do when everything else is finished. Because it never will be finished. And if you wait until you have time, you will never have time.

What I cover:

Why loving your work doesn't exempt you from needing rest The 10 years I worked without a proper break, and what it cost me Why it took years of scheduled downtime before I could switch off What rest looks like for different people How to pre-schedule social media, out-of-office replies, and downtime The dance between your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system Why your best ideas come when you stop working How dopamine hits become addictive, and why slow satisfaction is better Why nothing you do is life or death How your values inform your rest strategy

A few questions I answer:

Why is rest important for business owners? How do you take a proper holiday when you're self-employed? What does rest look like when you love your work? How do you switch off when you've been "on" for years? How much rest does your nervous system actually need?

Free download: my Lymphatic Drainage Self-Care Routine. A gentle, daily practice you can do in as little as one minute, in the shower or before bed. Access it FREE here: https://iamjenwilson.thrivecart.com/lymph/

If you're in or around Glasgow and you'd like to come in for a treatment, my Reset (90 minutes) and Recalibration (3 hours) sessions are designed for exactly this kind of nervous system exhaustion. www.iamjenwilson.com/relax

FREE Posture for Health mini workshop: https://iamjenwilson.thrivecart.com/posture-for-health/

Get my book 9 Rules to Sort Your Shit: https://amzn.to/4eYtVnq

Rebel and Divine Anarchist hoodies and t-shirts: https://iamjenwilson-2.teemill.com/collection/new/

Gut Friendly, Easy Recipe book: https://amzn.to/4gJsGIC

About Jen:

Jen Wilson is The Healing Rebel, a holistic wellness practitioner with over 15 years in practice, supporting capable, responsible women over 40 who give to everyone and struggle to receive. Working from her private home studio in Springburn, North Glasgow, Jen offers The Reset, The Recalibration, Manual Lymphatic Drainage, Therapeutic Fascia Massage, Menopause Massage, Reiki, Reiki Drumming, and Sound Healing, plus online classes and an on-demand subscription library.

Find out more at iamjenwilson.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/iamjenwilson Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IamJenWilson Instagram: https://instagram.com/iam.jenwilson