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“We’ve tried everything, and nothing sticks.”

If that thought feels familiar, this episode is for you.

In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers explains why so much mainstream parenting advice fails neurodivergent kids — and why that failure is not a reflection of your effort, consistency, or love.

Most popular strategies are built on hidden assumptions about motivation, regulation, and capacity. When a child doesn’t meet those assumptions, the strategies don’t just fall flat. They often make things worse. More meltdowns. More refusal. More shutdowns. And more parents blaming themselves.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The assumptions most parenting advice is built on — and why they don’t fit many neurodivergent kids
• Why sticker charts, consequences, and “just be consistent” often backfire
• The difference between motivation problems and capacity problems
• Why trying harder usually makes parents more exhausted, not more effective
• What questions actually lead to calmer homes and stronger relationships

This episode is about cognitive clarity. It’s about understanding that you didn’t fail the strategy — the strategy failed to account for your child’s nervous system.

Because it’s not that you did it wrong.
It was never designed for your child.

If you’re looking for parenting support that’s rooted in science, not shame — and guidance that actually fits neurodivergent kids — you’re in the right place.

Support the show

Beneath the Behavior is an educational podcast for parents and caregivers of neurodivergent kids.

The information shared is not therapy or a substitute for working with your own provider. Episodes are intended to offer understanding, context, and language—not individual advice.

If you’re looking for ongoing support grounded in the same science-not-shame approach, check out the Neurodivergent Parenting Collective.

Send us a text

Meltdowns. Refusal. Shutdowns.
If you’re parenting a neurodivergent child, these moments can feel confusing, exhausting, and deeply personal.

In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers teaches one foundational reframe that can change how you see your child and how you respond in hard moments:

All behavior is communication.

Instead of viewing behavior as defiance, manipulation, or “bad choices,” we slow down and look at what your child’s nervous system may be trying to tell you. You’ll learn why kids often lose access to words when they’re overwhelmed, what meltdowns and shutdowns are really signaling, and why refusal is usually a capacity problem, not a character problem.

This episode breaks down:

• The difference between tantrums and meltdowns
• Why “use your words” doesn’t work when a child is dysregulated
• What refusal, avoidance, and shutdowns are often communicating
• How to respond in the moment without escalating fear or shame
• What to say after the storm passes to build real skills

If you’ve ever thought, “They know better” or “Why are they doing this?” — this episode offers a clearer, kinder explanation that actually helps.

Because your child isn’t giving you a hard time.
They’re having a hard time.

And learning to read that message changes everything.

Support the show

Beneath the Behavior is an educational podcast for parents and caregivers of neurodivergent kids.

The information shared is not therapy or a substitute for working with your own provider. Episodes are intended to offer understanding, context, and language—not individual advice.

If you’re looking for ongoing support grounded in the same science-not-shame approach, check out the Neurodivergent Parenting Collective.

Send us a text

If you’ve ever wondered whether your child is being defiant — or felt guilty about how you’ve responded — this episode is for you.

Many parents of neurodivergent kids are told (directly or indirectly) that their child won’t behave, won’t listen, or won’t try. Over time, that story can lead to stricter discipline, more punishment, and a lot of shame — even when nothing seems to help.

In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers offers a different framework, rooted in neuroscience and compassion:

Kids will do well when they can.

You’ll learn:

• Why “defiance” is often a misunderstanding, not a character issue
• How lagging skills show up as refusal, arguing, shutdowns, or explosions
• Why punishment backfires when behavior is driven by skill gaps
• How to shift from control and power struggles to problem-solving
• What to ask instead of “Why won’t my child listen?”

This conversation doesn’t dismiss boundaries or safety. Instead, it separates support in the moment from skill-building over time, so real change becomes possible.

If you’ve been carrying guilt, frustration, or fear about your child’s behavior, this episode offers relief — and a more accurate way to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface.

Support the show

Beneath the Behavior is an educational podcast for parents and caregivers of neurodivergent kids.

The information shared is not therapy or a substitute for working with your own provider. Episodes are intended to offer understanding, context, and language—not individual advice.

If you’re looking for ongoing support grounded in the same science-not-shame approach, check out the Neurodivergent Parenting Collective.