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“We’ve tried everything, and nothing sticks.”

If that thought feels familiar, this episode is for you.

In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers explains why so much mainstream parenting advice fails neurodivergent kids — and why that failure is not a reflection of your effort, consistency, or love.

Most popular strategies are built on hidden assumptions about motivation, regulation, and capacity. When a child doesn’t meet those assumptions, the strategies don’t just fall flat. They often make things worse. More meltdowns. More refusal. More shutdowns. And more parents blaming themselves.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The assumptions most parenting advice is built on — and why they don’t fit many neurodivergent kids
• Why sticker charts, consequences, and “just be consistent” often backfire
• The difference between motivation problems and capacity problems
• Why trying harder usually makes parents more exhausted, not more effective
• What questions actually lead to calmer homes and stronger relationships

This episode is about cognitive clarity. It’s about understanding that you didn’t fail the strategy — the strategy failed to account for your child’s nervous system.

Because it’s not that you did it wrong.
It was never designed for your child.

If you’re looking for parenting support that’s rooted in science, not shame — and guidance that actually fits neurodivergent kids — you’re in the right place.

Support the show

Beneath the Behavior is an educational podcast for parents and caregivers of neurodivergent kids.

The information shared is not therapy or a substitute for working with your own provider. Episodes are intended to offer understanding, context, and language—not individual advice.

If you’re looking for ongoing support grounded in the same science-not-shame approach, check out the Neurodivergent Parenting Collective.