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Meltdowns. Refusal. Shutdowns.
If you’re parenting a neurodivergent child, these moments can feel confusing, exhausting, and deeply personal.

In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers teaches one foundational reframe that can change how you see your child and how you respond in hard moments:

All behavior is communication.

Instead of viewing behavior as defiance, manipulation, or “bad choices,” we slow down and look at what your child’s nervous system may be trying to tell you. You’ll learn why kids often lose access to words when they’re overwhelmed, what meltdowns and shutdowns are really signaling, and why refusal is usually a capacity problem, not a character problem.

This episode breaks down:

• The difference between tantrums and meltdowns
• Why “use your words” doesn’t work when a child is dysregulated
• What refusal, avoidance, and shutdowns are often communicating
• How to respond in the moment without escalating fear or shame
• What to say after the storm passes to build real skills

If you’ve ever thought, “They know better” or “Why are they doing this?” — this episode offers a clearer, kinder explanation that actually helps.

Because your child isn’t giving you a hard time.
They’re having a hard time.

And learning to read that message changes everything.

Support the show

Beneath the Behavior is an educational podcast for parents and caregivers of neurodivergent kids.

The information shared is not therapy or a substitute for working with your own provider. Episodes are intended to offer understanding, context, and language—not individual advice.

If you’re looking for ongoing support grounded in the same science-not-shame approach, check out the Neurodivergent Parenting Collective.