When filming porn or exploring kink, like impact play, bondage, or humiliation, consent becomes more complex and nuanced than off-camera or vanilla sex. Hazel Havoc, a long-time pro-domme, pornstar and personal life kinkster, explains methods to ensure that all participants are experiencing BDSM and porn in a way that is positive and desirable.

Hazel uses a variety of communication strategies to prepare for scenes that range in their depth and formality depending on the circumstances. She shares the little card she keeps in her wallet to remind her of the categories of questions to check in about before play. She also describes the longer questionnaire she uses with more professional, complex scenes. Even with ample preparation, not every situation works for all participants; safe words, repair and aftercare are also important components of positive sex.

These approaches may be most useful for people engaging in BDSM play, or producing or starring in porn. However, the ethos of extensive conversation before, during and after play can also apply to less kinky sexual play and vanilla romantic partnerships, wherein negotiation deepens connection and trust.

Please note that this episode includes discussion of rape and sexual assault.

Everyone processes relationship jealousy and traumatic experiences, like sexual assault, differently. Some people find that avoiding situations that cause jealousy and avoiding situations that remind them of their past experiences of assault help them remain emotionally healthy.

While these strategies are useful for many, Vanessa shares a different, potentially unconventional approach she uses to release trauma, fear and jealousy. Rather than avoiding the jealousy-provoking or triggering experiences, she leans into them, exposing herself to them in intimate settings, asking her partners for help eroticizing them through kink and sexual play.

Hearing intense details about the sexual activities of her partners and roleplaying with consensual non-consent (CNC) have allowed Vanessa to overcome years of struggle with these feelings. She offers recommendations for how this approach may be helpful for people exploring options to overcome fears like relationship abandonment and assault.

Society’s dominant cultural narratives suggest that most couples would prefer the security of monogamous marriage. However, the explosive popularity of hotwife and swinger porn genres makes it clear that many couples, even straight married couples, have an interest in exploring more slutty, open relationship styles.

Orion Pax takes us on his journey of uncovering why he is so drawn to slutty women, especially women who have sex with anonymous men, attend adult theaters, or participate in gangbangs. He explains what emotional meaning and intimacy he derives from these relationships. He also shares how some relationships he thought were rooted in the woman’s authentic desire for slutting turned into something more monogamous.

He concludes with lessons for how to identify women who authentically desire slutty sex and how to sustain healthy meaningful connections in this relationship style.