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Farmer Brown is going on vacation. He asks his brother, Bob, to take care of the animals. "But keep an eye on Duck. He's trouble." Bob follows the instructions in Farmer Brown's notes exactly. He orders pizza with anchovies for the hens, bathes the pigs with bubble bath, and lets the cows choose a movie. Is that giggling he hears? Giggle, giggle, quack, giggle, moo.

My fellow Americans: It is our pleasure, our honor, our duty as citizens to present to you Duck for President. Here is a duck who began in a humble pond. Who worked his way to farmer. To governor. And now, perhaps, to the highest office in the land. Some say, if he walks like a duck and talks like a duck, he is a duck. We say, if he walks like a duck and talks like a duck, he will be the next president of the United States of America. Thank you for your vote.