Many people believe EMDR has to be intense, overwhelming, or focused on reliving trauma — but that belief is limiting access to one of the most powerful therapeutic tools we have. In this episode of the Zero Disturbance Podcast, we unpack why EMDR doesn’t have to start with the “worst memory,” how beginning with lower-intensity targets in phase 4 or even positive targets (also called resource development installation) in phase 2 can be just as effective to get started, and why framing EMDR solely as a trauma modality is scaring clients away.

This conversation reframes EMDR as a way of mapping learning, expanding positive beliefs, and restoring agency, choice, and power — especially for clients with complex or chronic trauma histories. Whether you’re a therapist, a client, or both, this episode offers a gentler, more expansive way to understand what EMDR can actually do.

Key Takeaways:

• EMDR doesn’t require starting with the most intense traumatic memory
  
• “Not being ready for EMDR” is often a clinical myth rooted in limited training
  
• Starting with lower-disturbance or positive targets helps the nervous system generalize healing
  
• Focusing only on traumatic content can remove client agency and increase overwhelm
  
• EMDR is about mapping learning — not reliving trauma
  
• Expanding positive beliefs can neutralize traumatic material without directly targeting it
  
• Giving clients choice, power, and control is itself reparative

Note: This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you’re experiencing difficulties, please seek guidance from a licensed mental health provider. All stories, examples, and characters shared are fictionalized or composite representations. Any resemblance to actual persons or situations is purely coincidental and intended solely for educational illustration.

If you’re a clinician and this episode resonates, I want you to know about a way to go deeper; The Lesson Plan is a simple, practical framework for assessing readiness and integrating EMDR without flooding clients. Learn more about The Lesson Plan and get 30% off for therapists!

Lesson Plan sale link here: https://zerodisturbance.mykajabi.com/offers/zZFZiLaL/checkout

Want to learn more about empowering yourself to experience therapy or coaching on your terms? If you appreciated this episode, you wont want to miss out on The Client Workbook + supporting videos! https://www.zerodisturbance.com/client-workbook

We also offer free resources for clients and therapists! Get access to our free client resource library for the most up-to-date tools and resources for your own journey.

Therapists, access our favorite free resources for designing high-value offers in The Zero Disturbance Welcome Bundle,

https://www.zerodisturbance.com/free-resources

With a Masters in Education from Vanderbilt, Kambria has been creating trainings and teaching adult learners for over 20 years. As the Director of Education and Quality Improvement at Stanford Medical School, she created ease in complex systems, thereby giving medical trainees successful learning experiences. Now, as a dedicated mom, therapist, and EMDR Consultant, Kambria knows what it means to do things efficiently, effectively, and in a learner-centered way. When she isn't podcasting or creating online courses, you can find Kambria playing with her twins on a beach in California.

In this episode of the Zero Disturbance Podcast, we continue the series Why Women Go to Therapy by exploring a counterintuitive and often uncomfortable truth: women can be disrespectful to men by not allowing them to figure things out for themselves. We highlight how women, who statistically attend therapy at much higher rates and have been socially conditioned to be nurturers, often slip into mothering, over-functioning, and enabling male partners. This deprives men of the opportunity to develop the foundational belief “I can figure things out”—a belief essential for emotional maturity, accountability, and healthy relationship dynamics. Learn what really happens when women stop “figuring things out” for their partners—and why it’s one of the most empowering shifts you can make in a relationship.

We’re calling listeners to step into a new framework:
✨ I can figure things out — and he can figure things out.
From this place, women can stop managing, fixing, and rescuing, and instead shift toward clear expectations, self-responsibility, and relational self-respect. The episode encourages deeper reflection on enabling behaviors, misplaced responsibility, and the revolutionary possibility of holding men capable instead of helpless.

🎯 KEY TAKEAWAYS

1. Women Are Often Over-Functioning in Relationships

Because women attend therapy more frequently and are conditioned to be nurturers, they often take responsibility for emotional labor, change efforts, and “relationship management” that does not belong to them. When women step back, we reclaim our energy and clarity—honoring our boundaries and focusing on our own growth.

1. The Real Disrespect: Not Allowing Men to Figure Things Out

When women assume men can’t improve, regulate emotions, communicate, or take responsibility, they unintentionally infantilize them. This diminishes growth and creates inequitable relationships. When women step back, he shows who he really is—takes responsibility (or doesn’t), learns (or doesn’t), and reveals patterns. When the relationship shifts, and healthier dynamics emerge, we allow the truth about compatibility to become clear.

1. The Most Powerful Belief: “I Can Figure Things Out”

In EMDR and in life, this positive belief fosters internal safety, resilience, autonomy, and evolution. Equally important? Believing others — including men — can figure things out too.

Note: This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you’re experiencing difficulties, please seek guidance from a licensed mental health provider. All stories, examples, and characters shared are fictionalized or composite representations. Any resemblance to actual persons or situations is purely coincidental and intended solely for educational illustration.

Want to learn more about empowering yourself to experience therapy or coaching on your terms? If you appreciated this episode, you wont want to miss out on The Client Workbook + supporting videos! https://www.zerodisturbance.com/client-workbook

We also offer free resources for clients and therapists! Get access to our free client resource library for the most up-to-date tools and resources for your own journey.

Therapists, access our favorite free resources for designing high-value offers in The Zero Disturbance Welcome Bundle,

https://www.zerodisturbance.com/free-resources

With a Masters in Education from Vanderbilt, Kambria has been creating trainings and teaching adult learners for over 20 years. As the Director of Education and Quality Improvement at Stanford Medical School, she created ease in complex systems, thereby giving medical trainees successful learning experiences. Now, as a dedicated mom, therapist, and EMDR Consultant, Kambria knows what it means to do things efficiently, effectively, and in a learner-centered way. When she isn't podcasting or creating online courses, you can find Kambria playing with her twins on a beach in California.

In this episode, we reframe the viral conversation about “the male loneliness epidemic,” arguing that the issue isn’t loneliness — it’s a lack of curiosity.

Men are naming their feelings more openly (which is great), but many are stopping there. Instead of asking why women are distancing themselves or leaving relationships, many men blame women, double down on old power structures, or retreat into defensiveness.

We break down why this is happening, how power dynamics influence curiosity, and why women do not need to step in and fix or teach anyone. The capacity to learn exists — but curiosity must be a chosen behavior, not outsourced emotional labor.

• This isn’t a “male loneliness epidemic”; it’s a “male curiosity epidemic.”
  The information men need has always been available.
  
  
• Women have historically been forced to track men for safety and connection.
  Men have not been required to study women in the same way.
  
  
• Some men are doubling down on tantrums, power, and control instead of learning.
  This is now showing natural consequences: disconnection and loneliness.
  
  
• Women are not responsible for teaching grown men emotional intelligence.
  Curiosity is a choice, and refusing it carries its own outcomes.
  
  
• Real connection requires respect, mutual curiosity, and shared responsibility.
  Without it, relationships become performative or imbalanced.

Note: This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you’re experiencing difficulties, please seek guidance from a licensed mental health provider. All stories, examples, and characters shared are fictionalized or composite representations. Any resemblance to actual persons or situations is purely coincidental and intended solely for educational illustration.

Want to learn more about empowering yourself to experience therapy or coaching on your terms? If you appreciated this episode, you wont want to miss out on The Client Workbook + supporting videos! https://www.zerodisturbance.com/client-workbook

We also offer free resources for clients and therapists! Get access to our free client resource library for the most up-to-date tools and resources for your own journey.

Therapists, access our favorite free resources for designing high-value offers in The Zero Disturbance Welcome Bundle,

https://www.zerodisturbance.com/free-resources

With a Masters in Education from Vanderbilt, Kambria has been creating trainings and teaching adult learners for over 20 years. As the Director of Education and Quality Improvement at Stanford Medical School, she created ease in complex systems, thereby giving medical trainees successful learning experiences. Now, as a dedicated mom, therapist, and EMDR Consultant, Kambria knows what it means to do things efficiently, effectively, and in a learner-centered way. When she isn't podcasting or creating online courses, you can find Kambria playing with her twins on a beach in California.

In this game-changing episode of The Zero Disturbance Podcast, Kambria Evans continues the "Why Women Go to Therapy" series with a profound conversation on marriage, identity, and the transformative power of EMDR therapy. Drawing from over a decade of clinical experience, she explores how so many women enter marriage carrying generational programming, internalized shame, and false beliefs about what makes them "good" or "successful."

In light of the recent Vogue article suggesting that “having a boyfriend is embarrassing now,” this episode offers a particularly timely lens for re-thinking relational norms. While the Vogue article highlights how in today’s culture many women are publicly distancing themselves from the traditional badge of “partner status”—and instead choosing identity, autonomy, and self-defined value, its time that divorce also got a rebrand.

Through the story of a fictional client, Betsy, we illustrate how therapy—especially EMDR—can bring clarity, reduce emotional disturbance, and empower women to reevaluate long-held narratives. We challenge the outdated stigma around divorce and offer a bold reframe: divorce, for many women, is not a failure—it's an act of self-respect.

- Why EMDR is so effective in helping women find clarity in relationships

- The "branding of marriage" vs. the reality behind closed doors

- Four essential belief buckets used in EMDR to assess relationship health

- How societal and family programming creates inner conflict around leaving

- Why Self-led decisions—grounded in worth, safety, and power—must guide our biggest life choices

Whether you're navigating a relationship, contemplating a major life shift, or supporting a friend through divorce, this episode offers deep insights and compassionate validation. Its important to remind us: clarity is healing, and choosing yourself is never something to be ashamed of.

Quote to Remember:

"Divorce, when chosen from a place of self-worth and clarity, is not a failure—it’s an act of self-respect."

The Zero Disturbance podcast is for educational purposes and is not a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or individualized mental health or medical care. All stories, examples, and characters shared are fictionalized or composite representations. Any resemblance to actual persons or situations is purely coincidental and intended solely for educational illustration.

Want to learn more about empowering yourself to experience therapy or coaching on your terms? If you appreciated this episode, you wont want to miss out on The Client Workbook + supporting videos! https://www.zerodisturbance.com/client-workbook

We also offer free resources for clients and therapists! Get access to our free client resource library for the most up-to-date tools and resources for your own journey.

Therapists, access our favorite free resources for designing high-value offers in The Zero Disturbance Welcome Bundle,

https://www.zerodisturbance.com/free-resources

With a Masters in Education from Vanderbilt, Kambria has been creating trainings and teaching adult learners for over 20 years. As the Director of Education and Quality Improvement at Stanford Medical School, she created ease in complex systems, thereby giving medical trainees successful learning experiences. Now, as a dedicated mom, therapist, and EMDR Consultant, Kambria knows what it means to do things efficiently, effectively, and in a learner-centered way. When she isn't podcasting or creating online courses, you can find Kambria playing with her twins on a beach in California.

In this powerful episode, we explore the four distinct phases of therapy—with a spotlight on the often-overlooked 4th phase that can transform your healing journey. Drawing from EMDR, Brainspotting, and somatic therapy, this conversation breaks down what most therapeutic models miss and offers a path forward for deeper healing, integration, and self-leadership.

1. Phase One – The Call to Heal:
   
   
2. • A felt sense or internal voice tells you, “Something’s not right.”
   • Could show up as symptoms like panic attacks, IBS, migraines, or emotional overwhelm.
   • Your nervous system is asking for help.
     
     
3. Phase Two – Naming What’s Happening:
   
   
4. • Identifying trauma, patterns, and beliefs.
   • Going beyond content and symptoms to explore the underlying negative beliefs of self.
   • Using frameworks like the EMDR Beliefs Inventory to understand "Am I safe?", "Am I good?" etc.
     
     
5. Phase Three – Understanding with Clarity:
   
   
6. • Realizing the root causes and integrating new understandings.
   • Acceptance that positive beliefs of self likely won’t come from parents, society, or partners.
   • Many end therapy here—but there’s more.
     
     
7. Phase Four – Building the Self-Led System:
   
   
8. • Actively cultivating and expanding positive beliefs of self.
   • Working with brain-based therapies to create felt experiences of worth, safety, and power.
   • This is the transformational, empowering phase often skipped.
     
     

• You deserve all four phases—not just awareness and coping.
• Brain-based therapies like EMDR and Brainspotting can help lock in positive beliefs at a body level.
• You don’t have to stay stuck at “understanding.” You can build, reclaim, and expand into a fully actualized self.
  

Note: This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you’re experiencing difficulties, please seek guidance from a licensed mental health provider. All stories, examples, and characters shared are fictionalized or composite representations. Any resemblance to actual persons or situations is purely coincidental and intended solely for educational illustration.

Want to learn more about empowering yourself to experience therapy or coaching on your terms? If you appreciated this episode, you wont want to miss out on The Client Workbook + supporting videos! https://www.zerodisturbance.com/client-workbook

We also offer free resources for clients and therapists! Get access to our free client resource library for the most up-to-date tools and resources for your own journey.

Therapists, access our favorite free resources for designing high-value offers in The Zero Disturbance Welcome Bundle,

https://www.zerodisturbance.com/free-resources

With a Masters in Education from Vanderbilt, Kambria has been creating trainings and teaching adult learners for over 20 years. As the Director of Education and Quality Improvement at Stanford Medical School, she created ease in complex systems, thereby giving medical trainees successful learning experiences. Now, as a dedicated mom, therapist, and EMDR Consultant, Kambria knows what it means to do things efficiently, effectively, and in a learner-centered way. When she isn't podcasting or creating online courses, you can find Kambria playing with her twins on a beach in California.

In this episode of the Zero Disturbance Podcast and our Why Women Go to Therapy series, we bust the myth of "dopamine addiction" and dive deep into the truth about what your nervous system is really trying to do. Through powerful storytelling, neuroscience-backed insight, and trauma-informed wisdom, we reframe the language around dopamine, addiction, trauma bonding, and self-soothing. If you’ve ever wondered why you feel "addicted" to love, validation, work, or chaos—this one’s for you.

Key Takeaways:

• Dopamine is not "good" or "bad" — it's a chemical signal tied to positive feeling states, not addiction.
• The real issue isn't dopamine; it’s unmet needs for self-soothing and safety.
• Trauma and early experiences create subconscious associations your brain tries to repeat—even decades later.
• EMDR and Brainspotting can help rewire those associations with intention.
• Predators (like narcissists) exploit your biology, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.
• Society conditions women to fall for love-bombing and dysfunctional romance, and it’s time to unlearn that.
• You can build a self-soothing, self-led system—on purpose.

Note: This content is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you’re experiencing difficulties, please seek guidance from a licensed mental health provider. All stories, examples, and characters shared are fictionalized or composite representations. Any resemblance to actual persons or situations is purely coincidental and intended solely for educational illustration.

Want to learn more about empowering yourself to experience therapy or coaching on your terms? If you appreciated this episode, you wont want to miss out on The Client Workbook + supporting videos! https://www.zerodisturbance.com/client-workbook

We also offer free resources for clients and therapists! Get access to our free client resource library for the most up-to-date tools and resources for your own journey.

Therapists, access our favorite free resources for designing high-value offers in The Zero Disturbance Welcome Bundle,

https://www.zerodisturbance.com/free-resources

With a Masters in Education from Vanderbilt, Kambria has been creating trainings and teaching adult learners for over 20 years. As the Director of Education and Quality Improvement at Stanford Medical School, she created ease in complex systems, thereby giving medical trainees successful learning experiences. Now, as a dedicated mom, therapist, and EMDR Consultant, Kambria knows what it means to do things efficiently, effectively, and in a learner-centered way. When she isn't podcasting or creating online courses, you can find Kambria playing with her twins on a beach in California.