What happens when you know the relationship tools, teach the relationship tools, practice the relationship tools… and still lose your shit?

In this episode of The Relational Repair Podcast, Dr. Hazel-Grace Yates sits down with Chris and Christopher, a couple approaching ten years together who have spent years developing their relational skills. And yet, like the rest of us, they still get triggered.

Chris can get hot, fast, and righteous. Christopher can react, pull away, and need more time to come back. They know how to communicate, take accountability, and repair, but when their nervous systems are activated, accessing those skills isn't always so simple.

Together, we explore what it looks like to catch yourself in an old pattern, take space without abandoning the relationship, recognize when the intensity you're feeling belongs partly to your past, and learn what your partner actually needs for an apology to land.

Chris and Christopher also get candid about one of the less-talked-about realities of repair: sometimes one person is ready to move on long before the other. A quick “I'm sorry” might be enough for one nervous system, while the other needs time, consistency, affection, and a deeper acknowledgment before trust is restored.

This conversation is a reminder that relational mastery isn't about never getting reactive. It's about becoming more skillful at recognizing when you've lost each other, taking responsibility for your part, and finding your way back.

Because knowing the tools doesn't make you perfectly relational. It gives you more choices when you're inevitably imperfect.
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Chris is a Somatic Sex Educator, coach, and lifelong student of relationships, embodiment, and human sexuality. Their work helps people reconnect with their bodies, reclaim their erotic energy as a creative life force, and build more authentic relationships with themselves and others.

With a background spanning yoga, authentic relating, nutrition, and leadership, Chris has trained in Relational Life Therapy, somatic trauma healing, relational mindfulness, attachment, Internal Family Systems, and nature-based practices. They bring a heart-centered, body-based approach grounded in curiosity, integrity, and deep attunement, supporting people to move beyond shame and limiting relational patterns toward greater wholeness, vitality, and connection.

https://www.chris-muse.com/