Send us Fan Mail

Are you still waiting for someone to acknowledge what happened, apologize, or finally take some of the weight off you? The rescue fantasy is one of the most reasonable things a hurt person can carry — and one of the most expensive. Tracy Smaldino explains why nobody is coming, what waiting actually costs you, and why becoming your own hero is the moment everything changes.

For ten years at House of Blues she made sure everyone else could walk into the light — while hiding under that same stage, waiting for someone to come get her.

In this episode:
- The rescue fantasy — who you're actually waiting for
- Why waiting is active, not passive
- Why you keep the wound open as evidence
- How waiting hands the person who hurt you control of your timeline
- What being your own hero actually means — and what it doesn't
- Why it wasn't your fault AND it's your responsibility now
- 5 ways to stop waiting and start today

"Waiting for someone to save you hands them one more thing. They already took something from you. Now they get to decide when you're allowed to be done with it."
— Tracy Smaldino

🎵 SONGS THAT SAVED US — Healing Playlist:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0mQfkVQtw1eB1eNSsD9ZQy

📩 Newsletter — every Sunday:
https://traumarockstars.com/#newsletter

🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/traumarockstars

💛 SUPPORT THE SHOW:
☕ Buy Me a Coffee:
https://buymeacoffee.com/traumarockstars
🎙️ Become a Supporter:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2526063/supporters/new

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Why does every boundary feel like an ultimatum? If your only two options with difficult people are keep absorbing it or cut them off completely, this episode gives you the thing nobody taught you — there are five levels of access, not two. Tracy Smaldino breaks down how to move someone down a level without a confrontation, and why you may be the one who never got a backstage pass to your own life.

A venue never had one door. General admission, VIP, meet and greet, backstage, green room. Nobody got cut. They got placed.

In this episode:
- Why boundaries feel like detonation — and where that came from
- The five levels of access in every relationship
- Why most of your relationship pain is a pass mismatch, not a bad person
- How to move someone down a level without a conversation
- The one sentence for when someone pushes past a level
- Why having nobody backstage isn't a boundary
- Who you should be moving UP

"A boundary is not a verdict on whether someone deserves you. It's a decision about how far into your life a person gets to come."
— Tracy Smaldino

🎵 SONGS THAT SAVED US — Healing Playlist:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0mQfkVQtw1eB1eNSsD9ZQy

📩 Newsletter — every Sunday:
https://traumarockstars.com/#newsletter

🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/traumarockstars

💛 SUPPORT THE SHOW:
☕ Buy Me a Coffee:
https://buymeacoffee.com/traumarockstars
🎙️ Become a Supporter:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2526063/supporters/new

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Do you feel like you're watching your own life from a distance instead of living it? That numbness, the lost time, the sense that you were in the room but not really
there — that's dissociation, and it's one of the most common and least discussed trauma responses. Tracy explains why you left, what it's costing you,
and how to come back without flooding.

Every show at House of Blues had a front row and a back of the room. Same band. Same songs. Completely different experience.

In this episode:
- Why you stopped being present — and why it was never a character flaw
- Why you cannot numb selectively, and what that means for your joy
- The four things it costs you to stay at a distance
- Why you can do all the healing work and still feel nothing
- Presence is proximity, not intensity
- Why presence without an exit isn't presence
- 5 ways to come back into the room

"You cannot numb one thing. Your system does not have a dial for dampen the grief but leave the joy alone. It has one master fader and it pulls the whole mix down."
— Tracy Smaldino

🎵 SONGS THAT SAVED US — Healing Playlist:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0mQfkVQtw1eB1eNSsD9ZQy

📩 Newsletter — every Sunday:
https://traumarockstars.com/#newsletter

🔗 All links: https://linktr.ee/traumarockstars

💛 SUPPORT THE SHOW:
☕ Buy Me a Coffee:
https://buymeacoffee.com/traumarockstars
🎙️ Become a Supporter:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2526063/supporters/new

Support the show