You want to stop drinking, but words like “alcoholic,” “sober,” or “in recovery” just don't feel like you. Do you have to use them?

Matt and Dave join Julie and Steve for an honest (and sometimes spicy) conversation about how we describe our drinking and our decision to stop. We explore why a label can help one person recognize they need help while making someone else feel ashamed, boxed in, or like they don't belong.

We don’t all use the same words - or agree on what they mean. From “functional alcoholic” to “sober curious,” we share the experiences behind our opinions and how our language has changed over time.

In this episode: • How “functional alcoholic” can become a reason to keep drinking • Why some people embrace the alcoholic label and others resist it • Whether you have to identify as “in recovery” forever • The different meanings we attach to “sober” and “alcohol-free” • Counting days, drinking again, and whether progress gets erased • Finding connection and useful support even when the language doesn’t fit

If you’ve ever thought, “I just want to stop drinking - do I have to call myself something?” this conversation makes room for you.

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Self forgiveness after quitting drinking can feel impossible when you still regret the people you hurt, the risks you took, and the moments you missed. How do you live with what happened without punishing yourself forever?

Amber and Janice join Julie and Steve for an honest conversation about facing the past and learning to treat yourself with compassion. We share the regrets that were hardest to sit with - and how trying to make up for them sometimes led to isolation, overpromising, and impossible expectations.

We talk about:

• Recognizing the difference between taking responsibility and punishing yourself
• Rebuilding trust through small, consistent actions
• Finding safe people to share the things you're ashamed of
• Understanding old patterns and practicing kinder self-talk
• Making different choices, even when old memories still hurt

Self forgiveness takes time. You can acknowledge the harm you caused, keep learning, and begin building a life you're proud to be present for.

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“I miss alcohol - even though I’m glad I quit.” If you’ve had that thought and then felt guilty, confused, or started doubting your decision, this conversation is for you.

Maybe you miss the fun, the friendships, the escape, or the version of yourself who seemed to relax a little easier. You can appreciate your life without alcohol and still grieve parts of the life you left behind.

Julie and Steve join Teresa McLellan and Martin Lockett for an honest conversation about missing alcohol, letting go of an old identity, and remembering why you chose to quit. We also explore how those same feelings show up when you leave a relationship, a job, or a future you hoped you’d have.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Acknowledging the good parts without forgetting what drinking cost you
• Missing the confidence, comfort, and connection you associated with alcohol
• Figuring out who you are without drinking
• Recognizing when good memories turn into romanticizing alcohol
• Letting go of the wish that you could drink without the consequences
• Finding support and meeting the needs underneath the sadness

You don’t have to pretend you hated every part of drinking to stand by your decision to quit. Missing something doesn’t have to decide where you go next.

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You want to quit drinking - but the advice keeps coming back to God, prayer, and finding a higher power. What if none of that connects with you? Can you find support without pretending to believe something you don’t?

Julie and Steve join Sean and David for an honest conversation about faith, doubt, spirituality, and life without alcohol. Their experiences have led them in different directions - from ministry and returning to Jesus to finding meaning in nature, human connection, and beliefs that are still evolving.

They don’t share one definition of a higher power - or even the belief in a higher power at all. Together, they explore what helps them find purpose, accept what they can’t control, and take responsibility for what they can.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Whether you need your beliefs figured out before you stop drinking.
• What needs a higher power can meet - and other ways to explore those needs.
• Why “pray about it” can feel dismissive, even to people who pray.
• How to offer meaningful support when someone shares a struggle.
• Why faith doesn’t remove responsibility for harmful behavior.
• Making room for different beliefs without losing connection.

Whether faith is central to your life, you’ve stepped away from religion, or you’re still figuring out what you believe, there’s room for you in this conversation.

Looking for connection? Join our free Monday night support group. Visit noalcoholneeded.net for details, and explore “Meet the Voices” to get to know our guests.

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What do you do when a relationship hurts more than it helps... but walking away doesn't feel like the right answer either?

When we quit drinking and begin seeing things more clearly, we often start seeing our relationships differently too. Some were built around alcohol. Some depended on us staying quiet, ignoring our needs, or accepting behavior that no longer feels okay. But recognizing that a relationship is unhealthy does not always tell us what to do next.

In this episode, Julie and Steve are joined by BethAnn and Corina for an honest conversation about the many options between tolerating a painful relationship and ending it forever.

Together, they discuss:

• Common signs of an unhealthy relationship dynamic
• How to distinguish a difficult season from a repeated harmful pattern
• Why conflict can be healthy when it is followed by repair
• How quitting drinking changes our boundaries, expectations, and roles
• Taking responsibility for our own behavior without accepting blame for someone else’s abuse
• Adjusting expectations when someone cannot meet us in the way we want
• Setting boundaries and changing how we participate in a relationship
• Taking space without making an immediate permanent decision
• When estrangement or no contact may be necessary
• How relationships can evolve when both people have time to grow

Julie shares what she learned after stepping away from a close friendship and navigating years of distance and reconnection with her mother. Steve talks about finding a sustainable way to remain connected to his father. Corina reflects on learning to trust herself after a controlling relationship, while BethAnn offers an important perspective on ending contact with an abusive parent.

Relationships are rarely as simple as healthy or toxic, good or bad, stay or leave. This conversation offers a more thoughtful question: How can I handle this relationship in a way I can live with?

Learn more about our work, our guests, and the No Alcohol Needed community at https://noalcoholneeded.net.

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What happens when past hurt makes connection feel dangerous?

It is possible to want close friendships and honest relationships while also feeling determined never to be vulnerable enough to get hurt again. Keeping everyone at a distance can feel safer - but it can also become painfully lonely.

In this episode of No Alcohol Needed: the Podcast, Julie Miller and Steve Knapp are joined by therapists Teresa McLellan and Crystal Hamilton to explore how to trust people again after betrayal, rejection, or repeated disappointment.

Together, they discuss:

• How early experiences shape the ability to trust
• Why some people overshare while others reveal almost nothing
• How alcohol can create a temporary feeling of connection without real intimacy
• Why trusting other people often begins with trusting oneself
• How to share gradually and allow trust to build through evidence
• Why different relationships can hold different levels of vulnerability
• What to do when someone responds badly or breaks trust
• How boundaries, curiosity, accountability, and honest communication make repair possible
• Why resilience matters more than finding people who will never cause hurt

Learning to trust again does not require believing that everyone is safe. It means becoming more confident in the ability to notice what is happening, respond to it, and remain okay - even when another person disappoints or rejects us.

The conversation offers a more realistic path toward connection: share in small pieces, pay attention to how those pieces are handled, let people earn deeper trust over time, and build confidence in the ability to handle whatever follows.

Learn more about No Alcohol Needed, meet the voices from the podcast, and find the free Monday Zoom gathering at noalcoholneeded.net

What if taking responsibility didn’t mean blaming yourself - but taking your power back so you can find real joy?

It’s easy to believe life would finally feel better if another person changed, work became less stressful, the kids behaved differently, or circumstances simply stopped going wrong. But when happiness depends on everything around us cooperating, we can end up feeling powerless.

In this episode of No Alcohol Needed, Julie and Steve are joined by Dave and David for a candid conversation about radical responsibility: recognizing what belongs to you, allowing other people to carry what belongs to them, and making intentional choices even when life is difficult or unfair.

Together, they explore:

• What it looks like to live in a constant state of reaction
• Why removing alcohol doesn’t automatically remove anger, resentment, or unhappiness
• The difference between responsibility, blame, and shame
• How to stop letting other people’s moods control your day
• Why saying “you made me feel this way” gives away your power
• How people-pleasing can prevent others from taking responsibility
• Finding the pause between what happens and how you respond
• Taking responsibility for healing without accepting fault for the original hurt
• Creating happiness before every part of life is perfectly resolved

Radical responsibility does not mean that everything that happened to you was your fault. It means recognizing the choices that are still available to you - and deciding that what happened will not have complete control over what you do next.

Learn more about the podcast and meet the voices at https://noalcoholneeded.net

Why does someone else’s success so quickly become evidence that you’re failing?

Comparing yourself to others is deeply human. We use comparison to understand where we fit, whether we belong, and whether we’re doing okay. But when comparison becomes tied to shame and self-worth, it can leave us feeling like everyone else is doing life - or sobriety - better than we are.

In this episode, Julie and Steve are joined by Matt and Sean for an honest conversation about comparison, confidence, and recovery. They discuss feeling behind because of years spent drinking, comparing sober time and recovery progress, and the pressure to measure personal growth against someone who began with entirely different circumstances.

They also challenge the idea that comparison is always harmful. Sometimes it can offer useful information, show us what is possible, and help us recognize what we genuinely want. The difference is whether someone else’s progress inspires curiosity - or becomes a verdict about our own worth.

Together, they explore:

• Why comparison is connected to belonging and emotional safety
• How comparison can keep us from showing up or taking risks
• Feeling behind in life after quitting drinking
• The danger of measuring one person’s sobriety against another’s
• How confidence develops through action
• Turning envy into information and inspiration
• Defining success according to personal values
• Comparing current progress with a former version of ourselves
• What to do when comparison triggers a shame spiral

You may never stop comparing yourself to others completely - and you may not need to. The goal is to stop using someone else’s life as proof that yours isn’t good enough.

What does comparison sound like inside your head? What helps you return to your own definition of success?

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