You're the grown-up now.

You're the one raising the children, making the decisions, filling out the forms, scheduling the appointments and somehow being expected to know where everybody's missing shoes are.

But becoming the grown-up doesn't necessarily mean you stop needing one.

In this episode of The Motherless Mother, I'm reflecting on one of the quieter realities of motherhood after losing your mother: being the person your children look to for answers while still wishing you could turn around and ask your own mother, What do you think?

My mother had her mother for most of her adult life. I don't have that anymore.

But I've also discovered that family hierarchies are funny things—especially when you have aunties who aren't entirely convinced you're grown.

This week, one of mine decided I'd been home long enough and needed a job. She found one she thought I should apply for, sent me the email address for my résumé...and then called to tell me to apply.

No consultation required.

Very much something my mother would have done. 😂

And somewhere in that wildly unsolicited career management was a reminder: we can be somebody's grown-up and still miss our own.

In this episode:

• What it feels like to become the grown-up after losing your mother
• Why our children may mistake our decision-making for certainty
• Missing the person you still want to ask, “What would you do?”
• The aunties and older women who remind us we're still somebody's daughter
• Why being capable doesn't mean we stop needing care
• Faith, uncertainty and learning where to take the questions

Maybe being the grown-up isn't the same thing as no longer needing one.

And maybe our mothers didn't have everything figured out either. Maybe they simply loved us enough to keep figuring it out.

If this episode made you think of another motherless mother, send it to her.

📧 hello@themotherlessmother.com
📱 Instagram/Facebook/YouTube: @themotherlessmotherpodcast

Follow or subscribe so a new episode finds you every Tuesday.

The Motherless Mother — Because motherhood makes you miss your mother in new ways.

You are still her daughter.

When I was 19, my mother was 46.

Back then, 46 sounded middle-aged to me. Grown grown. Surely by that age, you knew who you were, had life figured out and had done most of the becoming.

Now I’m 46.

And apparently, 19-year-old me had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

In this episode of The Motherless Mother Podcast, I look back at the woman my mother, Lillian, was at 46—and at how different my own life looks at the very same age. She had three older children and had been married for 25 years. I have an eight-year-old, a five-year-old, and I'm still figuring out motherhood, marriage, work, purpose and what I want the next part of my life to look like.

But this isn't really about comparing our lives.

It's about realizing that our mothers were still becoming too.

At 46, my mother had no idea that three years later she would become a grandmother or that five years later she would become a mother-in-law. Those versions of herself were still ahead of her.

And maybe there are versions of us we haven't met yet either.

Whether your mother is still here or you're a motherless daughter like me, this episode is an invitation to think about the woman your mother was at the age you are now—and what may still be waiting for you beyond the life you can see today.

We’re still living forward.

🎧 I Thought I’d Be Grown by Now
A New Perspective on Age, Motherhood and What’s Still Possible

The Motherless Mother Podcast
For the things we feel but never name.

📧 hello@themotherlessmother.com
🌐 TheMotherlessMother.com

I knew my mother very well. But after losing her, I’ve found myself wondering about all the versions of her I never got to meet.

The tomboy-ish little girl who was mischievous but afraid of getting spanked. The young woman who became Miss Nassau Beach Hotel. The sister who went dancing with my Auntie Wasi and gave men fake names—Linda Pinder and Sandra Fernander—and then switched places when those men called the house.

I knew Mommy. But who was Lillian before she was my mother?

In this episode of The Motherless Mother, I explore a part of mother loss and grief we don’t always talk about: the questions that come after our mothers are gone. As we grow older, become mothers ourselves and experience more of life, we can become curious about our mothers not only as “Mommy,” but as the women they were before us.

For motherless daughters and women mothering without their mothers, those questions can feel bittersweet. But sometimes pieces of our mothers’ stories are still here—in siblings, relatives, photographs and the memories of people who loved them too.

Who was your mother before she was your mother?

💌 hello@themotherlessmother.com
🌐 TheMotherlessMother.com

The Motherless Mother — for the things we feel but never name.