Episode 79: The Grief of Becoming a Father and Losing Your Child | The Grief Guardian Podcast

What does it mean to become a father and lose your child before you ever get the chance to raise them?

When a baby dies during pregnancy, is stillborn, or passes away shortly after birth, fathers experience a grief that can sometimes go unseen. Alongside losing their child, they may also grieve the future they imagined, the milestones they will never witness, and the experiences they had dreamed of sharing.

In this episode of The Grief Guardian Podcast, Grant Cosgrove shares his personal experience of losing his daughter, Mia, and the challenges of navigating fatherhood after loss.

Grant discusses the hopes and dreams he had for Mia, the emotional impact of losing the future they were supposed to share, and the difficult 22 days when Mia's mum, Saroeun, remained in hospital fighting for her life.

He also talks about finding moments to grieve during the drives home from the hospital, the importance of recognising fathers as grieving parents in their own right, and why losing a child doesn't take away your identity as their father.

This episode explores:

• The grief of losing an imagined future: Mourning the birthdays, milestones, adventures and everyday experiences that will never happen.

• The invisible grief of fathers: Why fathers can sometimes put their own emotions aside while supporting their partners.

• Being a father without getting to raise your child: Understanding that fatherhood isn't measured by the number of physical memories you have.

• Living with the moments you missed: Finding ways to acknowledge and imagine the experiences you never got to share.

• The impact on identity and relationships: Understanding how losing a child can change the way you see yourself, love and family.

• Finding ways to honour your child: Creating meaningful ways to maintain your connection without feeling pressured to turn grief into something productive.

• Taking life one moment at a time: Allowing yourself to heal without deadlines, expectations or pressure to know what comes next.

Grant also shares how losing Mia became the reason behind The Grief Guardian, a project created in her memory and dedicated to helping grieving families.

A message for fathers who have lost their babies:

You became a father when your child came into existence. Not being able to hold them, raise them or watch them grow doesn't take away from that. Your child mattered. Your relationship mattered. And your love still matters.

You don't need to work out how to live the rest of your life today. Just focus on getting through the moment you're facing right now.

You are their dad. You always will be.

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EP78: When Someone Else's Happiness Hurts | The Grief Guardian Podcast

Have you ever looked at someone else's happiness and felt sadness, anger, or a deep sense of missing something you can never have?

Perhaps it's seeing a father hug his daughter, watching children celebrate Christmas, seeing a pregnancy announcement, or scrolling through photos of another family's happy moments.

When you're grieving, these ordinary moments can bring up emotions you might find difficult to understand. You can genuinely be happy for someone else while feeling heartbroken about what you've lost.

In Episode 78 of The Grief Guardian Podcast, Grant Cosgrove explores the difficult experience of watching others enjoy the moments you wish you could have shared with someone you love.

Drawing on his own experience of losing his daughter, Mia, Grant shares how seeing other families experience happiness brought up feelings of helplessness and sadness, particularly in the early days of grief. He also reflects on how those feelings have changed over time, moving from raw pain towards a quieter sense of missing what could have been.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why other people's happiness can trigger grief.

• The anger, sadness and helplessness that can arise after losing someone you love.

• Why these feelings don't make you a bad person.

• How you can be happy for someone else while still grieving your own loss.

• How our relationship with grief and its reminders can change over time.

• Finding a connection to love when you're reminded of what you've lost.

• Learning to carry your love forward, even when the person you love is no longer physically here.

If you're experiencing these feelings, please know that you aren't alone. You don't need to feel guilty for your reactions or force yourself to be okay. Give yourself permission to feel what comes up, and allow yourself time to find your own way through grief.

For me, one of the biggest lessons has been understanding that even though Mia isn't physically here, the love I have for her is still here.

Sometimes what hurts isn't the happiness you're seeing. It's the love you're reminded you still carry.

If this episode speaks to you, please consider liking, sharing and subscribing to The Grief Guardian Podcast. Your support helps these conversations reach others who may need to hear them.

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Guiding you through the hardest journey: life after losing a loved one. Empowering resilience, healing and hope, one step at a time.

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What happens when you watch other people's children grow up and realise your child should be growing up alongside them?

In Episode 77 of The Grief Guardian Podcast, I talk about something many bereaved parents experience but may struggle to put into words.

My daughter Mia was born sleeping in October 2022. As I watch children around the age she would be now, I often find myself imagining the ordinary moments we never got to have.

Taking her to the playground. Watching her make friends. Seeing her discover animals and decide what she loves. Making pancakes together. Going to the beach. Hearing her ridiculous stories. Tucking her into bed.

And perhaps most of all, knowing what it would have felt like to have my daughter run up and hug me.

Watching other people's children grow can bring two emotions at the same time. You can feel genuine happiness watching another child experience life while also feeling the sadness of knowing your own child should be there too.

I don't look at other people's children and wish they weren't there.

I look at them and wish Mia was there too.

In this episode, I share the ordinary Saturday I wish I could have spent with my four-year-old daughter and why those seemingly insignificant moments can become some of the things we grieve the most.

I didn't need Mia to achieve anything.

I didn't need her to become anyone.

I just wanted the chance to be her dad.

If you've lost a child and watching other children grow brings up emotions you weren't expecting, you are not alone. You can smile at another child's happiness and still grieve the milestones your own child never got to experience.

Your child's life may have ended, but your love for them didn't.

You can still carry their love with you.

❤️ In loving memory of Mia Elizabeth.

If this episode speaks to you, please consider sharing it with another parent who may need to hear it.

The Grief Guardian
Guiding you through the hardest journey, life after losing a loved one. Empowering resilience, healing, and hope one step at a time.

#Grief #ChildLoss #Stillbirth #BereavedParents #GrievingParents #GriefSupport #StillbirthAwareness #LifeAfterLoss #TheGriefGuardian #MiaElizabeth