Somewhere along the way, visibility got confused with exposure.

In this episode of The Dynamics of Everyday Life, Julia explores how sharing online has shifted from something intentional into something increasingly driven by anxiety. This isn’t an episode arguing for or against social media - Julia uses it for her business and enjoys it in her personal life too - but it is an invitation to pause and think about what happens when being seen tips into being uncontained.

Drawing on psychodynamic thinking, Julia looks at acting out as a primary defence mechanism, and how it shows up in everyday online behaviour. She unpacks why oversharing isn’t a moral failing, why being witnessed isn’t the same as being regulated, and how the pressure to be “authentic” can sometimes bypass reflection altogether.

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt the urge to post something just to get rid of a feeling, and wondered afterwards whether it actually helped.

Highlights of this episode:

(2.03) Visibility versus exposure

(4.48) When sharing is driven by anxiety

(5.12) Acting out as a primary defence

(7.24) Oversharing, regulation and performance

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In this episode, Julia explores our obsession with reinvention, why change doesn’t always equal growth, and what refinement, coherence and psychological settlement really look like.

This episode's highlights:

00:00 Welcome back, New Year reflections & a birthday aside

01:40 January, planners, noise and the pressure to reinvent

03:05 Madonna and the cultural fantasy of reinvention

04:35 When reinvention is driven by anxiety, not growth

06:20 When reinvention does make sense (and when it doesn’t)

07:35 Madonna vs Kylie: coherence, identity and psychic fit

09:00 Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and the authority of not scrambling

10:05 Closing reflection: staying with who you already are

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Welcome to another episode of The Dynamics of Everyday Life. In this festive episode, I dive into the unique emotional landscape leading up to Christmas, exploring why the “most wonderful time of the year” can also feel overwhelming, exhausting, or even anticlimactic.

The Long Build-Up:

• How Christmas has become an extended season, starting as early as July for some retailers, and why this drawn-out anticipation can drain our emotional reserves.

Emotional Fatigue:

• With all the pressures—shopping, family logistics, work deadlines, and the ever-present festive expectations—it’s common to arrive at Christmas Eve simply feeling "done."

00:01:43 – 00:02:51:

• lets look at different retailers' early preparations, and explain why the beginning of December can feel like an ending, with build-up causing exhaustion.

00:02:51 – 00:03:34:

• how depleted people often feel by Christmas Eve, my wish for sleep, and the tasks that would be gifted upon surprise celebrity guests.

00:03:35 – 00:04:17:

• exploring the theme of endings, psychological suppression, and the classic “I’ll do it after Christmas” approach.

00:04:17 – 00:04:50:

• listing the feelings stirred up by endings—reflection, loss, relief—often outside of conscious awareness, compounded by tiredness and media expectations.

00:04:51 – 00:06:13:

• highlighting the pressures of the season, from family logistics to work deadlines, and how Christmas removes distractions, letting buried feelings surface.

This episode is all about self-compassion during the holidays—acknowledging realistic feelings and setting aside the pressure to make everything perfect. Whether you’re curled up with a film, or just relieved you made it through, this conversation is for you.

Don’t forget to subscribe, and check the show notes for links to courses, YouTube, and contact info!

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In this episode, I dive into that feeling of chaos in December, the pressure of festive readiness, and the hilarious truth of barely keeping up with the day-to-day—let alone big-picture life planning. I draw on a classic 90s pop song (A1’s Same Old Brand New You) as a metaphor for our perennial attempts at self-reinvention, especially around New Year.

The episode delves into coaching, training, and how true practitioner growth comes from developing emotional capacity, tolerating discomfort, and self-awareness—not just collecting new tools and certificates.

Discussing “Brand New You” Energy [00:00:57] – [00:01:53]:

• reflects on the pressure for reinvention around New Year and connects it to the pop song "Same Old Brand New You" by A1.

Why We Struggle to Change [00:01:55] – [00:03:45]:

• explores the cycle of seeking fresh starts—new routines, skincare, or wardrobes—only to fall back into old patterns.

Psychodynamic Perspective [00:03:46] – [00:05:31]:

• explains how our defense mechanisms manifest as failed attempts at self-improvement, like compulsive gym sign-ups and recurring emotional patterns.

The Reality of True Transformation [00:05:33] – [00:06:39]:

• differentiates fantasy versus reality in making meaningful change, stressing that authentic change is slow, internal, and unglamorous.

Coaching & Professional Development [00:06:40] – [00:08:33]:

• discusses pitfalls in coaching and training—collecting certificates without tackling deeper internal growth—and highlights psychodynamic approaches for genuine practitioner evolution.

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In this festive episode, I explore why certain seasonal films—especially the beloved “Love, Actually”—may leave some of us cold (or even unsettled). With her signature wit and a psychodynamic perspective, I dive into the unconscious emotional patterns that emerge during December, using Freud’s theories to pull apart the charm, nostalgia, and suppressed feelings invoked by the holiday narrative machine.

• 00:00:16 – Confession: Not a fan of 'Love, Actually'
• Julia shares her candid opinion on the film and playfully wonders if she's become the Grinch.
• 00:01:02 – Freud Actually: Why festive narratives mess with us
• Julia introduces the main theme: how December ramps up old relational patterns and triggers regression.
• 00:02:31 – Psychological dissection of 'Love, Actually' scenes
• Julia dives into specific movie moments: Andrew Lincoln's placard scene (reaction formation), Colin Firth and the housekeeper (idealisation), Emma Thompson and the necklace (suppression and denial), and Hugh Grant’s storyline (idealisation and power dynamics).
• 00:05:43 – Why does this matter in coaching?
• Julia relates film tropes to daily life and coaching, discussing real-life psychological dynamics and festive pressure.
• 00:06:24 – Stories as emotional projectors
• Julia explains how personal reactions to stories reflect unconscious echoes—it's never just about the film.
• 00:07:33 – Invitation for personal reflection
• Julia encourages listeners to reflect on times they've felt pressured to like something and to be kind to themselves for thinking differently.

Don’t Forget: Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and check out more from “Dynamics Of Everyday Life” for deep-dives into why we do what we do—not just during Christmas, but all year round.

Thanks for listening!

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Welcome to another episode of Dynamics of Everyday Life with your host Julia! In today's episode, I dive into the often-used (and sometimes grating) phrase, "You got this." From personal tech catastrophes to the emotional shortcuts we use in day-to-day interactions, this episode explores why seemingly supportive statements can sometimes leave us feeling unseen.

Notice when you reach for tidy, positive slogans and ask yourself what discomfort you might be avoiding. When someone says "You got this" to you, remember it's about their needs, not yours—and imperfection is always allowed.

• 00:00:56 – 00:02:28 Store Experience & Unhelpful Encouragement:
• Apple store assistants repeatedly say "you got this", and Julia describes how it doesn’t feel supportive.
• 00:02:29 – 00:03:19 Data Transfer Saga & SIM Card Troubles:
• The process of swapping SIM cards and transferring data, with conflicting advice and unexpected delays.
• 00:03:19 – 00:04:24 Emotional Impact & Psychological Concepts:
• Julia reflects on how she absolutely did not "have it", discussing the real anxiety and the missing clarity.
• 00:04:25 – 00:06:20 Phrase Analysis – "You Got This":
• Julia analyzes why "you got this" is a problematic phrase, listing defense mechanisms like denial, minimization, deflection, projection, and reassurance as avoidance.
• 00:06:20 – 00:07:37 Healthy Alternatives & Emotional Presence:
• She offers more supportive alternatives to "you got this" and encourages emotional presence and connection.

ou don’t have to "got this" just because someone says so. Emotional presence is more valuable than tidiness—give yourself grace and celebrate the humanity in imperfection!

Thanks for listening! Let us know your thoughts and experiences with “You got this”—and don’t miss next week’s episode!

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Welcome back to "The Dynamics of Everyday Life"! In this festive episode, I draw brilliant parallels between the classic movie Home Alone and the ways our psychological defence mechanisms can "run the house" – especially during the holidays.

Key Takeaways:

• Home Alone as Psychodynamic Metaphor:
• I explore how the film's characters and setting represent parts of our inner world. Kevin becomes the unconscious self, the house symbolizes our internal world, and the missing adults mirror emotional absence.
• Common Defences in Daily Life:
• Denial: Illustrated by Kate McCallister's "everything's fine" attitude and seen in our own holiday-season justifications.
• Projection: The Wet Bandits blaming the house for their mishaps—a mirror of how we sometimes disown uncomfortable feelings.
• Repetition Compulsion: Persistently making the same choices, just like the Wet Bandits' endless break-in attempts.
• Acting Out: Kevin’s booby traps are a stand-in for how we act on emotion rather than sit with it.
• Deflection: Using humor or distraction to avoid uncomfortable truths.
• Transference: Projecting fears onto others—like Kevin’s suspicion of the neighbor, or our reactions in everyday relationships.
• [00:01:02] – [00:01:39] Relating the movie to coaching and real-life scenarios:
• [00:01:40] – [00:02:20] Denial as a defence mechanism (with Home Alone examples):
• [00:02:20] – [00:02:54] Everyday denial and its manifestation:
• [00:02:54] – [00:03:29] Projection, featuring the Wet Bandits:
• [00:03:29] – [00:04:01] Repetition compulsion and real-life parallels:
• [00:04:01] – [00:04:58] Acting out and deflection, with examples:
• [00:04:59] – [00:05:58] Transference, the neighbour, and coaching takeaways:
• [00:05:58] – [00:08:00] Reflection and invitation to listeners, festive season defences:
• [00:08:01] – [00:08:38] Upcoming live sessions, course information, and resources:

Don’t forget to subscribe for more psychodynamic insights from “The Dynamics of Everyday Life” and explore additional resources at DynamicsOfEverydayLife.

Happy Christmas, and maybe go easy on the metaphorical booby traps this winter!

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Welcome back to the Dynamics of Everyday Life. This week, we're channeling the unapologetic energy of Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones—not her questionable morals, but her boundary-setting prowess.

Classic scenarios get the “Cersei treatment”—from relentless school WhatsApp requests to the friend who treats your diary like a communal resource, plus the workplace colleague who turns a “quick five minutes” into an hour-long venting session.

[00:00:04 - 00:00:47]

Introduction to the episode, teasing why the topic is relevant and referencing Cersei Lannister.

[00:00:48 - 00:01:36]

Julia introduces Cersei Lannister as having strong boundaries and unapologetic energy, clarifying what's being "borrowed" from her character.

[00:01:37 - 00:02:18]

Shares Cersei's iconic "queen" quote (adapted for the podcast), then links her energy to saying no in everyday life.

[00:02:18 - 00:02:40]

Discusses common real-world situations where people say yes when they want to say no.

[00:02:41 - 00:03:18]

Lists everyday examples of over-giving or lack of boundaries—school chats, neighbors, emotional labor.

[00:03:18 - 00:03:54]

Explores why people let boundaries be pushed, referencing Matthew Hussey and psychodynamic concepts.

[00:03:55 - 00:04:36]

Looks at how over-giving relates to status and the desire to be liked, and contrasts with Cersei's attitude.

[00:04:37 - 00:05:08]

Brings up boundary-pushing behavior during holiday seasons (e.g., Christmas assumptions), with examples.

[00:05:09 - 00:05:52]

Workplace boundary examples and the idea of patterned behavior, mentioning repetition compulsion.

[00:05:53 - 00:06:41]

Advice on how to channel "Cersei energy" into valuing yourself and setting unapologetic boundaries.

[00:06:41 - 00:07:22]

Describes resentment stemming from under-valuing oneself, using a restaurant bill-splitting scenario.

[00:07:22 - 00:07:54]

Emphasizes why boundaries improve relationships, likens boundaries to rollercoaster safety bars.

[00:07:55 - 00:08:42]

Explains relationships are safer and deeper when both parties know the boundaries; shares a personal story.

[00:08:44 - 00:09:35]

How boundary issues play out in coaching: overextending, late payments, blurred access, etc.

Stay up to date! Subscribe on your favorite podcast platform, and check out even more psychodynamic content at DynamicsOfEverydayLife.

Thanks for listening! If you found Cersei’s “no” inspiring, let us know—and start practicing your queen-energy boundaries.

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