Why are we attempting to write this episode summary before caffeine? This could turn out to be real grisly. Okay, it's not their fault, the kitchen's right there, dumbo, just-

And back. Hello, lovely listener. What a magical quest we have on tap today! In a nation subscribed to Taskmaster, everything's a game. It's in the water. The water they use to make the coffee. Which is delicious!

Did I mention you look fabulous today?

First, we talk Mary's coffee ritual. Then we join our intrepid monologuer in his hunt for the good stuff. After, it's hard-boiled analysis of the ease of finding caffeinated inventions in London versus the thrill of the hunt. And what does an insurance clearinghouse have to do with it all?

Man finds a soapbox. Stands on it. Gets shoved off. Anyone unclear about the peccadilloes of major sports renovation, your salvation awaits. Just don't blame us when the Birmingham, uh, Blasters are hooping against the, I dunno, Leeds Lions. (This is why British football clubs hide their mascots. Every American sports team sounds like Stan Lee named them.)

NBA Commissioner Adam Silver's penchant for pilfering EPL innovations comes to the fore in our discussion. Then we talk Lebron conspiracies. Then we veer into waterfowl. It's wild. Just remember to box out.

Not the Haley Joel Osment movie. Yes, there was a movie. No, it's not worth- I mean, it stars Jay Mohr and Jon Bon Jovi. Digression!

We're talking false memories, faux churches, the march of time in Oxford, and what it takes to turn a little dirty paper into something eternal. When is a bank not a bank but definitely a bank? Stay tuned and find out.