Jayne with a Y has entered the chat… and Bernie came along for the ride.

This week, we’re joined by our best friend Jayne for her first episode of That’s a Bernie — and there was absolutely no chance this was going to be a quiet catch-up.

We go right back to where it all started: working together at the Manor, first impressions, clashes, questionable management techniques, workplace dramas, and the moments that somehow turned a group of colleagues into something much more like family.

There’s plenty of nostalgia as we remember the absolute chaos — and genuine magic — of the care home in its heyday, from donkeys and dementia care to the friendships that survived long after we all moved on.

We also discover why you should never spell Jayne without a Y, why TJ calling her “Archer” remains one of life’s simplest pleasures, and just how fiercely loyal she is when somebody she loves needs her.

Naturally, Bernie is there too, contributing exactly the level of Bernie-ness you’d expect.

It’s funny, nostalgic, occasionally emotional and very, very us.

Expect chaos. Accept Bernies. Love each other.

🎧 Have a story, dilemma or your own “That’s a Bernie” moment? Get in touch with us on Facebook or Instagram — we want to hear them!

And remember: it’s Jayne. With a Y. Woe betide you if you forget. 😂

We all have habits.

Some are good. Some are annoying. And some should probably remain private for the rest of our lives.

Naturally, we're sharing all of them.

This week, we're exposing the good, the bad and the downright ugly habits we live with every day – from the little routines we're secretly proud of to the disgusting things we definitely only do when nobody's watching.

We're deciding which everyday habits are green flags, red flags or absolutely fucking feral, confessing the weird things we thought everybody did and discovering which irritating behaviours we've somehow inherited from our parents.

Then things get personal.

We're revealing the habits our partners can't stand, admitting what drives us mad about the people we live with and, because apparently family harmony means nothing to this podcast, calling out each other's most annoying habits too.

There's also Habit Court, where everyone gets the chance to defend one of their questionable behaviours while the rest of us decide whether it's perfectly normal, mildly irritating, a massive red flag or grounds for immediate removal from society.

Expect confessions, judgement, hypocrisy and at least one moment where somebody says:

“Hang on… you do WHAT?!”

Because everybody has bad habits.

The difference is, most people are sensible enough not to record theirs and put them on the internet.

Get your PE kit, find your homework diary and prepare for a detention, because this week we're going back to SCHOOL.

We're revisiting the teachers we loved, the ones we absolutely couldn't stand and the ones who, looking back, probably shouldn't have been responsible for children in the first place.

There are school dinners to remember (and some we'd rather forget), playground politics, ridiculous rules, PE trauma, embarrassing moments, detentions, questionable punishments and the various things we definitely weren't supposed to be doing.

We also ask what we were actually like as pupils, whether our old school reports told the truth, what today's kids would make of the things that were completely normal when we were growing up – and whether any of us would survive a day back at school now.

And, because apparently enough time has passed to make honesty seem like a good idea, there may also be a few school confessions that our parents are hearing for the very first time.

So sharpen your pencil, cover your exercise book in leftover wallpaper and try to remember your PE kit.

Class is in session – although judging by our stories, it's genuinely remarkable any of us learned anything at all.

he internet has given us instant access to information, connected the entire world and completely transformed modern life.

And we've used it to buy absolute shite.

This week, we're talking Internet Fails – the dodgy purchases, ridiculous trends, questionable life hacks and viral nonsense that somehow convinced millions of perfectly sensible adults to lose all common sense.

We're confessing the things the internet made us buy, from products that looked life-changing online to the crushing disappointment that actually arrived through the letterbox. We revisit some of the bizarre trends we've collectively participated in over the years, judge whether viral life hacks are GENIUS or complete BOLLOCKS, and remember the rumours, chain messages and Facebook warnings we somehow used to believe.

There's also influencer culture, TikTok recommendations, online shopping disasters and the uncomfortable realisation that we're all much easier to influence than we'd like to admit.

But it's not all bad. We also admit the bits of the internet we genuinely love and couldn't imagine living without.

So clear your browser history, cancel that Temu order and step away from TikTok Shop.

The internet made us do it – and frankly, we should have known better.

We'd love to tell you that this week's episode starts professionally.

It doesn't.

Before we've even properly begun, Bernie and Kirsty spend nearly two minutes completely corpsing, nobody can pull themselves together and any remaining pretence that this is a professionally produced podcast disappears entirely.

Eventually, we manage to talk about dating.

This week we're looking back at first dates, disastrous dates, online dating and the red flags we probably should have paid considerably more attention to. From Tinder and Plenty of Fish to awkward cinema trips, unwanted advances and dates that should have ended much sooner than they did, there are some questionable romantic decisions to unpack.

TJ also opens the vault on a couple of his more memorable encounters – including a date involving a man dressed as a wizard and another where an unexpected hairpiece rather changed the mood.

We ask what actually makes a good first date, whether you should eat in front of someone you've only just met, who should pay, how dating changes once you're married with children and whether a night on the sofa with a board game can legitimately count as date night.

There's also dating safety, separate bank accounts, terrible matches, relationship finances and the important matter of keeping the spark alive when real life, children and budgets get in the way.

Come for the dating disasters. Stay to find out whether Bernie and Kirsty ever actually stop laughing.

You spend months looking forward to a holiday… only to arrive and discover the food is dreadful, the drinks contain approximately three molecules of alcohol and apparently you're not even allowed to eat your snack where you want to.

This week, we're talking holidays – the good, the bad and the ones that make you question why you bothered getting on the plane.

TJ gives his verdict on a recent trip to Majorca, including disappointing all-inclusive food, questionable drinks, hotel rules, buying his own bloody kettle and an unfortunate encounter between his skin and the Spanish sunshine. We compare all-inclusive with self-catering, argue over what actually counts as an essential hotel-room luxury and discuss why Gran Canaria and Tenerife might have won our affections instead.

There's also airport chaos, cancelled-flight panic, cruises, balcony cabins, family holidays from years gone by and the important question of whether going away with your children is actually a holiday at all.

Naturally, we don't stay on topic.

Somehow we also end up discussing zoos and animal sanctuaries, painful knees, pets, Netflix, horror films, true crime and the television programmes we're currently obsessed with.

Basically: sun, sea, family, animals, questionable entertainment and quite a lot of complaining.

Wish you were here? After listening to this, perhaps not.

What are the tiny things that make life feel absolutely glorious… and why can someone leaving an empty milk bottle in the fridge completely ruin your day?

This week, we're celebrating life's little luxuries – fresh bedding after a shower, new pyjamas, Christmas Eve, a ridiculously long bath, good coffee, favourite snacks, alone time and all those small pleasures that make us disproportionately happy.

But obviously, this is That's a Bernie, so the wholesome bit doesn't last long.

We move swiftly onto the little things that absolutely boil our piss: shoes NEXT to the shoe rack, towels hung incorrectly, crumbs left on worktops, questionable toilet etiquette, people barging onto buses, drivers who can't manage a thank-you wave and family members who apparently believe putting things away is somebody else's responsibility.

Then things get slightly more contentious as we ask: where does enjoying nice things end and being a massive snob begin? From fresh coffee and branded food to Ninja appliances, Mercedes, heated seats and judging frozen vegetables, some of us have considerably stronger opinions than others.

Expect petty arguments, household grievances, questionable standards and the discovery that apparently happiness really is found in the little things.

Unfortunately, so is rage.

This week, we're heading back to childhood – when the internet screamed at you before it connected, VHS tapes needed rewinding, knocking on someone's door and running away counted as entertainment, and somehow we all survived without Wi-Fi.

We reminisce about the sweets and snacks we desperately want bringing back, from forgotten chocolate bars to crisps that simply don't taste the same anymore – although Bernie's frankly alarming bedroom "munchy drawer" proves some people have taken their love of snacks considerably further than others.

Then it's toys, TV and technology: Furbies, Micro Machines, Talkboys, Atari, Fun House, The Queen's Nose, dial-up internet and the excitement of finally getting more than three television channels.

We also revisit the absolute nonsense our parents told us, the questionable games we played, school PE, communal showers, bullying, childhood mischief and the sort of things that would probably trigger a safeguarding meeting today.

It's nostalgic, occasionally traumatic and increasingly chaotic.

Basically, childhood was feral – and we wouldn't have had it any other way.