When a relationship changes, most of us assume something went wrong. We used to have fun, and now we're arguing about dishes, money, or whose family gets the holidays. Sometimes that points to a real problem. More often, it means the relationship is developing.

In this solo episode, Laurie Groh, MS, LPC, SAS, walks through the seven stages long-term relationships move through: passion and infatuation, discovery and disillusionment, commitment and choice, power struggles and boundaries, stability and teamwork, deepening intimacy, and crisis and repair. You'll hear why the fight you keep having is rarely about the topic, the three questions that usually sit underneath it (Do I matter to you? Can I depend on you? Do you respect me?), and what repair actually looks like between two imperfect people.

Try this with your partner. Separately, answer four questions, then compare:

1. Which stage do you think we're in?
2. What feels hardest about this stage?
3. What do I need more of from you?
4. What am I willing to offer?

Read the full write-up:

• 7 Stages blog post: https://go.shoresidetherapies.com/wtc7stages
• Podcast website: https://go.shoresidetherapies.com/wtcpodcast
• Shoreside website: https://go.shoresidetherapies.com/wtcpod

If you and your partner keep having the same conflict, or feel disconnected and aren't sure how to move forward, the couples therapists at Shoreside Therapies can help — in person in Milwaukee, Glendale, and Whitefish Bay, and online across Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Minnesota, and Colorado. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation at shoresidetherapies.com. Our intake coordinator Caitie will help you find the right fit, even if that's not us.

Without the Couch is hosted by Laurie Groh, owner of Shoreside Therapies. This podcast is for education only and is not therapy.

Timestamps (raw — re-verify against the final cut):

00:00 Why a changing relationship isn't a failing one

01:45 Stage 1: Passion and infatuation

06:20 Stage 2: Discovery and disillusionment

09:40 Stage 3: Commitment and choice

12:00 Stage 4: Power struggles and boundaries

14:10 The dishes fight: Do I matter? Can I depend on you? Do you respect me?

19:20 Stage 5: Stability and teamwork

21:20 Stage 6: Deepening connection and intimacy

24:20 Stage 7: Crisis and repair

27:00 A quick repair: the dinner-date story

30:25 The stages aren't a ladder

33:00 Exercise: four questions to ask each other

34:00 When couples therapy helps

Tags: relationships, couples therapy, marriage, conflict, communication, intimacy, repair, Milwaukee couples therapist.

You know the feeling. You finally get to the thing — the real thing — and you look at the clock and there are four minutes left. So you put a pin in it. And by next week, or two weeks from now, you're not quite back there anymore.

This week I'm joined by Kristen Holmes, LPC, who has been part of the Shoreside Therapies team for several years and is one of the people I refer to when a client is genuinely stuck. We talk about EMDR — what it actually is, past the acronym — and about EMDR intensives, a format where instead of an hour a week you do focused, deep work in a single block of hours or across a few days.

Kristen explains why stuckness usually isn't stubbornness. It's a moment in your life where you didn't get something you needed, and a part of you is still there, trying to get that need met over and over. She also names something a lot of people need to hear: many of the clients who come to her for EMDR don't arrive with what they'd call trauma. They arrive with anxiety, burnout, and relationships where they feel unseen — and they're often the ones who look like they have it all together.

In this episode:

• What EMDR actually is, and the movie-theater metaphor that makes it click
• The difference between the internet's version of "triggered" and what a real activator is
• Why your nervous system reacts before your thinking brain gets a vote
• What keeps people stuck after years of good therapy
• What an EMDR intensive looks like — the pre-session, the block, and the follow-up
• Why intensives fit business owners, career women, moms, teachers, and medical professionals
• How intensives work alongside your current therapist, not instead of them
• What Laurie sees in clients when they come back

If you've ever felt pressure to "get back to who you were" after having a baby — this one's for you. Laurie sits down with Dr. Katarina Meister, a functional medicine doctor who helps women prepare for pregnancy and postpartum (and a twin mom nine months in), and Shoreside perinatal therapist Katie Fortune, LPC. Together they get honest about matrescence — the identity shift no one warns you about — Katarina's preterm twin birth and NICU stay, the grief that can come even when everyone is "healthy," how to advocate with your care team, and the hormone-and-nutrient cliff that follows birth. You'll leave with language for what you're feeling and permission to heal instead of bounce back.

Work with Katie: https://go.shoresidetherapies.com/KF · Dr. Katarina's free lab guide: https://drkatarinameister.com/guide (@dr.katarina.meister) · Newsletter: https://bit.ly/wtcnews

This episode is educational, not medical or mental-health advice. If you're struggling, reach out to a licensed provider; in crisis, call or text 988.