Understanding each other shouldn’t feel this hard — but when one partner is a Big Feeler and the other is a Big Processor, communication can get tangled fast. In this episode, I break down the emotional and cognitive wiring behind these two styles, why they clash, and how couples can finally start hearing each other again.

Whether you’re navigating conflict, trying to reconnect, or simply wanting to understand your partner on a deeper level, this episode gives you practical tools you can use today.

Click below to watch the full episode on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu_wRb72Oq6Htdb7EFHkzF1EyAApKfP7D

For relationship courses and free downloadable resources visit www.relationstitch.com
To schedule a therapy session visit www.clydefraley.com

Why You Always Fall for the Wrong Person (Psychology Explained)

In this episode of the RelationStitch podcast, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Clyde Fraley and his wife Stephanie dive deep into the psychology behind our relationship choices. Following up on a conversation with Bishop Dr. Larry G. Mack, they answer viewer questions about Attachment Theory, trauma, and breaking unhealthy patterns.

Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/nGytnOfEJrI?si=su2BK_soonyXAB28

The "Why" Behind Your Choices

A viewer named Jerry asked a profound question: "I grew up without a mother... am I looking for a mother figure?" Clyde confirms that we often seek out what we missed in childhood. He references Harry Harlow’s monkey experiments, which proved that the need for emotional comfort (love) is just as vital as nutrition [03:53].

• Familiarity vs. Chemistry: Clyde warns that we often mistake "familiarity" for "chemistry." If you grew up in a chaotic home (e.g., with an alcoholic parent), you might subconsciously choose a chaotic partner because it feels "normal" to your nervous system [06:49].

Rewiring Your Brain (Neuroplasticity)

Can we change who we are attracted to? Yes.

• Trauma Pathways: Every trauma creates a neural pathway that tells your brain what to fear. However, through Neuroplasticity, you can rewire your brain by experiencing safety in new relationships. Healing happens when you choose a partner who is consistent and safe, slowly teaching your brain that you don't need to be in survival mode [16:34].

Practical Tools for Conflict

The Fraleys offer concrete advice for handling arguments without destroying the relationship:

• The Safe Word Rule: Use a safe word (like "Avocado") before you "flip your lid." It takes 20 minutes for cortisol and adrenaline to leave your system, so you must take a break to regain your logic [24:05].
• Know Your Partner: If your partner has an Anxious Attachment style, do not leave the house during a timeout. Stay in the other room or the backyard. Leaving can trigger abandonment wounds and make the fight worse [24:56].

Hacking Your Happiness

Clyde shares how to naturally boost your mood using "Happy Chemicals" [28:48]:

• Dopamine: Achieve small goals or create art.
• Oxytocin: Cuddle your partner or pet a dog.
• Serotonin: Get some sunlight or take a shower.
• Endorphins: Eat chocolate or spicy food!

Resource: To dig deeper, check out Clyde’s Romance and Attachment Theory Workbook, available now. at www.relationstitch.com

Click below to watch the full episode on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu_wRb72Oq6Htdb7EFHkzF1EyAApKfP7D

For relationship courses and free downloadable resources visit www.relationstitch.com
To schedule a therapy session visit www.clydefraley.com

Why Your Childhood is the Blueprint for Your Marriage

After an eight-month hiatus, Episode 8 of the RelationStitch podcast marks a powerful return. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Clyde Fraley and his wife Stephanie are back behind the microphones with a testimony of resilience.

Clyde shares his journey of recovering from a life-altering medullary stroke—a battle that required him to relearn how to walk and talk. But he didn't just recover; he wrote a book. This episode dives into the core of that new resource: Attachment Theory.

Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/OKEFjPXwT9w?si=XtXcki5pm7ymd3VN

Why "Attachment" Matters

Clyde explains that while there is no "silver bullet" for marriage, understanding Attachment Theory is the closest thing to a roadmap. It answers the question: Why does my spouse react that way?

• The Context of Trauma: We often judge our partners' behavior without understanding their history. Clyde notes that childhood trauma isn't just a memory; it is implicit memory stored in the body, driving reactions we often don't understand [14:52].
• The Four Styles: Clyde outlines the four main attachment styles—Secure, Avoidant, Anxious, and Disorganized. Knowing your partner’s style helps you stop taking their triggers personally.

Personal Confessions

In a moment of vulnerability, Clyde admits he leaned toward an Avoidant/Disorganized style early in their marriage. He recalls pulling away when Stephanie tried to kiss him—not because he didn't love her, but because intimacy felt unsafe due to his past. For Stephanie, viewing this through a Secure lens, it felt like rejection. Understanding his style changed everything [08:58].

The New Workbook

The episode introduces Clyde’s new book, the Romance and Attachment Theory Workbook. It’s designed not for clinicians, but for couples to:

1. Identify their style using a simple quiz.
2. Understand the "Adverse Childhood Experiences" (ACE) score and how it impacts adult health [11:28].
3. Navigate "Pairings": How does an Anxious person love an Avoidant person? The book offers specific roadmaps for these dynamics [20:31].

Moving Forward

Clyde emphasizes that your attachment style is a starting point, not a life sentence. With a trustworthy partner who can "hold the room" for your story, you can heal and move toward security together.

Get the resource: The workbook is available now at ClydeFraley.com or on Amazon.

Click below to watch the full episode on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu_wRb72Oq6Htdb7EFHkzF1EyAApKfP7D

For relationship courses and free downloadable resources visit www.relationstitch.com
To schedule a therapy session visit www.clydefraley.com