Why Your Childhood is the Blueprint for Your Marriage

After an eight-month hiatus, Episode 8 of the RelationStitch podcast marks a powerful return. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Clyde Fraley and his wife Stephanie are back behind the microphones with a testimony of resilience.

Clyde shares his journey of recovering from a life-altering medullary stroke—a battle that required him to relearn how to walk and talk. But he didn't just recover; he wrote a book. This episode dives into the core of that new resource: Attachment Theory.

Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/OKEFjPXwT9w?si=XtXcki5pm7ymd3VN

Why "Attachment" Matters

Clyde explains that while there is no "silver bullet" for marriage, understanding Attachment Theory is the closest thing to a roadmap. It answers the question: Why does my spouse react that way?

• The Context of Trauma: We often judge our partners' behavior without understanding their history. Clyde notes that childhood trauma isn't just a memory; it is implicit memory stored in the body, driving reactions we often don't understand [14:52].
• The Four Styles: Clyde outlines the four main attachment styles—Secure, Avoidant, Anxious, and Disorganized. Knowing your partner’s style helps you stop taking their triggers personally.

Personal Confessions

In a moment of vulnerability, Clyde admits he leaned toward an Avoidant/Disorganized style early in their marriage. He recalls pulling away when Stephanie tried to kiss him—not because he didn't love her, but because intimacy felt unsafe due to his past. For Stephanie, viewing this through a Secure lens, it felt like rejection. Understanding his style changed everything [08:58].

The New Workbook

The episode introduces Clyde’s new book, the Romance and Attachment Theory Workbook. It’s designed not for clinicians, but for couples to:

1. Identify their style using a simple quiz.
2. Understand the "Adverse Childhood Experiences" (ACE) score and how it impacts adult health [11:28].
3. Navigate "Pairings": How does an Anxious person love an Avoidant person? The book offers specific roadmaps for these dynamics [20:31].

Moving Forward

Clyde emphasizes that your attachment style is a starting point, not a life sentence. With a trustworthy partner who can "hold the room" for your story, you can heal and move toward security together.

Get the resource: The workbook is available now at ClydeFraley.com or on Amazon.

Click below to watch the full episode on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu_wRb72Oq6Htdb7EFHkzF1EyAApKfP7D

For relationship courses and free downloadable resources visit www.relationstitch.com
To schedule a therapy session visit www.clydefraley.com