Episodi

  • Stop Being So Hard on Yourself. It’s Not Helping You | Dr. Kristin Neff - EP 833

    Stop Being So Hard on Yourself. It’s Not Helping You | Dr. Kristin Neff - EP 833
    Oct 15 2026

    What if the voice you use to motivate yourself is the very voice keeping you stuck?

    You push harder after a mistake. You judge yourself for falling short. You tell yourself that if you were more disciplined, more successful, or simply better, you would finally feel worthy. But what if being hard on yourself isn't making you stronger? What if it’s making it harder to recover, grow, and move forward?

    According to today’s guest, self-compassion isn’t self-pity or letting yourself off the hook. It’s learning how to respond to difficulty without turning against yourself.

    Dr. Kristin Neff is a pioneering researcher in self-compassion and the creator of the Self-Compassion Institute. In this conversation, she explains why so many of us tie our worth to achievement, how our inner critic can intensify shame and disconnection, and how self-compassion can help us respond to life's challenges with greater clarity and care.

    In this conversation, you’ll learn:

    • Why being hard on yourself doesn't necessarily make you more motivated or successful.
    • The difference between self-esteem, which evaluates your worth, and self-compassion, which responds to your humanity.
    • How achievement, appearance, status, and external approval become measures of worth.
    • Why shame, loneliness, burnout, and emotional numbness can be connected to a deeper sense of disconnection.
    • How self-compassion creates space between what you feel and how you choose to respond.
    • Why compassion can help you recognize your needs, set boundaries, and act with greater intention.
    • How parents can model self-compassion for children without turning it into another expectation.
    • A simple practice for responding to difficult moments with warmth instead of self-judgment.

    Kristin shares a powerful phrase to return to when you’re struggling: “I will not abandon you. I am here for you. I care.”

    You don’t have to earn the right to treat yourself with compassion. You can begin in the very moment you feel you’ve fallen short.

    Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

    Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

    Connect with John

    • Website: https://johnrmiles.com
    • Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
    • Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
    • Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/


    Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

    Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

    Disclaimer

    The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.


    Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    1 ora e 3 min
  • Why You Keep Repeating the Same Patterns | Terri Cole – EP 832

    Why You Keep Repeating the Same Patterns | Terri Cole – EP 832
    Oct 13 2026
    What if the behaviors that made you successful are the same ones keeping you from feeling fulfilled?You learned to be dependable. You became the overachiever, the caretaker, the person who never asks for help. People praised your strength, relied on your generosity, and rewarded your ability to get things done. But what if those behaviors began as ways to feel safe, earn love, or prove you were worthy?On this episode of Passion Struck, psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author Terri Cole joins John R. Miles to explore how childhood wounds can shape our adult identities, relationships, and sense of worth. Drawing on her new book, Father Wound, Terri explains why achievement can become a way of proving our value, why emotionally unavailable partners can feel more familiar than healthy love, and why saying no can feel frightening even when we know we have every right to do it.Together, John and Terri examine how the roles we learned in childhood can become the very patterns that disconnect us from ourselves. They explore how to recognize the difference between being driven by fear and acting from genuine desire, and why healing does not mean losing your ambition or your strengths. It means reclaiming the freedom to choose how you want to live.In this conversation, you'll discover:Why childhood survival strategies can follow you into adulthood, even when your circumstances have changed.How achievement can become a lifelong attempt to prove you're worthy of love and attention.Why healthy relationships may initially feel unfamiliar when you've learned to associate love with unpredictability.How family roles such as the hero, caretaker, good girl, and lone wolf can shape your identity.Why successful people can look like they have everything together while struggling internally.How to recognize when you're running toward something you genuinely want versus running away from the fear that you're not enough.Why saying no can feel emotionally dangerous, and how boundaries help you stop abandoning yourself.What it means to mourn the parent you wished you had so you can stop repeating old patterns in new relationships.How healing helps you preserve your strengths while choosing a life driven by your values rather than your wounds.You can honor the person you had to become to survive without remaining that person forever. The goal isn't to erase your past or diminish your ambition. It's to understand what shaped you, reconnect with who you are, and build a life in which you no longer have to prove your worth.About Terri Cole: Terri Cole is a psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author of Boundary Boss, Too Much, and Father Wound: How Childhood Wounds Shape Worth, Relationships, and the Life We Build.Click here for the full shownotes.Explore her work at terricole.com and fatherwoundbook.com. Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.Connect with JohnWebsite: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.DisclaimerThe Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    55 min
  • How Your Beliefs Shape Your Happiness, Success, and Future | Shawn Achor – EP 831

    How Your Beliefs Shape Your Happiness, Success, and Future | Shawn Achor – EP 831
    Oct 9 2026

    What if the beliefs you hold about yourself, your future, and the world around you are shaping what happens next more than you realize?

    Shawn Achor, bestselling author and one of the leading voices in positive psychology, joins John R. Miles to explore the science behind The Power of Beliefs. Drawing on research in psychology, medicine, education, and human performance, Shawn explains how the way we interpret our circumstances can shape how we respond to them, what we attempt, and what becomes possible.

    But this isn't a conversation about pretending everything will work out. Shawn explains the difference between a belief that creates real possibilities and wishful thinking, including a practical method for grounding beliefs in evidence and connecting them to the actions that make change more likely.

    The conversation takes a deeply personal turn when Shawn shares how the premature birth of his daughter led him to step away from work, only to later feel that he was being replaced. A chance encounter with a stranger reminded him that his work had made a difference. That moment opens the door to a bigger question: What happens when we stop believing that we matter?

    Together, John and Shawn explore how the beliefs that shape our lives are connected to belonging, meaningful work, social connection, and the environments we create for one another.

    In this episode, you'll discover:

    • Why pursuing success first and expecting happiness to follow can leave you perpetually dissatisfied.
    • How beliefs can influence outcomes, from the placebo effect to the home-field advantage in sports.
    • The difference between grounded optimism and wishful thinking.
    • How to strengthen a belief by connecting it to evidence and specific actions.
    • The seven core beliefs Shawn explores, including whether your behavior matters, whether you matter, whether you're alone, and whether your work is meaningful.
    • Why Shawn's experience as a father changed his understanding of success, identity, and mattering.
    • Why feeling that your work matters can be as important as compensation.
    • How small acts of recognition, connection, and kindness can create feedback loops that change behavior.
    • What leaders, parents, teachers, and individuals can do to help others see evidence that they matter.

    The takeaway is simple but powerful: you don't have to pretend the odds are easy or the world is perfect to believe your actions can make a difference. You can build beliefs that acknowledge reality while helping you move toward a better future.

    Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

    Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

    Connect with John

    • Website: https://johnrmiles.com
    • Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
    • Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
    • Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/


    Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

    Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

    Disclaimer

    The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.


    Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    1 ora e 14 min
  • You Can Be Successful and Still Feel Like You Don't Matter | Mick Hunt & John R. Miles – EP 830

    You Can Be Successful and Still Feel Like You Don't Matter | Mick Hunt & John R. Miles – EP 830
    Oct 8 2026

    What if you can be successful, needed, productive, and admired, and still feel like you don't matter?

    That's the paradox at the heart of John R. Miles' new book, The Mattering Effect.

    In this special conversation, originally recorded for Mick Hunt's Mick Unplugged, Mick sits down with John to explore the personal story behind the book and the question that changed the direction of John's life:

    Do I matter?

    John shares the calling that emerged during a discipleship class, the experience that forced him to confront his own “slow fade,” and why he eventually recognized that burnout, loneliness, disengagement, and disconnection weren't separate problems—but symptoms of something deeper. AudioTranscriberAI_0aa8383c46d9…

    The conversation then moves into the ideas behind The Mattering Effect: why being needed isn't the same as mattering, how the Great Erasure strips individuality from modern systems, and how the Mattering Needs Pyramid, M.A.T.T.E.R. Framework, and Mattering Compass can help rebuild a sense of worth, agency, connection, and impact.

    Most importantly, this isn't just a conversation about a book. It's about what happens when you stop living to prove your worth and start living from the belief that you already have it.

    Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

    Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

    Connect with John

    • Website: https://johnrmiles.com
    • Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
    • Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
    • Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/


    Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

    Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

    Disclaimer

    The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.


    Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    1 ora e 1 min
  • Do You Matter? The Question Behind Burnout, Loneliness, and Disconnection | John R. Miles - EP 829

    Do You Matter? The Question Behind Burnout, Loneliness, and Disconnection | John R. Miles - EP 829
    Oct 6 2026
    What if the biggest problem in your life isn't what's wrong with you—but what's happening to you?

    Burnout. Loneliness. Disconnection. Exhaustion. The feeling that you're constantly working, producing, improving, and performing, yet somehow becoming less visible to yourself. What if these aren't separate problems? What if they're different expressions of the same unanswered human question:

    Do I matter?

    On the launch day of The Mattering Effect, John R. Miles shares five foundational insights from the book, exploring why so many people can be successful, needed, productive, and even indispensable while still feeling invisible to themselves.

    You'll discover:

    • Why we need to stop asking “What's wrong with people?” and start asking “What's happening to people?”
    • The difference between unmattering—what environments and systems do to us—and antimattering—what repeated experiences of insignificance can create inside us
    • How the Great Erasure happens when systems prioritize utility over humanity
    • Why being needed isn't the same as mattering
    • How the Mattering Gap and Mattering Tax quietly drain our energy
    • Why modern life has shifted us from Thoreau's quiet desperation to what John calls quiet disorientation
    • How AI and algorithmic environments can either diminish or expand human agency
    • Why adaptability means becoming an author of your choices rather than an NPC responding to every external prompt
    • The six signals of the M.A.T.T.E.R. Framework
    • The four internal coordinates of the Mattering Compass
    • How restoring your sense of mattering can create what John calls the Mattering Dividend

    At the center of it all is a simple realization: Mattering is not a reward you earn. It is the foundation from which you live.

    Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

    Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

    Connect with John

    • Website: https://johnrmiles.com
    • Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
    • Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
    • Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/


    Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

    Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

    Disclaimer

    The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.


    Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    23 min
  • You’re Not Failing to Adapt. You’re Being Erased. | John R. Miles - EP 828

    You’re Not Failing to Adapt. You’re Being Erased. | John R. Miles - EP 828
    Oct 2 2026
    What if the way you’ve been taught to adapt is actually making you lose yourself?For weeks, The Adaptive Human has explored what it takes to navigate a world that keeps changing.Angela Duckworth showed us that our environments shape who we become. Martin Seligman showed us the power of agency. David Epstein revealed how constraints can unlock better thinking. Cole Brauer showed us what happens when you keep moving forward after the world tells you that you can't. Alec Litowitz challenged us to lift our heads and make sure we're not swimming harder in the wrong direction.But there's one question beneath it all: What happens when adapting to the world requires you to abandon yourself?In this series finale, John R. Miles brings the lessons of ten conversations together and introduces The Great Erasure—what happens when a culture becomes so focused on measuring our utility, productivity, and output that we gradually lose our sense of being valued simply for who we are.Because there is a difference between adaptation and compliance. You can change your strategy without changing your values. You can evolve without erasing your identity. You can become more capable without becoming more useful at the expense of your humanity. And ultimately, you can adapt to a changing world without surrendering your agency.In this episode, John explores:Why modern culture has confused adaptability with complianceHow the “marketplace of mattering” turns worth into something we constantly feel compelled to proveWhy AI makes defining yourself by your productivity increasingly dangerousHow we eventually begin treating ourselves like the systems that measure usWhy agency—not compliance—is the foundation of true adaptationWhy you need to anchor internally before you can successfully adapt externallyHow constraints, culture, and environment create the foundation for sustainable growthWhy you cannot optimize what you refuse to valueWhat happens when productivity, burnout, loneliness, and disconnection are treated as separate problemsWhy the deeper question underneath all of them may simply be, "Do I matter?"And then comes the turning point: The Great Erasure is what happens when a world built to measure your utility begins to erase your sense of being valued.The answer isn't to stop adapting. It's to adapt without abandoning yourself. And that is where The Mattering Effect begins.Catch the full show notes.Download the FREE Digital Workbook Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.Connect with JohnWebsite: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.DisclaimerThe Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    18 min
  • You’re Not Stuck. You’re Swimming in the Wrong Direction | Alec Litowitz - EP 827

    You’re Not Stuck. You’re Swimming in the Wrong Direction | Alec Litowitz - EP 827
    Oct 1 2026
    What if you're working harder and harder—but you're still moving in the wrong direction?Alec Litowitz learned this lesson during a mountain bike race in the Pyrenees, when hesitating before a blind downhill jump nearly sent him over the handlebars.Years later, that same lesson became a framework for how he thinks about investing, leadership, AI, and life: You can't stay stuck between decisions when the environment is moving fast.Alec is an investor, entrepreneur, and founder of Magnetar Capital who has spent decades making decisions in environments defined by uncertainty. In his new book, The Adaptability Quotient, he argues that the people who thrive in the next era won't necessarily be the smartest, toughest, or most resilient.They'll be the people who can recognize when the map no longer matches the terrain—and update before reality forces them to. And that matters even more as AI changes not just the tools we use but the environment in which we think.In this conversation, Alec and I explore:Why working harder can make failure worse when you're moving in the wrong directionWhy intelligence and emotional intelligence aren't enough when the environment changesWhy adaptability is a meta-skill that tells you where to point your other strengthsHow to recognize when your mental map no longer matches realityWhy waiting for certainty can become its own form of riskWhy AI isn't simply a tool—and how it could either expand or erode human agencyWhy your values should remain stable while your strategies evolveHow to know when to change your mission without abandoning your purposeWhy feedback loops are essential to making adaptive decisionsHow to stop swimming harder and start asking whether you're still headed in the right directionAlec also shares a powerful distinction for the AI era: You can be a resistor, an adopter, or an adapter.A resistor denies the change.An adopter treats the new technology as a tool.An adapter recognizes that the technology is changing the environment—and therefore changing the person using it.That's the deeper challenge of adaptability. The question isn't simply, "How do I keep up with change?” It's: “Who do I need to become when the world I'm operating in has changed?”Check out the full shownotes.Get the Companion Digital Workbook Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.Connect with JohnWebsite: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.DisclaimerThe Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    1 ora e 12 min
  • Your Kids Don’t Need More Achievement. They Need More Freedom | Dr. Peter Gray - EP 826

    Your Kids Don’t Need More Achievement. They Need More Freedom | Dr. Peter Gray - EP 826
    Sep 29 2026

    What if the things we think are helping our children succeed are actually making it harder for them to become independent?

    Dr. Peter Gray has spent decades studying childhood, play, education, and human development. In his new book, Restoring Childhood, he argues that childhood has a fundamental biological purpose: gradually learning to take charge of your own life.

    But modern childhood looks increasingly different. More supervision. More structured activities. More academic pressure. More résumé building. Less unsupervised play, exploration, and freedom.

    And Peter believes that loss of independence has consequences—not only for how children learn, but for their agency, mental health, ability to discover their passions, and ultimately the adults they become.

    In this conversation, we explore:

    • Why childhood is biologically designed for independence
    • Why free play teaches children skills adults can't simply teach them
    • How we gradually took freedom and independence away from childhood
    • Why turning childhood into résumé building can undermine agency
    • How parenting and schooling can suppress a child's innate sense of agency
    • The connection between autonomy, self-determination, and feeling that your life matters
    • Why children discover their passions through curiosity and exploration—not planning
    • How school pressure became a major source of psychological stress for young people
    • Why Peter challenges the idea that smartphones alone explain the youth mental health crisis
    • What parents can do today to give their children more independence

    Peter also shares a simple question every parent can ask their child: “Are there things that you would like to do independently that you're not doing right now?”

    Because restoring childhood doesn't necessarily require giving children unlimited freedom. Sometimes it starts by giving them one more opportunity to discover what they can do for themselves.

    Get the Full Shownotes

    Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

    Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

    Connect with John

    • Website: https://johnrmiles.com
    • Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
    • Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
    • Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/


    Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

    Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

    Disclaimer

    The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.


    Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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    1 ora e 17 min