You want to feel closer to other people.

But when someone asks how you really are, you hurriedly respond “yeah, good” and then return the question before they can ask anything else.

In today’s episode I am going to talk about why that is, what to do about it, and a new way to work with me if you want dedicated support on this.

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There are at least four fantasies people hold about friendship and belonging. The fantasies themself aren’t the problem — the problem is that when those fantasies aren’t met, it can leave you feeling like a complete failure. In this blog I talk about what those fantasies are, what the research actually says about friendships, and how you can find friendship fulfillment.

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Resources Used

Degges‐White, S., & Kepic, M. (2020). Friendships, subjective age, and life satisfaction of women in midlife. Adultspan Journal, 19(1), 39-53.

How many friends do you really need in adulthood?. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201908/how-many-friends-do-you-really-need-in-adulthood

Evidence brief: How many friends do you need?: Social connection guidelines. Evidence Brief | How Many Friends Do You Need? | Social Connection Guidelines. (n.d.). https://www.socialconnectionguidelines.org/en/evidence-briefs/how-many-friends-do-you-need

Russell, T. (2025, May 10). What is differentiation? meaning in therapy & relationships. Cascade Counseling Utah | Reconnect With What Matters. https://www.cascadecounselingutah.com/blog/understanding-differentiation-in-therapy-why-it-matters-for-your-mental-health/

What role does writing and storytelling play in our healing as bi and multiracial individuals. In today's episode, I sit down with writer, editor, and teacher, Anne Liu Kellor to discuss her newest publication, Mixed Roots: Writers on Multiracial Identity & Both/And Belonging with Anne Liu Kellor. We talk about Anne's own writing process, the workshops she leads, and more.

Anne's Reading Raina-Bow Recommendations:

1) The Hyphenated Life by Dr. Han Ren

2) Good Woman: A Reckoning by Savala Nolan

You can learn more about Anne at www.anneliukellor.com

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As a mixed kid, you might have had a lot of emotional needs go unmet – whether from family who didn’t know what to say, friends who couldn’t adequately mirror your reality back to you, or teachers who didn’t know how to handle monoracist comments from your classmates. All of this caused you to internalize thoughts that you were "too much," "needed too much," or were "not enough."

In today's episode, I'm talking about the cost of letting that mentality lead in your current relationships.

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Book your free call to talk about how my 1:1 coaching program, Bold Belonging, can help you build an intentional support circle of at least 3 chosen family in 16 weeks - even if you’re afraid you’re “not enough” or “too much.”

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Expressing your needs, feelings, and boundaries can be a daunting task when you’ve spent your whole life reading the room and adjusting yourself around it. Here’s how I help my clients do so with confidence and clarity.

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Book your free call to talk about how my 1:1 coaching program, Bold Belonging, can help you build an intentional support circle of at least 3 chosen family in 16 weeks - even if you’re afraid of being “too much.”

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If you tend to say yes to every request you get from your family and friends, only to feel overstretched and full of regret when the time comes to follow through, you probably aren’t slowing down enough to actually check in with yourself and make an informed decision.

In this episode, I’m walking you through a BRAND NEW framework I designed to help a real-life client be more intentional with their commitments.

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Book your free call to talk about how my 1:1 coaching program, Bold Belonging, can help you build an intentional support circle of at least 3 chosen family in 16 weeks - even if you’re afraid of being “too much.”

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You’re overwhelmed. You’re dying for help, but afraid to ask for it. And yet, you say yes every time someone asks you for something, only to deeply regret it later when your nervous system is fried the fuck out.

You’ve read all the bestselling books and listened to all the podcasts on boundaries. Why can’t you shake these patterns?

In this episode, I’m sharing why you keep saying yes even though your body is screaming-crying no, how being mixed influences these habits, and how you can finally get more comfortable expressing your feelings, needs, and boundaries so that you can build fulfilling relationships without burning out.

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Book your free call to talk about how my 1:1 coaching program, Bold Belonging, can help you build the self-trust and communication skills to express your feelings, needs, and boundaries without abandoning yourself to preserve the relationship.

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If you’re wondering exactly what you should say when someone microaggresses you or dismisses you, you’re asking the wrong question. In this week’s episode, I’m sharing what’s more important than crafting the perfect clap back. Tune in and let me know what you think!

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