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Step Nine: Making Amends

This week on Made for Mondays, Heather is joined by Doug, Tyler, and Jamey to talk about Step 9 — making direct amends whenever possible. Before diving into the conversation, the group catches up about the weekend and reflects on the Bible Reading Challenge, currently in Deuteronomy and Mark.

WHAT THE WHAT???

Listener Sarah Beth wrote in with a thoughtful question after reading the Parable of the Ten Virgins (Matthew 25). She shared how the passage seems to highlight the difference between outward association with faith and genuine readiness for Christ’s return.

Her question connects this parable with other passages like Matthew 7:21–23 and James 2:19, asking how we understand the tension between believing in God and actually having a relationship with Jesus.

More personally, she shares the heavy burden many Christians feel for loved ones who claim faith but don’t seem to pursue a relationship with Christ. The group acknowledges that tension—we can’t see anyone’s heart, but love naturally makes us care deeply about the spiritual lives of the people around us.

SUNDAY DISH

The conversation then turns to Step 9: making amends.

Why apologizing feels so hard
Doug shares a vulnerable moment about scrolling through old text messages and realizing how many apologies existed in his conversations. It sparked reflection on why apologizing can feel so difficult—even when we know we were wrong. Often the biggest hurdle is moving from feeling bad to actually taking responsibility.

The deeper weight of the Prodigal Son story
Looking at the Prodigal Son in Luke 15, Doug explains that asking for an inheritance early in that culture wasn’t just reckless—it was deeply offensive and relationally damaging. Understanding that helps us see why honest acknowledgment of harm matters before we try to repair relationships.

Real repair vs surface apologies
Doug shares a quote from John Ortberg:
“It’s one thing to make repairs on the outside, it’s another thing to be repaired on the inside.”

Surface apologies often focus on restoring peace quickly, but real repentance allows God to address the deeper patterns that caused the hurt in the first place.

A practical framework for making amends
Doug introduces the CRAFT framework for approaching difficult conversations:

• Conversation
• Recalling the harm honestly
• Apologizing clearly
• Forgiveness (asking, not demanding)
• Taking responsibility through follow-up

The group also highlights an important caution from Step 9: sometimes direct contact could cause further harm, so wisdom and discernment matter.

When amends don’t lead to reconciliation
Even in the Prodigal Son story, the older brother remains angry. That reminds us that sincere apologies don’t always bring immediate reconciliation. Healing can take time, and a healthy community makes room for both repentance and wounded people processing their pain.

Where to begin
For anyone who already knows the name on their Step 9 list but feels anxious or unsure, the first step might simply be preparation—prayer, reflection, humility, and pacing the process wisely.

Final Reflect

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Made for Mondays | STEPS

Step Eight: The Damage: Name Those We've Harmed

This week on Made for Mondays, Heather is joined by Tyler, Jamey, and RaChelle for a conversation around one of the most stretching steps yet: Step 8 — making a list of people we’ve harmed and becoming willing to make amends.

After some light weekend catch-up (including dinner at Lofay’s 👏), the group reflects on the Bible Reading Challenge, walking through Numbers and Mark, and noticing themes of new life in Jesus—especially how Paul and other Jews wrestled with what transformation actually meant.

Then they step into Sunday’s message.

And let’s be honest—Step 8 hits differently.

Because it’s one thing to talk about personal growth.
It’s another thing to start naming the people impacted by our brokenness.

Here’s where the conversation goes:

• The first reaction
When you hear, “Make a list of people you’ve harmed,” what rises up first? Resistance? Fear? Defensiveness? Maybe even relief? The group unpacks why that reaction is so common. Naming harm confronts the image we prefer to manage—the version of ourselves we’re most comfortable believing.

• Why we remember our hurt more clearly than our harm
Drawing from Tyler’s “two lists” tension, the conversation explores why it’s easier to recall who hurt us than where we’ve hurt others—even unintentionally. It reveals something deeply human: we instinctively experience life from the center of our own story. Step 8 gently invites us to shift perspective.

• Zacchaeus and dignified shame (Luke 19)
Luke includes the detail that Zacchaeus climbs a tree—an undignified act for a grown man in that culture. Why does that matter? The group reflects on how shame isolates, but Jesus moves toward him anyway. Even more powerful: Jesus calls Zacchaeus by name before repentance or repair happens.

Being seen with grace makes honesty possible.
Grace doesn’t excuse harm—it creates the safety to face it.

• Grace and responsibility belong together
Heather repeats a key line: “Grace doesn’t make responsibility unnecessary—it makes it possible.”
The group discusses why grace is often misunderstood as the removal of accountability instead of the empowerment to embrace it. What would change if a church truly believed conviction and compassion could coexist?

They also name the important distinction between conviction (which invites growth) and condemnation (which attacks identity).

• Cleaning up our side of the street
Step 8 asks us to own our part—even when we’ve also been hurt. That’s a hard tension. The conversation makes space for the reality that acknowledging harm we’ve caused doesn’t minimize wounds we’ve experienced. Both can be true. The key is resisting comparison and scorekeeping, which only delay freedom.

• Beginning, not finishing (Year of Practice)
In alignment with The Year of Practice, the focus shifts from completing Step 8 to simply beginning it well.

A healthy first attempt might look like:

• Choosing posture before productivity
• Pacing the process instead of rushing it
• Exercising safety and wisdom
• Distinguishing willingness from full readiness

Because Step 8 isn’t about

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Made for Mondays | STEPS

Step Seven: The Petition

This week on Made for Mondays, Joe is joined by Heather, Jamey, and Tyler for a conversation centered on Step 7 in the STEPS journey: The Petition.

After some weekend catch-up (yes, Olympics enthusiasm makes an appearance 👀), the group reflects on the Bible Reading Challenge, having just stepped into Numbers and Mark, before diving into Sunday’s message.

And before things get too serious? An Olympic icebreaker. Favorite sport. Strong opinions. No medals awarded—just bragging rights.

Then the conversation turns toward the heart of Step 7.

Pastor Heather framed this step around a powerful idea:
Humility begins when asking feels safer than hiding.

Step 7 invites us to humbly ask God to remove what we cannot—to stop performing and start trusting.

Here’s where the conversation goes:

• Asking vs. hiding
The group reflects on a simple but revealing question: Are you more likely to ask for help—or hide what you’re dealing with? For many of us, hiding feels easier. Safer. More controlled. But hiding also keeps us stuck.

• The Samaritan Woman (John 4)
Heather revisits the story of the Samaritan woman at the well. Jesus asks her for a drink before addressing her story. He doesn’t shame her. He doesn’t expose her. He creates safety first. The timing—noon—suggests she was avoiding people. And yet Jesus meets her there.

The group explores what this shows us about how Jesus approaches our shame—and what it might look like for us to create that same kind of safety for someone else. Where do we choose isolation over community? And what would one small, honest “ask” look like this week?

• Pride vs. humility
Referencing Dallas Willard, Heather highlights that humility grows when we stop pretending, stop presuming we’re already in the right, and stop pushing our will over others. The group wrestles with an important distinction: humble asking isn’t passive resignation. It’s active trust. It’s choosing dependence over self-protection.

• Safe enough to be honest
If humility begins when asking feels safer than hiding, what would it take for our church to truly be that safe? The group discusses the culture, language, leadership posture, and everyday practices that help a room feel safe enough for someone to say, “I’m not okay,” and still be lovingly moved toward healing.

• The OWN practice: Observe, Welcome, Name
Heather unpacks a practical tool for Step 7 in real time. Instead of enthroning our emotions—or ignoring them—we can:

• Observe what we’re feeling.
• Welcome it without panic or shame.
• Name it honestly before God.

The group walks through a real-life example—hurt leading to withdrawal—and what it looks like to pause in the moment, name the emotion, and ask God for help instead of hiding behind it.

Because Step 7 isn’t about pretending we’re stronger than we are.
It’s about admitting we’re not—and asking anyway.

The big idea stays simple and challenging:

Humility begins when asking feels safer than hiding.

And that kind of humility doesn’t grow overnight. It grows through small, honest prayers. Through noticing when the umbrella goes up. Throug

Stay Connected
Website: https://believerschurch.org/

Bible Reading Plan: https://believerschurch.org/bible-reading-plan/

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