Episodi

  • LTN 50 - Since You've Birdgone

    LTN 50 - Since You've Birdgone
    Oct 15 2026
    Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads Central Homes Roofing: Commercial spot (added in post). Segment Rundown Cold open: Combos for dinner. Dan admits that when his daughter's mother is away, dinner is a bag of Combos with a side of salt and vinegar Bugles. The hosts joke that oversharing on the show works as their therapy. Someone adds that pro athletes probably eat Combos for dinner too.Birdgate setup. Dan brings up the Kelly Clarkson "Birdgate" story after seeing Colette's Instagram post about it. The hosts note it's been all over the major outlets, including a hashtag built from her song titles, and agree that making the news doesn't make something important anymore. Colette plugs her Instagram handle.The Art of Play. Colette lays out the facts. Clarkson visited Art of Play, a high-end magic, toy and curiosity shop in Brooklyn co-owned by wealthy partners, one of them an award-winning children's author. The hosts take a side trip into overpriced whimsical wooden toy stores (Winter Park Village, St. George Street in St. Augustine) and tease Clarkson for saying the store looked "rad."The Pretty Woman post. Clarkson posted that staff side-eyed her when she asked about a bird on the wall and treated her like she couldn't afford it, comparing it to the Rodeo Drive scene in Pretty Woman. Her fans piled on, and the store's reply came across as snarky rather than apologetic. The bird is a $15,000 animatronic piece by a Seattle artist. It's one of only two in existence and is fixed to the wall, and the price really refers to commissioning one from the artist.Video and tone-deafness. The surveillance footage shows a short exchange, and the hosts see no body language that looks rude, only Clarkson's frustrated exit. One host calls it tone-deaf to complain publicly about not getting to buy a $15,000 bird while people are struggling. The hosts compare her outfit to the breakdancer Raygun and point out that everyone in the store was dressed casually.Perception is subjective. Colette says everyone filters interactions through their own mood and hurts. She thinks a misunderstanding is more likely, since the bird wasn't really for sale and staff may have pointed her to a cheaper option. She mentions Clarkson's recent leave from her show and her divorce as context for a possible hard day. A host remembers being locked out of a gold shop in Little Vietnam.Punching down. Dan relates to firing off a reaction, and credits Tom with teaching him to "give it a beat." The hosts discuss consequences: employees fear going to work, the store has received threats, and the owner said Clarkson put them in danger. They talk about the responsibility that comes with a huge platform and the ripple effects on staff, contractors and families. Colette wishes Clarkson had asked her fans to back off instead of going silent.Colette's review scars. Colette describes a bad vendor experience around her book launch. When a colleague asked about that company, she gave a measured answer, and he quit two weeks after joining for the same reasons she had. She also tells how a couple who never became clients left her practice one-star Google reviews after she held a boundary, and her rating still hasn't recovered.Fan backlash. Colette's long Birdgate video drew a lot of views and some hate from Clarkson's fans, who number close to 9 million followers.Shane Gillis and SNL. Colette taking her shoes off sets off a foot joke aimed at Tom. The hosts mention BDM show voicemails asking why they didn't comment on Gillis using the word "whore" on SNL. Colette doesn't love the word, but she argues comedians need room to try things and fail, and the audience's groan was the pushback. Another host says Gillis likely planned the joke and ties it to a gym sketch from his own show. They compare it to Jimmy Kimmel and call the all-or-nothing online outrage exhausting.Outrage as distraction. The hosts see celebrity gossip and outrage as a distraction from real life, like any other vice. They note that online communication loses facial expression and nuance and turns into blame, character attacks and tribalism.The relationship lesson. Colette's main point: when our feelings get hurt, we either swallow it and build resentment or lash out with blame. The better path is to pause, ask why it hit so hard, and come forward vulnerably so repair is possible. Tom questions Clarkson's intent: was she trying to buy the bird, or to hurt the store?Taking feedback. Tom explains that Dan is emotional and feels criticism as an attack. Colette plugs her book The Cost of Quiet, says she leans toward people-pleasing, and tells about setting a polite boundary with someone who then attacked her character and used her own book against her. She uses a restaurant-manager example to show that you can't control how people react, even to kind feedback.Don't turn off the faucet. Dan says he and Andrea have worked on this: ...
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    50 min
  • LTN 48 - Kentucky Steve

    LTN 48 - Kentucky Steve
    Oct 9 2026
    Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Episode: "Kentucky Steve" Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads No sponsor segments or ad reads in this episode. Segment Rundown Cold open: credentials check. The hosts list what qualifies them. One was forklift certified in the early 2000s, one is a Universal Life Church reverend, and Colette has been a licensed relationship therapist for almost 15 years. They joke about their UCF degrees: an interdisciplinary studies degree and a business degree from before the internet. Colette shares that she started as an English and communication double major at Flagler and finished communication at UCF. Getting a reluctant partner to therapy. Listeners have written in about partners who resist couples therapy. The hosts note the stereotype that men are usually the reluctant ones. Tom says he felt that way years ago with Crystal. They have been together 20+ years since they were teenagers, and he worried that going to therapy meant they were headed for divorce. Not all therapy is equal. Colette says some people resist because they had a bad experience before. Couples therapy done by someone without specific training can do harm. She stresses researching therapists and finding one trained to work with two people and two truths at once. How to broach it. Her advice is to be open, honest and vulnerable. Frame therapy around how important the relationship is, ask how your partner feels, offer to do the research, and ask for just one session. She says more men are reaching out to her than when she started, and many tell her it's nothing like they expected. Don't ring the alarm bell. A host admits he tends to treat small problems as emergencies and compares it to a computer crapping out before an edit. The group agrees that urgency triggers divorce fear. The advice is to raise therapy during a calm moment, not mid-fight or as a threat. Fear of being the bad guy. Colette promotes emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT), which is based on attachment science, as the evidence-based gold standard, and says it doesn't take sides. Tom says he expected to face his wife plus "her lawyer." Instead he found a neutral mediator. The hosts joke about him then trying to keep the therapist on his side. Life in waves. Tom says relationships have highs and lows, and the goal is to spend more time in the middle. Therapy can even out the extreme bad stretches. Colette talks about "raw spots" from past wounds and plugs her book The Cost of Quiet. She explains that people tend to pick partners very different from themselves. As a big extrovert, she has almost always ended up with quieter partners. Finding the right fit. Look for specific couples training, ask which model a therapist uses, and make sure both partners click with them. Colette offers listeners referrals if she isn't the right fit. A host says most therapists he contacted readily referred him elsewhere. Colette notes clients often say she was the only one who responded, and says providing referrals is an ethical standard. Role play: "the game's on." A host plays a dismissive husband who refuses therapy, then floats Zoom therapy as a compromise. Colette says she doesn't do consultation calls or meet-and-greets and prefers clients come to her office. She does use Zoom for clients in other parts of the state and through her coaching company. The 11th hour. When a relationship is really struggling, Colette says to get honest without threatening. She cites a stat that over 70% of divorces are initiated by women, rising to about 90% among college-educated women, which gets a joke about college. She describes men who are only ready to work on things after their wife has seen a lawyer. Her point: if a partner asks for therapy, they're still fighting for the relationship. Hard things are valuable. A host is complimented for seeing value in difficult things like workouts and long business hours. The group suggests applying the same reframe to relationships. Enter Kentucky Steve. Colette mentions her husband, who is in his 60s and grew up on a farm in Kentucky, and says he probably wouldn't have done therapy if he hadn't married a therapist. The hosts riff on the character "Kentucky Steve": tractors, quiet coffee on the porch, snapping beans. They declare it the episode name. Busyness as identity. A host brings up a clip from Insights from the Couch about work-life balance and retirement. He relates to staying busy as his whole "dad personality" and admits he doesn't know what "taking care of yourself" means. Colette ties this to "gray divorce." Divorce is down among younger people but rising for those over 50, often after years on autopilot focused on kids and work. Relationships as plants. Colette compares a relationship to a potted plant, or even an orchid, that can't be neglected for decades. There are side jokes about one host loving plants and hating succulents, and Colette admits she has a black ...
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    48 min
  • LTN 48 - The Dinner Divorce

    LTN 48 - The Dinner Divorce
    Oct 1 2026
    Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Episode: "The Dinner Divorce" (LTN48) Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads No sponsor segments or ad reads in this episode. Segment Rundown Cold open: intro debate. The hosts argue over whether they need to introduce themselves at the top of every show. Tom calls it pointless since listeners already know who they are. They float making a new intro with names in it for year two, to mark the show's anniversary.What's a food divorce? Colette talks about her recent news appearance on "food divorce," which is when couples eat separately and each person handles their own meals. She puts it alongside other trends like sleep divorce. Dan asks why those couples even live together.The Dennis family dinner. Dan says he and Andrea sit down to dinner together every night, while Maisie often eats at dance. He calls the ritual almost as important as sex because it's when Andrea opens up, including her project manager work gossip. He also covers meal kits like Home Chef and Blue Apron and his weekly meal prep for Maisie.Colette on connection rituals. Colette explains that shared meals are one of the few unstructured connection rituals couples have left. People who grew up eating as a family tend to keep doing it. She shares how she ate alone in her room as a teenager after her parents divorced, making prank conference calls.Tom at the head of the table. Tom's family eats together too, and he likes sitting at the head of the table. He jokes that nobody should introduce themselves there either. He complains that his kids share nothing, eat slowly, and ignore his celebrity stories (he recently talked to the actor who played Puddy on Seinfeld). Colette suggests word games to liven things up, and Tom says his car-ride games haven't gone well.Dan's date nights. Dan says he's recently enjoyed date nights at a local tavern known for crispy pizza, where he mostly just listens to Andrea talk.Quiet Kobe. Tom's wife took their youngest son Max to Hamilton at Dr. Phillips, so Tom took his oldest son Tommy to Kobe Japanese Steakhouse. The two barely talked all night, then Tommy turned on the TV as soon as they got home. Lots of jokes about the oil, the "double white" rice, and the aftermath. Tom also recalls quiet car rides with the men in his family, including a story that started with "one time I killed a man."Companionable silence. Colette reframes the Kobe night: small talk isn't necessarily more connecting than silence, and parents shouldn't feel guilty about quiet moments. Dan and Andrea both thought the outing was great. Dan mentions upcoming one-on-one time with Maisie while Andrea travels for work.In defense of food divorce. Colette says her household basically has a food divorce because of schedules. She wants quiet after a day of doing therapy, and she and her husband still share meals a few times a week. She also points to GLP-1 use and the mental load of meal planning, often carried by women. Her takeaway: do what works, but make time to be present."What's for dinner?" prank. A host describes his favorite prank: asking his wife what's for dinner at her most stressed moment. It works every time.Email: friend in a scam. "Baltimore Beef Stew" writes about a friend putting $50,000 into an MLM-style unclaimed property scheme despite being warned. Colette says he's already said his piece. Adults have to make their own choices, and he can set limits on what he'll do if it goes badly.Florida Treasure Hunt. The hosts explain that Florida's unclaimed property site, fltreasurehunt.gov, is a real government website even though the name sounds like a scam. They guess the scheme is built around middlemen charging people for money they could claim themselves.When it's your money too. Colette says it's different when a bad decision will land on you financially, like an elderly parent you'd have to support. She shares that she once voiced doubts when her late mother gave money to a questionable religious organization, then let it go.Ask before advising. Tom admits he's a blunt truth teller with the people he loves. His example is laughing off the Grizz's AI-assisted spy novel, and his wife says he comes off like a jerk. Colette's fix is to ask whether someone wants your opinion first. She notes that offhand comments can stick with people for years, and that it's okay to say you're not ready to hear someone's take.Tom's coward approach. Tom says he nods, checks his watch, and then says "that's not going to work" after the person leaves. Also a riff on a past helicopter pilot dream.You don't have a crystal ball. A host says he often stays quiet and then watches things play out just as he predicted. Colette counters that she has seen couples she privately doubted turn things around. She says it's unethical for therapists to tell clients whether to end a relationship, and references Dolly Parton hearing her plans wouldn't work. Joke about the Nigerian prince actually ...
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    49 min
  • LTN 47 - Let's Talk About It Now

    LTN 47 - Let's Talk About It Now
    Sep 25 2026
    Love Thy Neighbor: Episode Notes Episode: "Let's Talk About It Now" (LTN 47) Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads No sponsor segments or ad reads in this episode. Segment Rundown Cold open: rough restart. The hosts explain that last week's show was skipped because Colette had food poisoning. The opening goes sideways fast, and the hosts joke about starting over. Colette says she's fully recovered.Puking vs. bed-wetting. One host brags that he hasn't thrown up in eight years. That leads to ribbing about his past habit of wetting the bed after heavy drinking, which he says happened on multiple mattresses and family camping trips.TikTok vocabulary breakup trend. Colette brings up a viral trend where women quiz their boyfriends on hard words like "pamplemousse" and break up with them if they get it wrong. She calls it performative and mean-spirited, and points out there are many forms of intelligence. The hosts agree it feels like part of an anti-men strain online, while noting that women face real disadvantages.Is the man always dumber? The group talks about the classic TV trope of the dumb husband (Flintstones, Honeymooners, Simpsons). Dan jokes that he's smarter than Andrea, just less organized. The hosts credit their wives' smarts, and Colette notes that her husband Steve is stronger than her in some areas and she is in others. Dan says Tom is good at business math and at knowing what things are worth.Intelligence, success and ego. Tom and Dan say they don't understand men who feel threatened when a partner is smarter or earns more, and they joke about wanting to be "kept little dudes." Colette mentions that Steve was a proud supporter at her book launch. The group talks about how men still face more stigma for earning less, and how women are still judged harshly on looks.Giada and Dancing with the Stars. Colette tells how she and Steve were watching the new season of Dancing with the Stars. Steve said out loud that he'd always found Giada De Laurentiis attractive, then looked up her age and was surprised to find she's three years older than Colette. The hosts react to the blunder. Colette talks about double standards on aging, and about the late-night text she sent Steve afterward that got no reply. The group jokes that husbands can't win and that "everything's a trap."Feeling desired in a relationship. Colette explains why the comment didn't wound her for long: she feels secure that her husband is attracted to her. She says that in her practice, "my partner isn't attracted to me anymore" is a common complaint, and that it can feed everyday conflict.Validating feelings vs. arguing facts. A host admits he tends to dismiss his wife's feelings by stating "the facts" (that he's into her), which doesn't solve anything. After some crude joking, Colette advises validating the feeling first, then asking how you can show it better.Catcalling your own wife. A host shares a new habit: over-the-top catcalls and "damn girl" comments when his wife walks by or is stretching. His wife seems to like it. Colette says spontaneous compliments work as long as there are no strings attached.Tom and compliments. The group teases Tom for rarely giving or accepting compliments. He says compliments make him suspicious of being sold something. They compare this to someone who says "I love you" many times a day.Dan and Colette's friendship. Dan tells Colette how much their friendship means to him after 31 years in a business where close friends are rare, and mentions a heartfelt message he sent her. Colette says it brought her to tears. The group jokes about Tom's much less sentimental responses and a pretend "timeout" for husbands who say the wrong thing.Monday Night Football fight. Dan describes a long bedtime routine before a Rams Monday Night Football game, interrupted when his wife brought up a large, unexplained credit card charge. He shut down and gave her the silent treatment. It turned out to be a legitimate YouTube TV/NFL package purchase on the right card. He calls it a "clash of anxieties": her financial anxiety against his fear of letting her down.Naming the shutdown. Colette suggests naming the urge to shut down out loud and asking to revisit the topic later, or agreeing to push through if it can't wait. She shares a similar moment with Steve, who talked about prices at an expensive sushi dinner. The group agrees that asking "is this a good time?" helps both sides.Late-night bombshells. Tom says Crystal often hits him with stressful news right before sleep, like money running out by November, but he just lets it go and deals with it in the morning.Running out of things to talk about. Tom notes that long-term couples fall back on a few topics (chores, bills, future vacations) and suggests shared hobbies like scuba diving. Colette talks about the dopamine of anticipation. Dan says Maisie's dance schedule means a lot of trip planning that never happens. Colette describes her love ...
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    46 min
  • LTN 46 - Pity Sex

    LTN 46 - Pity Sex
    Sep 10 2026
    Love Thy Neighbor — Episode Notes - LTN 46 - Pity Sex Hosts: Tom Vann, Dan Dennis, Colette Fehr | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads No dedicated sponsor/ad-read segment in this transcript. A supplement brand targeting low testosterone/low libido is referenced in passing during the discussion (not a formal read). Segment Rundown Cold open: double hello — Tom opens with an intentional double "hello," and the hosts riff on bookending the greeting.Middle age banter — Colette and Dan joke about being in their 50s (Colette close to 53) while Tom is younger; references the "back nine" phrase from a Peloton instructor to describe midlife.Wives running hot — A bit built on the double meaning of women "being hot," landing on hormonal overheating/hot flashes rather than looking attractive.Setting up the libido topic — Dan raises that hormonal changes often come with lower libido, and partly blames husbands for not being compassionate enough to help the situation, while admitting he doesn't always act on it either."Taking one for the team" — Discussion, sparked by an anonymous listener email, of women having sex out of obligation rather than desire, and whether that leaves either partner satisfied.Male vs. female arousal — Colette explains men are generally ready for sex on short notice while women typically need an emotional or physical "warm-up," compounded by hormones, exhaustion, and modern overload.The "poke/jab" bit — A running comedic riff on how men signal interest, including a story about hiding/sneaking around the bedroom to avoid rejection.Conversation as an aphrodisiac — Colette says being present and curious with a partner is a turn-on; the hosts joke about zoning out during a recent date-night conversation.Normalizing the "sex talk" — Colette explains that bringing up a stalled sex life is scarier in anticipation than reality, and encourages couples to name it directly.Evolutionary tangent — A riff on ancient humans, sex tied to survival and risk (including pregnancy danger), versus modern comfort and much longer relationship lifespans.Dan's own experience — Dan shares that he and Andrea have talked openly about libido, including her hormone replacement therapy, and how communication ("putting in a trouble ticket," as a running show joke) improved things.Sex as emotional connection for men — Colette notes men are often misunderstood as wanting sex "just physically," when it's frequently their main channel for emotional closeness.Testosterone/libido supplement bit — Tom jokes about a sponsor-style ad claiming a supplement would make his wife want him more, doubting that premise."Libido" running joke — Tom describes long having thought "libido" was just another word for an erection, including a bit about (jokingly) explaining it that way to his young daughter.Interest fading both ways — The group notes wives can also feel their husbands lose interest as they age, tying it to testosterone decline and effort put into making a partner feel wanted.Twitch chat question — A viewer named Jen asks whether a lot of men dislike their partners; the hosts broaden it to say resentment runs both directions, and cite that a majority of divorces are initiated by women, framing many marriages as being "ridden out."Mall people-watching tangent — A comedic aside about judging couples' relationships by watching them at the mall, with an acknowledgment that it's not a fair sample.Practical advice segment — Colette stresses asking a partner directly what would help, rather than assuming their lack of interest is personal rejection.Money and sex as taboo topics — A chat comment (from Dan's wife) that money and sex are the two hardest subjects for couples to discuss; hosts agree and joke about preferring to talk about vacations instead.Relationship maintenance — Dan reflects on once believing love just "happens" without effort, likening relationship upkeep to car maintenance; Colette introduces Dr. John Gottman's "state of the union" weekly check-in concept.Vitality and libido — Colette explains that feeling generally alive and fulfilled (hobbies, friendships, purpose) fuels sexual desire even when hormones are working against it, and validates couples who mutually choose to step back from sex.Email: "Hard to Finish" — An anonymous listener on Zoloft describes delayed sexual response as a side effect and worries about his wife feeling inadequate; hosts advise direct communication. Dan discloses he's on Lexapro with a similar side effect and how being upfront with Andrea about it removed the guesswork for her.Vulnerability and masculinity — Discussion of men's fear that opening up will make them look weak, with Colette arguing the opposite is true — vulnerability builds closeness rather than undermining it.Email: partner "pushes buttons" — An anonymous listener describes his wife escalating arguments until he loses his temper, then being blamed for the reaction; Colette advises...
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    49 min
  • LTN 45 - Take Me Line Dancing

    LTN 45 - Take Me Line Dancing
    Aug 26 2026
    Love Thy Neighbor — Episode Notes Episode: "Take Me Line Dancing" Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads No sponsor segments or ad reads appear in this episode. Segment Rundown Cold open: 80s cover band night — The hosts open by discussing a Molly Ringwald's-themed 80s tribute show one of them attended, riffing on how great cover bands can be at delivering pure nostalgia. A shoutout goes to a local DeLand cover band called The A-Team, friends of one of the hosts who mostly play high school reunion parties. The non-dancing spouse — The hosts dig into the dynamic of one spouse being an enthusiastic singer/dancer while the other stands stone-still at concerts. They joke about husbands who show zero reaction, the frustration of feeling like your energy gets "sucked out," and the impossibility of forcing a partner to perform enthusiasm they don't feel. Lionel Richie / Earth, Wind & Fire concert recap — A host recounts going to a last-minute Lionel Richie show in Orlando with Earth, Wind & Fire opening, including praise for how enduring EWF's catalog is. They note the band's drummer is currently in intensive care and had to cancel a planned interview. The host admits being annoyed at the show because her husband, drained from a same-day flight back from Iceland, wasn't showing any enthusiasm; he apologized the next day. The line-dancing "map" — The conversation turns to a real situation: one host's wife left him a treasure-hunt-style map leading to a barn, asking him to take her line dancing. He's reluctant, citing fear of embarrassment, being a bad dancer, and especially the risk of being filmed and mocked on social media. He compares the ask to his wife asking him to go skydiving — something outside his comfort zone. Ordering for your spouse / gentlemanly gestures — A tangent breaks out about husbands ordering food for their wives at restaurants and pumping their gas, debating where thoughtful gentlemanly behavior ends and controlling behavior begins. Bids for connection — the therapy take — Returning to the line-dancing dilemma, the group discusses the idea of a "bid for connection": a partner's request doesn't have to be about the literal activity, and dismissing it outright can reinforce a partner's fear that they're never prioritized. The advice is to have an honest conversation about the discomfort rather than either refusing outright or faking enthusiasm. Standing like a statue in public — More examples of unengaged spouses at social events — looking like "security guards" at a book launch, standing silently at a graduation party — and discussion of how that body language can embarrass or hurt a partner even if unintentional, balanced against the point that people shouldn't have to fake their personality. Colette's viral "Sweet Child O' Mine" moment — Colette Fehr describes posting a video of herself screaming along to "Sweet Child O' Mine" at the 80s show to her Instagram story. Her adult daughters messaged saying it sounded bad and was unprofessional for her public/therapist brand; a former high-school acquaintance also sent a snarky comment. She took the video down but later second-guessed that decision, especially after her husband said the reaction seemed like an overreaction and he liked the authenticity. Social media out of context — The hosts discuss how a moment that's totally normal live (singing/dancing at a concert) reads as strange or cringey when reduced to an out-of-context clip for people scrolling at home — "had to be there" — and how authenticity gets punished online in a way it wouldn't in person. Curated photos vs. real moments — Related tangent on how posed vacation photos (endless retakes for the "perfect" shot) are arguably less real than a single unedited, in-the-moment clip, and how younger generations may read spontaneous/unpolished content differently than older ones. Vulnerability as connection — The hosts tie the social-media embarrassment back to the show's broader relationship theme: being less guarded and more authentic — admitting insecurity, trying something uncomfortable for a partner (like line dancing) — is what actually builds connection. Should a therapist look "put together"? — Debate over whether a relationship therapist sharing goofy, imperfect content undermines professional credibility, using analogies to wanting your surgeon or pilot to appear buttoned-up versus wanting a therapist to seem human and relatable. Does a therapist need a great relationship to give advice? — Colette Fehr discusses whether being single or divorced affects credibility as a couples therapist. She argues clinical skill and evidence-based methods matter more than personal relationship status, though she feels her own experience with marriage, divorce, and remarriage helps her relate to clients. She references a recent Substack post she wrote about the importance of "play" and silliness ...
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    46 min
  • LTN 44 - Mama Coco's Milk Vortex

    LTN 44 - Mama Coco's Milk Vortex
    Aug 20 2026
    Love Thy Neighbor — Episode Notes Episode: "Mama Coco's Milk Vortex" Hosts: Tom Vann, Colette Fehr, Dan Dennis | Guest: None Sponsors / Ad Reads No sponsor or ad-read segments appear in this transcript. Segment Rundown Cold open: age is just a number — Banter kicking off the show about embracing/celebrating age, and the Southern-raised taboo against ever asking a woman's (or grandma's) age.Aging double standard — Men vs. women on how aging is perceived: "silver fox" jokes, wanting a host's wife to grow out sideburns, riffing on cosmetic work and turning into a "lion man."Colette on confronting her own age — Her childhood nickname "Coco"/"Mama Coco"; a moment where her daughter's friend reacted with shock to old photos of her, leading to reflection on vanity and reframing this life stage as empowering rather than a decline.Public scrutiny of women's looks — How actresses and especially female news anchors face harsher criticism than men; a detour praising a former colleague of a host's wife ("Amy Koffel") for her natural beauty and kindness.Lindsay Clancy trial — The Massachusetts case of a mother on trial for killing her children; hosts say it's too disturbing to fully engage with and speculate it reflects severe untreated mental illness (possible postpartum psychosis) rather than a comprehensible motive.Postpartum depression/anxiety discussion — Colette's own postpartum anxiety after her first daughter 25 years ago (largely unacknowledged at the time); a host's wife's postpartum depression after their first child; group discussion of the lack of structured protocols/support for new mothers and the loss of "village" community.Peer-support comparison — Likening the need for new-mom peer support to AA-style group models; the value of connecting with others going through the same experience."Booby buffet" breastfeeding story — Colette's anxiety-driven story about breastfeeding her daughter Charlotte for only 5 minutes per side, and the Orlando hospital program that weighed the baby before/after feeding to prove she was getting plenty — the origin of the "Milk Vortex" nickname/episode title.Breastfeeding vs. formula pressure — Judgment from lactation advocates (La Leche League) and Colette's choice to combine breastfeeding and formula with her second daughter without shame.Childbirth war stories — Hosts recount witnessing childbirth firsthand, how much more intense/graphic it is than movies portray, with tangents into C-sections, doulas, perineum massage, and placenta capsules.Historical maternal mortality tangent — Comparing childbirth risk historically vs. today, with a pop-culture aside comparing it to Game of Thrones/House of the Dragon birth scenes.Hayden Panettiere memoir — Hope that high-profile cases spark better postpartum care, plus discussion of Panettiere's memoir covering postpartum depression, domestic violence, addiction, and giving up custody of her children.Arnold Schwarzenegger "Broomhilda" debate — Hypothetical/listener-style debate sparked by Schwarzenegger's affair with his housekeeper: is it worse to be cheated on with someone less attractive than yourself, tying in the song "Jolene."Colette on the psychology of affairs — Drawing on her therapy practice with infidelity/betrayal trauma clients, she explains affairs are rarely about looks and usually about proximity/emotional needs, with a personal anecdote about dismissing a coworker as a non-threat to her marriage.Hypothetical infidelity scenarios — Riffing on young men attracted to older women, a personal anecdote about an attractive older nanny, nostalgia for "barely legal"-era pop culture, and debate over which infidelity scenario (same-sex affair, more successful rival, etc.) would hurt each host's ego most.Wrap-up — Closing thoughts on the double standard for men vs. women in scandal, a "Rock"/Moana wig tangent, and sign-off with a call for listener relationship questions and plugs. Key Dates / Plugs Mentioned Ongoing: Lindsay Clancy trial, Massachusetts.Recently released: Hayden Panettiere's memoir.Standing: Submit relationship questions to hello@lovethyneighborshow.com (anonymity offered).Plug: Colette Fehr's book, "The Cost of Quiet."Plug: Colette Fehr's other podcast, "Insights from the Couch." Notable Guests/Callers No in-studio guest or phone-in caller this episode.Ryan — listener who proposed "Mama Coco's Milk Vortex" as the episode title via the live chat room. ### Website: https://tomanddan.com/ App: https://tomanddan.com/app Become a BDM: https://tomanddan.com/registration Merch: https://tomanddan.myshopify.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TomandDanLive Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/tomanddanlive Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AMediocreTime Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tomanddanlive/ X: https://x.com/TomAndDanLive TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@tomanddanlive Reddit: https://reddit.com/r/tomanddan ACT RSS: https://feeds.libsyn.com/61976/rss AMT RSS: https://...
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    48 min
  • LTN 43 - Talking to Teens

    LTN 43 - Talking to Teens
    Aug 13 2026
    Love Thy Neighbor returns for back-to-school season Late-night fishing with Tommy leads to no shave and unfinished dishes Close friends use deep trust to safely needle each other Tom and Dan function like a non-sexual married couple Imagining Tom and Dan's productivity as a gay couple Teen hormones and developing brains limit emotional control and decision-making Peer pressure and social media make modern adolescence uniquely difficult Smartphones erase privacy, extend school drama, and create constant judgment Online highlight reels fuel nonstop comparison and unrealistic standards Less face-to-face interaction limits real-world social development Humans were not built to compare themselves with the entire world Rejection triggers an ancient fear of exclusion from the group Intelligence cannot erase the pain of judgment or vulnerability Emotional sensitivity and detachment are opposite unhealthy extremes Accepting emotions reduces shame, withdrawal, and negative self-talk Local rivals can trigger more jealousy than distant success Imagining a younger therapist named Paulette replacing Colette Colette unsuccessfully pitched her relationship book to Oprah's podcast An AI-sounding rival book succeeding would make rejection sting more Jealousy, anger, hurt, and disappointment are normal human emotions Feelings are valid, but cruelty and hostile reactions are not Another person's success does not prove personal inadequacy Self-compassion should come before gratitude and redirection Tamron Hall proves one missed opportunity does not erase past success Comfort yourself like a loving parent or best friend Paulette takes over Love Thy Neighbor with "Who Needs Namers" Dreaming of tutoring kids despite terrible math and weak math SAT scores Social media comparison hits emotionally immature teens especially hard Worrying about Maisie's innocence as harsher realities approach Modern kids are overexposed online but sheltered from real life A 13-year-old dating a 22-year-old counselor reflects once-normalized predatory behavior Earlier generations raised themselves, gaining independence through real risks Smoking at 13 and other youthful risks could be traumatic or dangerous Modern teens get fewer chances to fail, adapt, and build resilience Peer conflict, rejection, and disappointment teach essential life skills Wondering if delayed independence is healthier or creates fragile adults Ancient children faced danger and contributed to survival at young ages Tommy fishes unsupervised while phone tracking balances freedom and safety Parents fear alligators, traffic, predators, and kidnappers Women constantly scan for danger while men often overlook that burden Arriving alone early or jogging with loud music raises safety concerns Men may imagine attacks as exciting stories instead of constant threats Absurd fantasies about fighting an attacker and cleaning up afterward Missing physical challenges and adrenaline, with skydiving as a safer thrill A father avoids emotional and sexual conversations with his sons Silent fishing trips lead to an awkward masturbation talk assignment Sneaking condoms into a backpack instead of discussing sex An eight-year-old gets a horrifyingly clinical explanation of reproduction Accidentally witnessing parents having sex creates an "unfortunate experience" Parents struggle because they received little sex education themselves Both parents should give sons shame-free guidance about sex and masturbation Religious shame and porn fears can distort normal adolescent sexuality Mentoring boys shapes how they become men and treat women Children learn relationships by watching affection and conflict at home Genetics and poor role models do not excuse avoiding personal growth Losing a father young and having an emotionally reserved stepfather Family patterns can normalize low affection, unhealthy conflict, and estrangement Intentional work and honest talks can break unhealthy family cycles Children of divorced parents are more likely to divorce Divorce may be necessary without being the ideal outcome Helping children choose healthy partners before divorce becomes necessary Distrusting divorce research because the researcher is named Wolfinger Stable marriages show children that couples can survive difficult periods Healthy disagreement allows commitment without identical beliefs Childhood divorce can make ordinary conflict feel catastrophic Therapy can reframe disagreement as healthy instead of threatening Parents will make mistakes, but honest dialogue matters more than perfection Approach struggling teens with curiosity instead of immediately fixing them Adapt difficult conversations to each child's personality Fathers discussing feelings show boys that men can be emotionally open Humor, everyday stories, and AI tips can help start awkward conversations Maisie's school attitude creates a natural parenting lesson Parents do not ...
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    46 min