***Spoilers for You Can See Everything and Whalefall.***

DJ Qualls and Kelly Blackheart are back, and DJ’s new refrigerator has committed a personal betrayal: the ice is too small. Naturally, this becomes a discussion about ice rationing, American drinking standards, and why Kelly thinks DJ’s relationship with his car sounds suspiciously familiar.

Plus: their Whalefall reactions, including ghost-dad conversations, questionable whale anatomy, and DJ discovering that watching from underneath a blanket improves the experience.

Spoilers for You Can See Everything and Whalefall.

This week on Locked & Probably Loaded with DJ Qualls and Kelly Blackheart, DJ and Kelly return to the movies with some important questions: Has Netflix become Lifetime? Should actual movie quality require another subscription tier? And if you take three naps without losing the plot, is that good storytelling or a problem?

Then they explain how Special Forces derailed their Avengers plans. George Santos’s helicopter dive inspires unexpected admiration—and DJ explains why attempting the same thing would turn him into a human kite.

Their review of Unabomber gets into its performances, production value, and the difference between understanding someone’s history and excusing their actions. Naturally, this also leads to Netflix’s imaginary “real movie tier,” Sandra Bullock’s lack of professional confidence as a witch in Practical Magic, and a movie superlative Netflix probably shouldn’t put on the poster.

Next up is Primetime, which leaves Kelly impressed by the filmmaking and frustrated by the story. DJ gives it four stars, takes several naps, and delivers a much stronger endorsement of the theater’s seats. Kelly’s six-star rating somehow becomes the controversial opinion.

Plus: a proposed fee for hearing your movie complaints, another refusal to reconsider Lisa Frankenstein, and the promise of a couch investigation on Patreon.

Join DJ and Kelly for movie reviews, questionable superlatives, pop culture, personal stories, and whatever the hell happens when these two try to stay on topic.

Contains adult language and discussion of film storylines.

CHAPTERS

00:00 — Intro
00:46 — Our Halloween Cruise Requires Commitment
02:49 — “My Deodorant Made Me Forget You”
04:59 — DJ & Kelly at the Movies… Almost
06:18 — Special Forces Made Us Miss Avengers
07:23 — George Santos Nails the Dive. DJ Would Become a Kite.
09:45 — DJ & Kelly at the Movies, Take Two
10:12 — Unabomber: Our Review
11:52 — Netflix Is the New Lifetime
14:27 — You Are a Witch. Why Are You Surprised?
15:33 — Understanding Someone Isn’t Excusing Them
16:27 — Movie Superlatives Netflix Shouldn’t Use
17:47 — Primetime: Big Expectations
18:58 — Six Stars?! The Ratings Disagreement
19:30 — Your Movie Complaint Will Cost You
20:00 — Great Filmmaking. Where’s the Story?
22:01 — An Apparition & Extremely Comfortable Theater Seats
23:43 — Three Naps. Zero Confusion.
25:14 — We’re Still Not Budging on Lisa Frankenstein
25:53 — Wrap-Up & the Promise of Couch Pills

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Email: probablyloadedpod@gmail.com
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This week on Locked & Probably Loaded with DJ Qualls and Kelly Blackheart, DJ and Kelly start with the important questions: Is LA dining actually a scam? Why are people spending $22 on Erewhon smoothies? And why does losing weight require your body to betray you in precisely the wrong order?

DJ prepares for an extended trip to Vancouver, reveals the consequences of taking entirely too much magnesium, and shows Kelly the nearly 300-year-old Chinese plate he's donating to a charity auction. Somehow, this leads naturally to J. Paul Getty, trickle-down economics, and politics.

Then the conversation turns serious as Kelly and DJ discuss the allegations surrounding the Cornell sexual-assault case, the institutional response to sexual violence on college campuses, victim blaming, and why a survivor's behavior after an assault doesn't determine whether the assault happened.

They also get into the latest political circus surrounding Jack Smith before discovering a potentially lucrative new business model: if you hate the podcast, pay them to read your insult on the air. They'll apparently also consider breaking up with someone for you. Pricing TBD.

Join DJ and Kelly for another episode of comedy, culture, politics, personal stories, and whatever the hell happens when these two try to have a normal conversation.

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DJ has been designing bathrooms, Kelly is manifesting a Costco door, and somehow this leads directly into a discussion about a United Airlines passenger allegedly masturbating next to another passenger—and DJ immediately begins investigating the legal loopholes.

Next up is The Weight, featuring Ethan Hawke, Russell Crowe, an inexplicably well-equipped woman in the wilderness, and the realization that Regal Unlimited is exactly how you discover movies you otherwise never would have seen.

Also: internet problems briefly remove Kelly from her own podcast, leaving DJ alone long enough to perform Frozen from memory despite never having seen it.

00:00 DJ's Actor Warm-Ups

01:02 DJ Finally Watched Anchorman

02:04 Purple Drink vs. Yellow Drink

03:10 DJ Becomes a Home Renovator

06:03 Kelly's Dream House & the Costco Door

09:12 Is the House Next Door a Front?

10:09 DJ Completely Stops Listening

10:34 The Least Sexy Sex Show in Amsterdam

12:25 United's Airplane Masturbation Problem

12:58 DJ Finds a Business Opportunity

13:23 Sodom, Gomorrah & Airline Policy

14:16 Is It Illegal Under a Blanket?

14:44 "The Man Is Innocent"

16:10 DJ vs. American Airlines

17:53 AD BREAK

18:01 DJ & Kelly at the Movies

19:10 Resident Evil Review

20:31 "DoorDash From Hell"

21:24 What Worked — and DJ Hates Tentacles

23:24 Austin Abrams & Method Acting

24:59 DJ Declares War on Method Actors

27:37 Why Resident Evil Works

29:13 The 4D Movie Experience

30:53 Kelly's Internet Dies

31:11 DJ Performs Frozen

33:12 The Wait Review

34:34 Avengers: Endgame Encore

37:05 The Wait Ratings

38:11 The Mary Poppins of the Navajo

39:28 DJ Hates Nerdology

41:09 The Wait Superlatives

42:35 DJ Performs Frozen... Again

42:57 PATREON

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This week on Locked & Probably Loaded with DJ & Kelly, DJ is drinking purple drink, trying to fit back into his suits and discovering that his New Year's resolution to have more fun may have been a little too successful. Kelly proposes a solution: the same amount of fun, but more naps. Eventually, they settle on Fun Zero.

DJ also has an update on his SAG health insurance, including an unexpected route back to coverage through his newly approved influencer contract. He is now, very reluctantly, an influencer. Kelly would like to remind everyone that social media works.

Then it's time for the debut of DJ & Kelly at the Movies, our new review segment featuring star ratings, five-word movie descriptions, what we'd keep or change, and extremely specific superlatives.

This week's movies:

Hope: Spectacular action, a confusing alien subplot and a movie that Kelly describes as “Grand Theft Avatar.”

Practical Magic 2: Witches, nostalgia, generational trauma and a very attractive magician who desperately needs to stop doing tricks.

The Uprising: Medieval tax grievances, accents that require subtitles and camera work that makes Kelly feel like she's watching The Office at a Renaissance fair.

Along the way, we reconsider our entire rating system, DJ prepares to die on the Fahrenheit-versus-Celsius hill, and Kelly offers a remarkably specific prediction about the temperature of his casket.

Have a ridiculous movie-review wildcard question for us? Send it to probablyloadedpod@gmail.com.

Join us on Patreon: patreon.com/loadedpod

Find our next live happy hour: loadedpod.com

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This week on Locked & Probably Loaded with DJ & Kelly, DJ has returned from Orlando with absolutely nothing left to give. He's recording from bed, the television has only barely been muted, and his social battery is officially dead.

Things get more serious as we talk about public figures choosing whether to speak about Gaza, the distinction between governments and civilians, and why neither of us wants to become so overwhelmed by the state of the world that we stop caring about what happens to vulnerable people.

And then, because this is apparently the only podcast we know how to make, Kelly changes the subject to a professional fitness competitor who shit her pants during a Hyrox race and kept using the equipment. DJ would like to formally object to being told this story.

Finally, we get into Sydney Sweeney's latest campaign, the sexualization of female athletes, Shailene Woodley's baffling Emmys outfit and the fashion lesson everyone should take with them this week: if you need a cape to make your outfit make sense, change.

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This week on Locked & Probably Loaded with DJ & Kelly, we're off to an appropriately chaotic start: Kelly is bleeding, DJ's face is bright red from tretinoin, and we're discussing the strategic value of loudly talking about anal sex while sneaking an entire meal into a movie theater.

DJ is also preparing to travel with an astronaut costume—and has already learned the hard way that once the helmet is assembled, getting it home is another problem entirely. Last time, a gate agent's solution was simple: wear the astronaut helmet onto the plane.

Then things get slightly more serious as we talk about the inability to admit when you're wrong, cancel culture, Pink's reaction to Macklemore, generational conflict and why humanity sometimes seems considerably closer to running toward the thunder than evolving past any of this.

DJ & Kelly at the Movies returns with Buddy—a bizarre comedy-horror movie that both of us loved—and Onslaught, which worked considerably better when the theater was literally spraying us in the face. We also discover DJ's perfect podcasting outfit: shirt, underwear, socks and shoes.

Finally, Kelly explains how a neighborhood walk nearly turned into a true-crime documentary when a coyote got within inches of her nephew. Good news: the child survived. Better news: DJ is now accepting babysitting jobs for only $3 million an hour.

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.