Why I Asked My Boss to Pay Me $30,000 Less: The Upper Limit Problem

Short description:
At 29, I was offered more than triple my salary, and I laughed and told them it was too much. The director offered me a third less, and I said yes. In this episode, I share the story I’ve never fully told, and what it taught me about the invisible ceiling we put on how much good we let ourselves have.

We’ll talk about the upper limit problem, why success can feel unsafe in your body, and how your nervous system pulls you back down every time you get close to what you want. If you’ve ever sabotaged a win, picked a fight right after good news, or felt strangely anxious when life finally calmed down, this one is for you.

In this episode:

• My story of turning down $30,000 because the number felt like too much
• What Gay Hendricks calls the upper limit problem, and why every one of us has one
• Why your nervous system treats success like a threat when it doesn’t match your old set point
• The sneaky ways we pull ourselves back down: getting sick, picking fights, procrastinating, overworking, or deciding the goal doesn’t matter
• The four zones: incompetence, competence, excellence and genius, and why scary doesn’t mean wrong, it means new
• The question I ask every high achiever I work with: “What number would scare you?”
• How to raise your ceiling by teaching your body it’s safe to receive

Quotes from this episode:

• “Your life will only rise as high as your body feels safe to go.”
• “It wasn’t a money problem. It was a healing problem.”
• “Scary doesn’t mean wrong. It means new.”

Resources mentioned:

• The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

Join me live:
If this episode stirred something in you, come to my Calm In Command Bootcamp, three live days on Zoom, November 16 to 18 at noon Pacific. We’ll find the old alarm, calm it in your body, and look at who you’re becoming. It’s just $7, and when you register, you’ll get my free guide, “Where Are You on the Resonance Map?”
👉 calmincommand.com/bootcamp

About Jen:
Jennifer Moore is a licensed psychotherapist with nearly 30 years of experience, the founder of Calm In Command™ and the Therapeutic Coach Approach™, and the host of Isn’t There More? She helps high-achieving women calm their nervous systems so they can lead, love and live from presence instead of pressure.

This podcast is for education and inspiration. It is coaching, not therapy, and it isn’t a substitute for medical or mental health care.

Namaste,
Jen

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Notes

Why I Blew Up at Dinner (and Why You Might Be Doing It Too)

By nine years old, Jennifer was cooking dinner for her family of five on the farm, calling her granny for help, and blowing up at the dinner table night after night. Decades later, in perimenopause, the same pattern came roaring back with her husband, and she didn't even see it. In this episode, she shares the story, explains why an old pattern gets louder in perimenopause, and teaches a five-minute reset you can try before dinner tonight.

What you'll hear:

• The farm kitchen story and the tomato that said "not enough"
• Your nervous system's set point, and the old alarm wired into it
• Why perimenopause turns up the volume on old patterns
• What hormones can and can't do for the rage
• The 5 o'clock reset: notice, name, breathe, move, and speak to who you're becoming

Save your seat for the live webinar on : Register here

Listen | Join the Community | Work With Me

Jennifer explores how aligning your nervous system, psychology, and soul can unlock inner excellence and create synchronicity in life. She shares practical tools rooted in neuroscience, psychology, and Eastern wisdom to help you transform and access your full capacity.

Keywords

inner excellence, peak performance, neuroscience, Enneagram, synchronicity, transformation, soul work, self-awareness, alignment, shadow parts

Key Topics

• The importance of transformation over information
• How the nervous system and gut-brain connection influence performance
• The role of shadow parts and shadow integration
• Using the Enneagram to understand survival strategies and gifts
• The concept of heart coherence and its impact on synchronicity
• The upper limit problem and how to overcome it
• Practical steps for aligning mind, heart, and gut
• Stories of clients achieving authentic leadership and flow
• The cost of authenticity and how to embrace it
• Tools for recognizing and reclaiming hidden parts of yourself

Takeaways

• Peak performance is rooted in internal alignment, not hustle or willpower
• Understanding and integrating shadow parts unlocks hidden capacity
• Authentic leadership and presence create opportunities and synchronicity
• The Enneagram reveals your unique gifts and survival strategies
• Heart coherence aligns your internal systems for sustainable success
• Transformation requires radical responsibility and support
• Your true power lies in embracing all parts of yourself
• Synchronicity is a sign of internal coherence, not magic
• Reclaiming hidden gifts transforms your external reality
• Inner excellence is accessible when you align mind, heart, and gut

Sound Bites

• "Real peak performance comes from a different place"
• "Your shadow parts are your superpower"
• "Synchronicity is about alignment, not magic"

Chapters

00:00
Introduction to Transformation and Inner Power

01:54
The Neuroscience of Creating Magic and Synchronicity

04:00
Understanding Shadow Parts and the Persona

06:09
The Enneagram as a Map to Your Gifts and Survival Strategies

08:11
Overcoming the Upper Limit Problem with Inner Alignment

09:54
Client Stories of Authentic Leadership and Transformation

11:58
The Power of Vulnerability and Authenticity in Leadership

14:02
How Shadow Integration Creates External Miracles

15:49
The Cost and Courage of Authenticity

18:01
Practical Steps to Reclaim Hidden Gifts

20:08
The Role of Heart Coherence and Whole Self Alignment

22:10
Supporting Your Transformation Journey

23:51
The Future of Inner Excellence and Peak Performance

Ready for More? I am offering 4 webinars this month LIVE!

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