This is a schadenfreude-forward episode! Beautiful. Special. Jackpot MASH. MASH Jackpot. My all-star main book for this episode, 'Replacing My Ex' by Jordan Silver, is just as good as Jane Eyre.

The other featured book is a perfect read if you hate yourself and love being cheated on, but don't worry, it doesn't make you choose between the two! You get two horrible choices for the price of one.

Hark and behold this bi-weekly collection of romance book suggestions and warnings. Plus, how to check your mental health status with Jock Jams. Lastly, get more out of your tropes; virgin widow goes on an adventure - Yes. Workplace romances - NO, just go kiss in the sewer, it would be hotter than doing it in an office :( plus maybe you'll find a TMNT down there, way better pick for a boyfriend than a boss.

I come bearing unwanted and confusing gifts! This is a Miniature Episode, I could say minisode, but I'm not going to.

I'm offering up two beautiful, definitely not suspicious romance novel suggestions for when you're too cold and tired from lack of sunlight - so you (I) eat noodles in bed, and then you (me again) answer questions in the advice subreddit. You (looking at myself in a mirror) tell a lot of teenage girls to dump their boyfriends. dump his ass! the world's ending! get a boyfriend with a motorcycle and a mustache who's named Viper or something.

The first one is The Conqueror by Brenda Joyce. It's an actual top 5 favorite of mine, though you wouldn't know it because every time I crack open my copy, I hiss like I can feel a curse entering my body. All I can say is if you can hang in there for the payoff, it's worth it. But like I'm saying that as someone who craves schadenfreude :)

And the second one is the antithesis of the former recommendation - it's Games of the Heart by Kristen Ashley. Did you ever see a cool older girl growing up, and you were like, "Holy shit, I can only dream of being that cool someday." And hey you did turn out pretty cool, not like really cool. It would help if you (ME) stopped telling everyone how many goddamn romance novels you read?! But I digress, the main character, Dusty Holliday, is rad as fuck.

Anyway, walk around your neighborhood, and get some sunlight, and if you need a break from society crumbling around you, these are two solid recs. Maybe also make a bugout bag, though. Do you know where your important papers are? Okay, go find those real quick, and then you can break from reality.

I probably say 1997 a hundred times. I'm bad at counting but an optimistic guesser.

Happy Seasonal Depression! Christmas is OVER. NYE is OVER. It might be a good time to read some romance novels. Dip a sad, cold lil toe into the mawkish, bathetic life of Noreen Kensington in The Patient Nurse. Diana Palmer is just LUCKY that I've read and own so many of her books...like so many. Call 911. I feel bad for Noreen, but I want her to dress better. And you don't have to date the only man you've ever met :(

You should give Contagion by Amanda Milo a chance. As long as you don't mind fussy humanoid arachnids who squeal or getting someone else's barf in your mouth and on yourself. tbh, that is exactly my type. Well, that and non-perverted boat owners.

It's my first episode, and you can kind of tell I have hiccups. I would have waited until I didn't, but the auto body shop behind my apartment has a standing appointment to rev the engine of a truck missing at least one wheel. I'm p rusty, I think the next one will be better.