Jackie: On the web | On Instagram

Courtney: On the web | On Instagram

Workplace conflict rarely stays “professional” in the body. What looks like a communication issue on the surface often activates deeper nervous-system needs around safety, respect, belonging, control, and value.

In this episode, Courtney Bareman and I explore how conflict shows up at work through the Enneagram and why small moments—an email tone, a missed deadline, a rushed decision—can escalate so quickly.

Together, we unpack how each Enneagram type communicates under stress, what tends to trigger frustration or shutdown, and how repair builds trust on teams without avoiding hard conversations.

This episode is educational and practical—not therapy and not HR advice—but it offers language you can actually use to navigate real workplace relationships.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why workplace conflict is often a nervous-system issue, not a personality flaw
• How pressure, power, and visibility amplify emotional reactions at work
• The connection between pet peeves and unmet needs
• How each Enneagram type communicates under stress
• Why secure teams aren’t conflict-free, but repair-rich
• What effective repair sounds like when impact doesn’t match intent

Enneagram Triggers & Needs at Work

Each Enneagram type brings specific needs into work relationships—and predictable stress responses when those needs go unmet:

• Type 1 – Triggered by sloppy standards; needs clarity, responsibility, and appreciation for quality
• Type 2 – Triggered by exclusion or one-way giving; needs inclusion and reciprocity
• Type 3 – Triggered by inefficiency; needs concise communication and follow-through
• Type 4 – Triggered by meaninglessness or emotional dismissal; needs respect for people and purpose
• Type 5 – Triggered by time invasion or last-minute demands; needs privacy and clear expectations
• Type 6 – Triggered by rushed decisions or misuse of power; needs integrity, context, and a plan
• Type 7 – Triggered by negativity or micromanagement; needs autonomy and forward motion
• Type 8 – Triggered by gossip or broken promises; needs directness and reliability
• Type 9 – Triggered by being overlooked or unclear expectations; needs invitation, clarity, and calm tone

Repair & Trust in the Workplace

Secure teams aren’t built by avoiding conflict. They’re built by how quickly and clearly repair happens when stress shows up.

Repair in work relationships includes:

• Naming impact without defensiveness
• Clarifying intent without minimizing harm
• Resetting expectations after tension
• Addressing misalignment before resentment sets in

When repair becomes normal, trust strengthens—and teams can hold pressure without breaking.

Reflection Questions

Take these into your next work week:

• What does my stress pattern sound like in communication—do I correct, rescue, perform, withdraw, question, distract, confront, or disappear?
• What’s one sentence I can use to repair when I’ve come in too hot or too distant?

Jackie: On the web | On Instagram

Courtney: On the web | On Instagram

Friendship can be one of the most meaningful—and most misunderstood—relationships in adult life. While often treated as “less serious” than romantic relationships, friendship activates the same attachment systems in the nervous system and can surface deep needs around safety, trust, belonging, and repair.

In this episode, Courtney Bareman and I explore how friendship functions as an attachment relationship, why it can be so triggering even without romance, and how the Enneagram helps name what’s really happening beneath friendship rupture.

Together, we walk through:

• Why friendship activates attachment alarms
• How unspoken expectations create confusion and resentment
• What each Enneagram type truly needs in friendship
• Common triggers that lead to withdrawal, over-functioning, or silent rupture
• What secure friendship actually looks like in real life
• How honesty, boundaries, and repair build lasting connection

This conversation offers language for understanding friendship patterns—not to diagnose or pathologize, but to create clarity, compassion, and healthier connection.

Key Themes Discussed

• Friendship as an adult attachment relationship
• Nervous system responses in platonic connection
• Why friendship rupture often feels confusing or unresolved
• The difference between conflict and unmet attachment needs
• Moving from silent protection to direct request
• Repair as the foundation of secure friendship

Each Enneagram type brings specific needs into friendship—and specific sensitivities when those needs aren’t met:

• Type 1 – Needs respect and integrity; struggles with carelessness or imbalance
• Type 2 – Needs mutuality; struggles when giving isn’t reciprocated
• Type 3 – Needs appreciation without performance; struggles with vulnerability
• Type 4 – Needs depth and emotional honesty; struggles with minimization
• Type 5 – Needs space with reliable re-entry; struggles with emotional demand
• Type 6 – Needs consistency and trust; struggles with unpredictability
• Type 7 – Needs joy with emotional staying power; struggles with heaviness
• Type 8 – Needs loyalty and directness; struggles with indirectness or betrayal
• Type 9 – Needs peace, inclusion, and voice; struggles when conflict feels unsafe

Secure friendship isn’t about perfect compatibility—it’s about capacity.

• Capacity for:
• Honest communication
• Emotional regulation
• Clear boundaries
• Repair after rupture
• Naming needs directly

Most friendship breakdowns aren’t about what happened—they’re about the meaning made when needs go unspoken. The Enneagram helps bring those meanings into the open so connection can be rebuilt intentionally.

Reflection Questions
Take these into the week ahead:

• When I feel unsure in friendship, do I tend to pursue, withdraw, intensify, distract, or disappear?
• What is one direct request I could make instead of hinting, managing, or resenting?

Secure attachment isn’t built by getting it right all the time.
It’s built by coming back when you don’t.

In this episode of Enneagram with JB, I'll explore why repair—not perfection—is the foundation of secure attachment, and how repair needs to change as your child’s nervous system develops.

Using the Enneagram as a compassionate map (not a label or excuse), this episode walks through what repair looks like with toddlers, elementary-aged kids, teenagers, and adult children, while naming common missteps that unintentionally widen disconnection.

You’ll learn:

• Why rupture doesn’t break attachment—but unrepaired rupture does
• How repair supports felt safety in the nervous system
• What’s developmentally realistic to expect at each age
• What not to do when emotions are high
• One simple repair mantra you can practice at every stage
• How each Enneagram type tends to repair under stress

This episode is for parents who care deeply, feel overwhelmed at times, and want language for coming back into connection—without shame.

In this episode, we cover:

• What repair actually is (and what it’s not)
• Repair with toddlers: co-regulation over explanation
• Repair with elementary-aged kids: reassurance and meaning
• Repair with teens: dignity, timing, and respect
• Repair with adult children: mutuality and accountability
• Type-by-type repair phrases for all 9 Enneagram types

Key takeaway:
Your child doesn’t need you perfect.
They need you emotionally reachable.

Note: This episode is educational and not a substitute for therapy or professional care.

Visit me at Enneagram with JB and on Instagram. Considering coaching? Get in touch here.