DUKWAM: Kids’ Graduation Ceremonies!

Gowns, mortarboards and a hat toss for finishing primary school? Jon and Dan put the mini graduation on trial. Is it a sweet celebration or just a reward for getting a year older?

Also in this one:

• Is this the Americanisation of British schools?
• The trades vs university debate gets a devil’s advocate
• One university’s baffling rule about the hat

Do mini graduations make you proud or make you cringe? Email us at dkwannoysmepodcast@gmail.com.

£85 for a standing ticket? We're too old for this. Jon and Dan take on the modern gig, from ticket prices that could fund a week in Spain to the nine-foot man who waits until the band walks on before parking himself directly in front of you.

Also in this one:

• Listener Barry from Southend and a very expensive water bottle
• A bold new punishment system for festival offenders
• Why the phone-filming crowd might as well have stayed home

Is live music still worth the price, or does it annoy you too? Email us at dkwannoysmepodcast@gmail.com.

You buy one thing, once, and suddenly your inbox thinks you're a lifelong customer and Dan is not happy about it!This week we dig into the endless emails about things bought a single time, and the recommendations that land in front of you for stuff you have zero interest in... ever.meanwhile, Jon, is feeling nostalgic for the glory days of proper junk mail thudding through the letterbox.Also in this one: a very unexpected delivery that arrived through the post leaving Jon delighted at first and then sad...

Nobody on television has ever finished a breakfast. Mum cooks enough eggs, bacon and pancakes for a small hotel, the kids talk for a bit, take one bite of toast, say "okay, bye" and leave the lot on the table. Jon wants to know who's eating the rest of it, and why the toast had to be bitten first.

Then there's the phone thing. Conversation ends, phone goes down, nobody says goodbye. Dan spent his childhood assuming grown-ups just didn't bother, and now says it out loud at the telly on their behalf, which his wife absolutely loves.

Also in this one: whether a scrambled egg sandwich can be eaten on the move, what Canadian bacon is doing in all this, and the mashed potato sandwich that got Jon through university.

Does it annoy you? Let us know in the comments.

Nobody buys an avocado for Tuesday, do they? Dan's sick of supermarkets deciding when he's allowed to eat, and Jon's got a fridge full of mush that proves the whole system is nonsense. All anyone wants is a "ready now" option and the freedom to make their own mistakes.

Also in this one: what a month in a glove compartment does to two apples, why bananas can't be shared a bowl with anything, and a suspiciously specific trick for turning green tomatoes red.

Does it annoy you? Let us know in the comments.

Have a scroll through this week's cinema listings and see how many of them are actually new. Remakes, sequels, prequels, reboots of things that were fine the first time - and every single one of them somehow three hours long.

Jon and Dan work out when films stopped being films and started being homework, and why nobody in Hollywood owns a pair of scissors any more.

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Sausages that are still linked together. Why? With all the modern technology available to us, why are we still standing at a BBQ with sausage juice on our hands looking for the scissors?

This week the boys can't agree on it. One says butcher's sausages come strung up for a reason and that's the price you pay for quality. The other says he'd happily pay an extra quid to have them cut for him, but not two, because you've got to stop somewhere.

It escalates from there into tea bags stuck together in pairs, loose leaves in your mouth, sausage patties, a certain Irish brand you can get 40 of in Costco for about three quid, and cheese slices that refuse to come apart without being clawed at with a fingernail. Plus one man, one bag of frozen burgers, and a knife pointed the wrong way.

Only a few seconds... This really annoys us... that is all...