Is it still "support" if you're trying to change how your partner expresses and explores their gender?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are joined by the talented Rae Hill, a nonbinary advocate, educator, designer, and founder of Origami Customs.

Together, they read two Reddit posts about gender exploration, fashion, attraction, and what it actually means to support your partner during a transition…spoiler: it's not turning them into your personal makeover project.

Highlights of the episode:

• Binders, gaffs, and gender-affirming clothing 101

• A relationship that's somehow 80% "just friends" but still dating?

• A rant about how boxy, beige, and boring "androgynous" clothes are

• A reminder that gender-affirming care is for everyone!

If you've ever felt weird in your clothes, frustrated by gendered fashion, or you know someone who could use you as their hype person, this one's for you. And as a reminder, don't be afraid to put on the damn skirt!

Who is Rae Hill?

Rae Hill (they/them) is a nonbinary advocate and educator. They founded Origami Customs, a community advocacy program and clothing line for folks of all genders, bodies, and abilities. Origami Customs creates custom gender-affirming garments and works with organizations worldwide to provide free gaffs, binders, and education to people facing access barriers.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome to Do As We Say, Not As They Did

01:33 - Episode guest: Rae Hill, founder of Origami Customs

02:17 - What is Origami Customs

04:00 - Binders, gaffs, and gender affirming garments

05:13 - Binding and tucking safety

13:22 - Gender affirming care is for everyone

17:30 - Reddit post #1: "My partner is genderfluid, and their fashion sense is stressful"

24:32 - The pronoun choices are telling

26:09 - Attraction, transphobia, and respectability politics

30:53 - Let someone love this person properly

39:07 - The fear of losing relationships when you come out as trans

42:09 - Why does it matter what your partner wears?

48:07 - Hype your partner up!

56:31 - Update: they're still together, but the plot thickens

59:12 - Why trans community and mentorship matter

01:01:15 - Reddit Post #2: "Why are androgynous clothes so boring?"

01:02:01 - Why does androgynous usually mean thin, white, and male?

01:09:14 - Gendered clothing categories make no sense

01:15:36 - Limited gender expression hurts everyone

01:21:12 - Fascism and fashion

01:26:31 - Ethical queer fashion, clothing costs, and censorship

01:33:01 - Where to find Rae, Harris, and Liz

Connect with Rae and Origami Customs:

https://origamicustoms.com/

https://www.instagram.com/origamicustoms/

https://www.youtube.com/@origamicustoms

https://www.facebook.com/origamicustoms

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Has a TV show ever completely changed how you think about relationships?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) are talking about Heated Rivalry, the breakout HBO series that's not only making waves with fans, but also with pro athletes who've found the courage to come out because of it. It's even encouraging men to actually talk to each other.

They break down the show from every angle: masculinity, emotional vulnerability, queer identity, and body image. And they explore how it flips the script on who gets to have feelings, and what those feelings are allowed to look like, especially in the hyper-masculine world of pro-hockey.

Highlights of the episode:

• Why we need queer stories that aren't rooted in trauma

• What the show gets right about the male gaze

• How male friendships are the key to addressing the male loneliness epidemic

• And what to watch next when you're left with a Heated Rivalry-shaped hole in your heart

So lace up your skates, this episode might just change the way you think about masculinity, emotional connection, and what it really means to be vulnerable in your romantic and platonic relationships.

Time Stamps

00:00 We're talking about Heated Rivalry

02:08 Plot breakdown and why it became a surprise hit

05:00 "It wasn't for me" vs "I'm obsessed"

07:00 Shane and Ilya vs Scott and Kip

08:00 Exploring the male gaze through emotional subtlety

16:00 Body image, diet culture, and the horror of never eating carbs

21:00 A quick overview of the Heated Rivalry book series

26:00 Pro hockey's reaction to Heated Rivalry

31:00 The beauty of a queer story not rooted in trauma

33:00 Coming out scenes and corrective emotional experiences

40:00 Queer identity and being told "it's allowed"

41:00 Emotional connection and masculinity

48:00 Push-pull relationships and fear of intimacy

58:00 Passion projects vs corporate media

01:07:00 Representation that impacts real people

01:09:00 Favorite moments and emotional highlights

01:15:00 Other media about "man feelings" and the male loneliness epidemic

01:17:00 Outro

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How detailed do you get in your dating app profile?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley kick things off with a look at r/AskWomenNoCensor, where a man asks women what they want. To no one's surprise, men were quick to jump in with their opinions. Harris and Dr. Liz discuss the merits of listening to the people you want to date (because, surprise, surprise, there is no female hivemind), personalizing your dating profile, and showing a genuine interest in people.

Highlights of the episode:

• An impromptu cooking lesson (inspired by a chicken breast & Crystal Light smoothie 🤢)

• A rant about AI dating profiles

• A loving reminder to be quirky, weird, and interesting

Get out a pen and paper and get ready to take notes. Dr. Liz and Harris are going to help you make sure your dating profile is ready to reel in people who are truly interested in you.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Introductions

00:50 - Ep 3 updates

06:30 - r/AskWomenNoCensor

09:00 - Read my profile, first!

15:00 - Communication styles

20:00 - You don't have to force a fit

23:00 - Are you actually interested in other people?

28:00 - Be truthful on your profile

35:00 - Let's talk about this AI-bio

40:00 - Tell us who you are!

56:00 - Don't date people you're ashamed to be seen with

01:06:00 - Your preferences might just be social conditioning

01:28:00 - The chicken smoothie

01:30:00 - Red flag, green flag

01:38:00 - Final thoughts

Stay Connected

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