“This is not something I ever thought I would do.”

So begins Kubir's story of moving from a spacious one-bedroom apartment in SF to Radish, a 13-person cohousing community in the East Bay.

“As I was getting older, my friends were getting partnered off,” he shared, and talked about his dating experiences before living in community as, in part, a way of experiencing companionship.

His is a unique perspective because he never thought he'd end up not only living in community, but dating while recently moving in, and having to answer questions to his new love partner about his motivations.

Now his wife is more than just on board -- she's in partnership with him around collaborating with others to create another cohousing community.

So what's it like dating in community, getting married in community, and then having a baby? Listen for all that and more!

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Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• Supernuclear Substack
• CoHoUS (The Cohousing Association of the United States)
• The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center -- book by Rhaina Cohen
• Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life -- book by Amy Gahran
• DM 242: Stepping off the Relationship Escalator (with Amy Gahran)
• LiveNearFriends.com -- You've thought about it. What's stopping you?

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• “Even with your best friend, you schedule dinner three weeks out.”
• “It was like, ‘Cool, that’s for you, but that’s not for people like me.’”
• “We buy our own loneliness.”
• “I moved in in the middle of Covid and it… was… awesome.”
• “I can’t think of any other decision that has impacted my day-to-day happiness in a positive way than moving into Radish.”
• “The things I was afraid of happening — I wouldn’t have any privacy; I wouldn’t have enough personal space — didn’t happen.”
• “I’m constantly meeting new people.”
• “Being in orbit with other people is such a healthy thing from a relational standpoint.”
• “You get to see yourself reflected in other people.”

“The gym can be a very scary place.”

Ever been intimidated by the idea of working out -- and in particular, lifting weights? Then you're in very good company. Fortunately, as fitness expert Mike Bledsoe puts it, "95% of people in the gym are also insecure."

Here we delve right into both the insecurity (and how to overcome it), as well as why Bledsoe, who has trained professional athletes, Navy SEALs, and other fitness experts, prefers to work with beginners.

We talk about how to naturally boost your T levels (easier than you think!), the specific way our physical bodies store our "stuff" (and how to move it), and how to get started if you're not sure what to do first.

We also touch on questions like:

• Is keto really worth it? (What should you actually pay attention to in nutrition trends?)
• How do you safely start lifting weights (without injuring yourself), especially if you're over 50?
• How do you best integrate from deep emotional release work (including psychedelics) in a physical way?
• What kind of stretches are best?

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Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• The ELDOA method (stretching and myofascial release)
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• "I started asking, 'Why did I get injured?'
• “If I’m really fit, then I’ll finally feel loved.”
• “[My clients] would hide their pain from me.”
• “If you want to increase your testosterone, squat heavy once a week and get in a cold plunge.”
• “If you have tightness in your body, you have emotional stuff going on.”
• “About half of my time spent on my body is stretching … and I don’t get hurt anymore.”
• “No matter where you’re at, you require mentorship and guidance.”
• “Pay attention to every single win.”

Do any of these apply to you?:

• You used to have a good sex life with your partner, but now it has flatlined
• You're in a sexless marriage but at a loss with respect to how to even bring this up with your woman (or you've tried in the past and it went poorly)
• You fear never having passionate, connected sex again

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These are all common patterns we see in our practice.

Here we outline the 5 most common reasons we've seen for this pattern, and some stories of men who've done the work and now have vibrant, thriving sex lives. Passion is possible!

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Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• DM 222: Are you using your woman for sex?
• DM 217: When sex is about more than just the sex
• DM 358: Do you trust men?
• DM 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple -- you need to know about this
• DM 262: Are you lonely?
• DM 1: What if sex hurts for your partner or she doesn't want it? A woman opens up about her experience

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• “Your relationship is flat.”
• “I’m gonna ask in a way I can’t be rejected.”
• “‘I tend to wait for the signal.’”
• “I’ve neglected my partner before.”
• “For a lot of guys, ejaculation is how they deal with tension in their bodies.”
• “One of the most painful ways we’ve seen this show up is when this wasn’t clear when they got married.”
• “'I want to feel your desire to be close to me, to know my heart, to know my feelings.'”
• “This is her strongest aphrodisiac!”
• “I’m getting off all the feelings I don’t want to feel.”
• “It’s not so much what we’re doing, but how we’re being.”
• “The pathway to the change you want comes from being honest.”
• “It can change — that’s the good news.”

Have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like the spark had died? There's no chemistry but you're going through the motions, wishing there was more heat, more aliveness, more oomph.

If so, you might have been bumping up against the principle of polarity.

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Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• DM 380: What exactly IS polarity?
• DM 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple
• Dear Men 297: The problems with polarity

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“I become a bit of a depresso-goblin when I live alone.”

So shares one of my housemates -- an eloquent interpretation, perhaps, of the loneliness episode we're living through, according to the US Surgeon General.

We all know that loneliness sucks. Among other things, it elevates risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, depression, and anxiety (among other health concerns).

So what do we do about it? According to the Pew Research Center, around 40% of adults are un-partnered, and a recent CNN article states that close to 30% of all US households are folks living on their own. Add to this the gig economy and an increased prevalence of workplaces that are entirely online, and you've got a major societal issue.

Living in community is one way of coming together, having more fun, getting more practical support, and strengthening the overall social fabric of your life.

Here, I get personal. I myself live in a coliving situation with six other friends. In this episode we delve into questions like:

• What was your life like before living in community, and what motivated you to seek out a community living situation?
• Anything you were hesitant about when it came to living in community?
• What needs of yours are met by living in community? What challenges have you found in it?
• How has living in community impacted your love relationship (if you’re in one)?
• What advice do you have for others who are considering living in community?

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• “It seemed like a good healthy risk.”
• “I don’t have coworkers, so the vast majority of my sustaining social connection comes from this house.”
• “It's special to have built-in friends.”
• “One hesitation for me was that everything wasn’t going to be accessible to me 100% of the time in exactly the way I’d want.”
• “Living with people helps me with being open to receiving.”
• “It’s more isolating when you’re living in a home with just your partner.”
• “It's great having that space to be received and seen by others.”
• “It requires vulnerability and communication.”
• “It’s very lively!”
• “A better version of me lives when I live in community.”

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• Nesterly: Share a home with someone you can trust for over 1 month stays. Renters can lend a hand for discounted rent.
• CoHoUS (The Cohousing Institute of the United States): A resource with courses as well as online social gatherings for those interested in cohousing and coliving

How do you know if you're addicted to porn?

Instead of addiction language, some mental health specialists use the term Problematic Porn Use to discuss this. The heart of it is the same, however: How do I stop watching porn? (and why is it so freakin' hard to stop using porn??)

Here we delve into the topic, but not from a shame-based point of view. Instead we look at the underlying needs that are met by porn use -- and how to move beyond it.

The truth is that this is a complex and intricate subject. It's not as simple or easy as "just stop" -- and whether it's an outside force or your own inner critic saying this, it's simply not helpful (and often damaging).

As with many things in life, the truth is, as Jason puts it: “You CAN do this. You just can’t do it alone.”

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Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• Dear Men 358: Do you trust men?
• Dear Men 262: Are you lonely?

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• “When we don’t know how to share what’s inside of us, most men will default to is ejaculating it out.”
• “Porn is a subset of the attention-hijacking we’re all in the middle of right now.”
• “It was very disempowering to feel like I didn’t have control.”
• “You get exactly what you want and you can’t be rejected.”
• “As our system gets larger, we don’t need certain crutches anymore.”
• “I hit a certain level of stress, and my body does this.”
• “I changed my life so I wasn’t hitting that trigger switch.”
• “You CAN do this. You just can’t do it alone.”

ATTRIBUTION NOTE: This is NOT an original episode. This is a complete episode of The Ezra Klein Show that I'm posting here, with a note from me at the beginning.

Original episode can be found here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-relationships-would-you-want-if-you-believed-they/id1548604447?i=1000644331040

What follows is my own reasons for posting this:

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We are at a crossroads in our cultures and societies worldwide.

In many places, social networks are in tatters. Mental health is abysmal in spots without tight-knit communities -- which, let's face it, is a growing number of places. The nuclear family paradigm has dominated over the past 50-75 years, but does it work?

Evidence suggests otherwise.

Single adults living alone are so lonely they often experience significant anxiety & depression. Parents are stressed and overwhelmed, with children taking up so much energy and attention that it's hard to connect as a couple (including sex! and other kinds of intimacy). And older adults are either aging alone, or in environments that sap their vitality.

Studies show that trends around social isolation hit men particularly hard. According to Gallup, for example, "[Young men in the US] are significantly more likely than their female peers to experience deaths of despair."

And: "Americans who experience daily loneliness are significantly less likely to report smiling or laughing ... They are also half as likely to be classified as 'thriving' in life."

Let's review that: Lonely people are HALF as likely to be classified as thriving. And what happens when you're not thriving? You're almost always not having great sex, wonderful intimate relationships, or a satisfying love life.

So what do we do about this? How do we "fix" the loneliness epidemic?

This is the first episode in a series that I will be doing on creative solutions and innovative ideas around not just how we think about relationships, but how we think about living. I don't mean that metaphorically, either; I mean our literal living environments.

We've lived separately for too long. I believe it's time to bring the generations back together in meaningful ways, and have more FUN at home.

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Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center by Rhaina Cohen