We are BACK and jumping straight into the deep end. This week, Jesse rings in his B-day by getting his thumbs absolutely shredded by an unruly wheel well, surviving a bizarrely omniscient roadside mechanic, and dancing on a Confederate mass grave (as one does). Meanwhile, Mikey takes a whirlwind, 48-hour scouting trip to Boston that quickly devolves into a full-time job. From accommodating a very nervous muscle-jock who wants to be edged midday on a Thursday, to dodging the ultimate "bear bar" melting pot with an anonymous admirer buying him drinks, to a 2:30 AM freezing hotel evacuation—who needs sleep when you have validation? Once we clean up the fluids, we dive into the dark, brain-scrambling reality of queer social media. We break down the brutal data on how dating apps are actively tearing down our body images, swap tips on how to not get catfished or murdered by a psychopath, and dissect the exhausting pressure of the "bamboo ceiling" and family expectations. Oh, and Jesse rants about political bid laws and makes a few dark jokes that will probably get us canceled. Tune in for the trauma, stay for the self-expression, and remember: always share your location. Toodles!

Happy Pride, (Shut up, everyday is pride bitches!) and welcome to the unsolicited advice episode nobody asked for but everybody probably needs.

Mikey and Jesse are talking baby gays, bad friends, fake profiles, hookup disasters, closeted chaos, rejection spirals, lube logistics, and the life lessons you usually learn the hard way. From “don’t let compliments bankrupt your standards” to “being desired is not the same as being cared for,” this episode is a messy little survival guide for anyone trying to be out, open, and not completely emotionally wrecked.

There’s advice. There’s trauma. There’s coconut oil. And yes, someone probably needs to clean their ass.

This episode of Closet Cases Out and Open, Mikey and Jesse sit down with Nashville educator, drag performer, author, and community advocate Kennedy Ann Scott. From growing up queer in a small Missouri town to finding safety through family, drag, teaching, and chosen community, Kennedy shares how survival turned into self-expression — and how self-expression turned into activism.

The conversation goes everywhere it should: Nashville’s unique queer community, religious trauma, drag misconceptions, hookup app chaos, classroom impact, political attacks on LGBTQ+ people, and why sometimes the best thing you can do is be exactly who you are — loudly, honestly, and looking good while doing it.

🔮

Tarot. Intuition. Ghosts. And a few stories that might haunt you after listening…

In this episode, we sit down with Jess, a tarot reader who breaks down the truth behind tarot, spirituality, and what it really means to trust your intuition. From her religious upbringing to a life-changing spiritual awakening, Jess shares how she found her path—and how you can tap into yours.

We get into:

• What tarot actually is (and why it’s not what people think)
• How to strengthen your intuition (“kegels for the soul” 👀)
• Energy cleansing, hexes, and spiritual protection
• The dangers of becoming dependent on readings

And then things get… weird.

We swap real-life paranormal experiences, from apparitions and haunted locations to sleep paralysis and unexplained encounters that still don’t make sense.

To top it all off, Jess pulls cards for us LIVE—and let’s just say… the readings hit a little too close to home.

This episode is part spiritual deep dive, part therapy session, and part ghost story you won’t forget.

🎙️ S1 EP6: Coincidence… or Nah?

Freezing fog. Falling trees. Surviving atomic bombs.

In this episode, Jesse and Mikey spiral (in the best way) into fate, destiny, intuition, and those moments in life that are just a little too aligned to be random.

From near-miss disasters and long-lost twins reuniting, to uncanny synchronicities, psychic party tricks, and electronics that seem personally cursed — we’re asking the big question:

When is a coincidence not just a coincidence?

We get into:

• Surviving impossible odds (twice 👀)

• Long-lost siblings finding each other blocks away

• Intuition vs. paranoia

• Empaths, soulmates, and life lessons

• Why your aura might need a spiritual colonic

• And whether knowing your future would actually ruin it

Plus: Butter Beans the cat triggers Alexa conspiracy theories, Jesse might be hexed, Mikey believes in destiny, and somehow we end up debating Bill Nye vs. tarot cards.

It’s mystical. It’s chaotic. It’s existential.
And honestly? It might have been predestined.

✨ Coincidence… or nah? ✨

It’s a new year, a new theme song, and—thankfully—everyone still has all their fingers. 🥂

In this episode, Jesse and Mikey kick off the year by talking New Year’s goals (not resolutions), why small changes matter more than unrealistic gym promises, and how tracking stress, sleep, and heart rate can actually make a difference. From OrangeTheory milestones and “revenge bodies” to learning when to slow down and actually take a day off, this conversation goes deeper than expected.

Along the way, they unpack:

• Why New Year’s Eve can feel overrated (and anxiety-inducing)

• Finding motivation through routine, data, and hot trainers

• Work-life balance, burnout, and the struggle to truly unplug

• Dating intentionally while still being “whores with standards”

• Starting businesses, setting boundaries, and trusting your instincts

And because this is Closet Cases, things also take a hard left into:

• Rhinestone dildos, Etsy business ideas, and questionable DIY tips

• Awkwardly hot doctor encounters

• Wild roommate and coworker stories

• Catholic school scandals and other absolute what-the-fuck moments

It’s funny, messy, vulnerable, and very real—because growth doesn’t have to be polished, and neither do we.

✨ New year. Same chaos. Slightly better boundaries. ✨

Just in time to miss the holidays, Mikey and Jesse are joined by Jesse's husband Gabriel for an extra-unhinged holiday episode that starts with Christmas origins… and spirals beautifully from there.

What begins as a deep dive into where Christmas actually comes from—pagan rituals, winter solstice, Saturnalia, mistletoe, trees, lights, and all—quickly turns into a brutally honest (and hilarious) conversation about family dysfunction, cultural traditions, religion, queerness, grief, and what the holidays really feel like when you don’t fit the Hallmark mold.

Along the way, we cover:

• Why December 25th isn’t Jesus’ real birthday

• Pagan traditions the church “rebranded”

• Latino, Filipino, and American holiday customs

• Toxic family dynamics, religion, and being LGBTQ+ during the holidays

• Cutting off family, setting boundaries, and chosen family

• Spirituality, cults, reincarnation, aliens, ghosts, demons, déjà vu, and whether this life might actually be hell

• Seasonal depression, loss, and finding joy on your own terms

• And… plenty of off-the-rails stories that definitely didn’t make it into church

It’s messy, funny, uncomfortable, heartfelt, and very Closet Cases.

Whether you celebrate Christmas, something else, or nothing at all—this episode is a reminder that you’re allowed to build your own traditions, protect your peace, and survive the holidays however you need to.

🎧 New episode out now.
📲 Follow us on Instagram: @ClosetCasesPod
🎄 Chrysler Merry, babes.

We bring on our first guest and immediately regret nothing. Ellis joins Jesse and Mikey for an episode that’s basically New Orleans trauma bonding: service-industry bullshit, roommate disasters, military rumors, sketchy hookups, near crimes, and people who absolutely should not have been given keys or leases.

There’s no lesson here. Just bad decisions, worse roommates, and the kind of stories you only tell people you trust — or strangers on the internet with a microphone.

If you’ve ever lived with someone unhinged, overshared at 2 a.m., or thought “this probably shouldn’t be recorded”… this one’s for you.

Follow us: @ClosetCasesPod