What parts of yourself have you learned to keep quiet in order to belong?

Who is really allowed to speak freely in our workplaces and relationships?

How much of your life is shaped by what you DON’T say?

In this episode, I am joined by author, speaker, and organizational consultant Elaine Lin Hering to explore the word silence not as a lack of sound, but as a social force—one that shapes power, belonging, and whose voices are allowed to matter.

Elaine is the author of "Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully", a groundbreaking book that examines how silence is taught, rewarded, and enforced in families, workplaces, and culture—and how it often protects systems more than people. Together, we unpack how silence shows up in professional spaces, in relationships, and in our own inner lives, especially for those whose identities make speaking up more costly.

This conversation moves beyond encouragements to “just speak up,” and instead asks harder questions: Who is being asked to take the risk? Who is being heard? And what does it really take to create cultures where voice is safe, welcomed, and valued?

Show Notes & Resources

This episode includes references to Elaine’s writing as well as the work of other researchers. In the section below, you’ll find links to Elaine’s book "Unlearning Silence" and other resources discussed in the episode.

Articles Referenced:

• https://hbr.org/2024/06/how-to-get-your-team-to-actually-speak-up
• https://www.yourpowerunleashed.org/blog/2023/5/21/womens-use-of-low-power-language-at-work-is-not-diminishing-but-very-strategic
• Buy the book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/720975/unlearning-silence-by-elaine-lin-hering/
• Get free monthly tips on how to solve for silence: https://hello.elainelinhering.com/newsletter

Production Team

Host/Creator - Carl James

Lead Engineer - Josh Wilcox

Editor - Walter Nordquist

Logo Design - Stephanie Cardenas

Music - Yennaedo Balloo

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do we mean when we talk about currency—and who gets to decide what holds value?

In this episode of "Can I Have a Word?", I explore how currency extends far beyond money. From desirability and youth, to social access and belonging, this conversation examines how value is assigned, circulated, and sometimes quietly withdrawn—especially within queer spaces and broader social systems.

This is the shorter audio version of the episode. If you’re interested in spending more time with these ideas, the full, expanded conversation—with additional reflection and context—is available on YouTube.

Production Team

Host/Creator - Carl James

Lead Engineer - Josh Wilcox

Editor - Walter Nordquist

Logo Design - Stephanie Cardenas

Music - Yennaedo Balloo

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Discipline is often understood as something rigid—tight control, strict routines, or the ability to push through discomfort at all costs. But that version of discipline doesn’t work for everyone, and it rarely lasts.

In this episode, we explore discipline as a practice rather than a test of toughness. When discipline is intentionally designed around your own standards, needs, and capacities, it becomes sustainable—and surprisingly freeing.

Clear intention creates focus. Focus creates momentum. And over time, that consistency can open a path toward purpose, rather than pulling you away from it. This episode reflects on how discipline, when grounded in alignment instead of rigidity, can help us move with clarity toward what actually matters.

Production Team

Host/Creator - Carl James

Lead Engineer - Josh Wilcox

Editor - Walter Nordquist

Logo Design - Stephanie Cardenas

Music - Yennaedo Balloo

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What does it mean to feel safe when the world keeps proving how quickly certainty can collapse? In this episode, I explore how our relationship to safety changes the moment violence feels close—geographically, emotionally, or personally. A recent mass shooting at the headquarters of my former employer forced me to confront how fragile the familiar can be, and how often we mistake comfort or institutional prestige for real protection.

Through personal reflection, I examine how safety shows up differently across identities, workplaces, and communities—and who is expected to stay composed even when danger is no longer hypothetical. This conversation sits inside the tension between fear and honesty, challenging the stories we cling to in order to feel secure.

Ultimately, I offer a reimagined definition:

Safe is more than protection—it’s the presence of trust that anchors us in uncertainty.

Production Team

Host/Creator - Carl James

Lead Engineer - Josh Wilcox

Editor - Walter Nordquist

Logo Design - Stephanie Cardenas

Music - Yennaedo Balloo

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, I’m joined by my friend and returning guest Ty McKinnie, a singer-songwriter whose honesty and introspection make every conversation feel grounded. Our word is "Becoming" — a lifelong unfolding, the continuous evolution toward your most authentic self, refined by experience but never complete.

Together, we explore what it really takes to grow:

- Letting go of who you were

- Navigating tension, doubt, and self-trust

- Allowing creativity to shape your identity

- Finding support through your evolution

- Treating "becoming" as both surrender and intentional practice

This is an honest conversation between friends — unfiltered, thoughtful, and rooted in the ongoing process of becoming ourselves.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to "Can I Have a Word?" — and welcome to Season 2!

We’re starting with a word that’s being stretched, questioned, reclaimed, and redefined: masculinity.

In this episode, we explore masculinity as a living language — not a fixed identity or checklist of behaviors, but a space shaped by culture, history, and personal truth. We look at how masculinity is inherited, where it harms, where it heals, and how more men are learning to lead with presence, emotional honesty, and self‑definition instead of performance.

This isn’t about prescribing a new model of manhood — it’s about listening, unlearning, and expanding the ways we understand strength and control. In this redefinition, vulnerability and power equally coexist.

✨ If this resonates, like, share, and subscribe — and join the conversation.

Production Team

Host/Creator - Carl James

Lead Engineer - Josh Wilcox

Editor - Walter Nordquist

Logo Design - Stephanie Cardenas

Music - Yennaedo Balloo

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What does it mean to build a relationship with a place you’ve never lived—but that somehow still lives in you?

With a nod to exploring the roots of our identity, we examine the notion of "home" through the lens of memory, migration, and meaning. For many first-generation Americans, and particularly for Black Americans navigating the legacy of forced displacement, home is not always a fixed location. It can be a country your parents left behind, a village you’ve only seen in photos, or a continent you feel connected to in spirit but not necessarily in experience.

In this final episode of the season, we dive into the emotional and cultural work of cultivating an intentional relationship with ancestral homelands—especially when that relationship feels distant, unfamiliar, or incomplete. What customs can you adopt? What stories can you reclaim? And how do you navigate the tension between longing and belonging?

This episode invites listeners to reflect on the ways we build home—not just in geography, but in practice, memory, and spirit.

Production Team

Host/Creator - Carl James

Lead Engineer - Josh Wilcox

Mix Engineer/Technical Producer - Adam Goins

Logo Design - Stephanie Cardenas

Music - Yennaedo Balloo

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What does it really take to chase our dreams? In this episode, we unpack ambition— not just as a goal or drive, but as a mirror. To move forward, we must first get honest about what's holding us back. Join us for a raw, reflective (and at times humorous) conversation on how our mental and emotional health directly shape our ability to pursue our highest goals. Because ambition isn't just about striving — it's about healing, too.

Production Team

Host/Creator - Carl James

Lead Engineer - Josh Wilcox

Mix Engineer/Technical Producer - Adam Goins

Logo Design - Stephanie Cardenas

Music - Yennaedo Balloo

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.