In this season finale, Kiki steps out from behind the microphone to pull back the curtain on her creative process, the psychology behind her books, and the nuanced world of unspoken social codes. Addressing a curated list of reader FAQs, she dives into the intersection of taste, money, and power, exploring what our aesthetic choices actually reveal about us. Kiki also discusses the reality of her persona, teases her upcoming novel Midnight Blue, and shares her real-life next steps, including upcoming literary events and a new creative retreat taking shape in Santa Barbara. She is stepping away to collect more stories, promising to return for the next season with even sharper, more dangerous observations.

Episode Description:

Welcome to a slightly unusual moment. In our season finale, Kiki is hitting pause, but not before pulling back the curtain on the quiet codes, performed effortlessness, and the psychology of aspiration that fuel her world. This special behind-the-scenes episode tackles your most curious FAQs. We explore the fine line between real taste and trying too hard, the truth behind the Kiki persona, and the slightly obsessive note-taking that builds her literary universes. Plus, get an exclusive sneak peek into her highly anticipated new release, Midnight Blue, and find out what Kiki is building next in Santa Barbara.

In This Episode, We Cover:

- The Season in Review: A look back at the unspoken social codes, the psychology of money, and the power dynamics of belonging.

- The Kiki Persona: When did Kiki stop being a bit and start being uncomfortably accurate?

- The Writing Process: What a completely unglamorous writing Tuesday looks like, and how offhand dinner comments become entire subplots.

- Inside Midnight Blue: Quiet setups, untrustworthy characters, and the scenes that felt almost too revealing to publish.

- The Backlist Deep Dive: Performing taste in Pink Palazzo, old traditions in Scarlet Fever, and the quiet wealth of Low Season in St. Tropez.

- The Art of Taste: The exact details that signal trying too hard versus the subtle cues of real, unannounced taste.

- What is Next: A look at Kiki's upcoming schedule (Santa Barbara Literary Festival, a Virginia hunting lodge retreat) and the new creative gathering space forming in Santa Barbara.

Mentioned in this Episode:

- Pre-order/Buy Midnight Blue

- Pink Palazzo

- Low Season in St. Tropez

- Scarlet Fever

- Santa Barbara Literary Festival

Subscribe & Review:

If you enjoyed this season, be sure to subscribe so you do not miss our return. While we are on a brief pause to collect better stories, step into Kiki's world by exploring her books. https://kikiastor.com/

In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Kiki Astor explores how Queen Victoria's 1840 white gown and later royal spectacles (Charles & Diana, Grace Kelly, JFK/Jacqueline) shaped modern wedding expectations. She examines the social and economic pressures behind extravagant weddings, who should pay, the rise of pre-wedding events, venue and menu choices, wedding attire (old money vs. new money), guest etiquette, digital invites vs. tradition, and strategies to avoid becoming a "bridezilla." Practical, budget-friendly tips emphasize authenticity, restraint, and how to create an elegant day that reflects values rather than trying to project status and keep up with influencers.

• Intro & thesis: How Queen Victoria (1840) set the white-dress precedent and transformed weddings into status performances.
• Historical anchors:
• • Queen Victoria's white dress: symbolism, lace industry support, status signaling.
  • Charles & Diana (1981): spectacle, public finance, backlash.
  • Grace Kelly (1956) & Jackie Kennedy (1953): models of restraint and curated guest lists.
  • Queen Elizabeth II (1947): post-war modesty and tradition.
• Main themes:
• • Weddings as performative displays of social status vs. personal celebration.
  • Financial realities: who pays, avoiding ruinous expectations, prioritizing long-term goals over one-day spectacle.
  • Modern etiquette shifts: digital invites, wedding websites, RSVPs vs. tradition.
  • Pre-wedding event culture: engagement parties, showers, bachelorettes—value vs. excess.
  • Venue choices: authenticity over Instagrammability; alternatives (home, club, chapel, meaningful local spots).
  • Attire: old-money simplicity, vintage and tailoring tips, guest dress-code rules, color no-nos (white/ivory).
  • Menu & drinks: elegant simplicity, seasonal/local choices, family-style or signature drinks, budget-friendly substitutes (Prosecco, punch).
  • Guest behavior: arrive on time, follow dress code, don't upstage, support the couple.
  • Bride/Bridegroom guidance: set boundaries, communicate, expect small failures, remain gracious.
• Personal anecdotes: Kiki's own low-budget yet elegant wedding (university chapel, restaurant reception, borrowed flowers/cake).
• Practical tips & quick wins (actionable):
• • Set a shared budget early; decide who pays and delegate small, meaningful contributions.
  • Prioritize 3-4 things that matter most (venue, dress, photos, food); save elsewhere.
  • Consider vintage or off-the-rack + tailoring for a classic look.
  • Use a wedding website + a tasteful paper invitation for etiquette/clarity.
  • Choose meaningful venues (family estate, backyard, private club) over trending destinations.
  • Simplify the menu: seasonal, local, a few elegant choices; pick one signature cocktail.
  • Limit pre-wedding events; do what feels authentic rather than performative.
  • Communicate guest expectations clearly (dress code, plus-ones, travel).
  • Practice composure: plan for small mishaps and lead with grace.
• Resources & links mentioned:
• • Kiki Astor's novel Scarlet Fever (for readers who enjoy old-money fiction)
  • Contact: MadamexofMontecito@gmail.com (listener Q&A)

Join Auntie Kiki (Kiki Astor) on the "Awkward Etiquette Old Money and New Manners" podcast as she uncovers the secrets to a truly timeless existence. This episode dives deep into why the old money aesthetic resonates so deeply and how you can integrate effortless elegance into your home, wardrobe, lifestyle, manners, and even your approach to aging. Inspired by a surprising home tour, Kiki shares practical tips on choosing honest materials, embracing thoughtful editing, and cultivating an attitude that transcends fleeting trends. Learn how to create classic spaces and styles on a budget, conduct a "digital detox," and practice timeless etiquette that makes you—and those around you—feel valued and comfortable. Discover how to live an iconic life that is fluid, intentional, and always in style.

Key Topics Discussed:

- Timeless Elegance: Embracing the enduring appeal of the old money aesthetic.

- Timeless Design: Secrets for creating ageless spaces, focusing on materials and the "Light & Touch Test."

- Budget-Friendly Home: Smart strategies for achieving a sophisticated home without breaking the bank.

- Avoiding the "Time Capsule": Blending eras for a personalized, comfortable, and classic living environment.

- Digital Detox & Analog Living: Cultivating intentional, less-connected daily practices.

- Timeless Entertaining: Classic approaches to hosting and celebrations, including weddings.

- Ageless Style & Investment Dressing: Building a wardrobe that stands the test of time through quality and fit.

- Graceful Aging: Focusing on vibrancy, posture, grooming, and an engaged mind over cosmetic fixes.

- Timeless Manners & Etiquette: Developing intentional, respectful, and fluid social skills.

- Strategic Trend Integration: How to selectively incorporate trends while maintaining a timeless core.

Kiki Astor's Novels Mentioned in the Episode:

- Scarlet Fever (Dark Inheritance series: old money rivalries, haunted equestrian, suspenseful romance)

- Pink Palazzo (historic homes, evolving aesthetics)

- Low Season in St Tropez (1920s design, new materials for classic looks)

- Midnight Blue (forthcoming, perfumery, analog vs. tech)

Upcoming Event:

Santa Barbara Literary Festival, May 2nd & 3rd, 2026. Kiki Astor will be on a romance panel and hosting a workshop on self-promotion for writers.

Connect with Auntie Kiki:

www.kikiastor.com

Mailing List: Sign up on Kiki Astor's website for updates on books, appearances, and more.

Pressing etiquette and old money style questions? Ask Auntie Kiki!

madamexofmontecito@gmail.com

Thank you for listening to The Awkward Etiquette Old Money and New Manners Podcast!

Have you ever scrolled through social media and felt an overwhelming sense of inadequacy? Everywhere you look, people seem to be living incredibly expensive, flawless lives filled with luxury travel, designer shopping, and perfect morning routines. But is it real?

In this episode, Kiki Astor breaks down the jarring difference between influencer wealth and actual wealth. We explore the history of performative wealth, from ancient Rome and the Court of Versailles to the Gilded Age and the 1990s, and explain how social media has turned the appearance of wealth into a highly lucrative business model. We also discuss why the "Old Money" aesthetic is trending, how to spot the red flags of aspirational performance (including a look at the Becca Bloom conversation), and most importantly, how to consume social media without letting it ruin your peace of mind. Tune in to learn how to cultivate a genuinely rich life that doesn't need an audience.

Key Takeaways:

- The Illusion of Online Wealth: Why keeping up with online influencers is fundamentally different (and more damaging) than keeping up with the Joneses.

- The History of Status: How wealth has been performed throughout history, comparing modern social media feeds to the Royal Court of Versailles and the Gilded Age.

- The Influencer Economy: How the algorithm rewards visibility and creates a cycle where presenting an aspirational lifestyle is a mandatory part of the job.

- Real Wealth vs. Fake Wealth: The true markers of old money and real wealth, which include control over your time, multi-generational thinking, discretion, and lived-in continuity, not unboxing videos.

- Protecting Your Peace: Actionable advice on how to view social media as entertainment rather than a benchmark for your own life and financial stability.

Quotes from the Episode:

"The goal of that whole world of online wealthy influencers is not really stability... It's about visibility."

"A lifestyle develops slowly... Content is designed to work instantly, and it is meant to be visible."

"The best luxury isn't bought or posted. It's lived exactly on your own terms."

About the Host:

Kiki Astor is a romance author, former rich person, and your resident old money and etiquette expert. She helps listeners navigate the modern world with historical context, grace, and a healthy dose of reality. Visit http://www.kikiastor.com for books, merchandise, and advisory services via Cameo.

Subscribe & Review:

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners and leave us a review! Share this episode with a friend who might need a reminder that real life is far more beautiful than a curated feed.

In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, etiquette expert and author Kiki Astor explores the fascinating social tension between strategic vagueness and chronic oversharing. Kiki dissects why old money aristocracy and traditional upper-class society view discretion and understatement as the ultimate forms of power and elegance. Listeners will learn how aristocratic etiquette historically used ambiguity to navigate court politics and protect privacy, contrasting this with modern social media culture that rewards radical transparency, trauma dumping, and parasocial relationships.

Kiki offers practical advice on navigating these conflicting communication styles, explaining when vagueness becomes passive-aggressive and when vulnerability crosses the line into a boundary violation. From handling intrusive questions about finances to mastering the art of the graceful decline, this episode provides a masterclass in conversational etiquette. Whether you are navigating a cocktail party, managing family scandals, or simply trying to avoid the organ recital of health complaints, Auntie Kiki reveals how to balance privacy with authenticity to maintain social harmony and mystique.

---

SHOW NOTES

"Dogs and Horses": The Aristocratic Art of Vagueness vs Oversharing

Welcome back to Awkward Etiquette! Today, your Auntie Kiki is diving deep into the communication wars: the silence of the old guard versus the "tell-all" nature of the modern world. Why do some people never give a straight answer, while others treat a first date like a therapy session? We are breaking down the history, psychology, and manners behind how much we reveal.

In this episode, we cover:

-Strategic Vagueness: Why old money families describe running a hedge fund as "something in finance" and how understatement signals status and confidence.

-The History of Discretion: From the court of Louis XIV to Jane Austen's novels, we look at why saying less was historically a survival mechanism for the elite.

-The Three Pillars of Old Money Silence: Privacy, social flexibility (the art of the non-committal RSVP), and status signaling.

-Topics You Must Never Discuss Directly: Wealth, family scandals, and personal achievements. (Why saying "the family has a few things" is more chic than flashing a bank statement).

-The Rise of Oversharing: How therapy culture and social media algorithms have conditioned us to mistake "trauma dumping" for intimacy.

- Parasocial Relationships: Why we feel emotionally connected to strangers online and how this leads to boundary violations in real life.

-Etiquette SOS:

- How to handle intrusive questions about money.

- The polite way to decline an invitation without lying.

- When gossip is harmless fun vs. when it is destructive.

-Romance & Mystery: Kiki's advice on why you shouldn't tell your partner everything (keep the biological effluvia to yourself, darling!).

Quotes from Kiki:

- "This isn't LinkedIn, it's a cocktail party."

*-"The real goal of etiquette is not silence, but it's not confession. It is knowing how much to say, when to say it, and to whom."

*-"Information is power. And power must always be handled carefully."

Mentioned in this Episode:

-Scarlet Fever (Kiki's latest novel)

- Irving Goffman (Sociologist on "face-saving" communication)

-Kiki's upcoming perfume-themed book set in Morocco (Reviewers wanted!)

Connect with Kiki:

-Email: Madamexofmontecito@gmail.com

-Sign up for the Guest List (my weekly newsletter with etiquette and style tips and charming musings)

In this episode of Kiki Astor's Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, your Auntie Kiki explores the modern cultural phenomenon of "Main Character Energy." We dive deep into the intersection of social media trends, old money archetypes, and the delicate art of owning your narrative without becoming a social nuisance.

From the curated lives we see on TikTok to the historical upbringing of aristocrats, we analyze why everyone wants to be the protagonist and where true confidence actually comes from. Kiki breaks down the difference between healthy self-assurance and narcissistic behavior, offering a guide on how to balance being the star of your life while graciously sharing the spotlight with others.

Key Topics Discussed:

- Defining Main Character Energy: Understanding the shift from literary archetypes (like Jay Gatsby and Blair Waldorf) to modern social media trends.
- Old Money vs. New Manners: Why "old money aesthetics" are actually about cultural capital, status security, and nonchalance rather than wealth.
- The Problem with Performative Living: How documenting every moment for Instagram or TikTok can ruin the actual experience and breach social etiquette.
- The "Heir and Spare" Dynamic: A look at how historical aristocratic families managed ego and entitlement through strict upbringing and stewardship.
- Social Etiquette in the Age of Influencers: How to navigate dinner parties, weddings, and public spaces without letting your "main character" persona overshadow the host or the event.
- True Confidence vs. Egomaniacal Behavior: Why the most magnetic people in the room are curious listeners, not loud broadcasters.
- Actionable Tips: How to channel main character energy with grace, including dressing for the day, cultivating a unique point of view, and embracing "grace under chaos."

Keywords & Keyphrases:

- Main Character Energy
- Old Money Aesthetic
- Social Etiquette
- Cultural Capital
- Pierre Bourdieu
- Aristocratic Lifestyle
- Quiet Luxury
- Social Media Manners
- Narcissism vs. Confidence
- Romanticize Your Life
- Host and Hostess Etiquette
- Status Security
- Social Fluency

Quotes from the Episode:

- "The most convincing old money energy was never wealth. It was nonchalance."
- "There is a huge difference between being the protagonist and having obnoxious main character energy."
- "Confidence is social generosity."
- "In a truly refined life... there are no extras. There is a cast who is both supporting characters in your life, and main characters in theirs. "

Mentioned in this Episode:

- The Great Gatsby (Jay Gatsby)
- Downton Abbey (Lady Mary Crawley)
- Gossip Girl (Blair Waldorf)
- Consuelo Vanderbilt
- Pierre Bourdieu (Sociologist)

Connect with Kiki:

- Email: madamexofmontecito@gmail.com
- Books: Check out Kiki Astor's novels for more old money intrigue and etiquette.

***

Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review Awkward Etiquette to help us keep the conversation elegant!